Tag Archives: NFL

No Football until August, yet somehow we will survive.

Leave a reply

AKA – Red’s 2024 Season Finale – Super Bowl Pick.

It’s been a long season to say the least. Red did okay on preseason picks for the playoffs, was super in the Wildcard Round, 50% in both the Conference Semi-Finals and Finals and now has to pick the NFL Champion for the 2024 Season.

Red picked both the Chiefs and Eagles to win their divisions. Red has been riding the Eagles bandwagon for a while and shorting the Chiefs (and looking foolish).

The Chiefs sure look like the Team of Destiny in going for the third title in a row – a feat only accomplished by the Packers in the 30s and 60s. It would cap off a six year run of almost unmatched excellence in league history – with the prospect of an even longer run. Mahomes has the magic touch, a good offensive line, plenty of downfield targets and a running game that works because the passing offense is so fearsome to most defenses. Is there a way to stop the Chiefs’ offensive juggernaut? Maybe. Looked at objectively and ignoring the W/L record, the Chiefs offense has been rather mediocre all season – mostly doing just enough to win. KC has scored 30+ points exactly twice this season. They put up 30 in a squeaker against the lowly Panthers in November, and 32 against the Bills in the Conference final. They failed to score at least 20 points four times during the regular season. So on average the Chiefs offense is good for 22.6 ppg. That is just good enough to edge out the Cowboys for 16th place. The running game is even worse at only 105.3 yards per game – or somewhere close to the top of the bottom third of the league. Passing stats are better, but not spectacular. So how do they do it? Red is hesitant to say “smoke and mirrors” or blame the “refs” and the football gods. However, the gods are looking better and better as an explanation. The Chiefs have had multiple semi-miraculous finishes to close out games this season. Whether they win the Big One today may just depend on that. Red thinks the Chiefs may have gone to the well once too often.

The Eagles are averaging 27.2 ppg but the real stat in their favor is the massive advantage in rushing yards. They have gained 3048 yards on the ground which is about 1250 yards more than the Chiefs. The Eagles also sport a massive offensive line that looks to be capable of mashing any defense into the ground and is almost uniformly thought to be the best in the game in producing rushing yards. It’s no wonder that Saquon Barkley wanted to play for the Eagles. His greatness is only augmented by the beasts up front. His 2005 yards tops the league and Red isn’t even going to bother to scroll down to find the top Chiefs running back. This doesn’t even take into account the top two downfield targets in Brown and Smith who only had 135 catches between them because of the dominant running game – but who would likely have 100+ receptions on any other team. And both are pretty good downfield blockers to boot. That leaves Mr. Hurts who is dual threat – not quite on the level of LJ or Hayden, but has to be accounted for on every play. (Mahomes is no slouch but it seems clear that Andy doesn’t want him to run anymore than absolutely required). If the Eagles can put up 200+ rushing yards . . .

So the bottom line is here. Red is taking the Eagles to win in a shootout. Philadelphia 32 Kansas City 27. Down to the wire. In the immortal words of Al Davis, it’s time for the Eagles to “Just win baby.”

See you next year.

Love, Red

Red’s NFL 2024 Conference Championships Pick

Leave a reply

Red has a special guest this week as he welcomes the BIG DOG to the blog for his Conference Championship pick. What say ye, Dog?

Thank you, Red,

First, some interesting items:

Saint Tom- 29 years as head coach.   12 conference title appearances.  5 wins.   Trounced a couple of times but also had some bad luck there and in the Super Bowl.   

Belicheat 29/13/9.   

Reid 25/12/5.   

Walsh 10/4/3.  Add seifert and you get 18/9/5 (the 97 appearance was a Mauricci).

Gibbs 12/5/4.   Bonus points for doing it w 4 different QBs.  (Not counting round two under Danny boy.)   Missed playoffs twice w 10-6 record and good teams back before it turned into a 12 or 14 team thing 

Andy is in some rarified air.   

RED ADDS:

Chuck Noll enters the room (22/7/4)

Noll: Hey Tom, how’s it going.

Landry:  Who let this SOB in?

And now back to the BIG DOG.

On the Texans and the refs-  Mahomes was on the wrong end of Brady calls in 2018 and 2020.   Now he’s on the fun end of Mahomes calls.   I don’t agree with either penalty.  But neither is a surprise.   I’m more focused on nine sacks (I counted nine, stats might say eight) given up, missed kicks and generally not turning yards into points.   Which tends to be made harder when you give up sacks and miss kicks.   At least they won the bill O’Brien invitational again- 6-2 in the wild card game, all at home, all in the early time slot on Saturday.   Followed by 0-6 in the divisional round with another loss at the site of Bill O’s Waterloo.    This one was competitive, like the first one at Baltimore.   Bookending four beat downs.   

Speaking of sacks- they’ve made a semi comeback in the playoffs.   As a kid of the 80s I’m a turnover and sacks junkie.  Nothing more fun than watching QBs get put on their ass.   Hope it continues this weekend.   

This weekend we get a couple of interesting stars.   We have the five year rule in play- since the merger a coach /QB combo who doesn’t win the Super Bowl in their first five years as coach /primary starter never does.  It works pre-merger too if you factor out Stram/Dawson or count an AFL title.    Harbaugh/Flacco and Dungy/Manning did it in five.    McDermott/Allen are in year seven.  So are Harbaugh/Jackson but they’ll now get to 8.    The sweet spot seems to be 3 or 4 years.    

The Chiefs have been the Bills’ roadblock.    They’ve won at home and on the road.   With the better team and the lesser team.   Neither team looked great last week.  Buffalo was content to turtle up and let Baltimore find a way to hand them the game.   Minus 2012 that has been a Harbaugh/Ravens specialty.   And it worked.   It won’t tomorrow.  

The Chiefs are close to a threepeat as we’ve seen since the 49ers in 1990 – home game, won the first matchup, opponent with backup QB.   The Giants needed a fake punt and a late fumble to win 15-13 and deprive us of a Steve Young Super Bowl start (Montana suffered the two year injury late).  Here, the Chiefs are at home and favored, where I expected the Bills to be -2 or so.    The teams that overcome their playoff roadblock going back to the 70s tend to be at home.  Buffalo isn’t.   Andy and Mahomes are 4-2 in this game.   Two losses (and one win) in overtime.   Buffalo needs to beat them in this game before I believe they actually can.  The BIG DOG will take Kansas City.

RED pops in again:

Red is taking the BIlls -getting the ball first in OT and winning the game.   Buffalo 31 KC 24.

Take it away DOG!

On the other side the Commanders matter for the first time in 30 plus years.   The first thing I think of with these teams is the body bag game.  And how Washinton went back to Philly two months later and killed them and ended the Buddy Ryan era.   

Lots of talk about rookie QBs going 0-5 in conference title games.   Which makes me wonder why guys who do this for a living don’t remember Dieter Brock as a 34 year old rookie in 1985.   

All six of them (counting Brock) lost and the only two not to get trounced were Flacco Joe (threw big pick six when he had a chance to lead game winning TD drive ) and Shaun King (execrable performance but only lost 11-6 behind elite Tampa defense, and he might’ve won 6-5 if dungy had turtled up).  Daniels could be the first to win.  Philly should win this game pounding the ball.  Paradoxically they do better if Hurts has less passing yardage in the playoffs.    The Commanders seem to have something going.  Not a team of destiny- I don’t buy that crap or that teams play better with “something to play for” like the LA wildfires.   They are rolling offensively, can get pressure on Hurts, and can win a shootout even if Barkley breaks one off.   This is kind of a sentimental pick because of how much I enjoyed the Gibbs teams.   Hurts is also injured- if his mobility is limited it’ll be a factor.   The stats say Philly should win by two scores.   The spectre of injury is there for Daniels – it sunk the Niners when Purdy was a rookie.  But I think Daniels has another big day and makes a lifetime of enemies in Philly.  

Red one last time. Red thinks Barkley and the Eagles defense carry the day. Philadephia 29 Washington 19.

Red’s 202(4) NFL Conference Semi-Final Picks

Leave a reply

For those of you paying attention and thinking about throwing some hard earned money at the misnamed “gaming” industry this weekend, you might note that Red was 6 for 6 straight up last week.

For those of you playing the line, Red was 5-0-1, with only the Commanders/Buccaneers matchup being a push. Red doesn’t typically pick base on the odds, but you might just want to think about that.

So on to the misnamed “Divisional Round” – a round in which two teams who were not division champions could face each other. Red will go to the mat in fighting to call this weekend the Conference Semi-Finals – only because that is exactly what these games are. On to the picks:

Texans over Chiefs. Call Red crazy – he doesn’t mind because he probably is for making this pick. Let’s look back at the Texans’ painful playoff history against the Chiefs.

In the 2015 playoffs the Chiefs walloped the 9-7 Texans at NRG 30 to ZIP. This game was pretty much over after Knile Davis took the opening kickoff 106 yards for a score. Ugh. Red had almost forgotten that long Saturday afternoon.

What Red clearly remembers is the beacon of hope that shone in the first 18 minutes of the Texans/Chiefs game on Jan. 12, 2020. The football world was shocked when the Texans went up 24-0 on the Chiefs. Normality was restored by halftime with the Chiefs leading 28-24 in route to a 51-31 rout. It would take several years for the Texans to shake off that ass whomping.

So why should this year be any different? The Chiefs are not the same juggernaut they have been for the past many years. The running game is suspect. Mahomes has to carry the team – which would be a dream come true for most. CJ Stroud seems to have shaken off his sophomore slump and if Joe Mixon can bruise and cruise for over 150 yards and a brace of TDS, the Texans have a chance. But more critically, Red thinks the Chiefs have run out of rabbits and maybe even the hat to pull them out of. A team only gets some many miraculous finishes in one season. And the Texans showed real signs of life last week against a very good Chargers team. It’s a close call. Houston 27 KC 24.

Lions over Commanders. The Lions are the best team in the NFC by a long shot. Red thinks that only the Rams might have a chance against them if they make it through a frigid Sunday afternoon in Philly. Goff is playing at his best (ask the Vikings), Gibbs is bruising defenses and the Lions defense is good enough to hold down the fort. The Commanders have had a good season (meaning any season the Cowboys don’t win the NFC East) and certainly should be thinking they have a chance. But Red isn’t saying that. Take the Lions forget about the spread. Detroit 45 Washington 17.

Eagles over Rams. People are raving about how the Rams played down the stretch. But tell Red this, other than beating the Bills at home in a wild 44-42 game that could have gone either way – who did the Rams beat before waxing the overrated Vikings in the Wildcard round? The Patriots, Saints, Jets, 49ers, Cardinals – no one of consequence. Red knows you can probably say the same thing about the Eagles. And while Red doesn’t normally place much meaning in a regular season matchup, the Eagles did dispatch the Rams with some ease back in November. Only a garbage time touchdown by the Rams kept that game from looking like more of a rout. The Rams had no answer for Mr. Barkley who had 255 yards on 26 carries. Red will let you do the math. If Hurts has just an average game, with the best back in the game right now controlling the ball, Red just doesn’t see the Rams as being able to keep up. It may be close for a while, but the Eagles close out strong. Philadelphia 31 Los Angeles 20.

Bills over Ravens. Red hates picking this one. These are two teams who both deserve a shot at the Conference title. The Bills have been pretty consistent all year with but a few bumps in the road (maybe the loss to the Texans doesn’t look so bad and losing to the Ravens and Rams is no mark of disgrace). The Ravens started the season 0-2, then corrected course for a while beating the Bills 35-10, then it was up and down but come mid-December they have been really unchallenged and playing their best football. This one all comes down to who has the better game Josh Allen or Lamar Jackson. The difference might be a single sack, an interception or a turnover on downs. This one is down to the wire as it should be. And is too much to ask for a blizzard game? Buffalo 31 Baltimore 28.

Red’s 2024 Weekly NFL Rankings – Week 17

Leave a reply

RED  Week 17

Red missed a lot of action last week what with the holidays, multiple family visits, overeating, and general EOY listlessness.  But he springs back into action for your final 2024 weekly ranking because after this week it’s the playoffs and none of this will matter. 

  1. Kansas City Chiefs (15-1).  Not quite as dramatic this week.  Who will sit for the meaningless game against the Broncos?
  2. Minnesota Vikings (14-2).  Turns out Darn Old Sam has the Vikings on the verge of a top finish in the NFC and a 1st round bye.  The Lions may have something to say about that.
  3. Buffalo Bills (13-3).  Nobody wants to play the Bills in the playoffs – well, except for maybe the Chiefs.
  4. Detroit Lions (14-2).  Did not look impressive in eking out a win over the more or less hapless 49ers on Monday.  The defense has to play better or it could be one and done for the Cats. This week against the Vikings is a must win heading into the playoffs for the Lions to prove they’ve got the stuff. (with apologies to Cheech and Chong).
  5. Philadelphia Eagles (13-3).  Who needs Jalen Hurts against the hapless Cowboys?  Certainly not the Eagles.  But they may need Kenny Pickett this week.  Eagles fans should be pleading “please, please, please do not let Saquon Barkly play even if the single season rushing record is within reach.”
  6. Baltimore Ravens (11-5).  Outscoring their opponents by a 3 to 1 mark over the last 3 games is something you might call an indication of the havoc the Ravens could wreak as a lower seed in the playoffs.  The Texans are the likely first fodder on the route to an AFC championship game.
  7. Washington Commanders (11-5).  The Commanders could win 12 games.  The Commanders could win 12 games.  The Commanders  could win . . .  No matter how many times he says it, Red still can’t believe it.
  8. Los Angeles Chargers (10-6).  Chargers could make some noise, but realistically they are the 4th best team in the AFC.  But it’s a funny game with an oddly shaped ball.
  9. Green Bay Packers (11-5).  Red sees the Packers, packing it in, packing their bags and heading home in the first round.
  10. Pittsburgh Stealers (10-6).  Hopefully, the Stealers are happy just to be in the playoffs because not much else has gone right lately with three losses in a row against the better competition. And there is only better competition in the playoffs.
  11. Los Angeles Rams (10-6).  It looked very unlikely at the mid point of the season and even less so after a 1-4 start, but the Rams are in.  The offense has not been clicking for 3 weeks, but that could change.  
  12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-7).  Maybe?
  13. Denver Broncos (9-7).  The Broncos may catch the Chiefs during a bye week for the big stars which could put the Broncos into the playoffs just in time to get stomped by a real team.
  14. Cincinnati Bengals (8-8).  A hard luck season deserves a fairy tale ending.  But fairy tales are just that.
  15. Houston Texans (9-7).  When Tank Dell went out, the lights went out in Houston.  C.J. Stroud has struggled down the stretch. Among the many ugly losses in franchise history, the utter ass-whomping the Ravens gave them on Christmas day has to rank way up there. A playoff win would be miraculous at this point.  
  16. Seattle Seahawks (9-7).  Are better than some teams playing in the postseason.  The inexplicable loss to the Giants early on has the Hawks at home for the new year.
  17. Miami Dolphins (8-8).  It just doesn’t appear that Tua will ever stay healthy enough to pull this team through.
  18. Atlanta Falcons (8-8).  They’re not dead yet!
  19. Arizona Cardinals (7-9)  Is anyone really surprised the Cards tanked?
  20. San Francisco 49ers (6-10).  Game until the end, but the end is nigh. Well about half past nigh anyway.
  21. Indianapolis Colts (7-9).  Defense let them down time and time again this season. And for the last time against the Giants?  Ugh. Oh wait, there is another game in which the Colts D can still suck.
  22. New Orleans Saints (5-11).  Will get to watch the Superb Owl from the comfort of Bourbon St. Drink up boys!
  23. Dallas Cowboys (7-9).  If you think having Dak back is going to lead this team out of the wilderness next season, well you have another think coming.  Red just wishes he could rank the Cowboys lower than this, but he is a fair man.  Not a good man, but a fair man.
  24. Carolina Panthers (4-12).  Are you still reading? What is your problem?
  25. Las Vegas Raiders (4-12).  The parade of 4-12 teams continues.
  26. Chicago Bears (4-12).  Not the worst of the 4-12 teams is damning with faint praise.
  27. New York Jets (4-12).  Aaron Rodgers is not the most sacked QB of all time.  So the Jets have that going for them.
  28. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-12).  The only way is up from this season.  There are some reasons for hope in Brian Thomas, Jr. and the return of Trevor Lawrence. And they play in a shit division.
  29. New York Giants (3-13).  Red would really have liked to rank the Giants last, but they are such a disappointment to him – what with winning a game and all.
  30. Cleveland Browns (3-13).  Another year, another shitty Browns season.
  31. Tennessee Titans (3-13).  If you don’t have anything nice to say – you probably should be apply to be a bloviator on ESPN.
  32. New England Patriots (3-13).  Even Red is surprised that the Pats are the laughing stock of the league. But he’s still laughing.

Red’s 2024 Weekly NFL Rankings – Week 15

Leave a reply

There is a lot of complaining about the MNF double-headers this season. To be fair, no one complained much when there was only one double-header on opening weekend. But this year, there will be four – capped off in week 15 starting with the Bears at the Vikings and followed 30 minutes later by the Falcons at the Raiders. Red doesn’t know about you, but maybe one of these two games might actually offer some excitement. Red isn’t holding his breath.

On to more important things.

  1. Detroit Lions (12-1) – It took a lot to beat the Packers, but beat them they did.
  2. Kansas City Chiefs (12-1) Running out of different ways to win games on the last play.
  3. Philadelphia Eagles (11-2) Beating all comers right now. That is, if the Panthers rate as a “comer.”
  4. Minnesota Vikings (11-2) Red hasn’t believed. Red may be wrong.
  5. Pittsburgh Stealers (10-3) Stealers have not won in Philadelphia since 1965. LBJ was president and the Vietnam War was heating up. LBJ is dead. Vietnam is more or less an ally and the Stealers will have to wait another 8 years.
  6. Buffalo Bills (10-3) Josh Allen is the first player in NFL history to rush for 3 touchdowns and throw for 3 touchdowns in a single game – and yet it wasn’t enough. Bills defense is cratering.
  7. Green Bay Packers (9-4) Losing the close games to good teams does not bode well for a playoff run.
  8. Baltimore Ravens (8-5) Oh how the mighty have fallen. Edgar, Allan and Poe are ready to shout “Nevermore.”
  9. Los Angeles Chargers (8-5) Ignore the Chargers at your peril.
  10. Seattle Seahawks (8-5) Four wins in a row. The hottest team not named the Lions, Chiefs or Eagles.
  11. Denver Broncos (8-5) Continuing to surprise Red – and most of the league.
  12. Washington Commanders (8-5) Favorable schedule down the stretch has this team on the inside track for a wild card spot.
  13. Los Angeles Rams (7-6) Matthew Stafford is 11-1 in December since moving to the west coast.
  14. Houston Texans (8-5) Since stomping the Cowboys, the Texans have been decidedly mediocre.
  15. Tampa Buccaneers (7-6) Control their fate in the weak NFC South.
  16. Arizona Cardinals (6-7) What has happened to Marvin Jr.?
  17. San Francisco 49ers (6-7) Their injury list would make a grown man weep.
  18. Indianapolis Colts (6-7) Every game is now a playoff game for the Colts.
  19. Atlanta Falcons (6-7) Every other game is now a playoff game for the Falcons.
  20. Cincinnati Bengals (5-8) “If I only had a defense” – a new verse for the Wizard of Oz classic song.
  21. Miami Dolphins (6-7) Maybe?
  22. New Orleans Saints (5-8) Maybe not.
  23. Chicago Bears (4-9) Definitely not.
  24. Dallas Cowboys (5-8) Red predicts a 1-3 finish for the team in Arlington. Will they ever win a home game?
  25. Carolina Panthers (3-10) Red can say this, the Panthers are the best 3-10 team in the NFL.
  26. Cleveland Browns (3-10) At least they are entertaining.
  27. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-10) The Jaguars have won 3 games? Was Red asleep?
  28. Tennesee Titans (3-10) The AFC South has more than its fair share of 3-10 teams.
  29. New York Jets (3-10) Maybe 3-10 is the new parity?
  30. New England Patriots (3-10) Yep.
  31. New York Giants (2-11) Sad times in the Big A.
  32. Las Vegas Raiders (2-11) Red is not betting on the come.

Red’s 2024 Weekly NFL Rankings – Week 14

Leave a reply

The closing stretch is near.  Who will be in? Who will be out?  Why are you asking Red?

  1. Detroit Lions (11-1)  Red premiers a new feature beginning with the Lions this week.  Actually, before he was just too lazy to include W/L record.  Lions deserve this spot.  Can they keep their players on the field?
  2. Philadelphia Eagles (10-2) Eagles have inside track to No. 1 seed in NFC with only the Vikings and Packers nipping at their wings.  Red is not aware that birds have heels.  Feel free to correct him.
  3. Buffalo Bills (10-2) – Red loves a good blizzard game.  Apparently, as does Josh Allen. Was that the best touchdown of the year?  Once again, how did the Texans beat this team?
  4. Kansas City Chiefs (11-1)  Chiefs may be the worst 11-1 team in NFL history.   But they continue to win close one-score games. 
  5. Minnesota Vikings (10-2) Still doing it with smoke and mirrors.
  6. Green Bay Packers (9-3) Mirrors will need to be brightly polished and the smoke machine will need to be finely tuned against the Lions on Thursday.
  7. Pittsburgh Stealers (9-3)  Those who counted R. Wilson out are now licking their wounds.
  8. Denver Broncos (7-5)  Broncos wish they were in the AFC South.
  9. Baltimore Ravens (8-5) Are the Ravens swirling the drain?  Defense must step up or the Ravens will be grasping for the No. 7 seed in AFC.
  10. Washington Commanders (8-5) The Commanders are in the Top 10?  Are the end times near?
  11. Los Angeles Chargers (8-4)  I don’t think any AFC team wants to face the Bolts in the post-season.
  12. Seattle Seahawks (7-5)  Geno is playing well again and has the Falconos Marinos (which is Red’s favorite Spanish name for an NFL team) on a roll.
  13. Arizona Cardinals (6-6)  You just never know which Cardinals team is going to show up on game day.
  14. Houston Texans (8-5)  Can they beat the Chiefs or the Ravens down the stretch?  Red is calling it now.  Yes and No.
  15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-6) What can you say about a team like the Bucs?  Red has no clue.
  16. Los Angeles Rams (6-6)  Could be trouble if they make the playoffs and get some key players back.
  17. Atlanta Falcons (6-6)  Cannot make up their mind.
  18. Indianapolis Colts (6-7) Colts are a living, breathing, walking embodiment of parody in that they are not out of the playoff picture yet.
  19. Dallas Cowboys (5-7) Two game winning streak has fans excited.  Calm down now.
  20. Miami Dolphins (5-7) Return on investment is very poor.
  21. San Francisco 49ers (5-7) Need to go 4-1 down the stretch.  And that would be a stretch.
  22. Cincinnati Bengals (4-8)  Bengals cannot buy a break this season. Cowboys had better watch out.
  23. New Orleans Saints (4-8) Saints do not deserve a break.
  24. Chicago Bears (4-8)  Bears are simply broken.
  25. Carolina Panthers (3-9)  Showing signs of life.
  26. Cleveland Browns (3-8)  Jameis Winston is fun to watch – that is if you like roller coasters.
  27. Tennessee Titans (3-10)  Will Levis has not sucked for several weeks now.
  28. New York Jets (3-9)  Will they ever learn?  It’s not looking good.
  29. New England Patriots (3-10)  Red is going to write a poem about the Pats season. Ode to Hubris.
  30. New York Giants (2-10)  Do they Giants have one good game left in them?
  31. Las Vegas Raiders (2-10)  Casinos are packed.  Stadium – not so much.
  32. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-10) Hopefully, the coaching staff is not foolish enough to let Trevor Lawrence play again this year and that is now confirmed.  All hail, Mac Jones – our reigning Dead Man of the Year!

Red’s Weekly NFL Rankings – Week 13

Leave a reply

A short work week, but an action packed (more or less) 3 days of NFL excitement (more or less).

  1. Detroit Lions – Beating the Colts is like – Well Red doesn’t know what it is like, but it isn’t anything to get too excited about.
  2. Buffalo Bills – Getting turnovers and scoring a lot more points than your opponents is Red’s Week 13 Recipe for Success.
  3. Kansas City Chiefs – Word of advice from Red, don’t use up all of your lucky breaks in the regular season.
  4. Philadelphia Eagles – Could easily be in the 3rd spot and currently have the inside track to the NFC Championship.
  5. Minnesota Vikings – 50 count ’em 50 combined takeaways and sacks. But why haven’t they blocked any kicks?
  6. Green Bay Packers – Are in the 6th spot only because the Stealers lost to the Browns. The Browns!
  7. Pittsburgh Stealers. Lost to the Browns. The Browns!
  8. Baltimore Ravens – Got a much needed win against the triple reverse time zone hex against the Chargers. But guys, 8-4 and counting is maybe going to get you the No. 5 seed.
  9. Los Angeles Chargers – Still in the mix in the AFC West.
  10. Denver Broncos – Also in the mix in the AFC West.
  11. Washington Commanders – Looked pitiful against a pitiful Cowboys squad. Special teams sucked.
  12. Houston Texans – Losing to the Titans at home and now swirling the drain in a weak division. 2-3 wins should secure another useless AFC -South Banner at NRG.
  13. Seattle Seahawks – The best of the mediocre 6-win teams still having a shot at the playoffs.
  14. Arizona Cardinals – Lost to the Seahawks officially making them the second best of the mediocre 6–win teams still having a shot at the playoffs.
  15. Atlanta Falcons – Remaining a mediocre 6-win team still having a shot at the playoffs by virtue of a bye week.
  16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Proving that you can’t quite make it through half of the teams before you have to pick a team with a losing record. Parity!
  17. Miami Dolphins – Finally have most of the pieces in place and got a nice warm up game against the hapless Patriots. Red really enjoys writing “hapless Patriots.”
  18. San Francisco 49ers – Ugly, ugly, ugly loss to the Packers. Ugly, ugly, ugly prospects right now.
  19. Los Angeles Rams – Right about where they should be.
  20. Indianapolis Colts – 1-4 over the last five. Red can hear the faint cries for “Flacco Joe, Flacco Joe.”
  21. Cincinnati Bengals – Somewhere Joe Burrow is singing “If I only had a defense.” Not sure the Wizard can help you Joe.
  22. New Orleans Saints – The top sub-mediocre team.
  23. Chicago Bears – The exemplar of sub-mediocre teams.
  24. Dallas Cowboys – Is a two game win streak possible? Stay tuned, we will find out tomorrow.
  25. Tennessee Titans – Win over Texans will be the highlight of the season most likely.
  26. Carolina Panthers – Actually showing signs of life in excellent showing against the favorite of the Gods – i.e. the Chiefs.
  27. Cleveland Browns – Long suffering Browns fans continue to suffer.
  28. Las Vegas Raiders – Coming up snake eyes.
  29. New York Jets – Sad.
  30. New England Patriots – Sadder
  31. New York Giants – Saddest
  32. Jacksonville Jaguars – Beyond sadness at this point.

Red’s NFL Rankings – Week 12

Leave a reply

Week 12 has come and gone with a few surprises. Red is posting this just in time for no one to actually pay attention even though he wrote it on Tuesday.

  1. Detroit Lions –  The Lions have played a much tougher schedule having beaten teams that are in contention for the playoffs (Rams, Seahawks, Vikings, Packers and Texans) – not too mention having scored 52 points twice this season.  The early season loss to the Bucs is the only blemish.
  2. Kansas City Chiefs – The Chiefs have historical trouble with the Bills.   Chiefs have had a fairly weak schedule with a signature win only against the  Ravens in the season opener.  It’s a pretty weak group the rest of the way with only the Texans and Stealers standing in the way down the stretch.
  3. Buffalo Bills – Can we all praise Josh Allen now?  He’s the toughest quarterback since Steve McNair. The suddenly “Lucky Bills” get to play the Pats twice, Jets, Rams and Niners with only the Lions looking up to the test the rest of the way. 5-1 finish is doable.
  4. Pittsburgh Stealers –  Big, big win over the Ravens has Pitt in line for a division title – Color Red shocked.
  5. Philadelphia Eagles – Handled division rival Commanders with 4th quarter scoring blitz. Eagles are becoming fun to watch again.
  6. Baltimore Ravens – Lamar Jackson always plays poorly against the Stealers – and sank Red’s fantasy team this week..
  7. Minnesota Vikings – Unfortunately playing in same division as the Lions and more unfortunately have Darn Old Sam at the helm.
  8. Arizona Cardinals – Coach of the Year in waiting right now?
  9. Los Angles Chargers – Every time Red thinks the Chargers are going to do something they disappoint.  Stop thinking Red.
  10. Houston Texans – What an ass whomping the Texans laid on the hapless Cowboys. If they keep scoring second half points they will be difficult to stop – but Red doesn’t see them beating the Chiefs and Ravens back to back in weeks 16 and 17. If they can split those games – look out.
  11. Washington Commanders – Still look a bit like pretenders to Red.
  12. Green Bay Packers  – It’s got be frustrating to be 7-3 and have it look like there is only an outside chance of winning your division.
  13. Denver Broncos – Tore the Falcons a new one.
  14. Atlanta Falcons  – Now with scatological options after getting routed by the Broncos – not a good look.
  15.  Seattle Seahawks – Leading the parade of 5 win NFC West teams on the outside looking but not out of it yet.
  16. Los Angeles Rams – One step behind Seattle and in it.
  17.  San Franciso 49ers  – Three steps behind and in last place in their division and somehow not yet out of it.
  18. Indianapolis Colts – Leading the parade of 5 win teams that are barely still in the playoff mix.
  19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Top of the dregs is about all Red can say without hurting someone’s feelings.
  20. Miami Dolphins – All wet.
  21. Cincinnati Bengals – Simply cannot catch a break with a basket right now.
  22. Chicago Bears – Excelling at losing winnable games.  Everyone has a purpose.
  23. New Orleans Saints – Who dat? Who cares?
  24. New York Jets – We all knew A-Rodg was insane.  It’s nice to have positive confirmation.
  25. New England Patriots – Are they still around?
  26. New York Giants – Here Red is just rounding out the “New” teams for fun. The Giants don’t really deserve this high of a ranking even without Daniel Jones.
  27. Carolina Panthers – The Panthers have won two games in a row and are seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately, the light is the Chiefs Express rolling down the track.
  28. Dallas Cowboys – “I’ve seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.” H. Simpson. Jerry will need a new face lift after this season.
  29.  Tennessee Titans – Moving on to the part of the rankings that no one cares about.
  30. Los Angeles Raiders – Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
  31. Cleveland Browns – Are they still around?
  32. Jacksonville Jaguars – Man, there sure are a lot of crappy teams in the AFC.

Red’s 2024 NFL – Week 11 Rankings

Leave a reply

All the crazies agree with Red’s rankings this week. The couch humper, the pedophile, the dog and goat killer and the bear dumper all thing Red is the shit.

  1. Kansas City Chiefs – Winning in every possible way it would seem. Broncos blow what could have been the upset of the year.
  2. Detroit Lions – Amazing second half comeback.  But Houston fans are used to those. Ask Frank Reich.
  3. Buffalo Bills – First 8-2 record since 1993.  That seems impossible given the Bills regular season excellence since the arrival of Josh Allen.
  4. Baltimore Ravens – No team is more dangerous when all the pieces are in place. Unstoppable if on their game. Still wondering how the Texans beat them.
  5. Minnesota Vikings -A crappy, low-scoring, bottom-of-the-barrel win against the Jaguars, but a win nonetheless.
  6. Philadelphia Eagles – Riding high on a 5-game win streak and scoring points with Red for the complete dismantling of the Cowboys – something we all enjoy.  Well most of us with any sense anyway.
  7. Pittsburgh Stealers – For real?  Maybe so. Doing the quarterback shuffle.
  8. Washington Commanders – Losing to Stealers can be assuaged by a win over the Eagles. But don’t bet the farm on that.
  9. Houston Texans – Scoring in the second half is usually necessary for winning.  On the bright side, they did hang with the second best team in the league until the final seconds. Of course, that really isn’t very bright.
  10. Green Bay Packers – Red still thinks the Pack are pretenders in a very tough division.
  11. Arizona Cardinals – Oddly, the Cards completely control their path to the postseason. The Cards’ defense playing better than any other team over the last month.
  12. Los Angeles Chargers – Bengals and Ravens are up next.  1-1 would be sufficient to keep hanging around.
  13. San Francisco 49ers – Just hanging around – Everybody!
  14. Atlanta Falcons – Cannot lose to inferior teams.  The Saints logo is in the dictionary next to “inferior.”
  15. Seattle Seahawks – Beginning the march to the bottom of the NFC West?
  16. Tampa Bay Bucs – 1-5 record over last six games and they are still in the top half?  WTF.
  17. Denver Broncos – As they say, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against the Chiefs. Ugh.
  18. Cincinnati Bengals – At least they can say they played in the most exciting regular season game of the year –  and lost!
  19. Los Angeles Rams – Staggering around looking for a place to fall.
  20. Chicago Bears – The Bears seem to have already found a place to fall.
  21. Miami Dolphins – Could be worse.  Could be raining.
  22. Indianapolis Colts – Red will miss beating up on Flacco Joe.  But life goes on.
  23. Dallas Cowboys – Are beyond staggering around right now – unless you count staggeringly awful.
  24. New Orleans Saints – Showing signs of life. Very faint signs.
  25. New York Jets – I don’t think you could pay Red to attend a Jets game – even with airfare and hotel included.
  26. Cleveland Browns – Getting a break this week only because they had a bye.
  27. New England Patriots – Could someone help Red here, he is truly puzzled?
  28. Las Vegas Raiders – Surrounded by the stench of death in the desert, the locker room, the sideline and the Strip.
  29. Carolina Panthers – Panthers get a break from Red every time they win a game.
  30. New York Giants – Does Red have to say anything? Anyone, anyone, Bueller, anyone?
  31. Jacksonville Jaguars – Bad with Trevor, bad without Trevor.
  32. Tennessee Titans – One could almost forget that there is a professional football team in Nashville – but the bastards won’t let us.    

Red’s 2024 NFL Rankings – Week 10?

Leave a reply

Red is back in the good ol’ USA.  Or at least what used to be the good ol’ USA and may never be again after this week’s election debacle.  But Red is better at ranking NFL teams than he is at predicting elections.

  1. Kansas City Chiefs – Despite a shaky performance last week, the Buffalo Bills seem to be the only possible impediment to a playoff bye week. They look unstoppable with the addition of D-Hop.
  2. Detroit Lions – Can play indoors or outdoors in the rain.  Ask the fading Packers.
  3. Baltimore Ravens –  How good is Lamar Jackson?  The answer:  Very.  The division is surely in hand now.
  4. Minnesota Vikings – Darn Old Sam outplayed Tired Old Flacco Joe. 
  5. Buffalo Bills – AFC East all but locked up. But can they topple the Chiefs for the top seed? How cold is it in Hell right now? 
  6. Washinton Commanders – Red’s fingers are having trouble typing this.
  7. Pittsburgh Stealers –  Maybe the Stealers will cure Red’s problem with the Commanders this week.  Pitt is on a role and coming off a bye week.
  8. Houston Texans – Losing to the Jets has caused Red some stomach trouble. 
  9. Philadelphia Eagles – Eagles cannot allow the dregs of the league to hang around in games they need to win to keep pace with the Commanders.  Gag.
  10. Atlanta Falcons – Playing up to their potential.  Just ask any old Dallas Cowboy’s quarterback.
  11. San Francisco 49ers – Don’t belong in the top half of the rankings, but there you have it.
  12. Green Bay Packers – Ready to pack it in? Division title is almost surely out of reach now.
  13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – They coulda been a contender, instead of a bum.
  14. Los Angeles Chargers – If Herbert plays well the Chargers elite defense will win them a lot more games.
  15. Arizona Cardinals – Are leading the NFC West.  The end times are near.
  16. Seattle Seahawks – Just hanging around . . . Everybody sing.
  17. Los Angeles Rams -Not dead yet.
  18. Denver Broncos – Sinking, stinking, blinking.
  19. Chicago Bears – Losing to the Cardinals – never a good sign.
  20. Indianapolis Colts – For no particular reason other than other teams might suck slightly more. 
  21. Cincinnati Bengals – Now entering the futile stage of the season. Expect upheaval in the off season.
  22. New York Jets – Texans should be embarrassed.
  23. Cleveland Browns – Jameis Winston – good, bad, good, bad, goo ba, goo ba, Repeat after rinsing.
  24. Miami Dolphins – Nowhere to go but up, which means nowhere to go.
  25. Tennessee Titans – Beating the Patriots gets you a tip of the cap and nothing more.
  26. Dallas Cowboys – In the dictionary next to the definition for disarray.
  27. New Orleans Saints – Playing worse than any other team right now.
  28. New York Giants –  Playing the Panthers in Germany – will you be watching that shit show?  If so, Red has questions about your sanity.
  29. Jacksonville Jaguars –  Losing almost all of their one score games.
  30. Las Vegas Raiders – Silver and Black and Blue all over.
  31. New England Patriots – How is it now that more than any team the Pats are sucking.
  32. Carolina Panthers –  Red is tired.  Please fill in the blanks for him. Jawohl!