Author Archives: Red from Texas

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About Red from Texas

I'm proud to be Red. I have lived most of my life in Texas and I love this place. Here are a few things you should know about me. 1. I am happily married and intend to stay so. 2. I live in a house that is older than you, unless you are really old. 3. I own 2 rifles and a shotgun. I think handguns are just trouble. 4. I have never killed a man, but have taken out some deer and hogs. 5. I was a good student, but never close to being valedictorian. 6. In no particular order I like the Houston Texans, San Antonio Spurs, Houston Astros, FC Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur, Texas Longhorns and Houston Dynamo. 7. I hate Dallas but always have a good time when I go there. 8. I was a Dallas Cowboys fan for 26 years but declared that I was no longer a fan during the 1987 strike. 9. I don't own any pets. I like cats, and a good dog and I have met at least 3 of them in my lifetime. 10. I think the best part of Texas is west of I-35. 11. I own two pairs of cowboy boots, but don't wear them very often. 12. I don't have a pronounced Texas accent, but can affect one when needed. 13. My last meal would be fried shrimp with tartar sauce, a baked potato with all the fixins', a dinner salad with 1000 Island dressing, yeast rolls and chocolate fudge pie for dessert. 14. I'm an old Dad, but my children are none of your business. 15. I have two degrees from UT-Austin and somehow managed to fall in love with and marry an Aggie. 16. Most of my family are right-wing nut jobs but I love them anyway. 17. When I get to play golf on a regular basis, I shoot in the low 80's. 18. I don't get to play golf on a regular basis. 19. I think Fort Worth is the best town in Texas by a long shot. 20. I have a mean herb garden. Regards, Red P.S. Remember it's not a color, it's a state of mind.

Today in Texas History – October 3

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From the Annals of the Republic –   In 1842, President Sam Houston ordered Alexander Somervell to organize the militia and volunteers and invade Mexico.  The call for volunteers was answered by about 700 men who were eager to avenge punitive raids made by Mexico earlier that year.  The expedition left San Antonio on November 25 capturing Laredo on December 8.   The expedition quickly began to break up as approximately 185 returned home.  Somervell continued on and with a little over 500 men seized Guerrero.   By December 19, Somervell realized that further action would likely be disastrous and ordered his men to disband and return home by way of Gonzales.  A large contingent of 308 men disobeyed the order.  This group commanded by William S. Fisher continued to Mexico on the predictably ill-fated Mier Expedition.  That raid ended with the capture of the majority of the expedition and execution of seventeen men.

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 5

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Red was 3-3 last week remaining a respectable 15-9 for the season.    The money line wasn’t too bad either:

Rams covered – paid $

Texans/Titans over – paid $ – Note that the Texans had covered the Over by themselves early in the 3rd quarter.

Niners covered – paid $

Falcons lost – Bust

Titans lost – Bust (an alternate pick)

Packers/Bears went over – Bust

Answer to Last Week’s Trivia:  The Chicago Cardinals (now the Arizona Cardinals) and the Decatur Staleys (now the Chicago Bears) are the only two original NFL franchises in the league since its formation in 1920.  The Packers joined the next season and it is the franchise that has been in the same city with the same mascot the longest.

This Week’s Trivia:  In honor of the Texans’ 57 point whipping of the Titans – Which team scored the most points in an NFL game?  Bonus for naming the opponent and year. Double bonus for correctly calling the number of points scored.

Your High Point Game of the Week – Bengals over Bills.  Bills are the biggest surprise of the season so far leading the AFC-East at 3-1.   Unfortunately for Bills fans, the first place crown rests uneasily on the franchise from Western New York.   After a horrendous start to the season, the Bengals drank the Brown tonic – which cures all ills.  The Bengals are too good to suck as much as they did for the first three weeks.  They aren’t good enough to make the playoffs but  . . .  Someone thinks the Bengals are for real as they are giving up 3.5 this week.  Red likes the over at 39. Cincinnati 37 Orchard Park, NY 33

Your Low Point Game of the Week –  Vikings  over Bears.  Vikings can’t catch a break with Dalvin Cook out for several games most likely.    Red thought for a moment about  picking the Bears.  But then he wrote that down – “Red is picking the Bears.”  Oh, hell no. There is no line on this game right now and that is as it should be.  Minnesota 17 Chicago 13.

Your Middling Point Game of the Week – Buccaneers over Patriots.  Jameis Winston v. Tom Brady would seem to be a no-brainer.  And last Sunday it seemed the script was going according to plan.  The suddenly lame-ass Patriots defense had the team in another hole and Brady led the comeback to tie the game.  But then, the writers gave it a happy ending with the Panthers winning.  Here’s the stat that tells it all.  The Panthers punted once.  They did have two turnovers.  But when your defense has 3 stops all day, it’s not going well.  Red just isn’t sure the Pats offense is going to be able to score enough points to keep up with the up and coming Bucs. Tampa Bay gets 4 points and doesn’t even need it.  A pretty hefty over at 54 but Red is going with that too.  Tampa Bay 35 New England 27.

Your Offensive Game of the Week – Packers over Cowboys.   The Cowboys’ loss to the Rams exposed some serious weaknesses in the Dallas defense.  The Cowboys’s middle is soft – Sean Lee notwithstanding.  Everyone knew the Cowboys secondary was weak, but the run defense was fairly good last season and the pass rush was effective in spots.  But this season, the Cowboys’ defense has been rolled and smoked by the Broncos and the Rams.  That doesn’t bode well for the Packers game this week.   A-Rodg is expert at exploiting the weakest link.  His only problem this week will be choosing among the weak, weaker and weakest links.  Somewhere someone is giving the Packers 2.5.  Take it and run.  The Pack might cover the 53 point O/U by their lonesome (see, e.g. the Texans last week), but don’t bet on it.  Green Bay 44 Arlington 30.  

Your Who Cares Game of the Week – Giants over Chargers.  The only problem with this week’s Shit Bowl is that it is not being played in the Shit Bowl Stadium in Carson, CA where the Chargers play their “home” games.  In case you haven’t been paying attention.  The Chargers fans are not exactly flocking to the 27,000 seat stadium that is their temporary home.  In fact, opposing fans – always on the make for a bargain – are swarming into the tiny venue and making things very uncomfortable for the hapless Chargers.  The Chargers may be glad to play a game on the road in an environment that is supposed to be hostile.  And hostile it will be this week as fans of the winless Giants (who supposedly had Superb Owl aspirations, says Red chortling) are likely to boo every player on the field, all the coaches, the cheerleaders and the ball boy.  Unload the .45 before settling in to watch this Doleful Doo-Doo Display lest ye empty the chamber into your 70 incher at the 2 minute warning. Take the under at 44.5.  New Jersey 17 Somewhere in California 13. 

Your Red Knows Some Trivia Game of the Week – Rams over Seahawks.  The Rams are looking very for real after rather handily dispatching the Cowboys on Sunday afternoon.  3-1 is very for real in the NFL over the course of any 4 weeks of the season. The Seahawks offensive line is simply atrocious. It seems Russell Wilson is running for his life on almost every play.  He is good at that but it does wear on a body.  Red looks for the Rams to return to Earth later this season, but not this Sunday.   This one’s a Pick’em.  Red picks the Rams. Los Angeles 35 Seattle 24.  

 

Justice Don Willett Gets Appointment (subject to confirmation) to 5th Circuit Court of Appeals

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Texas Supreme Court Justice Don Willett has been appointed by Donald Trump to the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals.  The 5th Circuit covers Texas, Louisiana and Mississippi.  Willett is perhaps best know as a minor celebrity Tweeter with almost 100,000 followers – unprecedented for a judge.  As an elected official in Texas that is probably okay.  With a lifetime federal appointment it remains to be seen if Willett will continue on Twitter.

Willett is a conservative of a different mold.  Traditional conservative judicial practice remains deferential to legislative enactments.  That is, statutes and regulations are rarely struck down.  Rather, the traditional conservative judicial approach is to interpret a law or regulation to achieve the desired result.  In Texas, a prime example is the Texas Whistleblower Act, which the Supreme Court has “interpreted” into a utterly meaningless law that provides almost no protection for any whistleblower.

Willett’s approach is different and he appears to be an unabashed judicial activist for the right.  Willett’s most famous opinion is a concurrence in Patel v. Texas Dep’t of Licensing and Regulation – known as the “eyebrow threader” case.  Texas required eyebrow threaders to obtain a license which required 750 hours of training.  The Texas Court struck down the law, but it was Willett’s concurrence that drew the most attention.  Some view it as the most libertarian judicial opinion written in decades.  Willett appears to be ready to strike down any law that interferes with his view of “economic liberty.”  The question will be how far does his view of economic liberty extend.  Almost every statute or regulation dealing with business activity is some restraint on economic freedom.  The real question is who gets to decide.  In the Lochner era, the courts made the decisions and that doctrine was used to strike down minimum wage, child labor and other laws.  The opinions were always couched in defense of individual economic liberty, but the effect typically was to provide business with unfettered freedom in the market place to do as they pleased regardless of the consequences.  Will Willett attempt to usher a new era of Lochnerite decisions.  It remains to be seen how far his view of economic liberty extends and whether he will apply it to protect the actual economic liberty of individuals or in service of an unregulated business environment.

For those who are interested, the Texas Observer has a thoughtful piece on Willett.

Today in Texas History – September 28

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From the Annals of the Llano Estacado –   In 1874, the Battle of Palo Duro Canyon put an end to most of ongoing conflict between the last of free-ranging Plains Indians and the U.S. Army.   After the battle, most of the remaining  southern Plains Indians (Comanches, Kiowas, Kiowa Apaches, Cheyennes and Arapahos) settled in reservations in Indian Territory.   These tribes had camped in Palo Duro Canyon a regular wintering ground.  Col. Ranald Mackenzie led his Fourth Cavalry Unit in the attack.  Mackenzie reached the edge of Palo Duro Canyon on September 28 guided by the Tonkawas under Chief Johnson.  Mackenzie planned to take the encampment by surprise at sunrise on September 28.  Comanche leader Red Warbonnet, however, discovered the soldiers and fired a warning shot and was killed by the Tonkawas.  The camps were scattered over the vast canyon floor.  Mackenzie picked them off one by one with  the Indians unable to rally together.  The battle was really a series of skirmishes against a number of war parties from various tribes.

The battle resulted in very little loss of life as many of the outnumbered warriors and followers fled the canyon. One soldier and three Indians were killed.  The main effect of the battle was to capture the winter supplies and an estimated 1400 horses.  Without supplies and horses, the tribes were in an untenable position and were forced to return to the Indian Territory.

Today in Texas History – September 27

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From the Annals of Television –  In 1948, WBAP-TV in Fort Worth began operations with the showing of a speech by President Harry Truman.  WBAP (now Channel 5- KXAS) was the first TV station in Texas.   The original plans called for WBAP-TV to sign on the air at 7 p.m. on September 29.  However, Truman’s whistle-stop campaign rally in Fort Worth prompted a change. WBAP launched two days early to broadcast Truman’s speech.  The first image broadcast was a crowd shot taken from just west of the speaker’s platform at the Texas & Pacific terminal building on the southern edge of downtown Fort Worth.  WBAP was an NBC affiliate but showed programs from ABC as well.  WBAP somewhat oddly billed itself at “the first station south of St. Louis, east of Los Angeles and west of Richmond, VA.”

An Economic Boom Trump Can Actually Take Credit For – Bomb Shelter Sales Exploding

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Donald Trump has claimed credit for just about anything good that has happened with the economy over the last 9 months despite the lack of evidence that any of his policies have had any effect.  You might note that after years of denigrating the excellent unemployment numbers during Obama’s later years, Trump now claims them as his own.  Red believes that any administration gets too much credit or blame for the state of the economy and that the business cycle runs largely independent of executive policy (but not Federal Reserve action).  But there is one area of the Texas economy that Trump can take credit for – Bomb Shelter Sales are Booming (pun intended)! 

As reported by NY Mag, sales at Texas-based Rising S Bunkers are up 700% since Trump was elected. Rising S (which is short for Rising Son – or Jesus) was largely in the more mundane storm shelter business but has transitioned into up-scale bunkers for well-to-do survivalists because – you know –  Jesus likes him some wealthy paranoiacs.  RSB manufacturers its bunkers in the Dallas area, but sales are worldwide.  With the rising tension in N. Korea, Japan is a hot market right now.

Owner Clyde Scott makes his sales pitch which sounds very much like predicting an impending Trumpocalypse.

“We are the longest living government in the history of the world without a complete collapse, the United States. It’s our time.”

Rising S’s basic bunker costs $125,000 – a bit out of Red’s price range right now.  And Red isn’t going to buy just any bunker – he is going to insist on having Pepper Spray Portals and Custom Cabinets.   Until Red can afford that, he’ll just have to head to the hills and hope for the best.

 

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 4

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Last week Red was 4-2 on the straight up picks.  Red is now 12-6 for the season.  The money act ion was a different story last week and Red extends apologies to anyone foolish enough to follow his advice.  Out of five money bets, Red only scored on the Jags to cover 4.5 points.  The main problem was excessive scoring as Red like the under on the Pats/Texans and Titans/Seahawks and those teams scored 69 and 60 respectively.  You don’t see O/U’s in the 60s much in this league.  The Raiders collapse was unexpected and the Eagles failed to cover by .5.  Oh well.

Answer to last week’s trivia question:  Tony Dorsett had a 99 yard run from scrimmage in the Cowboys game against the Vikings in the last game of the 1982 season.  The Cowboys lost the game but had already secured a playoff spot.  The victory put the Vikings in the playoffs.  After the game, it was revealed that the run came on a broken play where the Cowboys had only 10 men on the field.  The handoff was supposed to go to RB Ron Springs, but Springs misunderstood the play call and ran off the field.  Dorsett alertly took the handoff and set a record that can never be broken.

This week’s trivia question:  Only two original teams from the founding of the NFL (then called the American Professional Football Association)  in 1920 are still in existence.   Can you name them.

Hint:  Both teams are no longer in their city of original and one has changed its mascot.  More obvious but not necessarily true hint:  Both teams are in the NFC.

Your Illinois Pick of the Week – Packers over Bears.  The only real surprise here is that the Bears could be sitting atop the NFC Central at the end of this game.  And the Bears typically play the Packers tougher than expected.  But a Thursday night game in northern Wisconsin is a tough challenge for any team.  At least it’s short flight for the Bears.  But sadly, it will be a long flight home.  Neither one of these offenses is generating much right now.  Take the under at 45.5.    Green Bay 24 Chicago 14

Your Stale Pick of the Week  – Titans over Texans.  If you are a Texans fan and at any point last Sunday thought the Texans actually were going to beat the Patriots (or if you thought that Donald Trump as president would be anything short of great but amusing national embarrassment), there is a word for you.  Fool!  There are no moral victories in the NFL.  Had the Texans won that game, they might have had some momentum against a Titans team that Red is still picking to finish 13-3.   After stumbling out of the gate against the Raiders, the Titans offense is moving fast at the quarter-pole.  Expect Mariota to use the mass of talent around him to average about 30 points per game the rest of the way.  Meanwhile, the vaunted Texans defense is giving up 25 points per game.  Texans simply cannot keep up with Titans this week.  Take the over at 44 or the Titans giving up 1.5.  Tennessee 35 Houston 27

Your Avian Pick of the Week – Falcons over Bills.  Bills may be the biggest surprise of the season so far as they could easily be 3-0 but for inability to cross goal line against Panthers in Week 2.  Falcons are playing to form and are 3-0 thanks to replay which negated the Lions last second touchdown last week.  That call confirmed that the Falcons are on a mission from God to make up for the second half of SBLI.  The Bills have a good defense but  are merely in the way this week. Take the Falcons giving up a hefty 8 at home.    Atlanta 31 Orchard Park 17.

Your WTF Pick of the Week – Rams over Cowboys.  A man can dream can’t he?  The Red rule comes into play this week.  That is “score 14 points and beat the Cowboys.”  Take the Rams and 7.5.  Los Angeles 14 Arlington 13. 

Your 1920 Pick of the Week – Cardinals over 49ers.  Two troubled franchises right now.  The Cards’ offense is troubled without David Johnson and even though Carson Palmer and Larry Fitzgerald have defied Father Time for a couple of weeks that simply can’t last.  Niners showed signs of life last week in close loss to the Rams – but those were the Rams after all.  This would be a good call for this week’s Shit Bowl – but see below.  Red hesitates, but takes the Niners to cover 7 against a leaky Cards defense.   Arizona 23 Santa Clara 18.

Your Shit Bowl Pick of the Week – Browns over Bengals.  It’s just too easy to put the Browns in the Shit Bowl week after week.  Please Browns win a game so Red can move on to something more interesting – like picking the Giants to stink it up.  Browns could not handle the pressure of being a road favorite against the lowly Colts last week.  It might get to them again this week except they are predicted to lose by 3 at home to a pathetic Bengals team..  If you feel even slightly inclined to bet on this game, Red has some advice.  Take that money and donate it to one of the many relief funds set up to help folks in Houston, Florida and Puerto Rico.  They need it more than your bookie.  And lastly, clear the Man Cave of all belts, sheets, ropes or other items that could be used to string yourself up in front of the 70 incher before tuning in to watch this turgid turd tussle.  Cleveland 15 Cincinnati 8.

The Emperor’s New Wall

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The new Emperor had announced that there would be a new wall built to protect the homeland from invasion – not by any conquering army – but by foreigners from the south who were moving north looking for work and opportunity.  For as incompetent as the new Emperor was, his country had been very successful in the past and was still wealthy and needed workers for jobs that many citizens of the Empire disdained.

Prior to ascending to his lofty position, the new Emperor had repeatedly insulted the people from the south and promised that under his glorious and divinely inspired reign there would be a new wall built to protect his subjects from those who would dare come north to clean their toilets and cut their well-manicured lawns.  The new Emperor repeatedly would speak about the promised wall in glowing terms describing its strength, height and beauty.  He also promised that the wall would be free and that the people from the south would somehow be forced to pay for a wall that would keep them out.  This he never explained, but that was of little consequence to those enraptured by the vision of the marvelous wall they believed would protect them from the imagined hordes of criminals and miscreants swarming into their pristine land.  Many of the new Emperor’s most devoted followers did not realize that more than a hundred years ago much of their country had been seized from the south and that many of the areas where the southerners settled were lands that used to belong to them.  This would not have mattered to them had they known it.

Upon taking control, however, the new Emperor seemed unable to find enough money to build the wall and the people from the south laughed when told they would pay for the wall.  “With what?”, they asked.  Undeterred, the new Emperor continued to travel his land and began to envision a taller even better wall.  Many of the Emperor’s subjects opposed the wall, but they were dismissed as fools and charlatans who were unwilling to protect their country.  The new Emperor hated those foolish citizens and kept promising that everyone would be amazed and happy with his wonderful wall.

Yet the wall was still not built and there was no money to build it.  Then one day the new Emperor had a brilliant idea.  “I will build an invisible wall,” he thought.  “A wall that only those who truly worship my greatness will believe actually exists.  Anyone who cannot see that the invisible wall actually functions will be declared insane and delusional and put away for their own good.  Only the truly righteous and patriotic will know that the great invisible wall is protecting us.”

And so the new Emperor began speaking everywhere – telling all about the coming of the magnificent invisible wall and how those who did not believe it existed were incapable of understanding his divine plan to protect the land from the southerners.  “Only fools and criminals will not be able to see how this wonderful invisible wall works.  Anyone who does not believe in the wall is subhuman who has no place in our magnificent empire.”

And so began the construction of the incredible invisible wall.  Armies of mimes were employed to build the invisible wall.  They worked day and night for over a year completing the wall in record time.  When completed, the new Emperor travelled to an isolated spot in the desert on the southern border.   In front of the cheering crowd bussed in for the occasion, he lifted an invisible bottle of champagne and broke it against the invisible wall.  The crowd cheered and all were amazed at the invisible wall that would now protect them from the disgusting people of the south.

Some from the southerners themselves believed in the invisible wall and had stopped coming north.  Others were more skeptical, and a large group of them hid themselves behind a hill not far from where the new Emperor was dedicated the wall.  As soon as he smashed the invisible champagne bottle into the wall, a group of almost 3000 southerners made a mad dash for the border and burst through the invisible wall without stopping.  The new Emperor was stunned for one moment and turned to his advisors.  Then he began to speak.  “I am advised that some of you believe you are seeing southerners coming through our amazing invisible wall.  Don’t be fooled.  This is a trick of my lying enemies.  There are no southerners coming into our country.  The wall is great and impenetrable. Who are you to believe – your lying eyes or your glorious Emperor?”

The invisible wall proved to be a great success for almost all.  The new Emperor’s supporters believed that it was nearly perfect and had stopped the southerners from invading their country.  They were satisfied that the new Emperor had saved the country.  Those who did not believe in the wall were largely silent for fear that they would be imprisoned for challenging the perceived reality of the wall.  Those few brave enough to insist the invisible wall did not exist were quickly rounded up and summarily executed for social deviancy and disbelief in the greatness of the new Emperor.   For their part, the southerners came to learn that the invisible wall was a master hoax perpetrated by a con man of an Emperor and continued to come and go from south to north and back.

The Woodlands Welcomes Racist Historical Monuments

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The Woodlands – an exclusive enclave north of Houston – could become the repository for displaced memorials to American traitors.  At a Tea Party meeting on Tuesday, Gordy Bunch, the Woodlands Township Board Chairman, said Tuesday that his town might welcome in the statues that are coming down across the South.  Bunch, taking a stiff draught of the Tea Party Kool-Aid, seems to think that having a bunch of monuments that were erected not to honor the confederacy but to encourage white supremacy deposited in his community will give his town a sense of history.  Bunch repeated the same tired old myths equating getting rid of memorials to traitors with trying to change history.  As Red has repeatedly pointed out, you can’t change the facts of history.  You can, however, decide whom you choose to honor in bronze.  His poor brain addled by the Tea Party Kool-Aid, Brunch argued,

“What’s happening across the state and across the country is ridiculous regarding eliminating history.We don’t have a lot of history here in the Woodlands because we’re only 42, 43 years old. For all these folks in Dallas, in Austin and San Antonio and other places looking to relocate their history, might I suggest they can take those assets over here.”