Tag Archives: Our Poor Idiot Governor

The GOP Solution to Gun Violence – More Guns

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Our Poor Idiot Governor Gregg Abbott signed some new guns laws this week.  Texas gun lovers will be glad to know a few new things they can do with their favorite toys:

  1. For a full week after a natural disaster strikes, you can now openly or sneakily carry a handgun.  Before you could only tote around your rifle, shotgun or Chinese made A-47 (When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherf#(ker in the room – with apologies to Q. Tarentino).  Red supposes this is supposed to allow folks to protect their property from looters.  So great idea here – have a bunch of tired, upset and totally stressed out people who are grieving over the possible loss of family, friends and stuff armed and dangerous and licensed to kill.  What could possibly go wrong?
  2. Landlords can no longer ban guns in their apartment complexes.  Red was once sitting in his friend’s apartment when the gun nuts next door accidentally discharged a .44 through the wall right next to where Red was sitting.  They came running around in a panic with the exclamation, “We f#(ked up, man!” To which Red replied, “No shit!” Apartment walls will not stop a bullet.  The stray one that very nearly took out young Red went through 3 walls.  Brilliant legislating here.
  3. Places of worship will now have to post the standard (and overly complicated) notice to ban guns from their premises.  Red for one can’t wait to attend services at the Holy Ghost House of Prayer and Rifle Range.   Our Father (Bam!), who art in Heaven (Bang!), hallowed be thy Glock (K-zing). Thy Smith&Wesson come (Boom!). Thy will be done on Earth as it is in the holy rifle range (Ackackackackack!).  Give us this day our daily round of ammo (armor piercing please), and forgive us our missed targets (Zing!) as we forgive those who don’t load properly, and lead us not into poor marksmanship (Kboom), but deliver us from Commie gun haters (Bam, Bam!).

Abbott’s Phony List of Illegal Voters Falls Apart

Greg Abbott’s most recent choice for Texas Secretary of State, David Whitley, put out a list of 95,000 Texas voters which it claimed were not U.S. citizens.  Upon even slight investigation, the phony list – obviously intended to pump up Abbott’s Tea Party bona fides – began to quickly fall apart.  In announcing the list, Whitley and indicted Attorney General Ken Paxton claimed that the list was put out as part of a fight against fraudulent voting.  Individual 1 a/k/a Trumph – the Insult Comic President and other denizens of the far right have insisted that illegal voting and voter fraud are serious problems despite the lack of any real evidence of in-person voter fraud and the Texas GOP is obviously eager to back him up.

It turns out that many names on the list were of people who registered when getting a Texas Driver’s License – a process that requires applicants to establish their citizenship –  or registered at a naturalization ceremony – which should need no explanation, that is  to anyone other than Our Poor Idiot Governor.  When that was revealed, the list quickly started falling apart.  In Harris County, almost 60% of the names on a 30,000 voter list were almost immediately removed.  Odds are that the vast majority of the remaining names will turn up nothing as well.

To their credit, most of the local county tax-assessor collectors (still in charge of registering voters as a legacy of the Jim Crow era poll taxes) have tread very carefully and seem intent on protecting the rights of Texas voters – unlike OPIG and his flunkies.

So OPIG has spent a lot of taxpayer money and effort in a process which might reveal that a handful of Texas voters were not actually authorized to vote.   If the Texas GOP clearly stands for one thing – it stands for voter suppression.

Jade Helm Russian Hoax Fools Our Poor Idiot Governor

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Almost every day Red wonders – is Our Poor Idiot Governor really the pathetic and pitiable idiot constantly pandering to the GOP’s basest denizens that he appears to be?  The answer turns out to be yes.

Long time readers will remember the public freakout over the routine military exercise dubbed Jade Helm 15 that was displayed by such apparently all-too-easily fooled notables of the Texas GOP establishment such as OPIG, Lyin’ Ted Cruz,  the moronic Louie “Kablooie” Gohmert and the always disappointing John “Pandermaster” Cornyn.  At the urging of them and a host of fanatic right wingers convinced that jackbooted federal troops under the command of that Muslim Kenyan terrorist (who somehow managed to win the presidency in a landslide) were coming to Texas to take away their women, children and most importantly guns, OPIG called out the Texas National Guard to keep an eye on our heretofore most worshipful military.  Well, it turns out that much of the Jade Helm hype was the work of – wait for it – Russian trolls and bots.  So yes, OPIG is just that – a pitiful excuse for a state leader. The Texas Observer has the full story.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s willingness to pander to the manic extremism broadcast through AM radio airwaves and streamed on the margins of YouTube apparently has him playing right into the hands of Russian disinformation campaigns.

At least that’s what former NSA and CIA director Michael Hayden said on a “Morning Joe” podcast about the governor’s decision in 2015 to deploy the Texas State Guard to monitor federal troops.  Hayden said, “There was an exercise in Texas called Jade Helm 15 that Russian bots in the American alt-right media convinced most — many — Texans was an Obama plan to round up political dissidents.”

Abbott fell right into the trap, Hayden said, by legitimizing conspiracy theories with official state action. “At that point, I’m figuring the Russians are saying, ‘We can go big time,’ and at that point I think they said ‘We’re going to play in the electoral process.’”

If Hayden’s report is right, then the governor of Texas was fooled into siccing the Texas State Guard on U.S. troops by Russia.

Message to Greg Abbott: If you don’t like Austin, why don’t you get the f#(k out

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Our Poor Idiot Governor Greg Abbott has made Red long for the days of our previous PIG Rick Perry who seems to have disappeared in DC.  Abbott was recently spotted unleashing a tirade against the city where he has been sucking on the state teat for the last 20 some years while continuing to collect money from the massive personal injury settlement that he has spent the rest of his life ensuring that no one else would ever get.   Speaking to a Tea Party crowd in Bell County, Abbott disparaged the Capital City.

“As I was coming up here from Austin, Texas, tonight, I got to tell you, it’s great to be out of the People’s Republic of Austin. As you leave Austin and start heading north, you start feeling different Once you cross the Travis County line, it starts smelling different. And you know what that fragrance is? Freedom. It’s the smell of freedom that does not exist in Austin, Texas. That said, with your senators and legislators, I can tell you that today, Austin is more free than it was before the legislative session began because the state of Texas passed laws that overrode the liberal agenda of Austin, Texas, that is trying to send Texas down the pathway of California.”

First of all, OPIG Abbott is all about local control until it doesn’t fit within his grand scheme.  After all, this is the guy who wants to blow up the union as it has stood for more than 200 years, so that individual states have more control.  But if a city in his state doesn’t tow OPIG Abbott’s hard Tea Party line – well that’s just undemocratic and must be squashed.  What a complete and total hypocrite.

OPIG Abbott needs to clean up his own house before complaining about Austin.  The state he supposedly leads has the second highest percentage of uninsured children,  ranks number 4 for women living in poverty, number 44 for high school graduation rates, is dead last in percentage of people with at least a high school diploma (that explains a lot right there), dead last in spending on mental health (again explaining a lot), and near the bottom in people with retirement plans and financial net worth of households.  And that’s just a few things.  Texas ranks near the bottom in almost every category involving education, the environment, social welfare and standard of living.

So what can OPIG Abbott brag about?  Where does Texas rank No. 1 among the states? Here’s where.

Highest number of uninsured people

No. 1 emitter of carbon dioxide

No. 1 generator of hazardous waste

No. 1 in executions

No. 1 in percentage of voting age population that doesn’t vote (why bother in Tea Party Republic of Texas)

But you know what, OPIG Abbott is right –  the air is different when you leave Austin.  It’s often filled with the smell of ignorance, bigotry, poverty, pollution, intolerance and untimely death.  Not everywhere – but in way too many places.  So OPIG Abbott, how about this? Why don’t you work on  cleaning up the mess that you and your party have made of Texas over the last 25 years before you start talking trash about one of the most successful, prosperous, vibrant, fun and attractive communities in the entire country.  Red knows you would tackle those issues if you weren’t so busy worrying about who gets to pee where and attempting to upset the constitutional order that has served our country fairly well for about 225 years. So once you have legally cemented LGBT bigotry and have torn apart the basic contract of the union, you might consider getting to work on making things better for the people you supposedly represent.

And one last thing, if you don’t like breathing the air in Austin, please resign and go get a real job.  You won’t be missed.

Today in Texas History – August 31

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From the Annals of Our Poor Idiot Governors –   In 1871 James Edward “Pa” Ferguson was born in Salado.  Ferguson was City Attorney and a banker in Belton as well as a political player when he decided to run for governor in 1914.  He won election as an anti-prohibitionist Democrat but almost immediately got in trouble.  Ferguson engaged in a personal vendetta against University of Texas professors who he believed should be fired.   When UT refused to act, he vetoed the appropriations bill for the university with the ultimate result of him being impeached, convicted and removed from office.  Ferguson was not done with politics as he later ran for the U.S. Senate and President as a minor third party candidate.  He was able to secure the election of his wife Miriam “Ma” Ferguson who was the first woman elected governor of a U.S. State.

Red regards Pa Ferguson as one of a long line of worthless inhabitants of the Governor’s Mansion along with such notables as  Pappy O’Daniel, Preston Smith, Dolph Briscoe, John Connally, Bill Clements, George W. Bush, Rick Perry and our current poor idiot governor Greg Abbott.  Really, where do they get these guys?

Gregg Abbott Takes Action Against Non-Existent Texas “Sanctuary Cities”

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Gov. Gregg Abbott, Tea-Party Wannabe, is cracking down by threatening to withhold funds from so-called “Sanctuary Cities.”  There are a couple of problems with Abbott’s plans.  First, the funds he wants to withhold are miniscule in the scheme of things for the larger cities and counties in Texas.  Second, it is really unclear if there are in fact any SC’s in Texas.  The essence of an SC is that it’s law enforcement officials will not indefinitely hold an undocumented alien in custody for a minor crime until the Feds can get there and take the UA into custody for immigration violations.  It does not appear that any major law enforcement agencies in Texas are actually refusing to do just that.  So our poor idiot Governor (who is just one in a seemingly unbroken line of OPIG’s) is doing nothing more than his typical and customary grandstanding for his Tea Party base while ignoring the real issues that are facing our state.  If you want more on Abbott’s latest sad effort to look gubernatorial, you can check out FoxNews.  Even they have the correct take on Abbott’s folly.