Last night’s GOP debate in Las Vegas focused largely on issues of national security – not a surprise with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer at the helm.
Red’s favorite topic was when WB asked the estimable candidates about enforcing a No-Fly Zone in Syria and whether they would order a Russian plane shot down. As always, Red translates the responses for you.
Chris Christie – Hell yes, I would shoot down a Russian plane. I call Putin and tell him, “No flying, fuckhead.” And then when he ignores that we shoot. And unlike the other weenies on this stage, I would insist on shooting down the planes myself – you know because I was a tough ass New Jersey prosecutor. How does that work? Every time a Russian jet entered the NFZ, I would be on the line immediately, targeting that sucker, remotely pushing the button to launch the missile and then celebrating afterwards with a double-meat bacon cheeseburger. Fuck Yeah!
Rand Paul – If you want World War III, here’s your candidate. [Pointing to Christie] If you are not absolutely bat shit crazy – like most of the respected candidates on this stage – and would prefer a big wussy in the White House, look no further. I am the biggest wussy on this stage and proud of it.
Jeb!!!!????$ – I have called for the NFZ and I would shoot down a plane with my sainted mother in it if it was violating the NFZ. Sorry, Dad.
Donald Trump – I too would shoot down a plane with Jeb!!!!$$$$?’s mother in it. But I like Putin bombing the shit out of Syria. I back it 100%. I would back it 1000% if that were possible, and believe me percentages well in excess of 100 will be the norm when I am elected president. 100% will be old hat. No one will be talking about 100% when I am President. 500% will be the absolute minimum.
Ben Carson – We shoot down Russian planes absolutely. Then afterwards, I deal with the possibility of nuclear conflagration in my thoughtful, deliberate and respectful way as we descend into chaos and world war.
John Kasich – Why are you asking this question? Why am I even still here? Is Red spelling my name correctly?
Ted Cruz – After I finish carpet bombing Syria and explaining in excruciating detail why that is not a war crime, there will be no real need for a NFZ. In fact tourist groups will want to fly over Syria to see the glowing sand.
Carly Fiorina – I would insist on a NFZ and shoot down anything that flies. But I would not call Putin first – who by the way I talked with earlier today. Others on this stage talk about making America great again. But what is their plan? I have a plan. You know what would make this country great again – World War III. I promise you that we will have WWIII if I am elected president.
Marco Rubio – Thank god we are not talking about immigration.