Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) won the GOP primary in the White People’s Republic of Idaho last night. Everywhere else? Not so much. Trump’s impressive victories in Michigan and Mississippi show that he has support in highly diverse states. Meanwhile, Cruz is demonstrating what a win in Iowa can do for a candidate. Look what it did for Rick Santorum in 2012. Without that initial victory, Cruz is likely long gone from the race. Trump now has a clear path to victory. Wins in Ohio and Florida will likely seal the deal for the billionaire bloviator. The only question coming out of last night is will whiny Marco Rubio will hang on until he loses his home state and hurt his chances for the future, or pull out now to save face.
The latest polling continues to show Sanders as the better general election candidate. Of course, November is a long ways off and the Republicans have not started to throw dirt at Bernie yet. But the numbers are troubling for Hilary. If she loses to Cruz, the new blog will be Paradise in the Frozen North – because Red is moving to Canada.
Red is pretty damn sure that last night’s GOP debate is the first time that penis size has ever come up in a presidential debate. The spirited repartee over the size of Donald Trump’s penis has generated some interesting and heretofore unprecedented headlines on the important topic of just how big our President’s dick should be.
From CNN – Donald Trump Defends Size of His Penis
From the International Business Times – Donald Trump Discusses Penis Size During Fox News Republican Debate
From Hollywood Life – Donald Trump Fires Back at Marco Rubio: “There is No Problem” with my Penis
Red thinks the headline writers were challenged by this unusual development and failed to respond with their usual expertise. Red also notes that Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) stayed out of the dick-swinging fray last night. Does Ted have something to hide?
The latest Texas poll shows Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) barely edging out Donald Trump with Marco Rubio nipping at all 4 heels. The Emerson College Polling Society poll of “likely primary voters” shows Cruz at 29%, Trump at 28% and Rubio with 25%. For reasons Red will never fathom, Rubio has the highest favorability rating among Texas GOP voters at 64% with only 29% viewing the Florida senator unfavorably. Cruz trails with 56% to 41% favorable/unfavorable ratio. Trump brings up the rear among the frontrunners with a 45% to 50% favorable/unfavorable deficit.
If Cruz cannot carry Texas by a fairly wide margin, it’s time for the Junior Senator to hang up the “argument boots” and go back to doing the job that he was elected to do and apparently hates so much. The only losers will be his colleagues in the Senate – not one of whom has seen fit to endorse the Tea Party firebrand .
Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) fired his communications director and top spokesman Rick Tyler, after Tyler promoted a video that wrongly depicted Sen. Marco Rubio (Est.-Florida) as trash-talking the Bible.
The Cruz campaign linked to a story showing a video of Rubio walking by a Cruz staffer and Cruz’s father Rafael, who were reading the Bible in a hotel lobby. The subtitles on the video showed Rubio saying to the staffer, “Got a good book there, not many answers in it.”
Rubio communications director Alex Conant later tweeted out the same video with what he says are the correct subtitles. Speaking of the Bible, Rubio says, “All the answers are in there.”
If there is a single person out there who doesn’t think this kind of campaign trickery begins and ends with the Junior Senator himself, then Red has some interesting investment options for you. Tyler is a fall guy that had to go when this kind of abject dirty trick was exposed.
The Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) sponsored website TheRealRubioRecord.com has posted a photo of Sen. Marco Rubio (?-Florida) – GASP! – actually shaking hands with the President of the United States. This treasonous act of actually extending your hand to the duly elected leader of our country would clearly disqualify Sr. Rubio from himself being President. For his part, Cruz claims to have never shaken hands with any Democrat – preferring instead to do the “old tie trick” where he points to a spot on your tie and then flicks your chin. What a card!
But the revelation of this scandalous photo of a sitting Senator displaying common courtesy (something not likely to be a problem in a Cruz administration), has instead again raised questions about the tactics of Cruz’s campaign. Why? Because it is an obviously altered photo. As a matter of first impression, Red would note – who shakes with their left hand? We know the Kenyan, Muslim, Socialist, Terrorism-Sympathizing President is, of course, left-handed. But even Steve Carlton shook with his right hand – that is, when he wasn’t throwing a high hard one at your head. Second, the Rubio campaign has clearly shown that the photo is a poorly executed “Photoshop” job.
Todd Harris, a Rubio mouthpiece, insisted, “This is not Marco Rubio. This person, we don’t know who that is, but they Photoshopped Marco’s face onto somebody else. This is how phony and how deceitful the Cruz campaign has become. Marco Rubio doesn’t own that tie, he doesn’t own that watch, he doesn’t own that suit . . . There is so little honesty left in the Cruz campaign that they’re actually willing to Photoshop a fellow Republican’s face onto the body of some other person to completely invent an attack on Marco Rubio.”
Rubio’s campaign backed up its claim by showing the stock photo used by Cruz.
But all this sniping may actually backfire on Rubio, Red knows that true red-blooded, patriotic, evangelical Christian voters in South Carolina would never truck with anyone foolish enough to not take a knee shot at Obama’s nads when close enough to actually shake hands with the devil incarnate.
Last night’s GOP debate in Las Vegas focused largely on issues of national security – not a surprise with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer at the helm.
Red’s favorite topic was when WB asked the estimable candidates about enforcing a No-Fly Zone in Syria and whether they would order a Russian plane shot down. As always, Red translates the responses for you.
Chris Christie – Hell yes, I would shoot down a Russian plane. I call Putin and tell him, “No flying, fuckhead.” And then when he ignores that we shoot. And unlike the other weenies on this stage, I would insist on shooting down the planes myself – you know because I was a tough ass New Jersey prosecutor. How does that work? Every time a Russian jet entered the NFZ, I would be on the line immediately, targeting that sucker, remotely pushing the button to launch the missile and then celebrating afterwards with a double-meat bacon cheeseburger. Fuck Yeah!
Rand Paul – If you want World War III, here’s your candidate. [Pointing to Christie] If you are not absolutely bat shit crazy – like most of the respected candidates on this stage – and would prefer a big wussy in the White House, look no further. I am the biggest wussy on this stage and proud of it.
Jeb!!!!????$ – I have called for the NFZ and I would shoot down a plane with my sainted mother in it if it was violating the NFZ. Sorry, Dad.
Donald Trump – I too would shoot down a plane with Jeb!!!!$$$$?’s mother in it. But I like Putin bombing the shit out of Syria. I back it 100%. I would back it 1000% if that were possible, and believe me percentages well in excess of 100 will be the norm when I am elected president. 100% will be old hat. No one will be talking about 100% when I am President. 500% will be the absolute minimum.
Ben Carson – We shoot down Russian planes absolutely. Then afterwards, I deal with the possibility of nuclear conflagration in my thoughtful, deliberate and respectful way as we descend into chaos and world war.
John Kasich – Why are you asking this question? Why am I even still here? Is Red spelling my name correctly?
Ted Cruz – After I finish carpet bombing Syria and explaining in excruciating detail why that is not a war crime, there will be no real need for a NFZ. In fact tourist groups will want to fly over Syria to see the glowing sand.
Carly Fiorina – I would insist on a NFZ and shoot down anything that flies. But I would not call Putin first – who by the way I talked with earlier today. Others on this stage talk about making America great again. But what is their plan? I have a plan. You know what would make this country great again – World War III. I promise you that we will have WWIII if I am elected president.
Marco Rubio – Thank god we are not talking about immigration.
While much of the media is focused on who won or lost, Red believes that, much like U6 Soccer, everyone who shows up deserves a participation award. So in no particular order, Red gives the following awards to the participants in last night’s GOP debate:
Jeb!!!!$$$$? – The Why am I Even Here and Not Already Been Proclaimed President Award
Ted Cruz – The Angriest Man Alive Award
John Kasich – The Hopelessly Rational Human Stuck in a Lunatic Asylum Award
Donald Trump – The “Fuck You” Money Award
Mike Huckabee – The Just Damn Glad to be Here and Insult Fat People Award
Ben Carson – The Smooth Jazz FM Radio Deejay Award
Chris Christie – The I Can’t Believe I’m Losing to These Guys Award
Carly Fiorina – The Sure I Was an Incompetent CEO but With Enough Lies People Will Forget Award
Marco Rubio – The Vote for Me Because I’m Not Yet Tired and Old Like Bush Award
Rand Paul – The Really, We Almost Forgot You Were There Award
GOP Debate Bingo Card from USA Today.
From the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library. Who knew they could fit a 707 into a presidential library?
Jay: Thanks to Donald Trump for being here tonight and I see there are some other guys on the stage, I’m not really sure who you are – please introduce yourselves.
Rand Paul: It’s time we had a curly-headed president again. Look how well Andrew Jackson did.
Marco Rubio: I could have sworn I shaved before this debate.
Chris Christie: Does this tie make me look fat?
Carly Fiorina: How did Nixon’s makeup man sneak into my dressing room?
Ted Cruz: I am shutting down this debate unless we defund CNN right now!
John Kasich: I’m over here.
Ben Carson: It takes real balls to wear a pin stripe suit this ugly to a Presidential debate.
Jeb!!!!$$$$?: See I told you I was taller than everyone else.
Mike Huckabee: Chris Christie’s tie does make him look fat. Really fat. I should know.
Scott Walker: ZZZZZZZZ
Donald Trump: Have you seen my poll numbers? Next question.