Tag Archives: Jeb Bush

Quote for the Day

“If this election is about how we’re going to fight to get nothing done, then I don’t want any part of it. I don’t want to be elected president to sit around and see gridlock just become so dominant that people literally are in decline in their lives. That is not my motivation. I’ve got a lot of really cool things I could do other than sit around, being miserable, listening to people demonize me and me feeling compelled to demonize them. That is a joke. Elect Trump if you want that.”

JEB!!!!$$$$?

Red was rummaging through old posts and found this one.  Red will give JEB!!!!$$$$? his props when due.  The dude could not have been more prescient.

Texas’ Very Own Spineless Weasel from the Species bushpolitico spinoabsentata

George Pee Bush endorsed Donald Trump for President on Monday and urged other to vote for the man who had such nice things to say about dear old Dad JEB!!!!$$$$? (damn it feels good to type that one again!).  Here’s a sample.

“He’s a total stiff, Jeb Bush.”  Red has to disagree here as this seems to imply the presence of a spine – something demonstrably lacking in this species.

“Loser.” Hard to argue with that one in retrospect.

“The last thing we need is another Bush.”  Again, Red has to concede on that one – but shouldn’t George Pee be taking notes for future reference.

“Not a smart man.”  Trump nails it again. Red has it on good authority that JEB!!!!$$$$?’s college roommate referred to him as “the stupidest person I have ever met.”

“Here’s a guy, honestly, if he weren’t in government, you wouldn’t hire him to do anything, okay? If you had a company you wouldn’t even hire him.”  But wouldn’t the lack of hiring prevent the Donald from using his “You’re Fired” tag line. Oh well, sacrifices must be made for the greater cause.

“I don’t have a lot of respect for Jeb. Jeb’s a lightweight.”    Red assumes that “featherweight” is a bit too obscure.

“He’s a sad person who has gone absolutely crazy. I mean, this guy is a nervous wreck.”  Cue the violins.

And finally, the greatest insult of all.

“He’s an embarrassment to his family.”  Considering the considerable competition in the familial embarrassment category available from big brother’s track record of incompetence, Dad’s humiliating loss to Slick Willie and little brother’s shameful business dealings, Red can’t really imagine that anything worse could be said about JEB!!!!$$$$?

So what kind of completely spineless weasel, suck up, sycophant endorses someone who has said these things about his father?

 

 

George P. Bush – Enemy of Democracy

Bush family scion and Texas Land Commissioner George P. Bush took to Facebook on Sunday to decry the results of a democratically held referendum on Austin’s  Uber and Lyft ordinance on Sunday.   According to Bush, “Liberalism has consequences. Austin claims to be a forward-thinking city … This is what happens with liberalism — the government wins and the people lose.”

There is no more direct form of democracy than the referendum, where the people – not the politicians – vote on specific issues.  Yet, when the people don’t fall in line with what George Pee thinks is right, they somehow lose.  Explain that one please.  Maybe next time, the voters will agree with George Pee and they will win!  Of note here, is the fact that Uber outspent its opponents by a factor of 100 to 1 and still lost because the people are – what  – losers?   Exactly how does the government win, when it is doing exactly what the people have told it they want.

George Pee obviously thinks he knows a lot more than the voters of Austin.  Red wonders when he had the time to get so smart.  Maybe he picked up some knowledge about this particular issue when he was missing in action from his job for much of the time until JEB!!!!$$$$?’s presidential campaign imploded in a heap of misspent money, incompetence and acrimony.  Citizens of Austin, congratulations for standing up for what you believe in.  Red urges you to ignore this Bush family freeloader who has no interest in doing the job he was elected to do and who – if not for his name and family connections – would be toiling in obscurity somewhere.  Like Red.

And by the way, it’s refreshing to pick on someone other than Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) for a change.

Jeb!!!!$$$$? Pulls Out

Jeb!!!!$$$$? suspended his presidential campaign after a lackluster 4th place finish in South Carolina on Saturday.  Red is relieved because another Bush presidency might have just driven him over the edge.   With that in mind, here are the best comments overheard yet about Jeb!!!!$$$$?’s withdrawal.

“What, he was still running?”

“Looks like his mom was right.”

“He certainly was . . . a tall candidate.”

“Damn, now we won’t get to invade another country that doesn’t pose a direct threat to the U.S.”

” And there goes the only man who could make his big brother look smart.”

“I was looking forward to seeing him get 7% of the vote in Texas and show the nation we aren’t quite as dumb as we seem.”

“What’s George P. up to – besides hating his job?”

“Giving new meaning to “Bush League.”

“His college roommate said he was the dumbest man he had ever met.  Guess he didn’t know Marco Rubio.”

“$2800 per vote just doesn’t go as far as you might think.”

“What, he was still running?”

 

W Speaks, Red Translates

George W. Bush hit the campaign trail for the first time since his overdue retirement in South Carolina.  He hopes to revive brother Jeb!!!!$$$$?’s flagging hopes to bring yet another Bush to the White House.  Apparently, the former President’s favorability ratings in the Palmetto State among Republicans are as high as 84%.  Which means those folks either have very short memories or really like a legacy of incompetence and failure.

As always, Red is there to translate for you.

Thank you South Carolina, Laura and I have very fond memories of our previous times campaigning in this State (because this state saved my bacon by buying into the lies that I told about John McCain – if you crackers were dumb enough to believe that BS then you just might be stupid enough to vote for my little brother Bush).

Americans  (mostly Tea Party backers) are angry (how did we let a darkie get elected twice) and frustrated (because Whitey is no longer King), but we do not need someone (and that would be anyone not named Bush) in the Oval Office who mirrors and inflames our frustrations (believe me I know all about frustration inflammation – my approval rating was about 20% at the end),” the former president said. “We need someone (a Bush, a Bush or a Bush) who can fix the problems (Dick Cheney is too damn old now) that cause our anger (read racial prejudice) and frustration (that Whitey thing again) and that’s Jeb Bush (did you think I was going to say Kasich?).”

Jeb is a man of deep and humble faith (dude better be humble because he makes me look like a freakin’ genius) that reveals itself through good works (making money trading on the ol’ family name), not loud words (or intelligible ones for that matter).  All of the sloganeering and all of the talk doesn’t matter if we don’t win (but we will spend all of the millions he has raised nonetheless because the Bush family is really a cottage industry when it comes to campaign consultants).

We’ve become tree farmers (finally something that’s really hard to screw up). It gives me some time to practice my stump speech (I made a funny, ha ha, get it?). I’ve been one to defy expectations (mostly because I was expected to do nothing more than trade on the family name, screw up, lose money and repeat – oh wait a minute, that kind of describes my presidency). I’ve been mis-underestimated most of my life (not really, as President I pretty much hit the mis-underestimated mark square on).”

Jeb!!!!$$$$? Throws Eminent Domain Stone

Jeb!!!!$$$$? attacked Donald Trump at the latest GOP slugfest in New Hampshire for using eminent domain to take an elderly woman’s house in Atlantic City for a parking lot.  Trump, however, was a piker compared to Jeb!!!!$$$$?’s big brother W when it comes to enriching yourself through the power of ED mixed with excellent family connections.

W had pretty much been a failure at every possible enterprise until he stumbled into an ownership position of the Texas Rangers.  His $600,000 investment somehow turned into over $14 million allowing him the financial security to make his first run for Governor.  But exactly how did that happen.  First, through some slick political maneuvering, he and his partners (primarily business genius Richard Rainwater) persuaded Arlington and Texas to directly subsidize the construction of a new stadium for the Rangers.  That taxpayers should foot the bill to make a billionaire like Rainwater and his cronies even richer was offensive enough.  But it did not end there.  In order to build the magnificent temple of baseball, W and his fellow owners successfully used the power of government to take land from other private citizens so it could be used for their own private purposes.

The details are complicated, but here is what happened. W and his partners in the Rangers convinced Arlington officials to: pass a half-cent sales tax to pay for 70% of the stadium; use the government’s powers of eminent domain to seized land the Rangers either could not or would not buy in a fair market transaction; give the Rangers near complete control over the stadium and environs; and allow the Rangers to buy the $191 million stadium for just $60 million. After 12 years as the sole occupant and primary beneficiary of the stadium project, the Rangers, a privately owned business, will receive title to the stadium for the $60 million worth of rent and expenses that they will have already paid.  Has Trump ever put together a deal that lined his personal pockets at the expense of the taxpayer that compares to this one?  Red doubts it.

So poor old Jeb!!!!$$$$? picks exactly the wrong stone to throw at Trump – a stone that will likely bounce of the billionaire’s Teflon and crash right back into the Bush family’s glass house.  Someone that politically inept doesn’t deserve to be President.

GOP Debate – Round ?

Last night’s GOP debate in Las Vegas focused largely on issues of national security – not a surprise with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer at the helm.

Red’s favorite topic was when WB asked the estimable candidates about enforcing a No-Fly Zone in Syria and whether they would order a Russian plane shot down.  As always, Red translates the responses for you.

Chris Christie –  Hell yes, I would shoot down a Russian plane. I call Putin and tell him, “No flying, fuckhead.” And then when he ignores that we shoot.  And unlike the other weenies on this stage, I would insist on shooting down the planes myself – you know because I was a tough ass New Jersey prosecutor.  How does that work?   Every time a Russian jet entered the NFZ, I would be on the line immediately, targeting that sucker, remotely pushing the button to launch the missile and then celebrating afterwards with a double-meat bacon cheeseburger.  Fuck Yeah!

Rand Paul – If you want World War III, here’s your candidate. [Pointing to Christie]  If you are not absolutely bat shit crazy – like most of the respected candidates on this stage – and would prefer a big wussy in the White House, look no further.  I am the biggest wussy on this stage and proud of it.

Jeb!!!!????$ –  I have called for the NFZ and I would shoot down a plane with my sainted mother in it if it was violating the NFZ. Sorry, Dad.

Donald Trump – I too would shoot down a plane with  Jeb!!!!$$$$?’s mother in it.   But I like Putin bombing the shit out of Syria.  I back it 100%.  I would back it 1000% if that were possible, and believe me percentages well in excess of 100 will be the norm when I am elected president.  100% will be old hat.  No one will be talking about 100% when I am President.  500% will be the absolute minimum.

Ben Carson –  We shoot down Russian planes absolutely.  Then afterwards, I deal with the possibility of nuclear conflagration in my thoughtful, deliberate and respectful way as we descend into chaos and world war.

John Kasich – Why are you asking this question?  Why am I even still here? Is Red spelling my name correctly?

Ted Cruz – After I finish carpet bombing Syria and explaining in excruciating detail why that is not a war crime, there will be no real need for a NFZ.  In fact tourist groups will want to fly over Syria to see the glowing sand.

Carly Fiorina –  I would insist on a NFZ and shoot down anything that flies.  But I would not call Putin first – who by the way I talked with earlier today.  Others on this stage talk about making America great again.  But what is their plan?  I have a plan.  You know what would make this country great again – World War III.  I promise you that we will have WWIII if I am elected president.

Marco Rubio – Thank god we are not talking about immigration.

 

 

The Short List of the Accomplishments of Ted Cruz

Red has put together a short list of the accomplishments of Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) since entering elective office:

  1. Chosen by Senate colleagues as “Most-Hated” in a landslide.
  2. Set new standard for shameless self-promotion.
  3. Shut-down government for a short time and tanked his party’s polling numbers.
  4. Didn’t waste valuable time attempting to pass actual legislation.
  5. Took grandstanding to a new level.
  6. Made record number of speeches to an empty Senate chamber.
  7. Became more convinced that he is World’s Smartest Man.
  8. Put the Tea back in Tea Party.
  9. Boosted sales of ugly black cowboy boots.
  10. Became pen-pals with Justin Trudeau.

Meanwhile, the Jeb!!!!$$$$? “Campaign” plans to highlight the complete lack of accomplishments.  The Texas Tribune has the skinny on Jeb!!!!$$$$?’s latest attempt to take down Ted.

“We feel really good about Texas,” said Jeb Bush campaign manager Danny Diaz, suggesting in an interview late Wednesday that Cruz has little to show Texans after three years in the Senate. “Where’s the accomplishments?” 

“The reality is, we look forward to communicating our record of accomplishment, the most conservative record of accomplishment in the field, versus others, and that includes Sen. Cruz,” Diaz told The Texas Tribune following the third Republican presidential debate here at the University of Colorado Boulder. “Sen. Cruz has not distinguished himself” either by repealing Obamacare or keeping the nation’s debt from exploding. 

“So the reality is, once again, good floor speeches, great PowerPoint, but when it comes time to get things done, where’s the accomplishments?” Diaz asked. “So as we discuss these differences with Texans and others, we’re going to highlight the most accomplished conservative record in the field versus folks in the field that don’t have any really discernible accomplishments.”

Red’s Awards from Last Night’s GOP Debate

While much of the media is focused on who won or lost, Red believes that, much like U6 Soccer, everyone who shows up deserves a participation award.  So in no particular order, Red gives the following awards to the participants in last night’s GOP debate:

Jeb!!!!$$$$?  –  The Why am I Even Here and Not Already Been Proclaimed President Award

Ted Cruz –  The Angriest Man Alive Award

John Kasich – The Hopelessly Rational Human Stuck in a Lunatic Asylum Award

Donald Trump –  The “Fuck You” Money Award

Mike Huckabee – The Just Damn Glad to be Here and Insult Fat People Award

Ben Carson – The Smooth Jazz FM Radio Deejay Award

Chris Christie – The I Can’t Believe I’m Losing to These Guys Award

Carly Fiorina – The Sure I Was an Incompetent CEO but With Enough Lies People Will Forget Award

Marco Rubio – The Vote for Me Because I’m Not Yet Tired and Old Like Bush Award

Rand Paul – The Really, We Almost Forgot You Were There Award

GOP Debate Bingo Card from USA Today.

Jeb!!!!$$$$? Vents

Jeb!!!!$$$$? may have blown the last clear chance he had at winning the GOP nomination when he vented in public about his opponents and how he really has much better things to do than be President.  While campaigning in South Carolina last weekend, Jeb!!!!$$$$? revealed the following:

If this election is about how we’re going to fight to get nothing done, then I don’t want any part of it. I don’t want to be elected president to sit around and see gridlock just become so dominant that people literally are in decline in their lives. That is not my motivation. I’ve got a lot of really cool things I could do other than sit around, being miserable, listening to people demonize me and me feeling compelled to demonize them. That is a joke. Elect Trump if you want that.

So Red felt compelled to compile a list of ten “really cool things” that Jeb!!!!$$$$? could do other than be President.

  1. Hold an actual Tea Party – you know with crumpets and cucumber sandwiches and all.
  2. Teach a first grade bilingual education class.
  3. Take a job at the Land Office working for son George P. Bush with out the Bush fils first complying with the Texas requirement that all job openings be publicly posted.
  4. Write that spy novel he’s been kicking around for several years.
  5. Brush up on his Jai Alai game.
  6. Get a personality transplant.
  7. Rhumba with Columba.
  8. Create a line of Ted Cruz, Donald Trump and Ben Carson voodoo dolls.
  9. Challenge Mitt Romney to a boxing match – loser has to endorse Donald Trump.
  10. Go home and never be heard from again.