Our Poor Idiot Governor Gregg Abbott signed some new guns laws this week. Texas gun lovers will be glad to know a few new things they can do with their favorite toys:
- For a full week after a natural disaster strikes, you can now openly or sneakily carry a handgun. Before you could only tote around your rifle, shotgun or Chinese made A-47 (When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherf#(ker in the room – with apologies to Q. Tarentino). Red supposes this is supposed to allow folks to protect their property from looters. So great idea here – have a bunch of tired, upset and totally stressed out people who are grieving over the possible loss of family, friends and stuff armed and dangerous and licensed to kill. What could possibly go wrong?
- Landlords can no longer ban guns in their apartment complexes. Red was once sitting in his friend’s apartment when the gun nuts next door accidentally discharged a .44 through the wall right next to where Red was sitting. They came running around in a panic with the exclamation, “We f#(ked up, man!” To which Red replied, “No shit!” Apartment walls will not stop a bullet. The stray one that very nearly took out young Red went through 3 walls. Brilliant legislating here.
- Places of worship will now have to post the standard (and overly complicated) notice to ban guns from their premises. Red for one can’t wait to attend services at the Holy Ghost House of Prayer and Rifle Range. Our Father (Bam!), who art in Heaven (Bang!), hallowed be thy Glock (K-zing). Thy Smith&Wesson come (Boom!). Thy will be done on Earth as it is in the holy rifle range (Ackackackackack!). Give us this day our daily round of ammo (armor piercing please), and forgive us our missed targets (Zing!) as we forgive those who don’t load properly, and lead us not into poor marksmanship (Kboom), but deliver us from Commie gun haters (Bam, Bam!).