Tag Archives: John Kasich

Cruz Stomped in Northeast and Mid-Atlantic

Here are the numbers for Cruz from last night GOP primaries:

Pennsylvania    21.6%

Maryland           18.9

Rhode Island    10.4

Connecticut     11.7

Delaware           15.9

Cruz barely avoided single digits in Rhode Island and Connecticut and was generally stomped elsewhere finishing behind Trump and the weakling Kasich.  Pennsylvania was the sole “dim” spot for Cruz last night where he eked out a second place finish over Kasich but still lost by almost 40 points to Trump.  Wasn’t it just a few weeks ago that Cruz was bloviating about how 65% of Republican voters had rejected Donald Trump.  Well last night, close to 85% of Republican voters rejected Ted Cruz.

Cruz’s only path to the nomination is to pray for Trump to fall just short of first ballot victory and then sneak away from Cleveland with a second or third ballot nomination.  If that happens, almost every commentator is predicting rioting in the streets.

And then there is this from Cruz:  “If you want to beat Donald Trump, the way to do so is not some backroom deal in Washington that steals the nomination and hands it to someone who hasn’t won at the ballot box. The way instead is to beat Donald trump at the polls.”

Listen to yourself Ted.

GOP Debate – Round ?

Last night’s GOP debate in Las Vegas focused largely on issues of national security – not a surprise with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer at the helm.

Red’s favorite topic was when WB asked the estimable candidates about enforcing a No-Fly Zone in Syria and whether they would order a Russian plane shot down.  As always, Red translates the responses for you.

Chris Christie –  Hell yes, I would shoot down a Russian plane. I call Putin and tell him, “No flying, fuckhead.” And then when he ignores that we shoot.  And unlike the other weenies on this stage, I would insist on shooting down the planes myself – you know because I was a tough ass New Jersey prosecutor.  How does that work?   Every time a Russian jet entered the NFZ, I would be on the line immediately, targeting that sucker, remotely pushing the button to launch the missile and then celebrating afterwards with a double-meat bacon cheeseburger.  Fuck Yeah!

Rand Paul – If you want World War III, here’s your candidate. [Pointing to Christie]  If you are not absolutely bat shit crazy – like most of the respected candidates on this stage – and would prefer a big wussy in the White House, look no further.  I am the biggest wussy on this stage and proud of it.

Jeb!!!!????$ –  I have called for the NFZ and I would shoot down a plane with my sainted mother in it if it was violating the NFZ. Sorry, Dad.

Donald Trump – I too would shoot down a plane with  Jeb!!!!$$$$?’s mother in it.   But I like Putin bombing the shit out of Syria.  I back it 100%.  I would back it 1000% if that were possible, and believe me percentages well in excess of 100 will be the norm when I am elected president.  100% will be old hat.  No one will be talking about 100% when I am President.  500% will be the absolute minimum.

Ben Carson –  We shoot down Russian planes absolutely.  Then afterwards, I deal with the possibility of nuclear conflagration in my thoughtful, deliberate and respectful way as we descend into chaos and world war.

John Kasich – Why are you asking this question?  Why am I even still here? Is Red spelling my name correctly?

Ted Cruz – After I finish carpet bombing Syria and explaining in excruciating detail why that is not a war crime, there will be no real need for a NFZ.  In fact tourist groups will want to fly over Syria to see the glowing sand.

Carly Fiorina –  I would insist on a NFZ and shoot down anything that flies.  But I would not call Putin first – who by the way I talked with earlier today.  Others on this stage talk about making America great again.  But what is their plan?  I have a plan.  You know what would make this country great again – World War III.  I promise you that we will have WWIII if I am elected president.

Marco Rubio – Thank god we are not talking about immigration.

 

 

Red’s Awards from Last Night’s GOP Debate

While much of the media is focused on who won or lost, Red believes that, much like U6 Soccer, everyone who shows up deserves a participation award.  So in no particular order, Red gives the following awards to the participants in last night’s GOP debate:

Jeb!!!!$$$$?  –  The Why am I Even Here and Not Already Been Proclaimed President Award

Ted Cruz –  The Angriest Man Alive Award

John Kasich – The Hopelessly Rational Human Stuck in a Lunatic Asylum Award

Donald Trump –  The “Fuck You” Money Award

Mike Huckabee – The Just Damn Glad to be Here and Insult Fat People Award

Ben Carson – The Smooth Jazz FM Radio Deejay Award

Chris Christie – The I Can’t Believe I’m Losing to These Guys Award

Carly Fiorina – The Sure I Was an Incompetent CEO but With Enough Lies People Will Forget Award

Marco Rubio – The Vote for Me Because I’m Not Yet Tired and Old Like Bush Award

Rand Paul – The Really, We Almost Forgot You Were There Award

GOP Debate Bingo Card from USA Today.