Author Archives: Red from Texas

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About Red from Texas

I'm proud to be Red. I have lived most of my life in Texas and I love this place. Here are a few things you should know about me. 1. I am happily married and intend to stay so. 2. I live in a house that is older than you, unless you are really old. 3. I own 2 rifles and a shotgun. I think handguns are just trouble. 4. I have never killed a man, but have taken out some deer and hogs. 5. I was a good student, but never close to being valedictorian. 6. In no particular order I like the Houston Texans, San Antonio Spurs, Houston Astros, FC Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur, Texas Longhorns and Houston Dynamo. 7. I hate Dallas but always have a good time when I go there. 8. I was a Dallas Cowboys fan for 26 years but declared that I was no longer a fan during the 1987 strike. 9. I don't own any pets. I like cats, and a good dog and I have met at least 3 of them in my lifetime. 10. I think the best part of Texas is west of I-35. 11. I own two pairs of cowboy boots, but don't wear them very often. 12. I don't have a pronounced Texas accent, but can affect one when needed. 13. My last meal would be fried shrimp with tartar sauce, a baked potato with all the fixins', a dinner salad with 1000 Island dressing, yeast rolls and chocolate fudge pie for dessert. 14. I'm an old Dad, but my children are none of your business. 15. I have two degrees from UT-Austin and somehow managed to fall in love with and marry an Aggie. 16. Most of my family are right-wing nut jobs but I love them anyway. 17. When I get to play golf on a regular basis, I shoot in the low 80's. 18. I don't get to play golf on a regular basis. 19. I think Fort Worth is the best town in Texas by a long shot. 20. I have a mean herb garden. Regards, Red P.S. Remember it's not a color, it's a state of mind.

Today in Texas History – September 6

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From the Annals of the Racists –  In 1888,  the Jaybirds, a whites-only political association, met in Richmond and ordered Charles Ferguson and several other black political leaders to leave Fort Bend County within ten hours. The Jaybirds represented the resentful white population (all Democrats) who were still smarting over the Republican government that controlled the county during Reconstruction.  The  competing faction was the Woodpeckers who were nominally Democrats but held office as a result of Republican and black voters.   The Woodpeckers had controlled the county for about 20 years.  The so-called Jaybird-Woodpecker War was fight between these two factions for control of Fort Bend County.  The Jaybirds met in Richmond and “expelled” a number of Woodpecker leaders.

The Woodpeckers won the election despite the expulsion, and the violence continued.  In the spring of 1889, Tax Assesstor Kyle Terry, a Woodpecker, murdered Ned Gibson, a leader of the Jaybirds who was set to testify against one of Terry’s friends in an unrelated cattle-rustling trial. Terry was arrested but posted bail and decamped to Galveston where he was later killed by the Jaybirds.  The cycle of violence continued culminating in the Battle of Richmond, on August 16, 1889, when Woodpecker Sheriff Garvey was killed.  After that, the Woodpeckers were driven from office.

The Jaybirds had a long-lasting influence mostly through the creation of the “Whites Only” Democratic primary system in Fort Bend County which effectively ended any political strength for black voters.  The system was so successful that the Legislature adopted a similar Whites Only primary measure which ensured that the Jaybird Democrats would retain control.  The blatantly unconstitutional and discriminatory practice continued until it was overturned by the U.S. Supreme Court in Terry v. Adams, 345 U.S. 461 (1953).

Today in Texas History – September 5

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Image result for sam houston 1836

From the Annals of the Republic – In 1836, Sam Houston was elected as the first president of the Republic of Texas. Mirabeau B. Lamar was elected as vice president.  Houston defeated Stephen F. Austin and Henry Smith with 79% of the vote.  Austin was initially the front-runner in the race over Smith, who had been provisional governor and a delegate at Washington-on-the-Brazos when Texas declared its independence.  Despite his renown today, Austin was not widely known across Texas and his reputation had been sullied by connections to land speculator Samuel May Williams.  Houston did not declare his candidacy until eleven days before the election, but once he did, victory was all but inevitable. Houston was inaugurated on October 22, 1836, replacing interim president David G. Burnet.  After annexation, Houston would later serve as Texas’ senator and governor.  He was the only person to have been elected governor of two different U.S. states, as well as the only state governor to have been a foreign head of state.

Red’s NFL Predictions – NFC West

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Many are calling this the “easiest division in the NFL” which was certainly a fair characterization  last season. Red sees some teams up, one team down and a tougher level of competition that in recent seasons.

Cardinals. After a disappointing 2016 campaign, the Cards are looking to rebound with a quick start to 2017. The Cards started last season 1-3 and unlike the Stealers never found Recovery Road.  Red is leading with his heart rather than his head on this one.  He went all in for David Johnson in a couple of fantasy leagues and also got stuck with tired old Carson Palmer at QB.  The Cards defense remains solid.  The question is whether the team can win a bunch of ugly 17-13 or the like games.  They can and they do. Arizona sashays to 11-5 record and a sweet playoff berth.

Seahawks.  A popular pick to win the west, many think the Seahawks will dominate the NFL’s “easiest division.”  But other than playing the weaklings (see below) in their division, the Hawks have fairly tough sledding ahead with road games against the Packers, Titans and Cowboys and home games against the Texans, Colts, Eagles and Falcons.  The Hawks could lose all of those games despite the double and triple time zone hex.  Pete the Cheat has had his share of good fortune up to now; maybe this season the worm turns. Seattle struggles to 9-7 and takes a seat for the playoffs.

Rams. Playing in the oldest stadium in the NFL but with the youngest head coach in NFL history in Sean McVay, the Rams will maintain the Jeff Fischer tradition of abject mediocrity.  Actually that’s somewhat of an insult to mediocrity as Fischer was unable to ever post a winning record in his 5 years with the Rams.  Second year QB Jared Goff was the major disappointment of 2016 going 0-7 in his starts and making journeyman Case Keenum look scintillating by comparison.  But in fairness to Goff he was playing behind a makeshift offensive line and with little help from any wideout other than Kenny Britt.  2017 looks better all around.  Tavon Austin looks like the third down back every team wishes it had and Todd Gurley is at least competent and will likely average more than the pathetic 3.2 yards per rush he managed last year. Expect more than 23 total touchdowns this season and for the Rams to not be the worst offense in the league.  Maybe only the third-worst. Los Angeles (for now) improves slightly to 6-10.

49ers.  The Chip Kelly as a professional football coach experiment seems to have come to an end.  The excitement CK was able to bring to Oregon never translated to the pros and Chip if you’re reading – it looks like UNLV might be in the market for some new leadership after losing to lowly Howard in “the biggest upset in college football history.”  A tip of the helmet to the Niners for giving Kyle Shanahan his first opportunity as a head coach. Unfortunately, KS could not bring Matt Ryan, Julio Jones and Devonta Freeman with him.  Instead he will have to make do with tired old Brian Hoyer and Pierre Garcon.  That’s like going from a Corvette to a Ford Escort, but Shanahan and the Niners will surprise a few folks.  This storied franchise has seen more hard times than good and with the exception of the Harbaugh era has been unable to find a steady hand for 15 years.  Remember Jim Tomsula or Mike Nolan?  Anyone, anyone? Hell, Red thought Mike Singletary was the answer.  Don’t expect miracles in season one, but the Niners are coming back – they’re just coming from way back. Santa Clara goes 6-10.

Today in Texas History – September 1

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From the Annals of the River Crossings –  In 1889, the Waco suspension bridge crossing the Brazos River opened for traffic as a free bridge.  The bridge had opened in 1870 as a toll bridge.  Until then no bridges spanned the Brazos in Texas and for 800 miles travelers had to look for low water crossings or ferries to move east and west through central Texas.  In 1866, the Texas Legislature granted a charter to the Waco Bridge Company giving the WBC a monopoly on transportation across the Brazos for 25 years and prohibiting other bridges to be built within five miles.  The WBC eventually settled on a steel cable suspension bridge design as affordable and practical for the intended use.   The WBC  engaged the John A. Roeblng Company, the firm which originated the suspension span bridge concept.  The WBC hired Thomas M. Griffith, Roebling’s chief engineer, as civil engineer for the project.  The Roebling Company was commisssioned to provide cables and bridgework. After Robeling died in 1869, his four sons inherited the company, which was renamed The John A Robeling’s Sons Company. Washington Robeling, most famous for building the Brooklyn Bridge, finished the Waco bridge which opened to paid traffic in 1870. At the time, it was the longest suspension bridge west of the Mississippi River.  The toll revenues quickly paid for the bridge.  Popular demand for a free bridge arose and McLennan County bought the Suspension Bridge from the WBC  for $75,000 and then sold it Waco for one dollar in an agreement that required the City to maintain the bridge and eliminate any tolls.  The bridge was open to vehicles until 1871 serving for more than 100 years.  Despite many mostly cosmetic renovations, the bridge has been restored to its original glory and is now the centerpiece of Indian Springs Park.

 

License to Run Over a Protestor?

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State Rep. Pat Fallon (R-Frisco) filed House Bill 250  last month that would protect motorists who hit demonstrators “blocking traffic in a public right-of-way” if the river exercises “due care.”   Red isn’t sure how you would determine if a driver used due care in hitting a protestor or why you would want to provide such protection to a motorist.  What’s so gall-danged important that you need to drive through a throng blocking a street anyway?  If it’s a life and death situation, it is also pretty unlikely to involve your average driver in their Toyota.  The bill would not change any criminal laws, but would make it more difficult to hold someone civilly liable in such cases.

Predictably, Fallon caught a lot of flack for his tone deafness in this matter and was outraged that anyone would take umbrage with making it potentially less – shall we say, troublesome – to run over a demonstrator.   The Dallas Morning News has more here.

Harvey Blows!

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Well the whole Red family survived the storm but not without some close calls.  Red is very lucky to have only sustained minor flood damage to the garage and one car.  It sure looked bad on Sunday evening, but ol’ Casa Red has weathered a few of these (insert number here) flood events.  Curious as to how they will characterize this one.

Anyhow, Red is heading out to help some folks that got it much worse than him.  Red encourages anyone who can help to get out and do something.  Delivers some non-perishable food and water to your local fire station or other collection point. Help a neighbor clean out their home.  Drive someone who lost a car.  Do something.

Stay High and Dry – Like Red

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The last time Red actually sat through a Hurricane was with Carla in 1961.

Image result for path of hurricane carla

That sucker was so strong that it was still technically a Hurricane when it hit Austin.  Red remembers the family huddling in the den while the storm passed.  Papa Red took Red outside while the eye was passing over.  Red still remembers the calm between the storms.  Ever since then, Red has headed the other way when hurricanes were a coming.  He may try to ride this one out.  Undecided as yet.

No matter what, Red wishes you and yours the best and hopes that you stay dry and out of harm’s way.  Red will likely be signing off for a few days.  Will see you on the back side.

Trump’s Speech in Phoenix

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For those of you who missed it, here are some highlights – as always brought to you via Red Translates:

Hello,  Look at this crowd.  There must be 16 million people here including that Black dude behind me with the “Blacks for Trump 2020” sign.  You sir, are a great American because you love me.  Because you love me.

And those who don’t love me – what a bunch of pathetic losers. Sad!  Like Flaky Jeff Flake.  I just made that up – pretty good, huh? He likes to write books.  Books are for losers. I haven’t read a book since 10th grade and look at me.   And John McCain – he can’t even keep his ship out of trouble.  By the way, did you know that he spent six years in prison – that’s right prison.

But those who do love me, like Sheriff Joe Arpaio – they are the winners.  Nothing is going to happen tonight, but Joe – you don’t have anything to worry about.  I will be sending you a beautiful gift basket of Trump Wine and Trump Steaks when you are in the Big House.  Delicious stuff, let me tell you.  Maybe you will see Crooked Hillary and beat her up when you are there.

Okay, we’re in Arizona.  Let’s get to the wall.  We are building that wall.  A beautiful wall that will keep those murdering thieving rapist child beaters out of our country. The good people will still be allowed in – maybe next century.  If I have to shut down the government and people starve and die, I will do it because we must build that wall.  It’s really the only thing I know how to do.  Build stuff and stiff subcontractors.

Afghanistan.  You know I inherited a mess from the war that Obama started there.  Another Democrat war and we know that Democrat wars are bad.  And sad!  I am going to bomb the ever-loving shit out of those bastards.  I just got word that our bombing campaign has killed almost 500 civilians.  Isn’t that great.  If that happened in our country there would be rioting in the streets, but those dumb assholes just sit back and take it.  God, I love war.  Let’s hear it for our brave fighting men that I am going to send off to die to increase my favorability rating in the polls.  They all love me too and really want to die for me if will help me look better.

And the Media.  What a bunch of lying weasels.  Which is really an insult to all weasels.  You know how to tell the difference between a sack of shit and a bunch of NY Times reporters?  The shit smells pretty good by comparison.  Filthy disgusting vermin.  I went to better schools than them. I made better grades. I banged the cheerleaders and that hot English teacher.  They aren’t fit to lick the shit off my hand-crafted Italian shoes.  I hate the First Amendment.  If you see a reporter tonight, punch him in the nuts for me.

Okay what’s left?  Oh yeah, the Nazis.  I condemned the Nazis despite my German heritage. I know they love me – but who doesn’t? Can I help if it Nazis and white supremacists love me and take comfort from my words?   Everyone knows the Nazis are okay until they get riled up by those Antifa a-holes with their black clothes and clubs.  What do you expect a Nazi to do – sit back and take it like an Afghanistan villager?

Okay have I thrown enough red meat out tonight.  Yes.  Good, I really can’t pretend I care about you poor slobs for more than about an hour at a time, so I better get out of here.

God bless America. But more importantly, God bless me.  Goodnight.

Red’s NFL Picks – AFC North

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Red has a distinct fondness for this division.  Not because it is easy to pick (even though it only has 3 teams – take that Browns fans).  But because it is challenging. Every season one team really outperforms expectations and mystifies the pundits – Red included.  So here goes nothing.

Stealers. Many long years ago, Red went to see a late-season game between the Oilers and Stealers in the last days of the Astrodome. He chatted up a few Stealers fans before the game – one of whom told him that it was cheaper for him and his son to fly to Houston, spend the night at a reasonable hotel and buy tickets for the game than it would be to get two ticket to a Stealers home game.  With fans like that name Red one good reason why the AFC Championship game should not be a rematch of last year when the Patriots steamrolled the Stealers 36-17 in a game that wasn’t even that close. Of course, losing Le’Veon Bell early on and having some dude named Chris Hogan be the hero with 2 TDs and 180 yards doesn’t help your cause.  So why pick the Stealers? It’s a good question.  Will this be the year that Bell actually suits up for 16 games?  He is playing on the franchise tag, so he has a lot to prove for a big payday.  Can Big Ben hold his battered, bruised and frequently broken body together for one more season of greatness?  Can a Stealers defense that was nothing short of awful against the Pats snap back? Will the Stealers avoid last season’s horrific start? Will dead Dan Rooney (ensconced in the luxurious NFL wing of St. Peter’s Estates) be taunting the emaciated ghost of Al Davis as he walks the netherworld searching for another Superb Owl ring for all eternity?  Lots of questions?  Red has no real answers, except that with a relatively easy first 5 games, the Stealers should not have to count on a 7 game winning streak to secure a playoff spot like they did in 2016.  And to give you one good reason the Stealers might not be in the AFC Championship game.  They’re called the Oakland Raiders (somewhere Al Davis lets loose a croaky “Just Win Baby”).   Pittsburgh goes 10-6 and wins the North nonetheless.

Ravens. Flacco Joe’s deal with Satan must have timed out.  After all, the first 5 seasons of FJ’s NFL career are basically unmatched by any other quarterback.  Flacco Joe led his team to 5 straight playoff appearances culminating in the Ravens second NFL title in 2012.  He was the first rookie quarterback to win 2 playoff games.  He had the most wins by a quarterback in his first 6 and 7 seasons. He was the first NFL quarterback to win a playoff game in each of his first 5 seasons.  But since 2012, there has been one playoff win (albeit against a good Stealers team in 2014) and lots of disappointment on the Chesapeake.  So it was good while it lasted for FJ, but Red thinks he needs a change of scenery.  Perhaps the Argonauts are in the market for a tall, strong-armed, washed-up quarterback.  Ravens do have some positives.  The combination of Maclin and Perriman at wideout will keep defenses wondering.  Meanwhile, the Ravens defense is a palimpsest of the former playbook  and they are searching for a running game.   Ravens will have to score lots of points to win this season.  They do have longfoot Justin Tucker and his ability to hit from range will keep them in a few games – just not enough games.  Baltimore is 8-8 and sitting at home in January.  

Bengals. Last year Red wrote, “So it’s pretty much make or break time for this current iteration of the Bengals.” Well, “break” it was as the season was pretty damn miserable for the Bengals.  They finally figured out that Jeremy Hill sucks and that Gio Bernard is a “specialty back” and that. yep losing Marvin Jones and Mohamed Sanu does make a difference.  So they are going young on offense this year with wideouts John Ross and Josh Malone.  And to meet their NFL minimum  requirement of at least one girl-beater per team, they drafted Joe Mixon from OU. The big problem for the Bengals is up front.  They lost all-world left tackle Andrew Whitworth to the Rams and are expecting unproven backups to take up the slack.  As for Red’s favorite distant relation “Red Rifle” Dalton – it looks more and more like one of those wasted careers as far as playoff success goes.  He can cry on LaDanian Tomlinson’s HOF shoulder about that one.  The good news for Bengals fans (and Red) is that this won’t be the year when the Bengals ignominiously lose their 9th playoff game in a row – because they won’t have a chance.  Cincinnati goes 7-9.

Browns. Does Red really have to say anything here?  He thought not, but here goes anyway.  Red gives the Browns credit for trying to build a team in the old-fashioned way with major upgrades to both lines with additions of JC Tretter and Kevin Zeitler on O line and first round pick Myles Garret and rookie Larry Ogunjobi on the D line.  Browns might actually win a division game with Bengals and Ravens trending down.  Jets, Jaguars, Chargers and Bears are other chances to win.   Browns improve, Brock Osweiler doesn’t completely suck – mostly because he is on the bench, but no one notices.  Cleveland swaggers to 6-10.