Author Archives: Red from Texas

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About Red from Texas

I'm proud to be Red. I have lived most of my life in Texas and I love this place. Here are a few things you should know about me. 1. I am happily married and intend to stay so. 2. I live in a house that is older than you, unless you are really old. 3. I own 2 rifles and a shotgun. I think handguns are just trouble. 4. I have never killed a man, but have taken out some deer and hogs. 5. I was a good student, but never close to being valedictorian. 6. In no particular order I like the Houston Texans, San Antonio Spurs, Houston Astros, FC Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur, Texas Longhorns and Houston Dynamo. 7. I hate Dallas but always have a good time when I go there. 8. I was a Dallas Cowboys fan for 26 years but declared that I was no longer a fan during the 1987 strike. 9. I don't own any pets. I like cats, and a good dog and I have met at least 3 of them in my lifetime. 10. I think the best part of Texas is west of I-35. 11. I own two pairs of cowboy boots, but don't wear them very often. 12. I don't have a pronounced Texas accent, but can affect one when needed. 13. My last meal would be fried shrimp with tartar sauce, a baked potato with all the fixins', a dinner salad with 1000 Island dressing, yeast rolls and chocolate fudge pie for dessert. 14. I'm an old Dad, but my children are none of your business. 15. I have two degrees from UT-Austin and somehow managed to fall in love with and marry an Aggie. 16. Most of my family are right-wing nut jobs but I love them anyway. 17. When I get to play golf on a regular basis, I shoot in the low 80's. 18. I don't get to play golf on a regular basis. 19. I think Fort Worth is the best town in Texas by a long shot. 20. I have a mean herb garden. Regards, Red P.S. Remember it's not a color, it's a state of mind.

Today in Texas History – April 11

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From the Annals of the Rivers –  In 1838, the keelboat David Crockett, arrived at the head of the raft on the Colorado River.  The “raft” was an enormous logjam caused by the river’s slow current and meandering course.   By the late 1830s, the raft blocked the river ten miles above its mouth at Matagorda. The Crockett, reputed to be the largest craft to attempt to navigate the Colorado, had averaged more than sixty miles a day, but was forced to stop  at the head of the raft, where its cargo of cotton was unloaded and carried by wagon to Matagorda.  Incredibly, the raft remained in place until the 1920s.  Removal of the log jam  caused the development of an enormous delta that reached across Matagorda Bay to the Matagorda Peninsula. In 1936 engineers dug a channel through the delta, but Matagorda gradually became landlocked.

Why Red Plays Golf and Other Thoughts on Life (cont.)

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Red played on Saturday with a gentleman about Red’s age and two young studs who both thought they were pretty hot shit.  It gave Red enormous pleasure to beat the studs on several holes.  No doubt they bested Red on the final score card (thanks to a few rather errant shots to the green), but on any given hole Red could compete with these young Adoni.  Which at Red’s advanced age is a reason to keep going out there.

And a special note to the player who decided it was too much trouble to rake the trap on the Par-3 15th hole where Red’s ball landed right in the depression in the sand where you took your shot –  You Suck!  I hope your next ball buries in the lip.

Ted Cruz Speaks – Red Translates

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Red loves his weekly email from Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas).  When “Lyin’ Ted” writes, hilarity ensues.  As always, Red translates for you – so you don’t have to.

Greetings,

This week, I continued to push back (disguised cleverly as flailing about helplessly and flapping my gums)  against President Obama’s unconstitutional (because only I can divine the mysterious intent of the founding fathers – so just trust me on this)  executive amnesty. Texans have witnessed the harmful effects of an unsecure border (made somehow less secure by the record number of interdictions and deportations carried out by the Obama administration – but those are merely inconvenient things called facts – wise folks would rather hear me make shit up, wouldn’t you?), which endanger the lives of citizens (who might have to clean their own bathrooms – full of germs I hear) and pose risks to American families (or horror of horrors – mow their own yard). The Obama administration  (terrorist sympathizing Muslim communists) must adhere to and respect the rule of law (just wait until I’m president and need to do something), rather than the personal views of the President (clearly a Commie) and what he thinks the law should be (because after all he was only Editor of the Harvard Law Review and a constitutional law professor and not a Supreme Court clerk like me – take that loser).

In an attempt to rein in the lawless actions (I hear it’s like Dodge City in the 1870’s inside the White House) of the Obama administration, the State of Texas (soon to be a sovereign nation if my supporters have anything to say about it) has championed the fight against the Administration’s 2014 executive amnesty (even though I was curiously quiet when W. Bush was trampling on the Constitution), and I am proud (a deadly but really satisfying sin when you have an ego that won’t fit into Capitol rotunda) to continue leading efforts (by running my mouth, calling my colleagues liars and alienating pretty much every other Senator so that they really don’t pay attention to anything I say) against the President’s lawlessness.

Please keep reading for an update on the latest in the Senate (if you have masochistic tendencies).

Keep Texas Strong (Your Canadian Pal),

Ted Cruz

 

Today in Texas History – April 8

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From the Annals of the National Treasures –   In 1968, Lady Bird Johnson dedicated Padre Island National Seashore.  Padre Island is the largest barrier island in the U.S. and  PINS is the longest seashore in the national park system.  Protecting this precious resource was not easy.  Texas attempted to establish a state park on Padre Island beginning in 1936.  The effort failed in a contentious struggle between public and private interests over ownership of the land. In 1958, Sen. Ralph Yarborough (D-Texas)  introduced a bill to establish a national park on the island, and the proposal was finally signed into law in 1962. The dedication of the park followed five years of condemnation proceedings.

The Dentist Index Predicts Hard Times

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Red’s Dentist, Root Canal Rodney, swears by his self-styled Dentist Index as a leading indicator of economic activity and job growth.   As RCR explained to Red the other day while inflicting pain, he is absolutely swamped right now and that means bad times are here to stay for a while.  This is because everyone that is getting laid off in the oil and gas industry is in a rush to get work done before their dental insurance benefits go away.  The second round will be when other businesses start to contract as a result of the O&G downturn.

National Beer Day

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Most of Red’s friends don’t really need a special day to enjoy hoisting a cold one, but today is National Beer Day, so Red don’t mind if he do.

National Beer Day is a celebrates the day that the Cullen–Harrison Act  went into effect. Upon signing the legislation President Franklin Delano Roosevelt made his famous remark, “I think this would be a good time for a beer.” Following the repeal of Prohibition, the CHA allowed people to buy, sell and drink beer containing up to 3.2% alcohol by weight  in states that had enacted their own enabling legislation.  A huge celebration ensued with people lining up to have the first legal alcoholic beverages in more than a decade. On that first day, 1.5 million barrels of beer were consumed, inspiring the future holiday.

Truthfully, Red is not much of a beer man, but his favorites include Negro Modelo, Shiner Light Blonde, Genesee Cream Ale (hard to find in Texas), Bohemia and Miller Genuine Draft.  No fancy craft beers for Red.

Enchanted Rock Vandals Arrested

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Charles Agawereh and Meredith Baird of San Marcos had the bright idea to spray paint their street names of CA$H and TRUCK on the beloved natural landmark Enchanted Rock. And the couple was apparently stupid enough to post the photo on Facebook.  It didn’t take police long to identify the two since their street names were known from an earlier arrest in San Marcos.  The pair now face felony graffiti and drug-related charges, according to Texas Parks & Wildlife officials.  Hope the 15 minutes was worth it.

 

Today in Texas History – April 7

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From the Annals of the Empresarios –  In 1825, Green DeWitt successfully petitioned the Mexican government to settle a colony of “four hundred industrious Catholic families” in Texas between the Lavaca and Guadalupe Rivers.  DeWitt’s Colony was less successful than Austin’s never reaching the maximum allowed number of families before the contract expired.  By 1830, the total population was only 377. The areas of settlement were primarily along the Guadalupe and San Marcos rivers, but also on the tributaries of the Lavaca River.  DeWitt did manage to reach the required minimum of 100 families, and his colonists were allowed to receive land titles.  DeWitt appointed Jose Antonio Navarro as land commissioner.  The land was surveyed by Byrd Lockhart and in 1831 and 1832, 189 titles were issued.