Red hasn’t picked games all season long, so he is a bit Rusty. Maybe next year he will go back to the old weekly six-pack of games. He misses picking the Shit Bowl every week. But for now, the only thing left to do is pick the playoff games as they come. Let’s go in order.

Niners over Seahawks – Believe Red that nothing would make him happier (short of winning the lottery) than to see Geno Smith win a playoff game even if it means making Pete the Cheat happy. Unfortunately, he just doesn’t see it. The Niners completely shut down the Seahawks offense in two meeting this season. This will be closer but not that close. San Francisco 27 Seattle 19.

Chargers over Jaguars – The Chargers must overcome the triple forward time zone hex on Saturday. Jaguars beat two playoff teams (Cowboys and Ravens) but lost to the Colts, Texans and Broncos. Plus they played in the sad sack AFC South. Meanwhile, the Chargers only beat one playoff team – the Dolphins and lost to the Broncos in the season finale. At least a playoff game won’t be a comedown. This one is really a toss-up. Los Angeles 24 Jacksonville 23.

Bills over Dolphins – Does Red really need to say much about this one? Actually it is easy to forget that these two teams split their games this season and both were decided by 3 points. It’s a different story come January – especially since both Tua and Teddy are banged up. Third-string quarterbacks usually don’t win playoff games. Buffalo 34 Miami 17

Vikings over Giants – The Vikings are pretenders. Fortunately for them the Giants are almost as bad. These teams did play a real barn burner in week 16 decided on a 61 yard field goal. This could be the most entertaining game of the weekend. Minnesota 35 New York 33.

Bengals over Ravens – Bengals have had a chip on their shoulder all season long. Don’t expect the Ravens to knock it off Sunday night. This is another intra-division match up where the teams split during the regular season. The Ravens desperately need Lamar Jackson to have a chance here. He will likely be rusty after having been laid up for six weeks. Without him, the Ravens are toast. Cincinnati 19 Baltimore 13.

Buccaneers over Cowboys – The Cowboys have never beaten Tom Brady – not once – which seems pretty remarkable. In fact, they got stomped by the Bucs in Week 1 scoring an anemic 3 points. And then the Pokes closed out their season with an almost as anemic 6 points in getting dominated by the Commandos. Bottom line: if there is one team in the playoff that the Bucs can beat – it is the Cowboys. Tampa Bay 27 Dallas 10.

It was a fairly interesting ending to a reasonably interesting regular season. There were a few playoff spots up for grabs, a couple of “win and in” games and a few surprises. Here is Red’s final ranking before the real fun begins.

1. Buffalo Bills – The Bills trounced old rival Patriots from the get go. Red cannot remember the last time there were 2 touchdowns on kick returns in one game.
2. Philadelphia Eagles – It weren’t pretty but the Eagles took care of business, locked down the No. 1 seed and two weeks rest for Jalen “Hurts”. Expect the Eagles to be ready to face whomever is coming down the pike.
3. San Francisco 49ers – The most improbable story of the season has an unknown third-string quarterback leading the late season charge after the team secures one of the best RBs available. Will Mr. Purdy be able to handle the playoff pressure?
4. Kansas City Chiefs – The Chiefs looked better in stomping the Raiders. But it was the Raiders after all.
5. Cincinnati Bengals – Still playing as well as any team right now. They can beat any team on any given Sunday.
6. Los Angles Chargers – Are they just satisfied to have finally made the post-season.
7. Seattle Seahawks – Don’t discount Pete Carrol in the playoffs. He has won games with worse teams than this. What a glorious season for Geno Smith – almost certainly the comeback player of the year.
8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Tom Brady in the playoffs is always dangerous.
9. Jacksonville Jaguars – All of London celebrates their team making the playoffs. Pubs will be crowded on Sunday.
10. Dallas Cowboys – Looked inept in every phase of the game against a Commanders team with nothing to play for except hatred of the Cowboys – admittedly a powerful motivation. It’s a bad time for your rushing game to disappear.
11. Baltimore Ravens – Unlikely to surprise anyone in the playoffs, but their defense could keep it close.
12. Minnesota Vikings – The only playoff team with a negative point differential based on a few blowout losses.
13. Miami Dolphins – Crawled over the finish line with 9-6 win over Jets.
14. New York Giants – Some team has to be the worst team in the playoffs.
15. Detroit Lions – It turns out that Red’s 2022 NFL Team of Destined was only destined to keep the Packers out of the playoffs. Watch out next season.
16. Pittsburgh Stealers – Definitely headed in the right direction after disastrous start to season.
17. New England Patriots – Bellicheat is back for season 24.
18. Green Bay Packers – A pathetic end to an absurd season. Who wants the damaged goods that is A. Rodgers? Anyone, anyone, Bueller, anyone?
19. Washington Commanders – With a real quarterback, they could be dangerous but only to themselves.
20. New Orleans Saints – With a real quarterback, they could be average which would be a big improvement.
21. Atlanta Falcons – With a real quarterback, they could be a football team or win the North American Cornhole Championship.
22. Las Vegas Raiders – With a real quarterback, they will still suck – but to be fair they will suck anyway.
23. Tennessee Titans – With a real quarterback, they will still be in Nashville and not talked about in the right circles.
24. Cleveland Browns – Have a real quarterback (and problem child); still going nowhere.
25. New York Jets – Novels could be written about the Jets 2022 season. Publishers are waiting with bated breath or possibly baited breath (minnows).
26. Carolina Panthers – Does anyone really know what time it is? Does anyone really care? Just asking for a friend.
27. Los Angeles Rams – It was fun while it lasted. Well not that much fun.
28. Arizona Cardinals – Just got better with the firing of Kliff K.
29. Denver Broncos – Did they play some games this season? Red forgets.
30. Chicago Bears – Technically the worst team. Spiritually the best.
31. Houston Texans – Blew the No. 1 pick, but worth it to beat the hated Colts in Indy.
32. Indianapolis Colts – Pathetic in every phase of the game including the coin toss.

Calling it a “Weekly” Roundup is a bit misleading because Red has missed a few weeks here and there – try last week for example. But loyal readers should not be too distressed as they were likely distracted by the many intriguing match-ups. Not to mention a couple of real barn burners in the College Football playoffs that Red also forgot to predict (TCU and OSU would have been the choices- but Red digresses). Overall it was a strange week ending on a hopefully not tragic note with the Bills- Bengals game suspended/postponed after Damar Hamlin was critically injured. It’s a violent game and basically our form of modern day gladiation but no one should lose their life for our entertainment. Let’s hope DH pulls through. The unusual situation does make this week’s ratings at least somewhat tenuous.

1. Buffalo Bills – Who is to say that the Bills are not the best team in the league with the continuing struggle of the Eagles missing Jalen Hurts? Certainly not Red.
2. Cincinnati Bengals – Playing better than any team over the last half of the season. They have everything needed for another deep playoff run.
3. Kansas City Chiefs – Chiefs are continuing to eke out wins over inferior competition. That will not get it done in the playoffs.
4. Philadelphia Eagles – Unless Hurts is back this week, the seemingly secure No. 1 seed and NFC East division crown are up for grabs.
5. San Francisco 49ers – Can they continue their unbelievable run after losing their top two quarterbacks? It appears so.
6. Dallas Cowboys – An impressive regular season. Will the playoff woes continue?
7. Los Angeles Chargers – Finally playing up to their potential but are still pretty clearly the 4th best team in the AFC. Of course, people thought that or worse about the Bengals last season.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Another team that needs their leader back on the field. The Ravens could surprise a lot of folks if Lamar Jackson is back for the playoffs.
9. Minnesota Vikings – Could be the worst 12-4 team in the history of the NFL.
10. Jacksonville Jaguars – The Jaguars in the top ten? Well it’s because with a win they are in.
11. New York Giants – The Giants are in the playoffs. The Giants are in the playoffs. The Giants are in the playoffs. Sorry no pennant.
12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – The reports of Tom Brady’s football death have been greatly exaggerated. Red is utterly ambivalent about a Bucs-Cowboys playoff match up.
13. New England Patriots – Not striking fear into the hearts of anyone? Be fearless at your peril in the playoffs (assuming that happens)
14. Detroit Lions – Red’s 2022 NFL Team of Destiny needs some serious help to make the playoffs. The Lions should beat the Bears, but also need the Seahawks to lose to the Rams (unlikely) and the Packers to lose to the Vikings who have nothing to play for it would seem.
15. Seattle Seahawks – Unlike the Lions, the Seahawks control their destiny and have a very winnable game against a crippled opponent.
16. Green Bay Packers – That the Packers have a shot at the playoffs is kind of amazing after such a turbulent season. Red doesn’t buy it.
17. Miami Dolphins – Seem to have been following the path of Tesla stock. Can they knock off the Patriots and end Bellicheat’s dream?
18. Pittsburgh Stealers – Yet another team that Red cannot believe still has playoff aspirations – however faint.
19. Tennessee Titans – Clinging to the thinnest thread of playoff hopes. Who is going all in on the Titans beating the Cowboys and the Jaguars losing to the Texans? Red thought so.
20. New York Jets – Well it was fun while it lasted. Congratulations on being the best team to be eliminated as of Week 17.
21. Washington Commanders – The sad losing legacy of Carson Wentz continues. But don’t feel too bad, he will probably be around for another 6 years as a backup quarterback that everyone hopes never plays again.
22. New Orleans Saints – It’s not quite time to break out the paper sacks yet. But keep ’em handy.
23. Cleveland Browns – Another season, another failure, another excuse.
24. Carolina Panthers – It’s hard to see a path back to success for this floundering franchise.
25. Atlanta Falcons – Newsflash – Marcus Mariota is done.
26. Las Vegas Raiders – Newsflash – Derek Carr is done in the desert. Is Carolina stupid enough to pick him up?
27. Los Angeles Rams – The Superb Owl curse is real, but probably worth it.
28. Denver Broncos – They gambled, they lost. Time to pick up the pieces.
29. Chicago Bears – Should not be this bad.
30. Indianapolis Colts – Every move they made this season was wrong. Every last one.
31. Arizona Cardinals – The new Chargers when it comes to disappointment. JJ Watt will never win a championship which is a bit sad.
32. Houston Texans – Will Texans blow the No. 1 pick again?

Friend (and easy mark),

Many people are talking about it (mostly me and a couple of senile geezers over bagels at Mar-a-Lago) and YES, IT’S TRUE (and also FALSE) my plane, Trump Force One (Clever, huh?), is looking BETTER THAN EVER (BETTER THAN IVANKA and we know she is the best looking woman God ever created).

I told my team (of ever shrinking sycophants) I want YOU to have the chance (1 in a million if there enough suckers out there – but I’m telling you there’s a chance) to see it for YOURSELF.

THAT’S RIGHT, YOU COULD WIN A TOUR of TRUMP FORCE ONE (5 minutes max so you don’t stink it up and the we will run you back to Motel 6).

But, not only will you get your own EXCLUSIVE tour of my plane (I’ll show you where they keep the Depends)… but we’ll even take a picture (with a cardboard cut out of me) so that we can remember the moment forever (what was your name again?).

An invitation like this can only be extended to a very small and select group of my very BEST supporters (meaning everyone on the mailing list) , and I want YOU to have this opportunity of a lifetime (they taught me this pitch at Con Man U).

I’ve NEVER done this before (I mean this exact con), and I might not be able to do it ever again (Because I’ll either be in jail or TF1 will be repossessed). I need you to ENTER NOW before it’s too late (Because I need money like a fish needs water).

Contribute ANY AMOUNT IMMEDIATELY (but anything less than C-Note gets ignored) for a chance to win a TOUR of Trump Force One and meet your FAVORITE President (before he goes to jail).

Friend, my team needs to finalize the arrangements soon (getting out the Dustbusters and wet wipes), so I need to know if you want this EXCLUSIVE TRUMP FORCE ONE experience to be YOURS (but don’t worry too much because there are as many ways to fleece the rubes as there are blades of grass at Mar-a-Lago).

My team activated a link for you below to claim your offer. This offer won’t be around forever, so please don’t wait (Money Now!!!!).

Please contribute $50 or more RIGHT NOW (DAMN IT) to secure your chance to win a trip to tour Trump Force One and meet yours truly (or a reasonable facsimile thereof).

Thank you,

Donald J. Trump (Inmate Number to be assigned)

After the Argentina-France barn-burner Sunday morning, Red had pretty much had his fill of sports excitement for the day. Red did tune in just in time to see the latest version of Tom Brady sucking – so it was a good day. For the rest of the season, Red will be providing a bit more commentary for each team – time permitting.

1. Philadelphia Eagles – WIth Jalen Hurts out can Gardner Minshew aka Leroy the Redneck Reindeer step up for a week or two and keep the Eagles run of excellence alive? The 2019 version of Minshew would have made him an all-pro in the 70’s.
2. Buffalo Bills – Josh Allen is making a case for MVP and with Hurts hurt he just might get it. It’s a tough road to the Superb Owl if it leads through Orchard Park in January.
3. Kansas City Chiefs – The Chiefs are barely beating bad teams. That is not a good look in mid-December.
4. Cincinnati Bengals – Still the hottest team in the AFC and reaching for the top seed if they can hang on the next couple of weeks with some key defenders out. A show down against Buffalo looms on Jan. 2. That is must-see TV.
5. San Francisco 49ers – Red will be seasoning his crow with thyme and lemon if the Niners keep it together for another 3 weeks.
6. Minnesota Vikings – Rallying back from 33 down is impressive even if it was against the Colts. That kind of game can turn a season around.
7. Baltimore Ravens – The NFL called – it’s looking for the Ravens’ offense.
8. Los Angeles Chargers – The Chargers get the 8 spot based on their relatively easy remaining schedule. If they can’t beat the Raiders, Colts and Broncos to close it out then they deserve to be sitting at home in January.
9. Dallas Cowboys – The Pokes have looked bad two weeks in a row against inferior competition. The annual Cowboys December Swoon looks like a real possibility if they can’t find a way to beat the Eagles on Sunday.
10. New York Giants – The Giants are back from the dead after beating the Commandos. However, remaining games against the Vikings and Eagles could return them to the morgue.
11. Miami Dolphins – Speaking of morgues – the Dolphins are the team most currently staggering around looking for a place to fall after three straight losses. An absolute must win game against the Packers this week.
12. Tennessee Titans – It pains Red to have put the Titans anywhere near the top half of the league. Fortunately a game against the Texans is a tonic for what ails you. It still looks like a showdown on Week 18 against the Jags for the faded crown of the AFC South.
13. Washington Commanders – Losing to the previously staggering around Giants could be the death knell for playoff hopes. Some team will probably beat the Niners down the stretch – but it won’t be this one.
14. Detroit Lions – Red’s 2022 NFL Team of Destiny has three very winnable games against the Panthers, Bears and Packers.
15. Seattle Seahawks – After two straight losses and with KC looming on the horizon this is probably the high point for the Seahawks from here in.
16. Jacksonville Jaguars – It is nice to have your fate in your own hands. Win 3 and the Jags are in the playoffs.
17. New York Jets – It was fun while it lasted.
18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – On track to be the worst team to make the playoffs since the 2018 Texans.
19. Las Vegas Raiders – The wildest victory of the year has kept Raiders’ hopes alive.
20. New England Patriots – The wildest loss of the year has kept Bellicheat’s cardiologist in business.
21. Green Bay Packers – Yes, the Packers can still make the playoffs. No the Packers won’t make the playoffs.
22. Cleveland Browns – The second best 6-8 team in the league. Big Whoop!
23. Atlanta Falcons – Mariota is done, but the Falcons aren’t quite yet. The NFC South is totally up for grabs.
24. New Orleans Saints – The NFC South is totally up for grabs.
25. Carolina Panthers – The NFC South is totally up for grabs. Are you sensing a trend here?
26. Pittsburgh Stealers – The Steal Crew is not going down without a fight, but it is going down.
27. Arizona Cardinals – The most under-achieving team in the league this season, last season and probably next season.
28. Chicago Bears – Bad news doesn’t begin to describe this season.
29. Los Angeles Rams – It will be a very long road back to relevancy.
30. Denver Broncos – Will need a road map to even find the road back to relevancy.
31. Houston Texans – Showing signs of life in taking the Cowboys and Chiefs down to the wire in consecutive weeks. Red predicts a couple of wins to close out the season and still not spoil the No. 1 draft spot.
32. Indianapolis Colts – Any time you blow a 33 point lead, Red is going to rank you dead last.

Red played golf on Sunday rather than watch what seemed to be a rather mediocre line-up of games. When a Dolphins-Chargers game is the marquee match-up, it’s time to get out the sticks and get some fresh air. Read on.

1. Philadelphia Eagles – Still appear to be the class of the league after dismembering the fading Giants.
2. Kansas City Chiefs – A bit creaky in a close win over a bad Broncos team. Three INTs from Mahomes almost cost them a win.
3. Buffalo Bills – It’s a toss-up for the best team in the AFC right now.
4. Cincinnati Bengals – The Bengals are playing as good as any team right now. 7-1 over the last 8 games.
5. San Francisco 49ers – Brock Purdy leads absolute beat down of the Buccaneers. Is Mr. Irrelevant the real deal? He has a chance to prove it with 4 more winnable games and a chance at No. 1 seed in NFC.
6. Dallas Cowboys – Still on track for the No. 1 seed, but a last minute drive to beat the hapless Texans is not a good sign. Cowboys are going to have to win it on the road with only an Eagles home game left.
7. Baltimore Ravens – The Birds need to win the next three because they aint beating the Bengals in Cincy to close out the regular season.
8. Minnesota Vikings – Looking more and more like pretenders – not contenders.
9. Miami Dolphins – The aquatic mammals are the only 8-5 team in the league. That alone gets them in Red’s top ten.
10. Seattle Seahawks – It’s gut check time for the Falconos Marinos with games against the Niners and Chiefs up next. Two wins and they will probably be in as a Wildcard.
11. Washington Commanders – Are in Red’s top ten. The end times are near.
12. New York Giants – Staggering around looking for a place to fall after getting thrashed by Eagles.
13. New York Jets – Will have to trip over the Giants to find their place on the ground. Scored an impressive 5 points in the 4th quarter of a winnable game against the underperforming Bills.
14. Tennessee Titans – Will they hoist another NFC South Champions banner? Does anyone care?
15. Los Angeles Chargers – The Chargers and every team listed above could make the playoffs. How sad is that?
16. Detroit Lions – Red’s 2022 NFL Team of Destiny have scored more than 30 points six times this season. If the defense ever shows up . . .
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Right now an 8-9 finish looks like a big ask.
18. New England Patriots – The only 6-6 team looks to be going nowhere fast as the season closes with the Bengals, Dolphins and Bills.
19. Atlanta Falcons – Which shitty team heads the list of teams all but out of it? Why the Falcons of course.
20. Carolina Panthers – Red puts them here just to insult the Packers.
21. Green Bay Packers – Have packed it in.
22. Cleveland Browns – Will have to wait 3 years to play the Texans again.
23. Pittsburgh Stealers – A missed FG away from beating the Ravens.
24. Jacksonville Jaguars – After beating the Titans , the Jags are still – incredibly- in the hunt for the AFC South Crown (curiously shaped like a dunce cap). If they beat the Cowboys next week all bets are off.
25. New Orleans Saints – Are nothing if not boring.
26. Denver Broncos – Are boring.
27. Arizona Cardinals – You heard it here first – Kliff Kingsbury to Jackson State. Let’s hope his middle name doesn’t start with K.
28. Los Angeles Rams – Beating the Raiders is but a rung on the long ladder back to relevancy.
29. Las Vegas Raiders – Do they have slot machines at home games?
30. Chicago Bears – Red is starting wonder if the Bears are in for a long haul of sucking.
31. Indianapolis Colts – It is with great satisfaction that Red ranks the Colts at No. 31.
32. Houston Texans -Beating the Cowboys would have been sweet.

Red was busy and missed all of the games this week. Do you think that will stop him from spouting off? Think again.

1. Philadelphia Eagles – Strong outings from Brown and Smith. When they are on – its the best receiving combo in the league. If they had a top back the offense might be even more unstoppable than it is.
2. Buffalo Bills – Life without Von Miller is livable. Domination of their long time nemesis Patriots puts the Bills back in the mix for top team in the league.
3. Cincinnati Bengals – Seem to be peaking at about the right time. Just ask the Chiefs.
4. Dallas Cowboys – The biggest mismatch of the season against the hapless Texans.
5. Kansas City Chiefs – Not headed in the right direction at this point in the season.
6. Minnesota Vikings – Playing in a shit division certainly helps.
7. San Francisco 49ers – This is probably the apex after losing Jimmy G. for the season. It’s time for Mr. Irrelevant Brock Purdy to show that he is no joke.
8. Miami Dolphins – Not able to play with the Big Boy Defenses yet.
9. Tennessee Titans – Getting stomped by the Eagles puts you in pretty good company.
10. Baltimore Ravens – The season hinges on Lamar Jackson’s knee.
11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Playing in a shit division helps. Can they beat a playoff team?
12. Seattle Seahawks – Red becoming huge Geno Smith fan.
13. Washington Commanders – Who had the Commanders making the playoffs? Anyone, anyone, Bueller, anyone?
14. New York Giants – Hanging on for dear life right now.
15. New York Jets – The Jets are anything but boring – which in and of itself is a vast improvement from seasons past.
16. Detroit Lions – Red’s 2022 Team of Destiny has won 4 of 5 (losing only to the Bills) and the offense is back on track.
17. Los Angeles Chargers – Still hanging in there for the last playoff spot?
18. Las Vegas Raiders – Red has advantage of posting on Friday and having seen the Raiders lose to Baker Fucking Mayfield.
19. New England Patriots – The Pats are the worst thing in the world – they are boring.
20. Cleveland Browns – Browns scored fewer points than there are allegations against Mr. Watson against hapless Texans.
21. Green Bay Packers – They beat the Bears. Big Whoop!
22. Pittsburgh Stealers – Some signs of life detected in steel town.
23. New Orleans Saints – Almost beat the Bucs with the Rusty Rifle at the helm.
24. Chicago Bears – Topping the who gives a shit list this week.
25. Arizona Cardinals – Still wondering why JJ Watt thought this was a good place to land.
26. Jacksonville Jaguars –
27. Los Angeles Rams – Baker just needed some sunshine apparently.
28. Atlanta Falcons – Amazingly not out of it in the Pathetic Excuse for a Professional Football Division that is the NFC South.
29. Carolina Panthers – Are they still around?
30. Indianapolis Colts – Ugh!
31. Denver Broncos – Double Ugh!
32. Houston Texans – If you just don’t like people and hate being in a crowd consider attending a Texans home game.

The latest missive from the twice-impeached and hopefully soon to be indicted Realty TV Show Joke of a Former President.

Friend (or rube, sucker or mark – your choice),

I need to speak with YOU (and your checkbook).

The 2024 Presidential Election will be the most HISTORIC in our Nation (because I will be the first ever to lose the popular vote three, count ’em three times). It will be the day that we will take back (or steal if need be) our Nation from the radical Left (commies to the man) and put the needs of the American people FIRST (meaning my bottom line).

Remember, this will not be my campaign (I aint funding this boondoggle). This will be our campaign all together (my lies, insults and depraved ranting and your money). Because the only force strong enough to defeat the massive corruption (and I know about corruption) we are up against (I gotta stay out of jail) is you the American People (and most importantly your money).

According to my Official Patriot Records (kept securely in a closet at Mar-A-Lago), YOU are one of the Top Patriots in YOUR AREA (what an honor). Because of this, I need YOU to update your records and complete the Official 2024 Trump Agenda Survey (which of course ends with you giving me money).

I made big promises to the American People in 2016 (forget about Mexico paying for the Wall, a great new health care plan, draining the swamp, locking her up and other foolish things I said), and unlike other presidents, I KEPT THEM (who are you going to believe me or your lying eyes). I intend to do it AGAIN, but I need YOUR input (read MONEY!!!!!! – that’s what I want, I want MONEY!!!!)

Please complete this form and have your Official 2024 Trump Agenda Survey response recorded by MIDNIGHT TONIGHT (an artificial deadline is always important in a con game).

Under Biden and the Radical Democrats, America has been mocked, derided, and brought to its knees (unlike when I was the most hated man in the world), perhaps like never before in our history (the Civil War twas but a flesh wound). But, it does NOT have to be this way (you can have your favorite wannabe dictator back).

Two years ago, we were a great Nation (that is, if you like recession, an out of control pandemic, corruption in the Oval Office, complete fools running stuff, Q-Anon, and pandering to almost every dictator on the globe)—and soon, we will be a great nation again (after I get stomped in 24 or am locked up in the pokey).

Friend, I don’t trust anyone else’s input (now that Ivanka and her idiot husband have abandoned this sinking ship) as much as I trust YOURS (money talks and bullshit walks), which is why I need you to URGENTLY complete my 2024 Trump Agenda Survey RIGHT AWAY (and don’t forget that last question where you have to donate money to me).

Hurry and complete this form to update your Official 2024 Trump Agenda Survey records so that I can review (throw away) your answers (and pocket your money).

Thank you,

Donald J. Trump

Parity has not been the NFL’s strong suit this year. The top teams are pretty clearly separated from the pretenders, the also rans and the pathetic – with lots more pathetic than usual.

1. Kansas City Chiefs – Rolling, rolling, rolling.
2. Philadelphia Eagles – Jalen Hurts – MVP, MVP, MVP.
3. Buffalo Bills – The road to the Superb Owl still leads through KC.
4. Miami Dolphins – Tua looking like second coming of Dan Marino.
5. Minnesota Vikings – Will the bed-shitting against the Cowboys matter at playoff time?
6. Dallas Cowboys – Primed for the annual December swoon?
7. Baltimore Ravens – Will be dangerous if they figure out how to close out games.
8. Cincinnati Bengals – Impressive take down of Titans
9. Tennessee Titans – Move aside for Mr. Henry – or get run over – your choice unless wearing Bengals uniform.
10. San Francisco 49ers – Still getting lots of buzz. Red wonders?
11. Washington Commanders – Odds on favorite for biggest surprise of 2022.
12. Seattle Seahawks – Not headed in the right direction. Defense has fallen apart.
13. New York Jets – The “Mike White Era” begins with a bang.
14. Los Angeles Chargers – A few more wins – an early playoff exit.
15. New England Patriots – More down than up, but still dangerous.
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Red’s dream of a 6-10 making the playoffs died with the addition of game 17. He still holds out hope for 7-10.
17. New York Giants – The third best team in New York.
18. Atlanta Falcons – One goal pick away from a better rating.
19. Indianapolis Colts – A season in disarray.
20. Arizona Cardinals – Is Kingsbury packing his bags yet?
21. Detroit Lions – Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Didn’t.
22. Jacksonville Jaguars – Wait til next year!
23. Pittsburgh Stealers – Wait til 2025.
24. New Orleans Saints – Still the best fans, not a very good team.
25. Las Vegas Raiders – Some people are high on the Raiders after two consecutive OT wins. Of course, some people are high.
26. Carolina Panthers – Does Red really need to comment on this team?
27. Green Bay Packers – Aaron Rodgers to the Rams?
28. Cleveland Browns – If Lovie Smith doesn’t rush 7 or 8 on every play against D. Watson he needs to go.
29. Chicago Bears – We have probably seen the last of Justin Fields this season. And who doesn’t want to watch some Trevor Semien highlights?
30. Denver Broncos – Murphy’s Law in action.
31. Houston Texans – Red predicts win over Browns.
32. Los Angeles Rams – Red giving the Texans a break this week.

If you need an explanation, Red pities you.