Tag Archives: Jade Helm

Jade Helm 15 Update, Cont.

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Red was driving all over central Texas and environs this weekend.  And while he can report that the Stonewall peach crop appears to be excellent – $35 for a small bushel of golden goodness – the sneaky jack-booted thugs of the Federal Gummint sent to take away our wives, children and most importantly guns were unfortunately nowhere to be found.  This is only more evidence that the JH15 plan is working.  We are being lulled into a false sense of security that will make it even easier for Obama to impose his Stalinist dictatorship when the moment comes.  Red purposefully left Mrs. Red alone for a couple of hours as tempting bait for the Obamist forces.  Red forgot to leave her with one of Red’s less expensive weapons to make the target even more tempting – a mistake Red won’t make again.

Vigilantly yours,

Red

Jade Helm 15 Update, Cont.

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The second day of Jade Helm 15 has ended and alas, the jack-booted, goose-stepping thugs employed by Obama (Kenyan, Muslim, Commie blah, blah, blah) have yet to begin the inevitable round up of our wives, children and most importantly guns.  This sneaky and underhanded diversionary tactic of making JH15 look like a real military exercise cannot fool the public for much longer.  The black helicopters are arriving any minute now and if they don’t its only because the brave and loyal citizens of Texas (most of whom want to secede from the Union) have exposed JH15 for the ruse that it is.  Red for one will be very disappointed if Mrs. Red isn’t taken away soon since she wasn’t too happy about Red wandering in after 2 am the other night smelling of golf and tequila shots.  And if J. Edgar (Red’s Belgian Shepherd) doesn’t stop digging holes in the backyard, it won’t be too hard for Obama’s goons to figure out where Red buried his cache of vintage WWII hand grenades.

Vigilantly yours,

Red

Jade Helm 15 Update

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On the first day of Jade Helm 15 – the not so covert operation where Obama (the Kenyan Muslim Socialist Terrorist Sympathizing duly elected President) is coming to take away our wives, children and most importantly guns – the sneaky jack-booted thugs of the U.S. military confounded the Tea Party whack jobs by failing to round up any wives or children or confiscate any guns.  The Guardian (a notorious leftist rag) played into Obama’s hands by noting that absolutely nothing had happened in Bastrop (the epicenter of the conspiracy) on the first day of the exercise which will ultimately spell doom for our democracy and the American way of life as we know it.

A “Come and Take It” flag, one of Texas’s favourite symbols of defiant independence, flew proudly on a pole outside a ranch near Bastrop on Wednesday.

But on the  first day of Jade Helm 15, no one appeared to be coming, let alone taking anything.

A small town near Austin with a quaint Victorian downtown, Bastrop is supposed to be a hub of the vast US military training exercise that spans seven states and runs until September 15.  But Wednesday seemed to be a day like any other in Bastrop – which is to say not much was happening.

Jade Helm still has more than eight weeks to run. But none of President Obama’s jackbooted minions had mounted an assault on the Simply Sweet cupcake store on Bastrop’s main street, as of Wednesday afternoon. No Humvees were parked outside The Best Lil’ Hairhouse in Texas, which was still styling customers. A poster in the window of the tourist information centre promoted a seniors’ quilt raffle.

It’s the calm before the storm.  Bury your guns now.  Bury your wife and children at your own risk.

Jade Helm 15 is Here – Run

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Well today is the day that the right-wing conspiracy theory Tea Party whackos have been waiting for.  The Feds are finally here to round up your women, children and most importantly guns.  That is, if they just don’t kill you right off the bat and haul your carcass away in a Blue Bell Ice Cream truck.  Yep, that’s the latest theory.  The Army will be using the obviously underutilized refrigerated trucks to transport bodies of those on the “Red List” to other undisclosed sites for – well it’s not really clear what for.  Or the whole thing is a cover up to put troops in place for the giant asteroid that is going to strike the southwest in September.  Or the gurus of Russian mind control are going to convert everyone into a Democrat.  Or maybe the Army is going to use the Russian troops spotted in Tennessee to do the dirty work of rounding up and killing the real patriots of the Tea Party.  Or after the jack-booted troops establish control, Obama is going to fly into Phoenix, personally pistol whip Jan Brewer and declare himself Emperor for Life.  Or maybe it’s just an Army training exercise.

Countdown to Jade Helm, Cont. – Or How Obama is Coming to Take Away our Women, Children and Most Importantly Guns

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Conservative Paranoia over Jade Helm has not subsided according to a recent article in the Washington Post.   For some reason Bastrop continues to be the epicenter for the conspiracy theorist wackos convinced that Obama is coming for them – as if he didn’t have more important things on his plate.  Anyhow, the stalwarts of the Bastrop Republican Party apparently remains convinced that they have but days to live in a free society before the jack booted thugs (read U.S. Military) of the Federal government crack down.  Fortunately, not everyone in Bastrop is bat shit crazy.

The office of the Bastrop County Republican Party is in an old lumber mill on Main Street, with peeling brown paint and a sign out front that captures the party’s feelings about the Obama administration: “WISE UP AMERICA!”

Inside, county Chairman Albert Ellison pulled out a yellow legal pad on which he had written page after page of reasons why many Texans distrust President Obama, including the fact that, “in the minds of some, he was raised by communists and mentored by terrorists.”

So it should come as no surprise, Ellison said, that as the U.S. military prepares to launch one of the largest training exercises in history later this month, many Bastrop residents might suspect a secret Obama plot to spy on them, confiscate their guns and ultimately establish martial law in one of America’s proudly free conservative states.

They are not “nuts and wackos. They are concerned citizens, and they are patriots,” Ellison said of his suspicious neighbors. “Obama has really painted a portrait in the minds of many conservatives that he is capable of this sort of thing.”

Across town at the Bastrop County Courthouse, such talk elicits a weary sigh from County Judge Paul Pape, the chief official in this county of 78,000 people. Pape said he has tried to explain to folks that the exercise, known as Jade Helm 15, is a routine training mission that poses no threat to anyone. . . . “I’m sensitive to the fact that some of our Bastrop residents are concerned, and I’m confident that they are very sincere about their concerns,” Pape said. “But how did we get to this point in our country?”

How indeed?

Countdown to Jade Helm 15

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Only 57 days until the Federal Government starts to take over Texas, round up our women and children and most critically take our guns!

Here is a quote from the official US Army Special Operations Command circular explaining Jade Helm 15.

Under the Heading – Why Texas? – the USACOC explains:

The United States Special Operations Command (USSOCOM )has conducted numerous exercises in Texas, because Texans are historically supportive of efforts to prepare our soldiers, airmen, marines and sailors to fight the enemies of the United States.

That is, as long as a Democrat is not Commander in Chief.

The Inmates are Running the GOP Asylum

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The embarrassing fallout from the Jade Helm 15 conspiracy theorists of the Texas Tea Party continues to mount.  The International Business Times reports that 32% of GOP primary voters nationwide actually believe that Jade Helm 15 is a secret plot of the federal government to take over Texas.

Hey morons, listen up!  In case you hadn’t noticed, the federal government already controls Texas and has for over 150 years now and has over 50,000 troops stationed here to boot.  We tried to secede once and it didn’t work.  And if the number is 32% nationwide, one can only imagine what it is in Texas since this is the nest.  What is troubling is that these are the people that have an outsized say in how this state is governed since winning the GOP primary is tantamount to election in any statewide office.  Unbelievable.

A conspiracy theory that the U.S. military is plotting to invade Texas and impose martial law has gained some traction among Republicans. A poll by Public Policy Polling released on Wednesday found that 32 percent of GOP primary voters nationwide believe that the federal government is in fact trying to take over Texas.

The conspiracy centers on an exercise the Department of Defense is planning to conduct, known as Jade Helm 15, across several Southwestern states including Texas. It’s not uncommon for the Pentagon to conduct practice missions with troops, but this one is large-scale and meant to simulate entering a hostile country.

Pointing to briefing documents the military had provided the public to explain the exercise, a group of conspiracy theorists began arguing that it wasn’t an exercise at all, but an excuse for the military to deploy troops in order to take over Texas, seize guns, arrest political opponents and impose martial law. The conspiracy theories gained more traction after Texas Gov. Greg Abbott vowed to send the Texas State Guard to monitor the U.S. military’s movements. And Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, who is running for president, was criticized for further stoking the fire after he asked the Pentagon to clarify their intentions and said the concern was justified because no one trusts the administration.

But it didn’t appear to give Cruz a boost among those who believe the conspiracy theory. Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker was leading among the Texas-takeover believers, winning 23 percent of that constituency compared with Cruz’s 18 percent.  

Well, there is a silver lining.  At least Ted Cruz is not benefitting from pandering to these nut jobs.  One can only imagine the anguished looks of disappointment on the faces of these fools, when they realize that the jack-booted thugs of the federal government haven’t actually come to take away their women, children and most importantly guns.

It’s Pretty Bad when Rick Perry is the Sanest Guy in the Room

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Rick Perry is suggesting that we maybe should actually trust our military to run training exercises in Texas and that Gov. Greg Abbott has gone too far in pandering to the Tea Party Wingnuts. The Dallas Morning News has more.

Former Gov. Rick Perry suggested Tuesday that successor Greg Abbott went too far last week in raising questions about U.S. military exercises in Texas.

“It’s OK to question your government. I do it on a regular basis. But the military is something else,” said Perry, an Air Force veteran, as he prepared to speak to the World Affairs Council of Dallas/Fort Worth. “Our military is quite trustworthy. The civilian leadership, you can always question that, but not the men and women in uniform.”

Red doesn’t miss Rick yet, but he is sure headed in that direction.

The Latest Episode of Walker, Texas Moron

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Chuck Norris of Walker, Texas Ranger fame, has weighed in on the Jade Helm 15 “controversy.”  Chuck speaks, Red translates:

Concerned Texans and Americans (Tea Party Wingnuts) are in no way calling into question our brave and courageous men and women in uniform (except to claim that they are coming to round us up and take our guns away). They are merely following orders (of the Muslim Kenyan Terrorist Sympathizer). What’s under question are those who are pulling the strings at the top of Jade Helm 15 back in Washington (that Muslim Kenyan Terrorist Sympathizer again). The U.S. government says, “It’s just a training exercise.” But I’m not sure the term “just” has any reference to reality when the government uses it. (Even Red “just” can’t figure out what the Texas Moron is “just” trying to say here).

“Well, I’m not trusting what we’re being told,” said Mike Hightower, an affable antique store owner and real-estate agent (and possible part-time conspiracy theorist) in the very small town of Smithville, Texas, (does it still bill itself as the “Heart of the Megapolis?”) where some Jade Helm 15 (Red preferred the noir classic Jade Helm 2) exercises will take place. He added, “I think there’s something a little more involved than what they’re telling us.” (okay, confirmed conspiracy theorist).

If Washington (you know who) wants to cool the embers of controversy (that we made up out of whole cloth), then it should quit stoking the fire (doing its job protecting our country), as with the posting of a map of Jade Helm 15 “just” exercises that label some areas of the country, including Texas, as “hostile,” according to KHOU 11 News in Houston and verified by the Washington Post (OMG are you really that f%#king stupid?).

I have an idea (now let’s be careful here): If the government insists on running expanded military ops (they’re really coming to take our women and children and most importantly guns) across seven Southwest states, why doesn’t it move all that “military training” south and protect our borders (keep them pesky brown skins out) at the same time?! (Red has never seen a question mark and an exclamation point used simultaneously, so this must really be important – or not!?. So there.)

Whatever Jade Helm 15 actually is (women, children, guns, etc again), I think it is more than coincidental that the FBI director just confessed in February that the presence of ISIS can be felt in all 50 states of the U.S. and that the Pentagon (Remember, I support our support our brave men and women in the military unless they happen to be in command) is suddenly running its biggest military training exercise (oops! I slipped up here and actually correctly identified Jade Helm 15 as a military training exercise – please forgive me) with every branch of the military across seven Southwestern states (rather than, for example, Kenya). Whether deterrence, display of power or something more covert or devious (okay, I’m back on track – women, children, guns, etc.), let’s not come with any patronizing nonsense of impotence and simplicity (okay, he lost Red again) when its origin is in Washington (you know, perhaps we could overlook that Muslim Kenyan Terror Sympathizer thing – if he weren’t also a gall-danged Democrat!).

I’m glad Texas Sen. Ted Cruz is asking the tough questions of the Pentagon about Jade Helm 15, (Like – why are you coming to round us up and take away our women, children and guns?) particularly because its “exercises” (it must be a lie if I put it in quotes) come too near to my ranch’s backdoor as well (Ah, now we’re getting somewhere), at least according to the map. It’s pretty sad and bad (and plaid and mad and rad) when major military ops (getting army jargon talk on us) are ordered in a large, fiery (really, we’re actually on fire most of the time in the  Lone Star state) state like Texas and not even the governor or its senators know the specifics (other than the complete briefing they got from the Military who of course cannot be trusted).

It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. Really big fish in a tiny barrel. You can thank Red later.