NFL Picks 2016 – week 17
In Week 16, Red was 3-3 – which is a minor triumph this season. Red is 36-40-2 for the season. Aaargh!
Sure Bet Pick of the Week – Cardinals crumple Rams. The Cards have been dealt and both of these teams folded. The Rams actually exceeded expectations and a 5-11 season would not be viewed as an enormous disappointment. What is disappointing is having the 32nd ranked offense in the 32 team NFL. Need more disappointment – How about Jared Goff’s 61.7 QB rating? – which makes Case Keenum’s 76.4 look positively marvelous. Or Todd Gurley’s 3.2 yard per carry average? Bright spots? The fantasy freaks who went long on Kenny Britt have to be happy with his 1000 yards and 5 TDs. And the Rams defense doesn’t suck. But that’s it. Meanwhile in the desert, the Cards are a major disappointment (we’re using that word a lot here). No one expected the Cardinals to have a losing record – nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition either. Giving up 6 is a lot to ask, but the Cards will cover. Red also likes the over at 40.5 – but just barely. Arizona 25 Los Angeles 16.
Underdog Pick of the Week – Chargers challenge Chiefs. Red is putting this category to rest after this week. And what better way to do that than with the team that has consistently underperformed all season. The Chargers are a playoff team that can’t finish off a game. The Chargers have lost 5 games in which they seemed to be cruising to victory until the bottom fell out. That started with the first game of the season when the Chief rallied (a word Red really hates) from 17 points down in the 4th quarter to win 33-27. That set the tone for the entire Chargers season as they continued to tank it. Revenge is sweet this week and the Chargers send the Chiefs off to a 5th seed for Wildcard Weekend. Red just loves that he is picking a team in the midst of a 4 game losing streak. Arizona 17 Seattle 16.
Rivalry Game Pick of the Week – Giants gouge OTNAs. To rehash from earlier this season – this rivalry rocks. NFL Network ranks it as the No. 1 rivalry of all time, SI has it at No. 4. The Giants lead the series 86-81-2 making it one of the most competitive rivalries in league history. The first game, however, was not – as the Giant crushed the Eagles 56-0 at the Polo Grounds in 1933. Over the years, game have been played at the Polo Grounds, Baker Bowl, Philadelphia Municipal Stadium, Connie Mack Stadium, Yankee Stadium, Franklin Field, Veterans Stadium, Yale Bowl, Giants Stadium, and Lincoln Financial Field. What is surprising is that the Giants played at Yankee Stadium until 1973 before getting a stadium of their own at the Meadowlands. The teams have met 4 times in the post-season with the Giants winning in 1981 and after the 2000 season and the Eagles winning after the 2006 and 2008 seasons. Red expects a shootout on Sunday. This is your NFL game of the week. New Jersey 35 Philadelphia 31.
Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Texans tackle Titans. This game could have been a contender. But it’s a bum, especially with the soon-to-be-great Marcus Mariota out. The Texans use this one as a warmup for their 4th playoff game in six years at NRG, which – despite what the bloviators on the radio say – doesn’t suck. Houston 22 Tennessee 20.
Prime Time Pick of the Week – Packers pummel Lions. This is a real prime time game with many marbles on the line. All the marbles in fact. This is winner take all time. Since starting 4-6, the Pack has turned it on winning 5 in a row. Meanwhile, the Lions have tanked in December. This could have been a laugher for them, but it is now do or die. They die. Sadly, the weather for Green Bay seems downright pleasant with a game time temperature in the 30’s and no real chance of snow. Green Bay 35 Detroit 27.
Shit Bowl Pick of the Week –Bills butt Jets. This week features the rare all-New York (sort of) Shit Bowl. Here are two teams that deserve SB status in the final week of what has been a really exceptional SB year. Almost every week (thanks largely to the Browns and the NFC North) there have been truly awful games for Red to choose from. This week is no exception with the fabulously mediocre 7-8 Bills on the road to meet the horrendously disappointing 4-11 Jets. Those nursing hangovers will be well advised to avoid watching this beastly bowel battle, lest ye be tempted to pick up that stray empty soldier, break it over the coffee table and jab it into your femoral artery to ease the pain of truly awful football. Orchard Park 3 New Jersey 2.