Red’s NFL Picks Wild Card Weekend

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But first – a recap of Red’s playoff picks from the beginning of the season.

In the AFC – Red had Titans, Chiefs, Ravens and Patriots as division champs with the Chargers and Browns getting wild card spots.  So 4 out of 6 actually made the playoffs and the Titans had a shot at division crown until week 16.   Not bad, but the picks of the Chargers and Browns look comical now.  Red should have known better with the Chargers as they always disappoint him and play 16 road games.  The Browns – fool Red twice, shame on Red.

In the NFC – Red had the Cardinals, Bears, Eagles and Saints as division winners with the Packers and Seahawks as wild cards.  Again 4 out of 6 make the playoffs, but Red’s division winner picks were more than a little lame.  Red really believed in Kliff Kingsbury and the Kardinals (sounds like a 60’s British invasion group) but should have known better and Da Bears’ season went down the tubes in week one with an awful loss to Green Bay in an awful start to NFL’s 100th season.

Wild Card Weekend Picks

Texans over Bills –  Having a defensive end  playing at quarterback presents challenges for any defense.   Josh Allen will prevail on almost any [insert down here] and short situation.  His running ability allows the Bills to set up in multiple, interesting formations (like the Wing-T and somewhere Billy Kilmer is smiling). And he can be an effective passer at times. The Texans need to worry less about pass rush and concentrate on tight coverage to force Allen to make tough throws into coverage.  This will be a challenge since Romeo Cremel’s defensive scheme seems oddly designed to allow a variety of receivers to run openly and freely through the Texans’ secondary.  Which means this game probably comes down to the Texans’ offense putting enough points on the board to make up for what has become a Shit Bowl quality defense.  If Fulller V is healthy it probably all works out.  If not, . . .   Houston 31  Orchard Park 27.

Titans over Patriots –  A guy can dream can’t he.  The Pats looked disorganized and sad in the final game loss to the Dolphins (led by the redoubtable R. Fitzpatpick).  The Titans have looked very respectable since ditching Red’s one time favorite M. Mariota for one of the most amazing quarterbacks in NFL history – Ryan Tannehill.   Here is a guy who couldn’t solidify a spot as quarterback at Texas A&M until his senior season.  He had a decent season – but not good enough to keep the respected Mike Sherman from getting axed.  Then he more or less stumbled around in Miami for 6 seasons having a winning record in games started one time (8-5 in 2016) before catching something in a bottle this season to lead the Titans to a 7-3 record over the last 10 games of the season.  Is this a guy who has finally found the formula (i.e. play with the NFL’s leading rusher in Derrick Henry) or is this a one season wonder?  Who knows, Red sure doesn’t.  The aforementioned Mr. Henry presents a huge problem for any defense and then combined with possibly emerging superstar A.J. Brown making huge play after huge play at WR, the Titans offense can play with anybody – except maybe the Pats truly outstanding defense.  Meanwhile in the huddle, the Pats offense continues to unimpress.  TB 12 has looked tired and old much of the season and has been bailed out by Pats defense repeatedly this season. When facing the weak sisters, the Pats offense has looked completely respectable in dispatching the lame and infirm.  Against playoff teams, the Pats offense has put up 16, 20, 17, 22, 16 and 24.  Of course, that has been enough to go 3-3 beating the Bills twice and the then floundering Eagles.  By Red’s reckoning that means the Titans are at least a 50/50 shot to win.  The naysayers will remind Red that the Titans (then Oilers) have not won in Foxboro since 2003.  Red says BFD.  Tennessee 20  New England 19 

Seahawks over Eagles  –  This is the toughest call of the week.  At reasonably full strength, Red could see this game going either way and might lean towards the Eagles at home.  But the Eagles are so beat up right now, that it tips slightly towards Pete the Cheat’s crew.  Red would like to see Carson Wentz actually win a playoff game for his team, but when down to the wire, he would bet on R. Wilson.  Seattle 24 Philadelphia 20 

Saints over Vikings  –  Saints are out for revenge and it doesn’t matter who is in their way.  This week it is the unfortunate Vikings – the team that Red believes is most undeserving of the playoffs.  The Vikings beat one playoff team all season (the then floundering Eagles – is there a pattern here?).  Other than that, they did not beat a team with a winning record all season.  Yes, they were close in games against the Packers,  Chiefs and Seahawks (losing all by one score or less), but those are the proving ground games and the Vikings are unproven to date.  The Saints meanwhile have had trouble in games that they are supposed to win (remember the loss to the 7-9 division winning Seahawks in 2010).  Curiously, the Vikings have been the Saints most frequent playoff opponent with 4 matchups beginning with the Saints first ever playoff appearance in 1987.   And the Saints are 1-3 versus the Vikings having beaten them only in the 2009 Superb Owl winning season in the NFC championship game.  The Saints are loaded on offense but depend entirely too much on M. Thomas (an amazing 149 receptions for 1725 yards!!!!).  They need Cook and Ginn to take some of the load and Kamara to have a decent game.  The Vikings have Diggs and Cooks and some other guys including the overrated Kirk Cousins.  Red will take Drew Brees in his closing window of opportunity for at least one more week.  New Orleans 35 Minnesota 20. 

The Clown Era of World Leadership

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Red has determined that we are well into what he is calling the “Clown Era” of modern political leadership.  At this stage in history, the ability to entertain enough of the voters is perhaps the best path to political power.  The platforms for such antics are expanding.  While Twitter is the current rage, who knows what digital spaces will erupt for aspiring comedians, entertainers and professional buffoons to emerge and stake claims to office.

One need only look at the current Reality TV Show Joke of a Presidency that the U.S. is experiencing.  Trump makes no real pretense to doing anything other than entertaining his base via Twitter, Fox News and ego-fests of rallies that might make members of the Third Reich blush.  Trump’s path to power was primed by Ronald Reagan – the great communicator – who in today’s world would undoubtedly be considered a complete dud on the political comedy/entertainment circuit.  “Tear down this wall” cannot compete with the Ricklesian insults hurled by Trump at everyone who might cross him – including the physically impaired, dispossessed and teenage girls.  Serious political considerations will not win voters who find such joy in watching an utterly narcissitic asshole preen and pose for the bright lights.   Reagan was right in saying, “How can the President not be an actor?” Only an actor, can provide the circuses part of the equation to keep the masses entertained.  Trump proved his mettle in so-called reality TV – a particularly noxious form of entertainment that thrives on manufactured conflict to titillate the reptile brain.

Ah, but Trump is far from the only dangerous clown on the scene.

The UK has just handed an extraordinary mandate to a pompous entertainer in Boris Johnson.  Like the orange makeup-stained Trump, he has a signature look with his wild tousled hair and pouty expression.  BJ is at his best when feeding his warmed over Brexit treacle to the masses who are now so tired of the stalemate that they turn to a boorish clown to entertain and divert them  while trying to best extract the country from the awful mistake they have made.

Less dangerous perhaps is Volodymyr Zelensky, now the notorious President of Ukraine.  And as life imitates art, Zelensky’s rise to power was unimpeded by his complete lack of  political experience —  because he played the role of the president of Ukraine on a popular television sitcom.  Martin Sheen is jealous.

Jimmy Morales, President of Guatemala, was also a sitcom actor before being elected in 2016.   Among the characters he played during his TV career was a cowboy who accidentally becomes President.  Oops!  Accidents happen.

 

Trump Speaks – Red Translates

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Our Crazy (believe me I know crazy), Do Nothing (she should be like me and put in that tough 4 hours day in and day out from about 11 am to about 3 pm)  Speaker of the House, Nervous Nancy Pelosi (good one huh?), who is petrified by her Radical Left (commie bastards) knowing she will soon be gone.  Tthey & Fake News Media are her BOSS (I have no idea what I mean by that), suggested on Sunday’s DEFACE THE NATION (I made that up on the spot – I can hardly stop laughing) that I testify about the phony Impeachment Witch Hunt (why is it never a Warlock hunt?). She also said I could do it in writing (as if I could actually write). Even though I did nothing wrong (and when I say that –  it’s the sure clue that I am up to my neck in crooked shit), and don’t like giving credibility (something I know nothing about) to this No Due Process Hoax (see how I change cleverly from Witch Hunt to Hoax – keeps ’em off guard – is it a Witch Hunt or a Hoax), I like the idea & will, in order to get Congress focused again (you know on punishing the poor and enriching guys like me), strongly consider it! (here is where my attorneys shit a cow before realizing that I am lying about testifying one more time – that will happen right after I voluntarily release my tax returns).

Quote for the Day

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“There has essentially been a coup d’état in the House of Representatives.”

Ken Starr

When Red wants the opinion of the former President of a previously respected university who allowed utter lawlessness under his reign in the name of better sports programs at the expense of the safety (and sometimes lives) of the students under his charge and who led an investigation into Clinton’s presidency that could find no wrongdoing in what it set out to investigate and then ran amuck and ultimately focused on one line of a deposition, Red will . . . oh, that’s right, Red will never want the opinion of a complete POS like Starr.

Is that a real Poncho, or is that a Sears Poncho?

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With apologies to Frank Zappa, Red reports on the sad demise of State Rep. Poncho Nevarez (D – Eagle Pass).  A warrant for his arrest on felony drug charges was issued on Thursday.  Nevárez was apparently caught on surveillance footage at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport dropping an envelope filled with cocaine as he was leaving the airport.  It is unclear if the drop was intentional or accidental but unfortunately for Poncho, the envelope had his official House seal on it and contained about 2 ounces of coke.

On September 6, two Texas Department of Transportation employees found the envelope outside the special entrance to the airport that is used by state officials.  Who knew?  After DPS got involved, they reviewed the CCTV footage showing Poncho leaving the airport getting into the car of his chief of staff and dropping the envelope.

Frighteningly, Poncho chairs the House Homeland Security and Public Safety Committee.  Soothingly, he announced last week he was retiring from the House.  And at least he has the cojones to admit he screwed up – big time.  According to  a statement released by Poncho, the news is correct.  “I do not have anyone to blame but myself. I accept this because it is true and it will help me get better.”

 

What have we learned?

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The events of the past two to three months have left Red more or less speechless as the utter corruption of the reality TV show joke of a presidency that is the Trump White House is laid bare.  Red is not surprised – just speechless at how anyone could think this is acceptable behavior from a U.S. President and that this should continue a minute longer.  Now, however, Red is ready to step back and reflect upon what we have learned from what is now 3 years of the reign of President-Elect and President Trump.  Red thinks – not much.

It was always clear that Trump was a low-class grifter and pathological liar with a moral compass that perpetually points towards his bottom line.  It was always clear that if it ever came down to a choice between what is best for the country or what is best for Trump – that he would choose the latter without a moment’s reflection or regret.  It was always clear that he was a cruel bully who talked a good game but folded in the face of real opposition.  It was always clear that he was a profane, preening, philandering prick of a man.  It was always clear that he was an intense physical coward who could never conceive of anything beyond his own safety.  It was always clear that his overweening ambition was his only guiding principle to be pursued at the expense of whomever or whatever stood in the way of his cocoon of selfishness.  It was always clear that anything that interfered with his glorious and grandiose self-image must be attacked and utterly destroyed if at all possible.  It was always clear that he displayed every disgusting and dishonest attribute of the quintessential real estate con man.  It was always clear that when he was speaking he was lying.  It was always clear that his persona was that of a thin-skinned and petulant child.  It was always clear that someone with his level of amorality must have nothing but utter contempt for the “common man” who tries to do things honestly and correctly.  It was always clear that his braggadocio concealed a deep inner insecurity that eats at his very soul.  It was always clear that the only God he worships is that of money and the appearance of success.  It was always clear that he was a disloyal friend, colleague and employer who would cast anyone aside at anytime in order to save himself.  It was always clear that he held our institutions, customs and common bonds of citizenship in the lowest possible regard and that he would exploit any and all differences to drive a wedge in the body politic in order to advance his own agenda of self-aggrandizement.  It was always clear (from most of the above) that  he suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder of the most extreme form.  It was always clear that he was not stupid but willfully ignorant and unwilling to learn.  It was always clear that he would use the legal system to buy and bully his way out of trouble.  It was always clear that he cheats at golf.  It was always clear that he was a complete failure at most of his business ventures (Trump Air, Wine, Magazine, Steaks, University, Casinos, the New Jersey Generals, etc.) outside of some limited competency in real estate and that his only true success had been as a TV personality and in promoting his name as a brand.  It was always clear that he was absurdly unqualified and unsuited for the highest office in the land.

Perhaps what was less clear was that he would be completely subservient to foreign dictators and strong men. Perhaps what was also less clear was that almost every aspect of his foreign policy would be for the benefit of one of our great enemies – Russia – such that the only reasonable inference could be he was either a deep Putin plant or that he was terrified of something that might be revealed by Putin.  Perhaps what was also less clear is that he would betray and offend so many of our allies for no apparent reason (but see above re: Putin).  Perhaps what was also less clear was that his background story of being a near-completely self made man was a tale told by a fantasist. Perhaps it was less Clear that he had engaged in massive tax and bank fraud that would have landed anyone else in jail. Perhaps what was also less clear was the gullibility of so many Americans in sticking with this proven con man in the face of such complete betrayal of his oath of office.  Perhaps what was also less clear was the damage that electing such a man could do to the Republic.

At this point, Red is fairly much convinced that the U.S. as we have known it may not survive 8 years of Trump – 4 years will have done enough damage.  Red is also fairly convinced that is where the country is heading.  God help us all.

Trump Speaks – Red Translates

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I want to know who’s the person, who’s the person who gave the whistle-blower (scum-sucking weasel) the information (the evidence of my crimes). Because that’s close to a spy (and I know from spies because I’ve been a Russian agent for years).  Basically, that person never saw the report (Thank God), never saw the call (and a perfect call it was), he never saw the call (say it twice so they’ll remember), heard something and decided that he or she, or whoever the hell they saw (I’m losing my train of thought here)- they’re almost a spy (see above). You know what we used to do in the old days when we were smart (I’m thinking Spanish Inquisition here)? Right? The spies and treason (because it’s treason to expose my crimes – look it up – it’s right after Art. II where it says as President I can do whatever I want), we used to handle it a little differently than we do now (Are you listening out there? Please somebody kill these mofos now).

Trumph – the Insult Comic President on the whistleblower that just might take him down

Trouble in Corny Dog Paradise

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One of the true treats of attending the Texas State Fair in Dallas is the chance to chomp on a freshly fried Fletcher’s Corny Dog.  Careful not to burn the roof of your mouth.  But there is trouble brewing and a full-fledged corny dog war is about to break out it would seem.  Various wings of the Fletcher family are now fighting over the trademark name.

In a lawsuit filed Thursday in Texas federal court, Fletcher’s Original State Fair Corny Dogs have sued mother and daughter Victoria Fletcher and Jace Christensen for selling corny dogs under the name “Fletch” to confuse consumers into buying their products. FOSFCD claim that Victoria and Jace are “estranged members” of the Fletcher family and are planning to open a “Fletch” restaurant right before the Texas State Fair begins next week to capitalize on the confusion.  .

FOSFCD dates back to 1942 when two brothers who had previously worked as vaudeville performers began selling corny dogs at the Texas State Fair.  Victoria Fletcher is divorced from the grandson of one of the original founders and neither she nor her daughter have any ownership interest in the family business according to the complaint.  But since February Victoria and Jace have been selling Fletch Corny Dog at various events, causing “a substantial amount of actual confusion”  as to whether the two brands are related.   However, Fletch is not selling corny dogs at the State Fair, so the likelihood of confusion seems limited at that venue.

And for the record, Red loves a good corn dog.

 

Trump Speaks – Red Translates

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I never met her (she was like maybe a 5 at best so why bother). She never treated me nicely (because she told the truth about me). But I would like to wish her family well (the guys in the press office made me say that). She was a professional, and I respect professionals (like Stormy Daniels).  I respect you guys a lot, you people a lot (for a bunch of lying scum that is). She was a real professional. Never treated me well (you know, because it’s all about me all the time), but I certainly respect her as a professional (if i say professional enough maybe someone will think that I am one too).

Trumph – the Insult Comic President on the death of Cokie Roberts.