Tag Archives: Football

Red’s 2017 NFL Predictions – the Annual Bitch Portion Thereof

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Well it’s time for Red’s Annual Bitch about the favorable TV treatment afforded the Hated Arlington Cowboys franchise.  Hang on to your Stetsons.

 If for some unfathomable reason you are a Cowboys fan, most Sundays you can sleep late, linger over brunch, get in 18 holes, have an under-the-covers nap (aka siesta tradicional) and still be back in the recliner with nachos in hand in time for kickoff. It’s even better this season than usual for all you HAC fans.  All Red can say is – at least your team made the playoffs last season  and there is some slight justification for having a reasonable share of games on National TV – but nothing justifies this:

Week 1       Giants Sunday Night Game

Week 2       At Broncos Sunday Late Game

Week 3       At Cardinals Monday Night Game

Week 5       Packers Sunday Late Game

Week 7       At 49ers Sunday Late Game

Week 8       At Redskins Sunday Late Game

Week 9       Chiefs Sunday Late Game

Week 10     At Falcons Sunday Late Game

Week 11     Eagles Sunday Night Game

Week 12     Chargers Thanksgiving Late Game

Week 13     Redskins Thursday Night Game

Week 14     At Giants Sunday Late Game

Week 15     At Raiders Sunday Night Game

Week 16     Seahawks Sunday Late Game

So adding it all up, the Cowboys get:

3 Sunday Night games

8 Sunday Late Games with only 49ers and Broncos as time zone related

1 Monday Night Game

1 Thursday Night Game (mandatory)

And the traditional Thanksgiving game

For a grand total of 14 national TV appearances. That is well above the standard 11 national TV appearances that the league regularly doles out to America’s Team.

And if you are a fan of the hapless Texans (who have actually won more playoff games in the time of their miserable existence than the Cowboys have during that period) you had better plan ahead and expect that the games will totally mess up your Sunday afternoon plans.

Week 2       At Bengals Thursday Night Game

Week 5       Chiefs Sunday Night Game

Week 8       At Seahawks Sunday Late Game

Week 10     At Rams Sunday Late Game

Week 12     At Ravens Sunday Night Game

Week 16     Stealers Sunday Late Game

That’s 6 national TV appearances which is better than the usual schedule but only because of 2 west coast games against the Seahawks and Rams and the mandatory Thursday night game.

Red calls Bullshit.

 

The NFL Dead Man of the Year Award

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Before every season, Red selects one unlucky soul as “Dead Man of the Year” for the previous season. The DMOTY goes every season to the player who Red reckons went from being an important cog in his team’s machinery to a completely useless tool sitting on the sidelines scratching his balls. That is, it recognizes the player who benefitted his team just about the same as would have a “Dead Man.”

And while injury alone cannot get you a DMOTY plaque to hang in your mancave, not being able to reclaim your job when healthy will factor into Red’s consideration. So as with last year, there really wasn’t much serious competition among the dead wannabes in 2016.  JJ Watt is not in the running because he had a season-ending injury.  Brock Osweiler lost his job in week 14, was on life support until Tom Savage went down and then he actually guided his team to a playoff win (albeit against the rudderless Raiders). Darrell Revis got scorched early and often but did make some plays. Cam Newton set a nearly impossible standard to match in 2015 and so his mediocre 2016 (behind a truly horrid offensive line) looks worse than it should.  Flacco Joe has been waiting in the wings for a DMOTY for almost decade – he was close in 2016 but his time will come.

And while there may never be another player as worthy of the DMOTY award as Johnny Football in 2015, Red is proud -mind you – proud to present the 2016 Dead Man of the Year Award to none other than Tony Romo.

The longtime Cowboys’ quarterback was injured in the pre-season and unavailable for much of the season. But despite his impressive career over parts of 10 seasons and the old adage that you don’t lose your job because of injury, TR was unable to get back in the lineup to replace a rookie until he played a series in the Cowboys meaningless last game against the hapless Eagles.  To give TR credit, he led his team on a 6 play scoring drive ending with a 3-yard touchdown pass to Terrance Williams.  Other than that – bupkis – as rookie Dak Prescott stole the ever pliable hearts of dedicated Cowboys fans – at least until the playoff game against the Packers when he did a reasonable “Tony Romo in the Playoffs” impersonation until a wild 4th quarter.  And even if it bends the rules just a bit, Red is more than happy to do so to name Tony as the 2016 DMOTY.  As it turns out, the 2016 DMOTY award may be the final trophy on the Romo family shelf – unless the dedicated golfer makes it to the Senior Tour.  Straight and long, Tony.

No Mo’ Romo (cont.)

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ESPN is reporting that Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo will retire and take up a career in broadcasting.  This means that all of Houston can let out a collective sigh of relief (or cry of agony as the case may be).  Red for one is glad that the Texans will not fall for the trap of signing a tired, old Tony Romo to be their starting QB for what would likely be 3 games before he goes down for the season.   The idea that TR was the answer to the Texans’ quarterback problem always struck Red as ludicrous.  Romo had a track record of near abject failure in the playoffs and to think that would change in Houston was a pipedream.

Dallas is expected to designate Romo as a post-June 1 release, softening the blow against the Cowboys’ cap this season. Instead of counting $24.7 million in 2017, Romo would count $10.7 million this year and $8.9 million in 2018. The Cowboys would gain $14 million in cap space, but it would not become available until June 2. But after Tuesday, Romo will no longer be with the Cowboys.

Romo’s decision came down to his health, sources close to the situation told ESPN. Romo, who turns 37 on April 21, believes his family and his health are paramount at this time in his life. He was limited to playing in just parts of five games over the past two seasons because of collarbone and back injuries, and he suffered a compression fracture in his back last August that led to him ultimately giving way to Dak Prescott.

The upside for Red is that Romo is rumored to replace addled and incoherent Phil Simms in the booth next to overrated and annoying Jim Nantz.   Nothing would make Red happier than TR having to put up with prima donna Nantz and his smarminess on 18 weekends next season.

Saints Showing Interest in Johnny Football?

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NBC Sports is reporting that New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton is possibly interested in signing disgraced former Texas A&M and Cleveland Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel as a backup to Drew Brees.

In New Orleans, Manziel would have no chance of earning a starting job, but he could earn a spot as a backup to Brees, where he’d learn from a veteran quarterback and perhaps get himself ready to be a starter some day.

Still, talking to Manziel and actually signing him are two very different things. If the Saints were convinced that Manziel was ready to put his personal problems behind him and contribute to a team, they could have signed him already, and they haven’t done so.

Johnny Football, New Orleans, Bourbon Street, Drive-Through Liquor Stores, Bars open until 4 a.m.   –  What could possibly go wrong?

No Mo’ Romo

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ESPN is reporting that the Dallas Cowboys (meaning Jerry Jones) will release veteran quarterback Tony Romo on Thursday.  The move will save the Cowboys some money against the 2017 salary cap although they will still take a major hit for a quarterback that has played in a handful of games over the last two seasons.  Red does not pretend to understand the intricacies of the NFL’s salary cap rules, but apparently if Romo is a June 1 designation (whatever the hell that means), the  Cowboys would take a $10.7 million hit on the 2017 cap and $8.9 million on the 2018 cap.   If released without the designation, the Cowboys will save $5.1 million against the salary cap but will carry $19.6 million in dead money (again whatever that means) for 2017.

Romo who was undrafted signed as a free agent with the Cowboys in 2003, but did not see the field until the 2006 season when he replaced Drew Bledsoe at halftime of the Giants game.  He never again left the field that season and led the Cowboys to a 9-7 record and a playoff spot.  His most infamous moment came in his first playoff game (against the Seahawks) when he botched the snap on a field goal attempt that would have secured the Cowboys first playoff win in almost a decade.  Red still remembers laughing uncontrollably for several minutes.

Romo finishes his career with the Cowboys with a record 78-49 as a starter.  His 34,183 passing yards and 248 touchdown passes are the most in team history.  Romo holds team records for most 300-yard passing games (46), multiple touchdown pass games (79) and consecutive games with a touchdown pass (38). He also holds the Cowboys records for most yards in a season (4,903 yards in 2012)  and in a game (506 against the Broncos in 2013), and the NFL record with a touchdown pass in 41 straight road games.

All of that is well and good, but Romo was 2-4 in the playoffs and never played in a conference championship game.  Thus, by Cowboys standards, he was a miserable failure as a quarterback.  Red dearly hopes that the Texans do not fall for a 37 year-old often injured quarterback with a track record of playoff failure.

NFL Overtime Rules Written by Morons

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The Patriots may have deserved to win the Superb Owl yesterday, but we will never know because of the NFL’s bizarre and absurd overtime rules.  No other major sport has a true sudden death overtime.  The NBA plays 5 minute OT periods until someone wins.  Baseball plays full innings until someone wins.  The NHL does have sudden death but the game changes from offense to defense very quickly and possession is won in a face off.  It would be a very unusual circumstance for each team to not have possession of the puck in OT.  Soccer plays two 15 minute overtime periods followed by a shootout if needed.   It is absurd that after a full NFL season and the playoffs, that the championship can be so influenced by a coin toss.  Yes, the team winning the toss has to score a touchdown, but it is a ridiculous system that does not allow each team a shot on offense.  The college system has its flaws but at least has some elements of fairness.

Red’s NFL Picks – Playoffs Round 2

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Red has now seen every Texans playoff victory in person as he had the good sense to be in New Mexico for last year’s 30-0 buttwhipping at the hand of the Chiefs. He would dearly love to be in Arlington on Sunday afternoon but will have to settle for hearing about the Cowboys game after playing golf (or possibly at the turn).

For Wildcard Week Red was 2-2. Only Red would pick a team that hasn’t won a playoff game on the road since 1957.  That would be the Lions if you weren’t paying attention.  Picking the Giants turned out to be a less than smart move.  Red will not dis A-Rodg again.  Onward and sideways.

Sure Bet Pick of the Week – Stealers slap Chiefs.    What in God’s name was Ben still doing in the game on the second-to-last play of the game?  The Stealers were lucky that BR was not seriously injured (and by Rotlessburger standards that means not in a coma or on life support in the ICU).   The Stealers simply manhandled an inferior Dolphins squad as expected.  The Chiefs will be a different story, but the ending looks the same.  As one site puts it, the Stealers “look mean as hell” right now.  Look at former Stealers linebacker and current assistant coach Joey Porter who was arrested for assault when he attached a doorman at a bar and topped that off with an aggravated assault charge when he got huffy with an arresting officer. When did the Chiefs last have a coach in a bar fight much less getting arrested?  The Stealers are getting 2 in most lines.  If that goes to 3, jump in with both feet.  The O/U at 51.5 is somewhat surprising.  Red likes the under here.  Enjoy your NFL game of the week.   Pittsburgh 27 Kansas City 20.

Underdog Pick of the Week – Falcons f#©k Seahawks. Matt “No One is Going to Mistake Me for Johnny Unitas” Ryan has one thing going for him this weekend.  He knows how to beat the Seahawks in the playoffs.  That is exactly what he did in 2012. Unfortunately for Mr. Mr. that’s the only thing he knows how to do.  That’s his only postseason win ever. We do have a bit of recent history here as the Seahawks beat the Falcons (Red loves him and all-avian playoff matchup) 26-24 back in October.  But Ryan threw 3 touchdowns against a much better secondary than the Seahawks are putting on the field right now.  The Seahawks missing Earl Thomas is like Red going hog hunting with a BB gun instead of his 7mm mag.   You might remember that just last week, Red made fun of Seahawks running back Thomas “Lou” Rawls and his season total of 349 yards rushing. After torching the Lions for 4332 yards or roughly 2.5 miles, Red takes it  all back.  All Hail, Mr. Rawls – last seen still shedding Lions tacklers somewhere near Butte, Montana.  The Seahawks best hail Mr. Rawls because it’s hard to see them winning this one without a similar performance this week. , Red wants some of what Mr. Rawls is smoking or at least a contact high.  Detroit 21 Seattle 20.

 

Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Packers pucker up Cowboys.   Speaking of teams playing “mean as hell” consider the Packers.  They lose their best non-quarterback player and big time playmaker (J. Nelson) to a cheapshot and still cruise to an easy win over the best all around defense in the league.  Nelson claims he is going to play Sunday – fractured ribs and all.  The Pack still have the best player in the game right now in Aaron Rodgers – and here Red must again eat crow.  Rodgers was phenomenal last week.  He should fare just as well against  Red once pulled an interstitial muscle in his rib cage mowing the lawn and couldn’t get out of bed for a week.  Red doesn’t belong in the NFL.  Jordy Nelson does.  Meanwhile in the Metroplex, the Cowboys have pretty much stuffed all comers not named the New York Football Giants this season with a rookie QB at the helm.  A rookie QB that was the 113th quarterback taken in the 2016 draft –  okay he was really the 15th.  And to think it could have been Johnny Football.  But Red digresses.  Rookie quarterbacks typically have a hard time in playoff games.  Dom Capers is no dumbass and he will make life difficult for Dak Prescott.  Red predicts that before the game is over – Tony Romo attempts to ride to the rescue and fails miserably. Green Bay 37 Arlington 20.

 

Prime Time Pick of the Week – Patriots punish Texans.   Okay by now you have heard that this is the biggest point spread since David v. Goliath (Red had David at 5-1 just in case you were wondering).  Only around six times in the modern NFL era has a playoff team been disfavored by such a large spread.  One of those times was in 1979 when the Oilers were huge dogs to the Chargers because they were missing Dante Pastorini, Earl Campbell and Kenny Burroughs.  Guess what, they blasted Air Coryell and advanced to the AFC Championship game.  It’s probably the second biggest upset in modern NFL Playoff history.  Unfortunately for Houston fans it seems like no such surprise is in the works Saturday night.  The Texans are 1-7 lifetime against the Patriots.  Red was at the only Texans victory in the last game of the 2009 season and the Texans barely won even though by halftime Tom Brady was sipping a Crown and Coke in a Barcalounger on the sideline and some guy named Brian Hoyer was under center for the Pats.  It still took a fumble recovery in the end zone by Bernard Pollard and three 4th quarter touchdowns for the Texans to pull off a win in what was a meaningless game for the Pats.  It’s not like the Texans haven’t been competitive against the Pats at times.  The Lost 34-31 in December of 2013 at Foxboro and in the first meeting ever on a Sunday night in 2003, Brady had to rally the Pats to tie the game with 40 seconds left before winning 23-20 in OT.  But in the NFL, all of that is ancient history.  The Pats have simply demolished the Texans the last two seasons.  Are the Texans a different team than the one that got slobberknockered in September.  Yes.  But so are the Patriots – they have that guy Tom Brady – you know the one who sells magic pajamas (see above) and has a garage full of trophies. The Texans only win with at least 17 points scored or set up by defense and special teams, one long TD drive and one 75+ yard TD.  If those things happen – and they won’t – the Texans have a chance.  All that said, Red expects the Texans defense to keep it close for a while.  But if it goes according to form, Red will be able to switch over and watch Have Gun Will Travel reruns by the middle of the third quarter.  There are worse ways to spend a Saturday night.  New England 24 Houston 11.

 

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 17

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NFL Picks 2016 – week 17

In Week 16, Red was 3-3 – which is a minor triumph this season. Red is 36-40-2 for the season.  Aaargh!

Sure Bet Pick of the Week – Cardinals crumple Rams. The Cards have been dealt and both of these teams folded.  The Rams actually exceeded expectations and a 5-11 season would not be viewed as an enormous disappointment.  What is disappointing is having the 32nd ranked offense in the 32 team NFL.  Need more disappointment – How about Jared Goff’s 61.7 QB rating? – which makes Case Keenum’s 76.4 look positively marvelous.  Or Todd Gurley’s 3.2 yard per carry average?  Bright spots?  The fantasy freaks who went long on Kenny Britt have to be happy with his 1000 yards and 5 TDs. And the Rams defense doesn’t suck.  But that’s it.   Meanwhile in the desert, the Cards are a major disappointment (we’re using that word a lot here).  No one expected the Cardinals to have a losing record – nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition either.  Giving up 6 is a lot to ask, but the Cards will cover.  Red also likes the over at 40.5 – but just barely.  Arizona 25 Los Angeles 16.

Underdog Pick of the Week – Chargers challenge Chiefs. Red is putting this category to rest after this week.  And what better way to do that than with the team that has consistently underperformed all season.  The Chargers are a playoff team that can’t finish off a game.  The Chargers have lost 5 games in which they seemed to be cruising to victory until the bottom fell out.  That started with the first game of the season when the Chief rallied (a word Red really hates) from 17 points down in the 4th quarter to win 33-27.  That set the tone for the entire Chargers season as they continued to tank it.  Revenge is sweet this week and the Chargers send the Chiefs off to a 5th seed for Wildcard Weekend.  Red just loves that he is picking a team in the midst of a 4 game losing streak.  Arizona 17 Seattle 16.

Rivalry Game Pick of the Week – Giants gouge OTNAs. To rehash from earlier this season – this rivalry rocks.  NFL Network ranks it as the No. 1 rivalry of all time, SI has it at No. 4.  The Giants lead the series 86-81-2 making it one of the most competitive rivalries in league history. The first game, however, was not – as the Giant crushed the Eagles 56-0 at the Polo Grounds in 1933.  Over the years, game have been played at the Polo Grounds, Baker Bowl, Philadelphia Municipal Stadium, Connie Mack Stadium, Yankee Stadium, Franklin Field, Veterans Stadium, Yale Bowl, Giants Stadium, and Lincoln Financial Field.  What is surprising is that the Giants played at Yankee Stadium until 1973 before getting a stadium of their own at the Meadowlands.  The teams have met 4 times in the post-season with the Giants winning in 1981 and after the 2000 season and the Eagles winning after the 2006 and 2008 seasons.  Red expects a shootout on Sunday.  This is your NFL game of the week. New Jersey 35 Philadelphia 31.

Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Texans tackle Titans.   This game could have been a contender.  But it’s a bum, especially with the soon-to-be-great Marcus Mariota out.  The Texans use this one as a warmup for their 4th playoff game in six years at NRG, which – despite what the bloviators on the radio say – doesn’t suck. Houston 22 Tennessee 20.

Prime Time Pick of the Week – Packers pummel Lions.   This is a real prime time game with many marbles on the line.  All the marbles in fact.  This is winner take all time.  Since starting 4-6, the Pack has turned it on winning 5 in a row.  Meanwhile, the Lions have tanked in December.  This could have been a laugher for them, but it is now do or die.  They die.  Sadly, the weather for Green Bay seems downright pleasant with a game time temperature in the 30’s and no real chance of snow. Green Bay 35 Detroit 27.

Shit Bowl Pick of the Week –Bills butt Jets. This week features the rare all-New York (sort of) Shit Bowl.  Here are two teams that deserve SB status in the final week of what has been a really exceptional SB year.  Almost every week (thanks largely to the Browns and the NFC North)  there have been truly awful games for Red to choose from.  This week is no exception with the fabulously mediocre 7-8 Bills on the road to meet the horrendously disappointing 4-11 Jets.  Those nursing hangovers will be well advised to avoid watching this beastly bowel battle, lest ye be tempted to pick up that stray empty soldier, break it over the coffee table and jab it into your femoral artery to ease the pain of truly awful football. Orchard Park 3 New Jersey 2.

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 16

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Fifteen weeks in and Red is still sucking gas. What’s prognosticator to do?  Open a bottle of Chianti, put the pot roast on the stove and settle in for some more disappointment. Another 2-4 in Week 15 aint getting it done. Red is 35-41-2 for the season.  This week will be 6-0 for sure or perhaps 0-6.  Whatever, Merry Christmas!

Sure Bet Pick of the Week –Titans topple Jaguars. The Titans are playing as well as any highly mediocre team in the league with playoff pretensions right now.  And unlike most of the other pretenders, the Titans actually control their own destiny.  Two wins and they are in.  The scheduling geniuses may look like – well, geniuses – if the Titans win and the Colts lose this week, or if the Titans and Texans both win, or if the Titans, Texans and Colts all lose.  If any of those scenarios come to pass, then it will be winner take on New Year’s Day in Nashville.   For the first time that Red can remember, a game between the old Houston franchise (miss ya’ blue) and the new Houston franchise (see definition of mediocrity in your Webster’s Collegiate) might actually mean something – and Red has to root for that.  Meanwhile, the Jags are coming off tough loss to Texans and firing of Head Coach Gus Bradley (or something like that).  Sometimes hanging a coach in effigy is a cathartic experience for the team and they rally around the survivors.  Not this week.  Mariota torches the Jags and the starters get some rest.  Take the Titans giving up 4 and the over at 43.   Tennessee 33 Jacksonville 16.

Underdog Pick of the Week – Cardinals Crush Seahawks. Red is starting to wonder about the wisdom of this category.  Trying to pick an underdog every week has definitely hurt the bottom line.  But Red is never one to shrink from a challenge – run away screaming like a 8 year old boy perhaps, but not to shrink.  Cardinals are playing for pride at this point.  Seahawks are playing to secure 2d seed.  A loss could drop them to 4th seed if Falcons and Lions both win –possibly resulting in an undesirable wildcard game against the always dangerous in the playoffs Giants. So it’s not like the Seahawks can rest up down the stretch.  Cardinals were in the playoff hunt before losing 4 of the last 5 – mostly to decent teams.  There is no reason to pick them to win on the road, but here goes.  Arizona 17 Seattle 16.

Rivalry Game Pick of the Week – Vikings vanquish Packers. Red picked the Vikings to win this division and Red is going down with the longboat.  As rivalries go, this one is not bad.  112 meetings with the Packers holding a 89-51-2 edge.  And the teams have split their two playoff games with the Vikings winning after the 2004 season and the Packers taking it home in 2012.  The proximity of our northern neighbors and the chance for a late season blizzard game adds to the promise here.  With any luck at all it’s a miserable Christmas Eve in northern Wisconsin.  As you know, Red likes nothing more than to sit by the fire and watch large, fast men play in the snow. Minnesota 13 Green Bay 10.

Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Cowboys clobber Lions.   Tony Who? Arlington 24 Detroit 20.

Prime Time Pick of the Week – Texans take down Bengals.   Red was present at NRG on a cold Sunday afternoon for the beginning of the Tom Savage era.  Sometimes a strange thing happens when the struggling and seemingly incompetent starter is unceremoniously yanked.  Sometimes the offensive line starts blocking, and the wide receivers start getting open and the running backs pick it up a notch and the referee’s calls start going your way.  That’s exactly what happened on Sunday and TS took advantage leading the Texans to a rousing come from behind victory before the not-so-faithful on the South Loop.  But before we get too excited – remember that it was against the hapless Jaguars.  Episode 2 of “Tom Savage, Texans Quarterback” will be on NFL Network Christmas Eve.  Red will probably be eating his special holiday tenderloin with a stuffed baked potato and a delightful salad surrounded by kith and kin while the drama unfolds.  Let him know how it turns out. Houston 24 Cincinnati 13.

Shit Bowl Pick of the Week –Rams ransack 49ers. This week features the rare all-California Shit Bowl.  Throw in the added plus of a team with a recently fired coach (Mr. Mediocrity himself – Jeff Fischer) and the prospect of a soon to be fired coach (Mr. Send Him Back to College – Chip Kelly) and you have the makings of a possibly entertaining Shit Bowl this week.  Oh, who is Red kidding?  He’s just excited that he doesn’t have to pick a Browns game this week.  So don’t climb up on the roof to fix your Christmas lights at halftime of this beastly bowel battle, you might decide to stay up there and baby, it’s cold outside.  Rams rally to pull one out – pun intended. Los Angeles 27 Santa Clara 24.

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 15

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Red was so depressed after Week 13 that he could hardly brush the chips off his sweater and get off the couch. He had to take Week 14 off because of that and the press of other crap coming down the pipe.  Anyhow, 2-4 in Week 13 dug that hole just a little deeper. Red is a sorry 33-37-2.  Down but not quite yet out.

Sure Bet Pick of the Week –Texans tackle Jaguars. After saving the season with a win over the Colts last week, the Texans have the bye week that is otherwise known as having the Jaguars come to town.  Texans now have the playoffs squarely in their sights and the Jags have the offseason and cheeseburgers in mind.  The Texans running game is probably too much for the Jags 4-3 to handle and expect the T-men to grind it out on the ground and control the ball for most of the game.  It won’t be exciting but it will be better than turning the game over to BO and the pathetic excuse for a passing attack that is the Texans offense.  If the Texans aren’t tight, then the crowd could be headed for the exits to celebrate in the parking lot with about 12 minutes left.  If the Texans are tight, it will get ugly at NRG.  Red will bet the South 40 on the Texans giving up 6 against a team that seems to have their bags packed and ready to go.  And whatever the under is – Red likes it.  Houston 20 Jacksonville 7.

Underdog Pick of the Week – Broncos bust Patriots. The defending champions aint going down without a fight.  Broncos draw a line in the sand and dare the Pats to cross.  But not for a first down.  This will be one mean and ugly tussle.  Keep the body bags handy boys. Denver 21 New England 20.

Rivalry Game Pick of the Week – Raiders ransack Chargers. Derek Carr cements his claim to an MVP nod after these two old rivals meet.  This one dates back to the very beginnings of the AFL in 1960 and they have played twice every season since with the Raiders holding a 62-50-2 edge and having won the only playoff game in the series in January of 1981. Raiders just have too much offensive firepower for the Chargers (no slackers either) to keep pace. Both defenses will be sucking gas by halftime.  Will this be the last time that San Diego and Oakland meet?  And who can really get excited about a matchup between yet another team from LA and the Las Vegas Raiders?   Oakland 45 San Diego 37.

Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Buccaneers beat back Cowboys.   Has the league figured out Dak Prescott just enough to make life fairly difficult for the Rookie phenom?  If a relatively bruised and battered Giants defense can hold you to 7 points and those 7 points came on a blown defensive play, then just how good is your formerly high-octane offense?  Probably not that good.  Meanwhile, the seafaring criminals have developed a pretty defense if you ignore their No. 21 ranking against the run.  But that does not account for the way that the Bucs have been playing for 5 weeks.  Look for a couple of big plays as Jameis connects with Mike “I won a Heisman Trophy for Johnny F. Football” Evans.  Two big TDs to Evans sink the Boys ship for a second week in a row and get all of Cowboy Nation wondering if Dak was a flash in pan and calling Romo, Romo, where for art thou Romo?   Tampa Bay 21 Arlington 10.

Prime Time Pick of the Week – OTNAs outplay Panther.   Red was raised on OTNA hate – back when  he was a Cowboys fan and they were still the OTNAs but Red was not offended by their name. Red still hate him some OTNA (and now some Cowboy), but has to accept reality this week while still wondering what the hell happened to the Panthers who simply could not lose last season.  Red aint got a clue. Landover, MD 29 Carolina 14.

Shit Bowl Pick of the Week –Browns best Bills. Red  is picking the Browns to win.  Red is picking the Browns to win.  Red is picking the Browns to win.  Red is picking the Browns to win.  Say it as much as you like, it still doesn’t make sense.  Duct tape all objects weighing under 5 pounds in place during the pre-game, lest ye be tempted to hurl them at your big 70” baby when you have been tricked into watched this turgid turd tussle. Cleveland 3 Orchard Park 0.