Tag Archives: President Trump

Individual 1 Speaks – Red Translates

Well, President Individual 1 has been at it again.  This time while speaking to our troops in Iraq.  Red can’t really commend I-1 for his trip as this should have been done in the first couple of months of his presidency.  But maybe it’s better late than never to visit our soldiers in the field and tell them some really big (and easily disproved) whoppers.  Here are a few excerpts:

Well, first of all, at ease.  At ease.  Let’s have a good time (that’s usually 18 holes and a hooker or two but I know times are tough here).  And we had an incredible meeting that lasted for about an hour (way past my usual attention span), and you have no idea what we’ve come up with (and neither do I).  You’re going to be so happy.  You’re going to be so happy (I always promise happiness because a promise of happiness makes people happy). 

So Melania and I are thrilled to be here (God, I wish we were at Mar-a-Lago but those f’ing Democrats) with the extraordinary men and women of the American Armed Forces — the greatest military (now that I’m in charge anyway – before me you were a bunch of hapless losers), and — especially as we get all of this billions and billions of dollars of new equipment that I approved over (screw Congress) the last two years (I love equipment almost as much as real estate).  You’re getting such new equipment, your eyes are popping, right?   Your eyes are popping (I have no idea what I’m talking about but it sounds impressive).  You’re getting the best equipment in the world.

The men and women stationed at Al Asad have played a vital role in the military defeat of ISIS in Iraq and in Syria (not as much as me but still).  Because of these gains, our service members in Syria can now return home to their families (and hopefully rent from Trump Enterprises – in your dreams suckers).  Some will come here for a stay, but a lot of them are going to be going back home, where they want to be, with their families (just stay away from me).  They’ve done a fantastic job (something I know nothing about).

Originally, years ago, they came here (or so I am told – you know I was really busy losing lots of money on casinos, steaks, airlines, wine, magazines, etc.).  And it was supposed to be for three to four months, and that was a long time ago (Stupid Bushes or Obama I forget which).  That was many years ago.  But what a job you have done.  What a job they have done.  I made it clear from the beginning that our mission in Syria was to strip ISIS of its military strongholds; we’re not nation building.  Rebuilding Syria will require a political solution (Way above my pay grade).  And it’s a solution that should be paid for by its very rich neighboring countries, not the United States.  Let them pay for it.  And they will.  They will (Just like Mexico).

In fact, Saudi Arabia yesterday — you probably read — stepped up to the plate and has already made a commitment of substantial funds for development (Nothing is better than having other rich people pay for stuff – trust me I know what I am talking about, right Dad?).  And President Erdogan of Turkey (A really cool guy who gets what he wants because there are no Democrats in Turkey) has also agreed to take out any remnants of ISIS (and if the Kurds get slaughtered well, what is a Kurd anyway? I don’t like cottage cheese), and we’ll be working with them.  We’re going to be working with them.

While American might can defeat terrorist armies on the battlefield (Please don’t mention Afghanistan ever again), each nation of the world must decide for itself what kind of future it wants to build for its people, and what kind of sacrifices they are willing to make for their children (Like that $300,000 a year I was earning at age 5.  Thanks again Dad.).  America shouldn’t be doing the fighting for every nation on Earth not being reimbursed (It’s all about the money after all), in many cases, at all.

If they want us to do the fighting, they also have to pay a price (Money, money money)— and sometimes that’s also a monetary price  (Told ya!)— so we’re not the suckers of the world (And believe me a con man like me can spot a sucker from a mile away).  We’re no longer the suckers, folks (except when it comes to elections).  And people aren’t looking at us as suckers (more like utter morons).  And I love you folks because most of you are nodding your head this way (Damn it why aren’t they bowing down?).  We’re respected again as a nation.  We’re respected again (polling to the contrary be damned).

No force in history has done more for the cause of justice and peace (side benefits of protecting oil reserves and absolute monarchy).  I want each and every one of you to know that we will always protect those who protect us (except when it comes to benefits and health care).  You protect us.  We are always going to protect you.  And you just saw that because you just got one of the biggest pay raises you’ve ever received  — unless you don’t want it.  (Applause.) (God, they are actually eating this BS up).  Does anybody here — is anybody here willing to give up the big pay raise you just got?  Raise your hands, please.  Ah, I don’t see too many hands.  Okay, don’t give it up.

It’s great.  You know what?  Nobody deserves it more (except me).  You haven’t gotten one in more than 10 years — more than 10 years (make it 20 it’s such BS it doesn’t really matter).  And we got you a big one.  I got you a big one.  I got you a big one.  (A bigly big one) (Applause.)

They had plenty of people that came up.  They said, “You know, we could make it smaller.  We could make it 3 percent.  We could make it 2 percent.  We could make it 4 percent.”  I said, “No.  Make it 10 percent (Where do I come up with this stuff?).  Make it more than 10 percent.” (Or 2.6% but who’s counting?)  Because it’s been a long time.  It’s been more than 10 years.  It’s been more than 10 years (or since last year -but again these folks clearly aren’t paying attention).  That’s a long time (and I’ll be long gone before you figure it out – in typical con man fashion). 



Quote for the Day

“Mike Pompeo is doing a great job, I am very proud of him. His predecessor, Rex Tillerson, didn’t have the mental capacity needed. He was dumb as a rock and I couldn’t get rid of him fast enough. He was lazy as hell. Now it is a whole new ballgame, great spirit at State!”

Trumph – the Insult Comic President™ on his first Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson.

Red has to agree that RT must have been dumb as a rock if agreed to work in this Reality TV Show Joke of an Administration.  Anyone who does gets exactly what they deserve – a heaping helping of abuse and scorn.  As for laziness, apparently Trumph is an expert practitioner of that art – so again Red will have to defer.  As for Pompeo, Red is betting that when his time is inevitably up, he will turn out to have been a Satan-worshipping child molester.

Quote for the Day

“The Democrats are playing a high level CON GAME in their vicious effort to destroy a fine person.  It is called the politics of destruction.”

Trumph – The Insult Comic President™ – tweeted this without a hint of self-awareness.  Red must defer to the judgment of the greatest con man who has ever walked the face of the earth as to his assessment of what is or is not a con game.  If Trumph determines it is a con game, it must be so.  Coincidentally, he also happens to be expert in the practice of the politics of destruction as Crooked Hillary, Lyin’ Ted, Little Marco and Low Energy JEB!!!!!!$$$$$? can tell you.

Quote for the Day

[M]ost Democratic senators have made clear they have no intention of giving Kavanaugh fair consideration. Eager to show they are part of the anti-Trump “resistance,” Senate Democrats are resorting to absurd, outrageous and shameful behavior in a desperate attempt to keep President Trump’s nominee off the high court.

Hans A. von Spakovsky, Senior Legal Fellow at The Heritage Foundation.

Hans, Hans – did you write this with a straight face?  Substitute Merrick Garland for Brett Kavanaugh, Obama for Trump and Republicans for Democrats and this quote might have the ring of truth to it.

Trumph – The Insult Comic President (™)

The failing New York Times (pay no attention to their subscription rates) and a third rate reporter named Maggie Haterman (get it- I messed with her name?), known as a Crooked H flunkie (funny huh – it’s now Crooked H- get it?) who I don’t speak to and have nothing to do with (I stick to porn stars if you know what I mean), are going out of their way to destroy Michael Cohen and his relationship with me (groveling bootlick) in the hope that he will “flip.” They use non-existent “sources” (like these clowns  working for me in the WH  and all of my so-called friends) and a drunk/drugged up loser who hates Michael (which is just about anyone who has ever met the guy), a fine person (who has taken many bullets for me) with a wonderful family (can’t wait to date his daughter in a few years). Michael is a businessman (a New York Jewish businessman with a Ukranian wife for god’s sake) for his own account/lawyer who I have always liked & respected (even while I made fun of him while making him eat shit). Most people will flip (and somehow all of the sudden tell the truth damn it) if the Government lets them out of trouble (and we’ve got trouble – right here on Pennsylvania Ave – trouble, trouble), even if it means lying or making up stories (which he won’t have to). Sorry, I don’t see Michael doing that (again because he won’t have to make up anything) despite the horrible Witch Hunt and the dishonest media (except those morons on Fox & Friends of course)!

Trump Speaks – Red Translates

TRUMP: So I just heard that they [Nazi-loving goons of my FBI] broke into the office of one of my personal attorneys — a good man [he has covered up my shit bigly for a long time now]. And it’s a disgraceful situation [in other words enforcing any law that might reflect badly on the walking human filth that is willing to work for me]. It’s a total witch hunt [Damn, I wish I wasn’t surrounded by so many witches]. I’ve been saying it for a long time. I’ve wanted to keep it down. We’ve given, I believe, over a million pages worth of documents [mostly porn] to the Special Counsel [that incredible bastard].

They continue to just go forward [like there were actual crimes being committed or something]. And here we are talking about Syria and we’re talking about a lot of serious things [like how am I going to avoid going to the pokey]. We’re the greatest fighting force ever [since the New Jersey Generals anyway]. And I have this witch hunt constantly going on for over 12 months now — and actually, much more than that. You could say it was right after I won the nomination, it started.

And it’s a disgrace. It’s, frankly, a real disgrace [and believe me I know all about disgraces – Trump University, Trump Air, Trump Wine, Trump Casinos . . . I could go on but you get the picture]. It’s an attack on our country, in a true sense [l’etat c’est moi, after all]. It’s an attack on what we all stand for [the greater glorification of me].

So when I saw this and when I heard it — I heard it like you did [because I watch 11.75 hours of Fox News everyday]— I said, that is really now on a whole new level of unfairness [meaning they are going to find a lot of shit in Cohen’s office].

So this has been going on — I saw one of the reporters, who is not necessarily a fan of mine [imagine that], not necessarily very good to me. He said, in effect, that this is ridiculous; this is now getting ridiculous [okay, I totally made that up – but prove it]. They found no collusion whatsoever with Russia. The reason they found it is there was no collusion at all. No collusion [except for the Manafort thing, the Carter Page thing, the Greek dude thing, the Don Jr. thing, the Russian Mob thing, etc.  not to mention the ongoing investigation]. This is the most biased group of people [they make those racists from the Sixties that I hung out with look like N-word lovers]. These people have the biggest conflicts of interest I’ve ever seen [Yes, everyday they come to work thinking – Gosh, I really should give this up and just love Big Donald – but then their damn devotion to the rule of law gets in the way].

Democrats [Commies] all — or just about all — either Democrats or a couple of Republicans that worked for President Obama [or traitors if you will], they’re not looking at the other side [again Commies and/or Terrorist Sympathizers]; they’re not looking at the Hillary Clinton [Bitch]— the horrible things that she did [winning the popular vote and all] and all of the crimes that were committed [jaywalking]. They’re not looking at all of the things that happened that everybody is very angry about, I can tell you, from the Republican side [Fox News Goons], and I think even the independent side [Alan Dershowitz and some guy in Topeka, Kansas]. They only keep looking at us [should have lost the damn election].

So we’ll be talking about it more [I’m on the phone with Hannity right after this]. But this is the most conflicted group of people I’ve ever seen [Really choosing between following the law and swearing allegiance to me shouldn’t be all that difficult]. The Attorney General made a terrible mistake [being short and looking like Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies] when he did this, and when he recused himself. Or he should have certainly let us know if he was going to recuse himself, and we would have used a — put a different Attorney General in [someone like Alan Dershowitz who knows how to suck up]. So he made what I consider to be a very terrible mistake for the country [again – me]. But you’ll figure that out.

I’ve been President now for what seems like a lengthy period of time [and let me tell you it seems even longer when you can’t even boink a porn star anymore]. We’ve done a fantastic job [we haven’t bankrupted the country – yet!]. We’ve beaten ISIS [Obama had nothing to do with that]. We have just about 100 percent of the caliphate or the land. Our economy is incredible [other than for those morons at the Kushner Company]. The stock market dropped a lot today as soon as they heard the noise of this nonsense that’s going on. It dropped a lot. It was up — way up, and then it dropped quite a bit at the end. A lot [A lot! Ask my broker. A lot!].

But that we have to go through that — we’ve had that hanging over us now from the very, very beginning [mostly because we’ve been crooked the whole way – but who isn’t?]. And yet the other side, they don’t even bother looking [except for the FBI and Congressional investigations but those are mere details]. And the other side is where there are crimes, and those crimes are obvious [someday I will actually tell you about them]. Lies, under oath, all over the place [and believe me I know about lying under oath – just wish I was better at it]. Emails that are knocked out, that are acid-washed and deleted. Nobody has ever seen — 33,000 emails are deleted after getting a subpoena for Congress, and nobody bothers looking at that [attempting to steal an election pales in comparison to deleting those emails about Hillary’s dry-cleaning]. And many, many other things.

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