Tag Archives: NFL Picks Week 15

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 15

Well, Sports Fans –  now it’s getting exciting.  With only the Eagles and Stealers having clinched divisional titles – all the other playoff spots are up for grabs among a select few teams.  And even the Eagles and Stealers have to worry about home field advantage.  Somehow the 10-3 Patriots have not yet clinched even a Wildcard slot – so anything can happen – but it won’t.

With only 3 more weeks left, Red himself has clinched at least a season tie.  For Week 14 Red was 3-3 which totals up to 51-33 for the year and unless Red’s math is totally off he is 18 to the good and could go 0-6 for 3 weeks and still come out even.  Hopefully, it doesn’t come to that.  And Red has not taken his usual bye week this season.  That may yet happen as well over the holidays.

Answer to Last Week’s Trivia:  Walter Payton and his fellow student at Jackson State, Mary Jones, came in second place in the 1973 Soul Train National Championship Dance Off.

This Week’s Trivia: When was the first Christmas Day NFL game played?

Your Merry Pick of the Week:  Stealers over Patriots.  Not a surprise to anyone that this is your NFL GAME OF THE WEEK.  As noted, Stealers have clinched the AFC North and the Pats are yet to punch their ticket.  Stealers want home field in what would seem to be an almost inevitable preview of the AFC title game (although the Jaguars may have something to say about that).  Stealers know that the road through Foxboro ends in the trash heap of broken dreams. They pull out all stops to win this one.  Red likes the over even at a hefty 53.5 – unless the weather turns bad, then duck and cover.  Pittsburgh 29 New England 28. 

Your Ho Ho Ho Pick of the Week: Raiders over Cowboys.  Two teams that desperately need a win.  That usually favors the home team.  If the Raiders had the balls to make the Cowboys wear blue I would go whole hog for them, but unfortunately Red does not have such inside information.  Young D. Carr needs to have the kind of game he showed two years ago and it would be nice if the Beast (Red’s biggest fantasy bust this season who wasn’t actually carried off the field in a basket) would churn out a couple of decent games to end his career.  Maybe just maybe.  Red likes the Raiders getting 3 points.   Oakland 24 Arlington 20.

Your Let it Snow Pick of the Week: Rams over Seahawks. Or in this case, Let it Drizzle, Let it Drizzle, Let it Drizzle.  Red missed the likely snow game of the season last week in Orchard Park – and everyone knows how much Red loves a good blizzard game.  Unfortunately there appears to be no prospects for a repeat this week.  So Red will have to go with the next best thing – which aint very good at all.  Red still likes Rams despite some signs of crackage.  Meanwhile,  up north giant chasms are opening on the Seahawks side of the ball.  Perhaps Pete the Cheat can will his team through a critical last season divisional match up.  Red thinks Pete’s deal with Satan is running on fumes at this point.   This isn’t quite winner take all in the NFC West, but it’s pretty damn close.  As will be the score – so Red wisely takes a pass on this one.   Los Angeles 24 Seattle 20.  

Your Bowlful of Jelly Pick of the Week:  Panthers over Packers.  Red somehow keeps forgetting that the Panthers are what is known as a “Pretty Damn Good Football Team.”  Panthers have been relatively lucky on the injury front.  The same cannot be said for the Packers – but if A-Rodg is really back this week, then anything can happen.  Red still likes the Panthers to cover 3 at home.  Carolina 24 Green Bay 20.

Your Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer Pick of the Week: Eagles over Giants.  Eagles certainly feel like they got sideswiped by an ungulate this week what all with likely All-Pro Carson Wentz getting bounced for the season.  The redoubtable Nick Foles is back in town and perhaps he can recapture the magic of 2014 when he was damn near unstoppable as a third stringer coming in to save the season.  More likely he is Tom Savage on steroids – meaning average enough to carry the Eagles into a competitive chance at winning one playoff game.  Fortunately, he gets to work out the kinks against the hapless Giants.  Look for this one to be close and the Giants probably cover 7.5 spread if you can get that.  Philadelphia 24 New Jersey 20.

Your Bundle of Sticks and Lump of Coal Pick of the Week:  Cards over OTNAs.  It’s actually hard to find a true Shit Bowl contender this week as almost every other game includes at least one team with a playoff shot – however remote.  So Red will dispense with his usual warning to stay away from the string of Christmas lights and mistletoe lest ye be tempted to string yourself up or mix up a deadly eggnog and mistletoe cocktail in the third quarter of this crude crap contest.  Red thinks the over at 41.5 might be worth a look if you are truly desperate for some Christmas cash.   Arizona 24, Landover, MD 20

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 15

Americans have a lower opinion of Congress than they do of the NFL replacement refs, head lice, traffic jams, cockroaches and even the group to which yours truly belongs – Washington political pundits.”

Juan Williams

Juan left out Hitler, anyone whose name is preceded by Ayatollah, Stalin, Pol Pot, Mussolini and Jerry Jones.

Red Rates Himself – For week 14 Red was 3-3. For the season 46-32. Looks better in the rear-view mirror.

Your Traffic Jam Pick of the Week: Jets over Cowboys. Don’t expect much of a traffic jam on the way to the Cowboys game on Saturday. Even Cowboy fans can smell the rotting corpse of this season. Do expect a traffic jam among Jets defenders lining up to sack [Insert Cowboy Quarterback here]. The Jets minus 3. Are you kidding Red? Take the Jets and beat the traffic home from work. New Jersey 32 Arlington 12.

Your Head Lice Pick of the Week: Colts over Texans. Texans have never won in Indianapolis, so why not now? Because they still suck. Red was shocked at how badly Bill-O the Clown was outcoached by the Hoodie last week. What is with lining up against Brady with only one defensive lineman on the field? What is with playing Whitney Mercilus at nose tackle? What is with running the Wildcat without a Cat? What is with picking the Colts to do what they always do – no matter who is at the helm? Colts give up 2. Red gives up on Texans after this one. Take the under at 42.5.  Indianapolis 20 Houston 17.

Your Cockroach Pick of the Week: Dolphins over Chargers. What do cockroaches like? Shit!. The southern California roaches will be in Hog Heaven this weekend as the Shit Bowl rolls into town. Why did the Texans have to face the Dolphins when the bloom was still on the Dan Campbell rose? Since his first two games, the Dolphins have been in the running for almost every SB. This is their week!. Red would not believe exactly how pathetic the Chargers have become – except for the fact that whenever Red picks them to make the playoffs they suck. If Sadomasochism is your thing watch this one with a friend who will laugh when you grab the carrot peeler to start shaving your head in disgust at watching this fetid fecal fight – or vice versa. Curiously, Red likes the over at 45.    Miami 33 San Diego 25.

You’re Washington Political Pundit Pick of the Week: OTNA’s over Bills. Red hasn’t paid much attention to the OTNA’s from just outside the Beltway this season. Red also doesn’t watch NASCAR just to see the wrecks. And then suddenly, the OTNA’s are playing almost like a real professional football team. And Kirk Cousins is looking like a professional quarterback that you might actually want playing for your team. That is, if your team has Brian Hoyer, Jonathan Football, Matt Ryan or Ryan Tannehill at the helm. Meanwhile on the shores of Lake Erie, the Bills are not exactly dead yet. Almost, but not quite. They will be Sunday evening. All bets are off on this one.  Landover, Md. 27 Orchard Park 20.

Your Replacement Ref Pick of the Week: Chiefs over Ravens. Ravens are ravaged by injuries. Chiefs are on the hottest roll this side of Carolina over the last 7 weeks. Red keeps expecting Chiefs sans Jamaal Charles to return to Earth, but they keep on winning. Red cannot think of a single reason why that should not continue this week. And exactly who are the Ravens going to suit up at QB this week? Ryan Mallett? Red would pay to see that debacle. Kansas City 45 Baltimore 3.

You’re Low Self Esteem Pick of the Week: Eagles over Cardinals.   Red, you wonder, “Are you out of your fricking mind?” Well, Lenny, Yes. As a matter of fact, Red is. At the beginning of the season, he picked both of these teams to make the post-season and the Cardinals have not disappointed. But, Freddy, the Eagles are another story. Perhaps even a series of novels about a downtrodden gumshoe working the cheating wife circuit on the wrong side of the tracks. So Timmy, Red almost has to pick the Eagles since he is also picking the OTNA’s to win. That, Sammy, is how you box yourself in – in this game. And remember, Jimmy, the double time zone, inverse climate change, indoor/outdoor shift factor clearly all tilt in favor of the OTNA’s. So, Ricky, the Eagles will win – take it to the bank – just don’t cash it until Monday. And Chucky, take all your allowance money for the past 6 months and put it on the Eagles getting 3.5. Philadelphia 33 Arizona 26.