Tag Archives: NFL Picks

Red’s 2018 NFL Predictions – AFC West

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If you are reading these predictions, please note that each division has been picked separately over the course of several days.  Red used to do this in one giant post, but people don’t read big giant posts anymore – except for devoted followers of Alex Jones and those folks probably aren’t among Red’s loyal fan base.

Kansas City Chiefs – Red has bet heavily on the Patrick Mahomes to Tyreek Hill 60 yard touchdown pass combo in his big money fantasy football team.  Add to that mix, Kareem Hunt, Travis Kelce and Sammy Watkins and there is no question that the Chiefs could have the most explosive offense in the NFL this year – if Mahomes is all he appears cracked up to be.   That’s a lot to put on a second year player, but Red thinks Mahomes is the real deal and not the latest retread of previously failed Texas Tech wunderkinds (tell Red you don’t remember the glorious pro careers of Kliff Kingsbury and Sonny Cumbee?).   In the immortal words of HC Andy Reid “I’m fired up!”  Which is the only way Red can ever use the first person in these musings.  Kansas City dominates at 14-2.

San Diego (er – Los Angeles) Chargers –  Red would like to attend a Chargers game this season – mostly because he likes peace and quiet and prefers being alone.   Here are some keys you can blank on for a successful Chargers season.  Rivers needs to empty the backfield on third down and throw clear down the unfilled.   And a hearty hollow, to undrafted rookie speedster J.J. Jones who may help on those bombs – he deserted his place on this roster.  His speed may open up devoid in the middle. When they get in the dead zone, Rivers can rely more on Melvin Gordon to bare down opposing defenses.   The offense is good, but vacant do it alone.  The defense must desert itself and get uninhabit of making some third down plays.  It may come down to the Week 15 matchup with the Chiefs, a tough game to win desolate in the season. Some help getting the missing faithful involved wouldn’t hurt – for example abandon the sidelines could pump up the fan.  Barren in the hunt for the playoffs all the way this season.  Red thinks they make it barely at 10-6.

Oakland Raiders –  The emaciated ghost of Al Davis still stalks the cavernous corridors of the Coliseum (or whatever they call they rusting decrepit heap they play in) waiting for another Raiders championship.  Dead Al continues his nightly rambles all season in vain.  The Raiders’ gamble on bringing back the perfidious Jon Gruden doesn’t pay off this season.  Walk Dead Al! Walk! Walk across the desert to the shining oasis in the sun – for there your spectral dreams will still go unfulfilled.  Oakland 8-8.

Denver Broncos – Red also likes Case Keenum but he may just have squeezed all the juice out of that lime last season in Minnesota.  This franchise seems lost in the woods right now and John Elway’s job is probably on the line if something doesn’t turn around soon.  Let Red be the first to say, “Adios Juan!”  Denver is 6-10.

Red’s 2018 NFL Predictions – AFC North

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The division of “so what.”  Red still has to pick ’em.

Pittsburgh Stealers – Ben “Big Ben” Rothlessburger may be tired but he isn’t old just yet.  This season may change that assessment and if so, the Stealers are in for a cold December – well make that a colder December.  BB should be helped by the presence of Antone “Big Time” Brown and the debut of the JuJu “No Need for a Nick Name” Smith-Schuster. The big ? – is Le’Veon “Will he Answer the” Bell.  If  not, then maybe James “Hey I Don’t Suck” Conner is the answer – or maybe not.  The Stealers defense is always there  and probably improves with the emergence of T.J. “Yeah He’s my Big Brother” Watt.  It all rests in the reasonably capable hands of Mike “Can You Believe I’m Still Here” Tomlin.  Red likes Mike and Pittsburgh does more than enough to win this division at 12-4.

Cleveland Browns – You read it here first, the Browns are going to the playoffs.  Red just had to choke back a spoonful of delicious Grazier’s whole milk, grass-fed yogurt when he wrote that and is now seriously contemplating the function of the back key – but the moving hand writes and when it is written moves on.  Sort of like Red’s bowels.  This could be the greatest prediction  of Red’s life or  . . .   Happy times in Cleveland at 10-6.

Cincinnati Bengals – Red really likes the Bengals.  He also likes Neapolitan ice cream even though he knows it’s just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry and the vanilla is always left at the end.  Sort of like the end of your typical Bengals season where there either challenge for a playoff spot or make the playoffs and lose to the Texans – an even worse fate.  This has to be the year for Marvin “Can You Believe I’m Still Here When I’m not Half as Good as Mike Tomlin” Lewis.  He cannot hang on any longer without at least one playoff win.  Marvin lets go of the rope.  Cincinnati comes close but not close enough 9-7.

Baltimore Ravens – Flacco Joe, Flaco Joe,  Flaco Joe.  Can Red just say no?  Okay then.  Baltimore 2-14.

Red’s 2018 NFL Predictions – AFC South

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Finally we get to a division that Red pays attention to – not that it matters.   This is the division of “Why do these towns have NFL teams anyway?”

Houston Texans –  Red was shocked to witness in person the offensive onslaught that Deshaun Watson led against the Titans in October.  That 57-14 ass whipping was as impressive an offensive show that Red has ever seen in a regular season NFL game.  It made Red a believer.  Red was also sadly present the next week when JJ Watt and Red favorite Whitney Mercilus went down in the space of about 57 seconds.  Losing Watson, Watt and Mercilus was the death knell for the Texans season.  Barring similarly crippling injuries this season, the Texans should be good enough to secure a playoff spot this year.  A lot rides on that first game in New England.  A win or even a credible loss will put this team on the right track.  Texans are 10-6 and in.

Jacksonville Jaguars – Lots of pundits are writing off the Jaguars as one-hit wonders and shitting on journeyman QB Blake Bortles.  BB may be mediocre but the rest of this team has enough talent to cover up the cracks.  Jaguars are also 10-6 and lose tiebreaker to the Texans.

Tennesee Titans – Red wants to believe.  Red also wants a job where you don’t have to show up and the money just sort of rolls in. Titans are 8-8 material.

Indianapolis Colts –  The Colts are just an Andrew Luck away from mediocrity.  They have no offensive line, one decent receiver, running backs???,  defense???, coaching???. Colts are 6-10.

Red’s 2018 NFL Predictions – AFC East

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New England Patriots  –  This is where every year Red writes that it is spineless and weak to continue to pick the Patriots but that he will continue to do so until proven wrong.  Red has yet to be proven wrong.  Pats are a bit down but still finish atop a weak division even with a relatively weak schedule.  Red is looking forward to week 15 matchup with Stealers.  New England sits at 11-5

Buffalo Bills  – Red kind of likes Josh Allen who seems to have a bit of Carson Wentz – QB out of nowhere feel to him and will not be surprised if he moves in to the lineup at some point.  Sorry all you AJ McCarron fans out there – both of you.  It’s just too bad there is so little else to like about this team.   There is a good secondary on defense, but lack of offensive weapons is very troublesome.  Buffalo (Orchard Park) is 8-8 material

Miami Dolphins –  Red swears there are rumor that there is still an NFL team in the greater Miami region.  Beyond that Red is clueless.  Miami at 6-10.

New York Jets –  Meet the Jets, Greet the Jets, Step right up and beat the Jets.  Red still remembers an older fraternity brother singing that one at breakfast one bright shining morning.  Funny what you remember.  Funny what is still true.    Led by tired old Josh McCown (Sam Houston State for the Texas reference), the Jets are likely to be featured in at least half a dozen Shit Bowls this year.  Jets are 3-13.

Red’s 2018 NFL Predictions – NFC North

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May Red just say, “He hates this division.”  Red is not entirely sure why, but he has always disliked having to pick winners and LOSERS from this one.  Which is curious because the NFC-North contains three of the most venerable franchises in the league.   The Lions started as the Portsmouth Spartans in 1929 moving to Detroit in 1934 and played in the first official playoff game – the 1932 Championship against the Bears (played because the teams ended the season tied for first place).  The Packers joined the league in 1921, the second official NFL season.  And the Bears can lay claim being one of the two original NFL franchises (as the Decatur Staleys) still in existence.  The Arizona Cardinals (nee Chicago Cardinals) are the other.  The Vikings are the upstart newcomer having joined the league in 1961 to increase the NFL to a whopping 14 teams.

Minnesota Vikings –  New quarterback – new offensive coordinator – new challenge with first place schedule –  all could add up to a tough season.  Many commentators are looking at a difficult schedule and predicting a big fall off for the Nordic warriors.  Red doesn’t see the NFC -West as all that tough as the Seahawks, Cardinals, Rams and 49ers are all overrated.  The NFC – East component should be even easier unless the Bills and Dolphins step up – and Red thinks the more likely scenario has those teams stepping in it.  Red is not high on Kirk Cousins but he made a really pathetic OTNAs team look decent at times. The big question is what to do about the running game with the loss of Jerrick McKinnon and no real answer for a solid replacement.  So why the Vikings?  Like he said, Red has to pick someone.  Minnesota sleds to a tough 10-6 record.

Chicago Bears  – Every season one formerly pathetic excuse for a professional football somehow picks itself up off the garbage pile and starts winning games.  Red’s pick for worst to (almost) first this season is the Bears.  Red’s just going with his ever growing gut on this one.  And Red will be putting an “I Like Mitch Trubisky” bumper sticker on his car – just so people will wonder – “Who the hell is Mitch Trubisky?”  To which Red could answer, “He’s the poor man’s Kirk Cousins.”  Chicago also goes 10-6 but only gets Wild Card spot – Maybe – stay tuned.

Green Bay Packers – Red admires the 200 some thousand Green Bay Packers, Inc. shareholders and the way this team has been run for almost its entire existence as a community project.  All professional sports teams should be owned and controlled in this fashion – not by some billionaire blowhard (Jerry Jones comes to mind for some reason) who could give a shit  about the average fan once he or she has paid for the season tickets.  The owner who won’t make sure the fans aren’t gouged at the concession stands and don’t have to sit in three hours of traffic to get home.  The owner who plays commercials at 120 decibels at every possible opportunity.  The “welfare queen” owner who sucks on the public tit and expects the taxpayers to make him richer just because he has deemed to grace their city with a professional football team – at least until there is greener turf somewhere else.  So while Red always wishes good things for the Packers, he also has to be honest with his readers and tell them – not this season.  A-Rodg carried them on his capable shoulders until going down last season.  Is he back?  If so, then maybe there is hope.  Or maybe not.  Green Bay is 8-8.

Detroit Lions –  The last good thing Red remembers about the Lions is reading Bobby Layne’s autobiography – Always on Sunday – in elementary school.  Red is not sure why his parents let him read about Bobby’s alcoholic womanizing, drunk driving, and non-stop partying but it sure opened Red’s eyes to the possibilities of life – or a certain kind of life anyway.  Unfortunately, Red’s athletic career and exposure to the side benefits of sports celebrity was cut short by a crippling lack of talent and a desire to keep his teeth.  Maybe Red was allowed to read this fascinating tome because Layne had been the hero at UT when Red’s parents were in school.  And maybe the curse of Bobby Layne is still hanging over this franchise.  Although possibly apocryphal, after he was traded to the Stealers in 1958, Layne supposedly responded to the trade by saying that “the Lions would not win for 50 years.”  Bobby apparently called for an extension at some point.  So while short on analysis here, Red has hopefully provided you some insight into the stupidity of this whole exercise.  Detroit stinks – 4-12.

 

Red’s 2018 NFL Predictions – NFC South

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Today we move on to the NFC South – division which has produced two NFL Champions and a few runners-up.  This is the division of the nouveau teams as there is not a single member that predates the 1960’s.   But last year it was the “NFL Division of Excellence” with three teams advancing to the playoffs.

Atlanta Falcons –  This team was still smarting from the 28-3 letdown against the Patriots in 2016.  Still they had a 10 win season and made it to the divisional round losing in a low-scoring slug fest to the Eagles.  Pretty good for a team that finished in third place in their division.   There are no real surprises for this season.  There will be some changes on the defensive line and some help coming for the secondary.  On offense, new guard Brian Fusco shores up an already very solid line.  Freeman and Coleman are as solid a running back duo as there is in the league.  Jones and Sanu are about the same at wide-out.  Then there is Matty Ice.  Perhaps more than any other team, the Falcons fate rests in the hands of the ball handler. If Ryan returns to 2016 form (or even a close facsimile thereof), the Falcons will be flying high.  The schedule is reasonable favorable with the possible pathetic AFC North and the mediocre NFC East coming up. Atlanta wins this division with an 11-5 record.

New Orleans Saints – First a tip of the gold and black hat to long-time Saints owner and all round bon vivant Tom Benson who died in March at the age of 90.  He tried to buck the image of the No Fun League with his antics – but likely also bears some responsibility for the targeting and injury payola scandal that cost his coach a full season.  Benson also managed to create one of the most loyal fan bases in the entire league.  Red and family were in New Orleans for the OTNA’s home game last season and just about everyone in the city was wearing black and gold in some form or fashion. And just between him and you, Red has no problems with a gold lame miniskirt on the right person.   Red was watching at a local pizza parlor and when the OTNAs went ahead by 15 with just over 3 minutes left, it seemed to be an ugly Sunday night in NO.  But Brees led an incredible comeback to tie the game and the Saints won on a 51 yard FG with about a minute left in OT.  So Red is hesitant to say this is the last hurrah for 39 year-old Drew Brees as he keeps performing at a high level.  And with Ingram and Kamara in the backfield, Brees doesn’t have to do as much.  At this point, only Brady is better at reading defenses and getting his team in the right set.  And then there is this fact which may have slipped your notice  – Michael Thomas’ 196 receptions are the most by anyone in the first two years of an NFL career. Ever.  The Saints’ defense has been retooled over the past two seasons and this season will show whether the pieces are finally fitting together.  As for the schedule, it poses some interesting possibilities. The Saints start with a two consecutive home games against the weaker sisters (Bucs and Browns) and finish with two home games (Stealers and Panthers). That means they are on the road for 8 of 12 weeks in the middle of the season.  The three game road stretch beginning on Nov. 29 may determine the Saints’ playoff fate.  Red thinks the Saints are is still a Wildcard team at 10-6.

Carolina Panthers – Red once believed, but no more.  The 2017 season was tumultuous at best with owner Jerry Richardson firing GM Dave Gettleman weeks before the start of the regular season, followed by his decision to sell the team after facing multiple workplace allegations, including sexual harassment and racial allegations.   The team seemed remarkably unfazed and had a chance to win the division before falling to the Falcons in Week 17.  Still they made the playoffs but cratered lost a high-scoring battle with the Saints and went home.  The offense is probably there, but Red just doesn’t see this defense keeping the Panthers in enough games to keep pace with the Saints or Falcons in 2018.  It comes down to the last three games against the Saints, Falcons and Saints.   Carolina can’t close the deal and goes 9-7 and goes home.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Does Red really have to comment on this team.  Jameis Winston did nothing to show that he is the mythical “franchise quarterback” every team looks for.  So maybe it is a good thing he is suspended for the first three games of the season.   Note to JW:  Hell hath no fury like a female Uber driver groped.  The Bucs pathetic excuse for a defense (last in the NFL in total defense, sacks and third-down percentage) can only be better with the addition of former Eagles tackle Beau Allen and end Vinny Curry.  Whether tired old Jason Pierre-Paul had anything left in the tank is another story.  Running back is a question mark and only Mike Evans is the only true offensive superstar on this squad.  They will improve from last year’s sad 5-11 mark – but not enough.  Tampa Bay is 7-9 material at best.

Red’s NFL Picks – Conference Championships

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Red was 2-2 in the Semis last week.  He would have been 3-1 if he had the courage of his convictions and stuck with the Eagles.  As we head to the final 3 games of the NFL season, Red reflects back a bit on what looked like a promising season for several teams.

First, the Texans – who had a brief flash of brilliance and the highest single game point total of the year with Deshaun Watson under center and then after he went down – well Red will fall back on one of his favorite quotes from Homer Simpson – “I’ve seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked.”  And yet Texans fans are still stuck with the Bill O’ the Clown show.

Next, the Cowboys – Red had a feeling deep down inside that Dak Prescott would suffer from sophmoritis and a steadily declining offensive line.  The Cowboys had a 6 week stretch early on in the season where they actually remembered that you have to score points in reasonable numbers to win an NFL game.  From Weeks 3-9, the Boys actually averaged almost 32 points per game – going 4-2 with losses to the hot hands of the Packers and Rams.  Then they remembered they were the Cowboys and managed score a total of 22 points in a 3 game losing streak that put the shoulder pads up against the wall.  And then they rallied against the lowlifes of the league until the Seahawks put them out of their misery with a 21-12 drubbing in Arlington.  It seems every move that Genius Jerry made this season was rather bone-headed.  Other than Ryan Switzer being established as a credible return man – nothing much seemed to work out for Jerry.

And the Packers – who once again proved that A-Rodg is year in and year out one of the MVPs of the league.

Finally, the soon-to-be Las Vegas Raiders who might have been the biggest disappointment in the league and also proved that Jack Del Rio is an excellent defensive coordinator and in over his head as head coach.  Also, it seems the Beast is done for barring an amazing revival.  They had Red believing – but turned out to be a novelty act of the worst kind.

Your AFC Championship Pick of the Week –  Jaguars over Patriots.  Red has a little bit of that stuff he was smoking last week left over from picking the Titans to knock off the Superb Owl champs.  It must be powerful because he is riding it uphill again this week in taking the Jags to upset the Pats on the road.  The only possible reason for this pick is that Tom Coughlin seems to somehow have the Pats number having whipped them twice for the NFL Championship – with Eli Manning to boot.  The Jags have a helluva defense – no doubt and a credible offense despite the specter of Blake Bortles hanging about.  To win this one, the Jags must get to Brady early and often.  Anything less than 4 sacks, 8 quarterback hits and multiple pressures just won’t cut it.  Either that or a concussion protocol – not that Red is rooting for that to happen.  Meanwhile, the Pats defense has carried the team.  After a shaky first 4 weeks, the Pats gave up more than 20 points just twice the rest of the way – losing to the Dolphins and eking out a Zebra assisted win against the Stealers.  But it’s not like the Pats offense are a bunch of slouches either.  If Jags can keep it close and low-scoring , they just might win this thing.  Jacksonville 27 New England 20.  

Your NFC Championship Pick of the Week – Vikings over Eagles.  Well sports fans, that was the most incredible finish to an NFL game since either the Music City Miracle or the Immaculate Reception depending on your point of view.  The Vikings probably deserved to win that game anyway, but really?  So can the Vikings come back down to earth in time to beat the Eagles Sunday night?  Well, Timmy (Red’s been waiting all year for this), that there Case Keenum fellow seems to have put the black magic fuckery in a Gatorade bottle and has the ability to break it out when needed.  But Uncle Red, “don’t the Eagles have a chance,” Danny asks.  Of course they do, Billy.  But you see there was this tall guy named Carson Wentz who old Papa Red picked out as the best in class a couple of years ago and well he got slobber-knockered a few weeks back and well, Jimmy, that was probably it for the Eagles.  Still, Willy, they have a slim chance if CK somehow decides he can still keep throwing up balls for grabs and not be punished like a repeat felon.  It’s called “ball control” and if the Vikings can hold on to the rock for say – 35 minutes Sammy, they can win this thing and be the first team ever to play on home turf in the Superb Owl era.  The odds were it had to happen some day Ricky, and Sunday is the day.  Minnesota 28 Philadelphia 24.

Red’s NFL Picks – Conference Semi-Finals

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Red was unable to make it happen last week, but he would have picked the Titans, Vikings, Jaguars and Panthers to win.  So that would have been 3-1, but hey, it goes in the Shithole if you don’t do it in advance.  Things have been hectic in Red World, so it will be short and sweet this week.  And Red never bets on the NFL playoffs – that’s for the amateurs.

Vikings over Saints –  Red is still wondering how the Texans let Case Keenum get away.  He came in practically overnight at the end of 2014 season, won two games for a sad sack team and then was never even given the opportunity to compete for a back up spot.   All so that Tom Savage could prove his worthlessness?   Red completely discounts CK’s 16 games with the Rams over 2015-16 because he was being coached by Jeff Fischer – he of the giant stick up his Shithole – and a complete offensive moron of a head coach.  Fischer has had one successful quarterback in his entire career – Steve McNair – who was talented enough to overcome the crippling effect of Fischer’s offensive ineptitude.   So this will be sweet justice for Keenum – a quarterback that Red did not believe in either – but one he thought at least deserved a chance in Houston after the 2014 season.  On the other side is the aged wonder Drew Brees – another Texas quarterback – who turned back the hands of time this year.  Brees was certainly helped by a nice rushing attack and good defense.  Brees didn’t have to carry his team this season. But what wins this game is the Vikings defense.  There really isn’t a weak link there and they keep it close enough to win.   Minnesota 20 New Orleans 17.

Titans over Patriots –  Red is smoking the good stuff this morning fresh in from his favorite Shithole country. How else could he pick the Titans to knock off the reigning champs on a cold Massachusetts day with GOAT TB 12 at the helm?  This is coming from the gut and like most things coming from that direction should probably end up in the Shithole.  The Titans running attack will be effective enough to keep Brady and Co. off the field.  Titans win this one if they control the ball for 37:30 and punt well.  The Titans showed that they don’t crumble when down.  Yeah, those were the Andy Reid Chiefs and this is a different class, but Red’s team of destiny makes it happen.  Tennessee 24 New England 22.

Jaguars over Stealers –  Another gamble for Red and possibly more money down the Shithole (are you sensing a trend here?) for anyone taking the Jags.   Ben Rotlessburger has at times been very average in the face of excellent defenses and the Jags have just that.  Don’t be surprised if Ben doesn’t make it through this entire game.  The last time these teams met, BR should have been pulled.  This time they may carry him off in a basket. The rest of the league took notice when the Jags kicked ass and took names in dismantling the Stealers 30-9 in Week 5 at Heinz Field.   That win gave them the “Sacksonville” moniker as the Jags pressured BR into five interceptions and two sacks.  Can they do it again, with a trip to the AFC Championship game on the line – a game that could be played in Florida?  Red says Hell yes.   Jacksonville 28 Pittsburgh 13.

Falcons over Eagles –  As much as Red would love to pick the Eagles here, he just doesn’t feel the Foles magic.  The Falcons are still on a Mission from God to make up for the utter humiliation of last season’s Superb Owl loss to the hated Pats.  And the Eagles season started to circle the Shithole immediately after losing Carson Wentz – who still should win MVP because he was the most valuable player to any team this season. With Wentz under center the Eagles dispatch the Falcons with ease, but that will have to wait for another year.  So it is with great reluctance that Red says –  Atlanta 29 Philadelphia 12.

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 15

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Well, Sports Fans –  now it’s getting exciting.  With only the Eagles and Stealers having clinched divisional titles – all the other playoff spots are up for grabs among a select few teams.  And even the Eagles and Stealers have to worry about home field advantage.  Somehow the 10-3 Patriots have not yet clinched even a Wildcard slot – so anything can happen – but it won’t.

With only 3 more weeks left, Red himself has clinched at least a season tie.  For Week 14 Red was 3-3 which totals up to 51-33 for the year and unless Red’s math is totally off he is 18 to the good and could go 0-6 for 3 weeks and still come out even.  Hopefully, it doesn’t come to that.  And Red has not taken his usual bye week this season.  That may yet happen as well over the holidays.

Answer to Last Week’s Trivia:  Walter Payton and his fellow student at Jackson State, Mary Jones, came in second place in the 1973 Soul Train National Championship Dance Off.

This Week’s Trivia: When was the first Christmas Day NFL game played?

Your Merry Pick of the Week:  Stealers over Patriots.  Not a surprise to anyone that this is your NFL GAME OF THE WEEK.  As noted, Stealers have clinched the AFC North and the Pats are yet to punch their ticket.  Stealers want home field in what would seem to be an almost inevitable preview of the AFC title game (although the Jaguars may have something to say about that).  Stealers know that the road through Foxboro ends in the trash heap of broken dreams. They pull out all stops to win this one.  Red likes the over even at a hefty 53.5 – unless the weather turns bad, then duck and cover.  Pittsburgh 29 New England 28. 

Your Ho Ho Ho Pick of the Week: Raiders over Cowboys.  Two teams that desperately need a win.  That usually favors the home team.  If the Raiders had the balls to make the Cowboys wear blue I would go whole hog for them, but unfortunately Red does not have such inside information.  Young D. Carr needs to have the kind of game he showed two years ago and it would be nice if the Beast (Red’s biggest fantasy bust this season who wasn’t actually carried off the field in a basket) would churn out a couple of decent games to end his career.  Maybe just maybe.  Red likes the Raiders getting 3 points.   Oakland 24 Arlington 20.

Your Let it Snow Pick of the Week: Rams over Seahawks. Or in this case, Let it Drizzle, Let it Drizzle, Let it Drizzle.  Red missed the likely snow game of the season last week in Orchard Park – and everyone knows how much Red loves a good blizzard game.  Unfortunately there appears to be no prospects for a repeat this week.  So Red will have to go with the next best thing – which aint very good at all.  Red still likes Rams despite some signs of crackage.  Meanwhile,  up north giant chasms are opening on the Seahawks side of the ball.  Perhaps Pete the Cheat can will his team through a critical last season divisional match up.  Red thinks Pete’s deal with Satan is running on fumes at this point.   This isn’t quite winner take all in the NFC West, but it’s pretty damn close.  As will be the score – so Red wisely takes a pass on this one.   Los Angeles 24 Seattle 20.  

Your Bowlful of Jelly Pick of the Week:  Panthers over Packers.  Red somehow keeps forgetting that the Panthers are what is known as a “Pretty Damn Good Football Team.”  Panthers have been relatively lucky on the injury front.  The same cannot be said for the Packers – but if A-Rodg is really back this week, then anything can happen.  Red still likes the Panthers to cover 3 at home.  Carolina 24 Green Bay 20.

Your Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer Pick of the Week: Eagles over Giants.  Eagles certainly feel like they got sideswiped by an ungulate this week what all with likely All-Pro Carson Wentz getting bounced for the season.  The redoubtable Nick Foles is back in town and perhaps he can recapture the magic of 2014 when he was damn near unstoppable as a third stringer coming in to save the season.  More likely he is Tom Savage on steroids – meaning average enough to carry the Eagles into a competitive chance at winning one playoff game.  Fortunately, he gets to work out the kinks against the hapless Giants.  Look for this one to be close and the Giants probably cover 7.5 spread if you can get that.  Philadelphia 24 New Jersey 20.

Your Bundle of Sticks and Lump of Coal Pick of the Week:  Cards over OTNAs.  It’s actually hard to find a true Shit Bowl contender this week as almost every other game includes at least one team with a playoff shot – however remote.  So Red will dispense with his usual warning to stay away from the string of Christmas lights and mistletoe lest ye be tempted to string yourself up or mix up a deadly eggnog and mistletoe cocktail in the third quarter of this crude crap contest.  Red thinks the over at 41.5 might be worth a look if you are truly desperate for some Christmas cash.   Arizona 24, Landover, MD 20

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 14

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Only 4 more weeks of the regular season grind for Red.  It may not look like it, but more than a bit of thought goes into doing this every week.  For Week 13 Red was 5-1 and is 48-30 for the year – setting him up for a possible all time regular season record.  On the money line, Red stunk it up – so the rule is layoff the bets this week.

Answer to Last Week’s Trivia:  The Lions and Giants combined for a net total of zero points on November 7, 1943 in a game played before 16,992 at Detroit’s Briggs Stadium. The teams generated a total of 214 yards and missed 4 field goals.

This Week’s Trivia: What other non-football award did NFL Hall of Famer Walter Payton almost win?

Your Soulful Pick of the Week: Falcons over Saints –  Falcons could muster all of 3 field goals against a game Vikings defense last week – after averaging 28 points per game in November.  Is it time for a December swoon?  If so, then give the division to the Saints on a silver platter.  Meanwhile, the Saints are good for 30 points a game just about every time out.  If Falcons eke out a win, they are still in striking distance and in the thick of the playoff hunt.   Atlanta 31 New Orleans 30.

Your Do the Hustle Pick of the Week: Jaguars over Seahawks – Red likes picking against the Seahawks led by Pete the Cheat.  It hasn’t worked out very well for Red as yet, but he keeps trying.  The Jags have the top ranked scoring defense in the league and Seattle is very respectable in averaging almost 25 ppg so far.  They haven’t faced a defense like the Jags yet.  Jags need win to keep pace with Titans who have slightly more difficult schedule.  AFC South is probably going to come down to the Jags/Titans matchup in Week 17.  Red is looking forward to that one.   Jacksonsville 20 Seattle 17

Your Footloose Pick of the Week:  Raiders over Chiefs –  Chief are in free fall since the Raiders beat them 31-30 in Week 6.  Other than that game, Raiders have not beaten a good team all season.  Chiefs are not a good team anymore.  Red likes the repeat here. Oakland 31 KC 30

Your Motown Pick of the Week: Buccaneers over Lions – Lions could have been somebody, they could have been a contender – instead of a bum which is what they are.  Bucs had pretensions but are also pretenders at this point.  Red’s gotta pick someone to win.  Oh well.  Tampa Bay 23 Detroit 20

Your Hollywood Pick of the Week: Eagles over Rams  – Your NFL Game of the Week has the 10-2 Eagles taking on the Resurgent Rams.  Eagles clinch NFC East with win.  Rams could put some distance between themselves and S’hawks with win and S’Hawks loss.  This is the showdown of the season between the top two hot young quarterbacks in Wentz and Goff.  Red thinks this might just be a preview of the NFC title game.  This will be fun.  Philadelphia 33 Los Angeles 25

Your Dirty Dancing Pick of the Week: Texans over 49ers – The Texans have sunk to Shit Bowl status with yet another last minute drive to win floundering near the goal line.  Tom “the Turnover Machine” Savage has looked better of late and will probably land a back up job somewhere next season.  The Texans were essentially down to DeAndre Hopkins and some guy who had caught one pass at wide receiver on Sunday and Savage still kept completing passes.  Back in California, Jimmy Garapolo finally got a start and looked decent in beating the barely there Bears.  Red anticipates at least 25,000 loyal fans will show up at NRG for this one.  Red won’t be among them.  So turn off the big 72 incher after the CBS Sunday Morning show lest ye be tempted to empty your 38 Special into the plasma in the third quarter of this beastly bowel battle.  Houston 20 Santa Clara 19