Tag Archives: Football

Red’s NFL Picks – Wildcard Weekend

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It’s Wacky Wildcard Weekend time and Red is excited – even though he will miss the Texans game to watch a high school soccer tournament.

Red Rates Himself – For week 17 Red was 1-5. Only the OTNA’s came through for Red. Red remembers something about diminishing marginal return from his Econ 101 class. For the Season 53-43. Not even a particularly good record in the AL West.

Your Best Wildcard Pick of the Week: Seahawks over Vikings. Red wasn’t the only prognosticator stunned by the Seahawks dismemberment of the Cardinals on Sunday. One expected to see body parts randomly strewn over the turf of the University of Phoenix Stadium (the stadium oddly named after a university with no football team) after the game. But the Cards have a bye week to recover and regroup. Red doesn’t think the Seahawks will make it to the Superb Owl but he does think that they can handle the Vikings on the road. The rubric Red typically follows for his post-season picks is “Quality Wins” – meaning wins over teams that themselves had winning records. In some cases Red will chalk up a QW for a win over an 8-8 team that had a difficult schedule or lost several close games.   The Seahawks have 3 QWs – all coming after Thanksgiving which adds extra weight. They beat the Stealers, Vikings and Cardinals – the last two in very convincing butt-whipping fashion. The Vikings have 2 QWs over the Packers and the Chiefs both by 7 points or less. That and the head to head 38-7 thumping they suffered at the hands of the Seahawks in Week 13, make the Seahawks Red’s overwhelming favorite to win this week. Seattle 20 Minnesota 13.

Your Really Darn Good Wildcard Pick of the Week: Packers over OTNAs. The Packers, to put it mildly, did not rebound well from the shellacking at the hands of the Cardinals (who were in turn – oh damn it, just read the previous prediction) as they lost the division to a decent Vikings team in Week 17. Red boldly pronounced last week that the Packers needed to win to go anywhere in the playoffs. But now, he realizes that the Pack really needs to have its back up against the wall with the guns of the firing squad aimed at their huddle in order to really focus and deal with a team that they should beat – like the OTNAs. The Packers come in with 3 QWs over the Seahawks, Chiefs (back when everyone was beating the Chiefs apparently) and Vikings – but two of those wins were in Weeks 2 and 3. Since Thanksgiving, the Pack has only managed middling wins against the weak sisters and hasn’t come close to beating a decent team since pummeling the Vikings in Week 11. The OTNAs have a big ZERO QWs and their best win was a 35-25 victory over the 8-8 Bills. They also have an inexcusable loss to the division doormat Cowboys. Red hopes that the moribund Packer offense can remember where the end zone is located on Sunday.  Green Bay 35 Landover, Md. 29.

Your So-So Wildcard Pick of the Week: Bengals over Stealers. A really tough rubber match that is hard to call with uncertainty in the line ups. Is Dalton the back-up for this one and will he play if McCarron falters? The Stealers will score points and the Bengals have to keep up. Red would avoid this one if he could, but that is not how Red rolls. Stealers have 3 QWs over the Cardinals, Bengals and Broncos. Bengals racked up 3 QWs against Stealers, Seahawks and Chiefs (ahem!). Throw out the offsetting QWs and Red gives an oh-so-slight edge to the Stealers – but is picking the Bengals anyway.    Cincinnati 28 Pittsburgh 27.

You’re Probably Lame-Ass Wildcard Pick of the Week: Chiefs over Texans. Red may have been right when picking the Texans to win this season –but it clearly escapes his memory right now. Of late, picking the Texans to lose has hurt Red’s average, but Red is willing to take one for the team. The last playoff meeting between a Houston team and the Chiefs was on January 16, 1994. The similarities (and differences) abound. The Oilers had started the season 1-4, only to rebound with 11 straight wins (including a Christmas Day win over the dynastic 49ers) and secure a division championship. This year both the Chiefs (1-5) and Texans (2-5) had rocky starts before going on runs to the playoffs. The Oilers had a feared defense under the always overrated Buddy Ryan. The Texans defense under Romeo Crenel may not be feared, but it may be better than the 94 Oilers. The Chiefs had Marcus Allen, but neither team had a first class running game. With Joe Montana and Warren Moon at the respective helms, both teams relied heavily on a passing attack to move the ball. The game on Saturday will feature two exemplars of the “caretaker quarterback” that actually proves successful a remarkable amount of the time. With Alex Smith and Brian Hoyer taking snaps, neither team figures to light it up through the air. The 94 game was a defensive struggle with the Oilers leading 10-7 going into the 4th quarter. Then both teams started scoring. The Chiefs won 28-20 when Montana led the team to three 4th quarter touchdowns – something that was supposed to be impossible against a Buddy Ryan defense. But in retrospect, the 9 sacks of Moon and 7 fumbles (2 lost) probably made the difference in this one. Red looks for a similar result on Saturday. The teams will thrust and parry to little effect until late in this one and then it will be a wild affair to the finish. On the QW front, the Texans have 2 with wins over the Bengals and Jets, as do the Chiefs with wins over the Stealers and Broncos. But neither team has played anyone in over a month. The Chiefs have an excellent wide-out and tight end in Maclin and Kelce. The Texans have the better receiver in Hopkins and nothing at tight end. Neither team has much of a running game. The Texans have the edge on defense, but the Chiefs are no slouch in that category. The Texans have proven they can score points against the weak sisters of the league. Can they move the ball on a good defense? Probably enough to keep it respectable, but not enough to win. One big play will probably decide this one. Kansas City 20 Houston 17.

 

Let’s Compare our NFL Teams

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As readers know, Red complains every year about the Cowboys getting all the press and most significantly national TV exposure – while the Houston Texans languish in the media doldrums and typically receive only the obligatory 1 or 2 national TV games each season.   So let’s look at the records of the two Texas teams over the last 14 years since the Texans arrived on the scene in 2002.

Overall Record:  Texans are 97-127, Cowboys are 118-106.

Playoff Appearances:  Texans 3, Cowboys 5.

Playoff Record:  Texans 2-2,  Cowboys 2-5.  Neither team has advanced past second round.

Head to Head:  Texans 1, Cowboys 2.

Okay, so Red has to admit that the Cowboys have the edge in all categories except percentage of playoff wins.  But the overall edge is not that great and the overall win/loss numbers are skewed by two abhorrent seasons in which the Texans went 2-14 and fired the head coach.  The difference clearly does not justify one team getting 10 national TV appearances this season and the other team getting 3 (including the late season flex to Sunday night of the Texans/Patriots game).

 

 

 

 

Texans Make the Playoffs

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The Texans secured a playoff berth with a thorough dismantling of the hapless Jacksonville Jaguars today.  Red’s favorite and awesomely named football player Whitney Mercilus had an outstanding day with 3.5    sacks, a forced fumble and a fumble recovery. We will see if the schedule allows Red to continue his streak of seeing every Texans playoff win. It’s an admittedly short streak of 2 games but a streak nonetheless.

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 17

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“Tom Landry is such a perfectionist that if he were married to Dolly Parton, he’d ask her to cook.” Don Meredith

Red will always love you, Don.

Red Rates Himself – For week 16 Red was 3-3. For the season 52-38. A fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas if he just listened to Red.

Your I Will Always Love You Pick of the Week: Cardinals over Seahawks. Very possible that this game is a preview of the NFC Championship game or a Second Round game – depending on how it breaks this week. Don’t expect much love to be lost in this grudge match. Two bruising defenses and two respectable offenses. Outcome will depend on which QB is carried off the field in a basket. Red doesn’t particularly like either team with the Cards giving up 4. The O/U at 47.5 is intriguing. If you must bet (and Red must not) go with the under. Arizona 21 Seattle 20.

Your 9 to 5 Pick of the Week: Packers over Vikings. Packers were run out of Arizona on a rail, tarred and feathered, had sand kicked in face like 97 pound weakling, atomic wedgied, beaten to a pulp, slobber-knockered, and otherwise generally humiliated. They may have had the worst performance of an allegedly good football team all season. (Note: Texans back to back butt-whippings at the hands of the Falcons and Dolphins only count if Texans qualify as an “allegedly good football team”). So why would Red pick them this week? They are at Lambeau and the weather is not likely to be a factor. Only because the Pack must win if they hope to go anywhere in the playoffs and after all, they were Red’s preseason pick to win it all. Take the over at 46.5 unless the weather forecast changes.  Green Bay 35 Minnesota 22.

Your Coat of Many Colors Pick of the Week: Raiders over Chiefs. In what may be the last game ever as the “OAKLAND RAIDERS”, at least until they move back to Oakland for the second time, Red likes Raiders playing with a mean and nasty edge against a Chiefs team that probably would like to remain 5th seed and play the Texans/Colts over the Bengals. The Chiefs will not roll over and die, but neither does Red look for them to play the starting 22 the whole game. Red likes the Raiders plus 6.5 but would like them a lot more at 7. You decide.    Oakland 30 Kansas City 23.

You’re It’s All Wrong, But It’s All Right Pick of the Week: Jaguars over Texans. Red has to pick the Jaguars because (wink wink nudge nudge) that formula has worked for the Texans. Yes, Red has seen the incredible odds facing the Colts even if they win and the Texans lose and the 8 or 9 things that need to happen for the Colts to sneak into the playoffs and has already seen that one of them happened on Monday when the Bengals lost in OT. But tell all that to the 1979 Redskins (before they became the OTNA’s). No bets on this one. Jacksonville 14 Houston 11.

Your Why’d You Come in Here Lookin’ Like That Pick of the Week: Bears over Lions. It strikes Red that he hasn’t picked the Bears to win (or perhaps even picked a Bears game) all season. Rightfully so as the Bears may be the least interesting team in the NFL this season coming in at 6-9 in a thoroughly mediocre campaign. But the Bears qualified for this season’s last Shit Bowl – thanks in part to the Lions (also 6-9) and a very close call by Red in favoring this constipated colon clash over the possibly more deserving Rams/49ers game. Don’t listen to this one on the car radio, lest ye be tempted to take a right turn through the guard rail and plunge into your local canyon, gulch or arroyo in disgust. This one is a pick’em and Red chooses Los Osos. Chicago 33 Detroit 29.

You’re The Twelfth of Never Pick of the Week: OTNA’s over Cowboys.   Red, you remember how at the beginning of the season you really bitched about the Cowboys TV schedule – which is not unusual since you do it every year? Well of course, Timmy, but it turns out ol’ Red was right as rain on this one. Red would pity the poor national TV audiences who had to suffer through the Cowboys’ parade of misery this season. Except, Billy, that about half of you folks out there get an undue amount of joy out of watching the Cowboys lose, and the other half of you should be out playing with your kids or doing something productive instead of lying on the couch gobbling Doritos and cheese dip while watching the Cowboys stink it up. So Willy, Red will be finding something else to do on Sunday rather than watch the playoff bound OTNA’s pound the Cowboys. And, Sammy, so should you. Landover, Md. 59 Arlington 8.

 

 

 

 

 

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 15

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“Americans have a lower opinion of Congress than they do of the NFL replacement refs, head lice, traffic jams, cockroaches and even the group to which yours truly belongs – Washington political pundits.”

Juan Williams

Juan left out Hitler, anyone whose name is preceded by Ayatollah, Stalin, Pol Pot, Mussolini and Jerry Jones.

Red Rates Himself – For week 14 Red was 3-3. For the season 46-32. Looks better in the rear-view mirror.

Your Traffic Jam Pick of the Week: Jets over Cowboys. Don’t expect much of a traffic jam on the way to the Cowboys game on Saturday. Even Cowboy fans can smell the rotting corpse of this season. Do expect a traffic jam among Jets defenders lining up to sack [Insert Cowboy Quarterback here]. The Jets minus 3. Are you kidding Red? Take the Jets and beat the traffic home from work. New Jersey 32 Arlington 12.

Your Head Lice Pick of the Week: Colts over Texans. Texans have never won in Indianapolis, so why not now? Because they still suck. Red was shocked at how badly Bill-O the Clown was outcoached by the Hoodie last week. What is with lining up against Brady with only one defensive lineman on the field? What is with playing Whitney Mercilus at nose tackle? What is with running the Wildcat without a Cat? What is with picking the Colts to do what they always do – no matter who is at the helm? Colts give up 2. Red gives up on Texans after this one. Take the under at 42.5.  Indianapolis 20 Houston 17.

Your Cockroach Pick of the Week: Dolphins over Chargers. What do cockroaches like? Shit!. The southern California roaches will be in Hog Heaven this weekend as the Shit Bowl rolls into town. Why did the Texans have to face the Dolphins when the bloom was still on the Dan Campbell rose? Since his first two games, the Dolphins have been in the running for almost every SB. This is their week!. Red would not believe exactly how pathetic the Chargers have become – except for the fact that whenever Red picks them to make the playoffs they suck. If Sadomasochism is your thing watch this one with a friend who will laugh when you grab the carrot peeler to start shaving your head in disgust at watching this fetid fecal fight – or vice versa. Curiously, Red likes the over at 45.    Miami 33 San Diego 25.

You’re Washington Political Pundit Pick of the Week: OTNA’s over Bills. Red hasn’t paid much attention to the OTNA’s from just outside the Beltway this season. Red also doesn’t watch NASCAR just to see the wrecks. And then suddenly, the OTNA’s are playing almost like a real professional football team. And Kirk Cousins is looking like a professional quarterback that you might actually want playing for your team. That is, if your team has Brian Hoyer, Jonathan Football, Matt Ryan or Ryan Tannehill at the helm. Meanwhile on the shores of Lake Erie, the Bills are not exactly dead yet. Almost, but not quite. They will be Sunday evening. All bets are off on this one.  Landover, Md. 27 Orchard Park 20.

Your Replacement Ref Pick of the Week: Chiefs over Ravens. Ravens are ravaged by injuries. Chiefs are on the hottest roll this side of Carolina over the last 7 weeks. Red keeps expecting Chiefs sans Jamaal Charles to return to Earth, but they keep on winning. Red cannot think of a single reason why that should not continue this week. And exactly who are the Ravens going to suit up at QB this week? Ryan Mallett? Red would pay to see that debacle. Kansas City 45 Baltimore 3.

You’re Low Self Esteem Pick of the Week: Eagles over Cardinals.   Red, you wonder, “Are you out of your fricking mind?” Well, Lenny, Yes. As a matter of fact, Red is. At the beginning of the season, he picked both of these teams to make the post-season and the Cardinals have not disappointed. But, Freddy, the Eagles are another story. Perhaps even a series of novels about a downtrodden gumshoe working the cheating wife circuit on the wrong side of the tracks. So Timmy, Red almost has to pick the Eagles since he is also picking the OTNA’s to win. That, Sammy, is how you box yourself in – in this game. And remember, Jimmy, the double time zone, inverse climate change, indoor/outdoor shift factor clearly all tilt in favor of the OTNA’s. So, Ricky, the Eagles will win – take it to the bank – just don’t cash it until Monday. And Chucky, take all your allowance money for the past 6 months and put it on the Eagles getting 3.5. Philadelphia 33 Arizona 26.

 

 

 

 

 

Red’s Texas College Football Game of the Week

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Red was a bit premature in temporarily closing the RCFGOTW franchise until bowl season begins.  Red overlooked the Football Championship Subdivision powerhouse Sam Houston University Bearkats who extended their season by beating McNeese State in Lake Charles last weekend.

The Bearkats advanced to the quarter-finals and will host the Patriot League Champion Colgate Raiders on Saturday in Huntsville at 7 p.m.  Good seats, as they say, are available.   SHU has a 4-1 record in their quarterfinal appearances, losing at Montana in 2001, winning on the road at Eastern Washington (2004), Montana State (2012) and Villanova (2014) and defeating Montana State in their only home quarterfinal contest (2011).  SHU’s run of excellence in the past 5 years is matched only by North Dakota State and New Hampshire – which are the only other teams to participate in each of the past five FCS playoffs.  SHU has reached the final game twice, but has yet to claim an on-field national championship. This could be their year as the team ranks No. 1 in total offense at 543 yards per game with a balanced attack (9th in rushing and 13 in passing).

The Bearkats have 3 running backs with more than 100 carries led by Cory Avery’s 1200 yards and 14 touchdowns.  Quarterback Jared Johnson leads an efficient passing attack that has 3 receivers with over 700 yards.

Red calls it for the Bearkats.  SHU 45 Colgate 32.

 

 

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 14

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“The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.” Randy Cross

Red is a glass half full kind of guy.

Red Rates Himself – For week 13 Red was 1-5. For the season 43-29. Harrumph.

Your Idiotic Pick of the Week: Bengals over Stealers. The theme this week dictates that Red pick a lot of games that he really should stay away from – this first one being a prime example. This one features two teams that are playing some of the best football in the league right now. A couple of other teams are on hotter streaks but the Stealers are looking very dangerous as long as Ben stays in the game – and they are doing it without LeVeon Bell. Antonio Brown may be the best receiver in the league right now with over 1300 yards and Martavis Bryant appears to be another excellent receiver from Clemson – a receiver factory apparently. Give Ben those kind of options and some time . . . Meanwhile, the Bengals seem to have rebounded from their 2 game losing streak by absolutely pounding the Rams and Browns the last two weeks. Stealers are not poundable, but the Bengals overall balance should tip this one slightly in their favor. Bet this one at your own risk – as always. Cincinnati 21 Pittsburgh 20.

Your Moronic Pick of the Week: Patriots over Texans. Red was correctly concerned last week that actually picking the Texans is the kiss of death. Red is willing to take one for the team because this pick follows two rules that have worked well – well sort of. Picking the Patriots has been a steady source of wins for Red and picking against the Texans has generally failed and insured a win for the Texans. Objectively, however, a 3 game losing streak for the Pats is almost unimaginable, while a 2 game losing streak for the Texans is simply par for the back nine. Red would only bet on this one at gunpoint and even then he would have to ponder it for a moment or two.   New England 24 Houston 20.

Your Pendejo Pick of the Week: Jaguars over Colts. Just because.   Red would take the over here if there was one.  Jacksonville 35 Indianapolis 24.

You’re Dumbshit Pick of the Week: 49ers over Browns. Niners have yet to put back to back wins together and in desperation relegated Kaepernick to the bench calling on the redoubtable Blaine Gabbert – and by that Red means that you can doubt Gabbert multiple times and not really have to worry about it. Meanwhile, the Browns have 2 wins total and come in on 7 game losing streak which has them turning to the desperate measure of putting the ball into the hands of the erratic Jonathon F. Football. All of which adds up to this week’s Shit Bowl. Take Red’s advice and bury your guns in the back yard right now if you plan on watching this dreadful dung duel, lest ye be tempted to terrorize the china cabinet by taking potshots at the Wedding Waterford to relieve the pain you are experiencing. If you bet on this one, it’s time to seek out Gambler’s Anonymous. Santa Clara 13 Cleveland 10.

Your Box of Rocks Pick of the Week: Packers over Cowboys. The Cowboys have beaten each of the other teams in the PEFAPFD that is the NFC East and the Dolphins. The Packers are no great shakes but have beaten the Vikings, Chiefs and Seahawks. Red is a firm believer in that “on any given Sunday” stuff, but not this Sunday. Take the Packers giving up 7.  Green Bay 35 Arlington 13.

You’re WTF? Pick of the Week: Titans over Jets.   Red, you ask, “Why do the Jets get a lot of favorable press every year, and then wind up sucking?” Well, Billy, that is what is known as the New York press bias. At the beginning of the season, the sporting press – every last one of them who lives in New York – must find something really favorable to say about the NY football franchises who actually play their games in New Jersey. So, Bobby, the glowing reports come out and everyone is happy. That is, Sammy, until the games actually start being played. Believe Red, Willy, he is as surprised as anyone to see how well Ryan Fitzpatrick has played and how he has the Jets – Yes, the Jets – in contention for a playoff spot. But, Freddy, remember that almost every season, there is a team that tanks it in December (usually the Cowboys) and also a formerly pathetic team that turns it on for a stretch drive that invigorates the fan base with hope for next year – only to usually be disappointed. Last year it was the Vikings who started to play like an actual professional football team over the last 6 or so games of the season. So, Timmy, Red is picking the Titans to be that team this year. Why? Because he likes to play with your little minds.  Red kind of likes the under here at 43, but his money is staying in the ATM.  Tennessee 24 New Jersey 13.

Red’s Texas College Football Game of the Week

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Until bowling season begins, this will be the last of Red’s TCFGOTW.  But this one may be a doozy.  The UT Longhorns travel up I-35 to the unfriendly confines of McClain Stadium on the banks of the Brazos to face the Baylor Bears in the last Big 12 game of the year.  Texas is a huge 21 point road dog coming off of what was their second best performance of the year in a losing effort to Texas Tech.  Of course, the best performance was the butt-whipping they laid on the eventual national champion OU Sooners.  Yep, Red is calling that one right now before the final 4 field is even set. Amazing to think that OU’s only loss of the year might be to the lowly Horns.

Baylor is coming off its own disappointing loss to TCU on Thanksgiving weekend which shattered what dreams it had left of making the final four playoff.  Red is tired of the Bears already.

Baylor has nothing to play for except a possible New Year’s Bowl bid, but even that is looking unlikely and a trip to San Antonio seems almost inevitable now.  UT has absolutely nothing left to play for but pride and possibly salvaging head coach Charlie Strong’s job.  Red thinks the players really like Strong and are not about to let the first African-American head coach in UT history go down the tubes without a fight.  Red’s key to the game is freshman running back Chris Warren.  His incredible 276 yard, 4 touchdown performance in the loss to Tech on Thanksgiving had longtime Longhorn fans reminiscing about past greats such as Jim Bertelsen, Earl Campbell and Ricky Williams – none of whom ever had a breakout performance like Warren.  Red thinks Warren is the real deal and a mere 150 yard, 2 touchdown performance may be enough to beat the despondent Bears.

Red calls it UT 29 Baylor 28.  Take the Horns and the points.

 

 

Texas High School Football Score of the Week

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The Crowell Wildcats defeated the Garden City Bearcats 94-86 on Monday in a weather-postponed game.  So if you had the under at 179, you lost!  The two teams combined for an incredible 1339 yards of total offense – and that is on an 80 yard field playing 10 minute quarters.

Crowell kept its dream of a third consecutive state Class A Championship alive.  The scoring started slowly with the game tied at 8-8 after the first quarter.  Garden City led by 2 at halftime, but the Wildcats ran wild scoring 56 points in the second and third quarters. Garden City attempted a comeback of their own with a 40 point fourth quarter, but it wasn’t enough to overcome the powerful Crowell attack.  The game wasn’t finally decided until Garden City failed to convert an onside kick with 49 seconds left.

Crowell will move on to the state semifinals against the 13-0 Borden Coyotes. The Wildcats lost to Borden 58-48 in the first game of the season, so Crowell will be looking to avenge their early season loss and return to the State Championship game.  Somewhere, the ghost of Dick Todd is smiling.

TheUSDaily has game highlights.