The Red train may have finally left the station in Week 9. Uncle Red was 5-1 for the week bringing the season tally to an almost respectable 21-23 – “almost” being the operative word there. But for foolishly believing that the Raiders might win another game, Red would have been 6-0.
Your Game of the Week Game of the Week – Bengals over Saints. Red called the Saints big win over the Rams last week. There is absolutely no reason to believe that the Bengals can beat the Saints. Red is playing the coming off the bye week team vs. the team with incredibly exciting emotional victory card this week. Bengals have the offense firepower to hang with the Saints (on a good day). The real question is can the Bengals hold the Saints to less than 30 points. Red is stretching here – but you gotta call a few upsets to have any fun at this game. Cincinnati 29 New Orleans 28.
Your Texas Game of the Week – Eagles over Cowboys. When the Cowboys score 20 or more points they win. Unfortunately for the Cowboy faithful, that just doesn’t happen very much and not against decent teams (the Jaguars were thought to be decent at the time but shit happens). If the Eagles cannot score at least 28 points they do not deserve to win, but scoring 20 probably wins this one anyway. The arrival of Amari Cooper cannot possibly hurt and the Dakster must be relieved to have an actual wide receiver on the team. But even the talented Cooper cannot invigorate the anemic an inept passing scheme of soon to be Ex-Head Coach Jason Garrett (you heard it first here – and everywhere else anyone comments about the NFL). A loss this week, may force JJ to act now before the season slips further away. Adios Jason. Philadelphia 42 Arlington 17.
Your National TV Game of the Week – Stealers over Panthers. Wow! A Thursday night game that doesn’t suck – will wonders never cease. This is a matchup between two teams with legitimate playoff aspirations who are both 4-1 over the last five games. How did that happen? The scheduling geniuses at NFL headquarters can’t always get it right. So after spending a late night on Tuesday wondering if the wave is going to be red, blue or purple – prepare for another late night of actual entertaining professional football. Stealers have to shut down Panthers’ powerhouse running game to win this one and exploit a mediocre pass defense to win this one. They do just enough of that on Thursday to eke out win. Pittsburgh 27 Carolina 25.
Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Rams over Seahawks. Red admits that it’s a bit hard to call this one disappointing – unless you are a Seahawks’ fan and then your disappointment cup runneth over. Last season the Rams were up and coming and in the second game of the division rivals the Seahawks still had a chance at the playoffs but were effectively eliminated with a 42-7 ass-whomping that still hurts. This season the first matchup was a close Rams victory signaling that the Rams have arrived to take their place among the league’s elite – while the Seahawks are stuck in neutral and looking for a Wildcard shot at best to eke into the playoffs. So what once looked like a decent rivalry has quickly changed into Rams dominance in a division that the Seahawks more or less owned for the best part of the Teens. The Rams do need to shake off the tough loss in New Orleans on Sunday and get back to business of winning a first round bye. Los Angeles 37 Seattle 17.
This Week’s Shit Bowl – 49ers over Giants. This game pulls double duty as an especially stinky Shit Bowl and this week’s Time Zone Hex Game of the Week. Giants travel three time zones west to drop a giant turd on the West Coast. Other than the now seemingly inexplicable win over the Texans, the Giants have found a way to lose blow outs and close games with aplomb and seem likely headed for 1-15 record unless they can beat the Cowboys in the season finale. Red predicts that if the Cowboys need that game to make the playoffs (which seems unlikely at best right now), the Giants will find a way to win. Meanwhile, the Niners ship seems to have at least stopped taking on water and may have found a credible replacement QB in Nick Mullins after C.J. Beathard got beat hard. Yes, there are the two unseemly losses to the Cardinals, but have lost to the Chiefs, Chargers, Packers and Rams is not completely embarrassing. The Niners may be the turnaround team of the second half (like the Chargers last season). So you may not need to secure all of the various weapons in the house before sitting down to this excruciating excrement exhibition because the Niners may be worth watching for the next 8 weeks. Santa Clara 35 New Jersey 10.
Your Bonus – Upset Game of the Week – Titans over Patriots. A guy can dream can’t he? Actually, every season one team with absolutely no business winning a game somehow manages to more or less stomp their betters into the ground. Now this almost never happens to the Pats, but look at it this way – they are overdue. The Titans completely pathetic offensive attack catches the Pats by surprise this week. Red can already feel the wave of shame and regret that comes with this pick. Tennessee 34 New England 21.