Welcome to New York – my hometown. A place where we used to pack a bunch of stinky foreigners like you into ghettos. Those were the days.
Since my election, everything in the U.S. is just going great guns. All those statistics that I used to mock like the unemployment rate and the stock market boom – well, those are all true and accurate since I became President and we have the lowest unemployment rate ever. And speaking of guns – we are busting the budget to pump up our military. So if any of you little pipsqueaks are thinking about starting some trouble – you got another think coming Mister.
We live in a great time what with science and all that stuff that I don’t believe in when it contradicts what I want to think about the world. I mean, who are you going to trust a bunch of losers who have dedicated their lives to the advancement of science or a slick con man like me who has dedicated his life to making money by skinning everyone I deal with. Really! Science can do a lot – if I agree with it. But I’m the man to see.
Okay let’s move on to the important stuff. America First. You got that losers. We don’t impose our way of life on anyone We just storm into your country when you piss us off break a lot of stuff and kill a bunch of people. Ask any Iraqi. Our country is a shining example of freedom. Ignore the fact that we have the highest poverty rate, highest crime rate, highest murder rate, highest infant mortality rate, lowest number of insured people, highest number of lawsuits, worst public educational system and stupidest President of developed country in the world. Those are mere details. I mean look at our Constitution (I might actually read it someday, but don’t hold your breath). It’s been around 230 years. That’s like longer than some of the golf courses I own.
We did some great work in the World War II. Yeah, it’s kind of been downhill since then, but we didn’t fight that war to take over new lands – we had already done that to Mexico and Spain.
Let’s get to the meat of it. Those “rogue regimes.” Talk about a bunch of losers. I mean most of you guys are losers compared to me – but Rocket Man and his pals – total losers. Just a warning – I eat losers for lunch and then have a real lunch after that. I will bomb those bastards back into the stone age if needed and then have some more lunch
Okay I need to insult some other countries.
Iran – you guys are fags – terrorist supporting fags. You’re on the list.
Venezuela – you guys wish you were fags. You’re on the list too.
Hillary – not a country but still crooked.
Don’t get me wrong, we want peace and if you aren’t willing to go along with that, I will bomb the everliving shit out of your country before lunch. Don’t think I won’t do it.
Now go home and tell your kids, that you just got to hear a speech by the greatest American president of all time. That would be me, losers.