Tag Archives: President Trump

Trumph – The Insult Comic President (™)

The failing New York Times (pay no attention to their subscription rates) and a third rate reporter named Maggie Haterman (get it- I messed with her name?), known as a Crooked H flunkie (funny huh – it’s now Crooked H- get it?) who I don’t speak to and have nothing to do with (I stick to porn stars if you know what I mean), are going out of their way to destroy Michael Cohen and his relationship with me (groveling bootlick) in the hope that he will “flip.” They use non-existent “sources” (like these clowns  working for me in the WH  and all of my so-called friends) and a drunk/drugged up loser who hates Michael (which is just about anyone who has ever met the guy), a fine person (who has taken many bullets for me) with a wonderful family (can’t wait to date his daughter in a few years). Michael is a businessman (a New York Jewish businessman with a Ukranian wife for god’s sake) for his own account/lawyer who I have always liked & respected (even while I made fun of him while making him eat shit). Most people will flip (and somehow all of the sudden tell the truth damn it) if the Government lets them out of trouble (and we’ve got trouble – right here on Pennsylvania Ave – trouble, trouble), even if it means lying or making up stories (which he won’t have to). Sorry, I don’t see Michael doing that (again because he won’t have to make up anything) despite the horrible Witch Hunt and the dishonest media (except those morons on Fox & Friends of course)!

Trump Speaks – Red Translates

TRUMP: So I just heard that they [Nazi-loving goons of my FBI] broke into the office of one of my personal attorneys — a good man [he has covered up my shit bigly for a long time now]. And it’s a disgraceful situation [in other words enforcing any law that might reflect badly on the walking human filth that is willing to work for me]. It’s a total witch hunt [Damn, I wish I wasn’t surrounded by so many witches]. I’ve been saying it for a long time. I’ve wanted to keep it down. We’ve given, I believe, over a million pages worth of documents [mostly porn] to the Special Counsel [that incredible bastard].

They continue to just go forward [like there were actual crimes being committed or something]. And here we are talking about Syria and we’re talking about a lot of serious things [like how am I going to avoid going to the pokey]. We’re the greatest fighting force ever [since the New Jersey Generals anyway]. And I have this witch hunt constantly going on for over 12 months now — and actually, much more than that. You could say it was right after I won the nomination, it started.

And it’s a disgrace. It’s, frankly, a real disgrace [and believe me I know all about disgraces – Trump University, Trump Air, Trump Wine, Trump Casinos . . . I could go on but you get the picture]. It’s an attack on our country, in a true sense [l’etat c’est moi, after all]. It’s an attack on what we all stand for [the greater glorification of me].

So when I saw this and when I heard it — I heard it like you did [because I watch 11.75 hours of Fox News everyday]— I said, that is really now on a whole new level of unfairness [meaning they are going to find a lot of shit in Cohen’s office].

So this has been going on — I saw one of the reporters, who is not necessarily a fan of mine [imagine that], not necessarily very good to me. He said, in effect, that this is ridiculous; this is now getting ridiculous [okay, I totally made that up – but prove it]. They found no collusion whatsoever with Russia. The reason they found it is there was no collusion at all. No collusion [except for the Manafort thing, the Carter Page thing, the Greek dude thing, the Don Jr. thing, the Russian Mob thing, etc.  not to mention the ongoing investigation]. This is the most biased group of people [they make those racists from the Sixties that I hung out with look like N-word lovers]. These people have the biggest conflicts of interest I’ve ever seen [Yes, everyday they come to work thinking – Gosh, I really should give this up and just love Big Donald – but then their damn devotion to the rule of law gets in the way].

Democrats [Commies] all — or just about all — either Democrats or a couple of Republicans that worked for President Obama [or traitors if you will], they’re not looking at the other side [again Commies and/or Terrorist Sympathizers]; they’re not looking at the Hillary Clinton [Bitch]— the horrible things that she did [winning the popular vote and all] and all of the crimes that were committed [jaywalking]. They’re not looking at all of the things that happened that everybody is very angry about, I can tell you, from the Republican side [Fox News Goons], and I think even the independent side [Alan Dershowitz and some guy in Topeka, Kansas]. They only keep looking at us [should have lost the damn election].

So we’ll be talking about it more [I’m on the phone with Hannity right after this]. But this is the most conflicted group of people I’ve ever seen [Really choosing between following the law and swearing allegiance to me shouldn’t be all that difficult]. The Attorney General made a terrible mistake [being short and looking like Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies] when he did this, and when he recused himself. Or he should have certainly let us know if he was going to recuse himself, and we would have used a — put a different Attorney General in [someone like Alan Dershowitz who knows how to suck up]. So he made what I consider to be a very terrible mistake for the country [again – me]. But you’ll figure that out.

I’ve been President now for what seems like a lengthy period of time [and let me tell you it seems even longer when you can’t even boink a porn star anymore]. We’ve done a fantastic job [we haven’t bankrupted the country – yet!]. We’ve beaten ISIS [Obama had nothing to do with that]. We have just about 100 percent of the caliphate or the land. Our economy is incredible [other than for those morons at the Kushner Company]. The stock market dropped a lot today as soon as they heard the noise of this nonsense that’s going on. It dropped a lot. It was up — way up, and then it dropped quite a bit at the end. A lot [A lot! Ask my broker. A lot!].

But that we have to go through that — we’ve had that hanging over us now from the very, very beginning [mostly because we’ve been crooked the whole way – but who isn’t?]. And yet the other side, they don’t even bother looking [except for the FBI and Congressional investigations but those are mere details]. And the other side is where there are crimes, and those crimes are obvious [someday I will actually tell you about them]. Lies, under oath, all over the place [and believe me I know about lying under oath – just wish I was better at it]. Emails that are knocked out, that are acid-washed and deleted. Nobody has ever seen — 33,000 emails are deleted after getting a subpoena for Congress, and nobody bothers looking at that [attempting to steal an election pales in comparison to deleting those emails about Hillary’s dry-cleaning]. And many, many other things.

Kathleen Hartnett White Will Not be Leading the Council on Environmental Quality

The Washington Post reports that Donald Trump has withdrawn its rather controversial nominee to head the Council on Environmental Quality after even Senate Republicans began questioning her expertise regarding environmental matters.  This was seen as good news by most concerned scientists.

Andrew Rosenberg, director of the Center for Science and Democracy at the Union of Concerned Scientists, called her a “remarkably poor choice” for such a consequential environmental post.“A while ago, I wrote that many Trump appointees to science-based positions could be considered to either have deep conflicts of interest, to be fundamentally opposed to the mission of the agency they were to lead or totally unqualified. Hartnett-White was all three — a trifecta,” he said.

The bad news is that Kathleen Hartnett White will be staying in Texas.  KHW has proved to be a useful tool of science deniers and enamored with carbon in all its forms.  With respect to concerns about increasing atmospheric levels of carbon dioxide, Hartnett has suggested that:

“Carbon dioxide has none of the characteristics of a pollutant that could harm human health. Our flesh, blood and bones are built of carbon. Carbon dioxide (CO2) is the gas of life on this planet, an essential nutrient for plant growth on which human life depends.”

That’s a special kind of stupid.  She should volunteer to sit in an enclosed chamber with about a 95% concentration of CO2 to demonstrate the beneficial effects on her flesh, blood and bones.  Where does he find these people?


Quote for the Day

“I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to him. I don’t think I’ve ever met him. And he actually said he was a very low-level member of I think a committee for a short period of time. I don’t think I ever met him. Now, it’s possible that I walked into a room and he was sitting there, but I don’t think I ever met him.”

Donald Trump on Carter Page.  Yet somehow, the widely discredited Nunes memo concerning the FBI’s supposedly questionable  surveillance of Page completely vindicates Trump?  Please explain!

An Economic Boom Trump Can Actually Take Credit For – Bomb Shelter Sales Exploding

Donald Trump has claimed credit for just about anything good that has happened with the economy over the last 9 months despite the lack of evidence that any of his policies have had any effect.  You might note that after years of denigrating the excellent unemployment numbers during Obama’s later years, Trump now claims them as his own.  Red believes that any administration gets too much credit or blame for the state of the economy and that the business cycle runs largely independent of executive policy (but not Federal Reserve action).  But there is one area of the Texas economy that Trump can take credit for – Bomb Shelter Sales are Booming (pun intended)! 

As reported by NY Mag, sales at Texas-based Rising S Bunkers are up 700% since Trump was elected. Rising S (which is short for Rising Son – or Jesus) was largely in the more mundane storm shelter business but has transitioned into up-scale bunkers for well-to-do survivalists because – you know –  Jesus likes him some wealthy paranoiacs.  RSB manufacturers its bunkers in the Dallas area, but sales are worldwide.  With the rising tension in N. Korea, Japan is a hot market right now.

Owner Clyde Scott makes his sales pitch which sounds very much like predicting an impending Trumpocalypse.

“We are the longest living government in the history of the world without a complete collapse, the United States. It’s our time.”

Rising S’s basic bunker costs $125,000 – a bit out of Red’s price range right now.  And Red isn’t going to buy just any bunker – he is going to insist on having Pepper Spray Portals and Custom Cabinets.   Until Red can afford that, he’ll just have to head to the hills and hope for the best.


Red Translates – Trump’s UN Speech

Welcome to New York – my hometown.  A place where we used to pack a bunch of stinky foreigners like you into ghettos.  Those were the days.

Since my election, everything in the U.S. is just going great guns.  All those statistics that I used to mock like the unemployment rate and the stock market boom – well, those are all true and accurate since I became President and we have the lowest unemployment rate ever.   And speaking of guns – we are busting the budget to pump up our military.  So if any of you little pipsqueaks are thinking about starting some trouble – you got another think coming Mister.

We live in a great time what with science and all that stuff that I don’t believe in when it contradicts what I want to think about the world.  I mean, who are you going to trust a bunch of losers who have dedicated their lives to the advancement of science or a slick con man like me who has dedicated his life to making money by skinning everyone I deal with.  Really!  Science can do a lot – if I agree with it.  But I’m the man to see.

Okay let’s move on to the important stuff. America First.  You got that losers.  We don’t impose our way of life on anyone We just storm into your country when you piss us off break a lot of stuff and kill  a bunch of people. Ask any Iraqi.  Our country is a shining example of freedom.  Ignore the fact that we have the highest poverty rate, highest crime rate, highest murder rate, highest infant mortality rate, lowest number of insured people, highest number of lawsuits, worst public educational system and stupidest President of developed country in the world.  Those are mere details.  I mean look at our Constitution (I might actually read it someday, but don’t hold your breath).  It’s been around 230 years.  That’s like longer than some of the golf courses I own.

We did some great work in the World War II.  Yeah, it’s kind of been downhill since then, but we didn’t fight that war to take over new lands – we had already done that to Mexico and Spain.

Let’s get to the meat of it.  Those “rogue regimes.”  Talk about a bunch of losers.  I mean most of you guys are losers compared to me – but Rocket Man and his pals – total losers.  Just a warning –  I eat losers for lunch and then have a real lunch after that.  I will bomb those bastards back into the stone age if needed and then have some more lunch

Okay I need to insult some other countries.

Iran – you guys are fags – terrorist supporting fags.  You’re on the list.

Venezuela – you guys wish you were fags.  You’re on the list too.

Hillary – not a country but still crooked.

Don’t get me wrong, we want peace and if you aren’t willing to go along with that, I will bomb the everliving shit out of your country before lunch.  Don’t think I won’t do it.

Now go home and tell your kids, that you just got to hear a speech by the greatest American president of all time.  That would be me, losers.

Quote for the Day

“When it comes to how we should deal with evil doers, the Bible, in the book of Romans, is very clear: God has endowed rulers full power to use whatever means necessary — including war — to stop evil. In the case of North Korea, God has given Trump authority to take out Kim Jong Un.”

Robert Jeffress, Trump Supporter, Pastor of First Baptist Church in Dallas and Confidant of God.

Red for one  is glad that Jeffress is here to tell us what God thinks.  We would be lost without his intercession and misconstruing all that wimpy stuff Jesus said about forgiveness, turning the other cheek and making friends of your enemies.   And since he also knows that God placed Trump in the White House, it is unsurprising that RJ has now established a holy hot line with the almighty to help Trump justify whatever it is he wants to do – Constitution be damned.  So when Trump decides to nuke the hell out of millions of North Koreans, take solace that God is smiling and approving because he wanted Trump to condemn those men, women and children to burn in the lake of blessed nuclear fire.


Quote for the Day

“That White House is a real dump.”

President Donald Trump (said to members of Trump National Bedminster Golf Club where the President chooses to spend his summer weekends at great expense to the taxpayers).

Red can see how Trump thinks the WH is a dump and not up to his standards.  Trump has made a few other more detailed observations about our Nation’s Number One Dump.  Red shares a few with you:

Where are the silk-embroidered toilet seat covers with my face and MAGA?

We really  need some solid gold faucets and spigots to class this place up a bit.

Not to mention Perrier spouting bidets like we have at Trump Tower?

There is absolutely no room for the stuffed and mounted wild animal trophies of endangered species offed by DJ and Eric.

You expect Melania to make do with a 1500 sq. ft closet.  I take a dump in bathroom bigger than that at Mar-a-Lago.

You call this a kitchen – when it can only crank out 400-500 dinners at one time?

The oval office – not really all that oval! Fake news.

Didn’t Lincoln die in the Lincoln bedroom anyway? Sad!

Not surprisingly, it still reeks of Negro!

On the bright side, the lingering odor of Rancid Penis is quickly fading!

How Low Can he Go – in Texas?

As readers know, Red has tried to guess the bottom for Trump on a national scale.  Red has figured that 29% approval is about as low as Trump can hit because there are at least that many dead-enders who will convince themselves they are satisfied with this Reality TV Show Joke of a Presidency no matter what happens.   What Red never figured on happening was attempting to guess how low Trump would go in Dark Red Texas.   But even DRT is souring on the bombastic and ill-prepared Trump as leader of the land.   Turns out that Texans may not be quite as willing to follow Trump to the bottom as previously suspected.  Red doubts this will have any impact on state-wide elections in 2018 with the possible exception of Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) whose presidential campaign and subsequent toadying towards Trump (who directly defamed his wife and father) and current refusal to meet with constituents have revealed Ted as a craven coward interested in nothing but the greater glorification of all things Ted Cruz.  The remainder of Texas Repubs are waiting around for a Democrat to show up and get pummeled.

Texas Monthly reports that Trump is now under water in the last bastion.

According to a new Gallup poll measuring the average job approval rating over his first six months in office, only 42 percent of Texans approve of his performance. Texas is among 31 states across the country where the majority of poll respondents disapprove of the job Trump has done since the election, according to CNN. And the Lone Star State is one of ten other states where Trump’s approval rating has flipped after voting for him in November, joined by Indiana, Ohio, Iowa, Georgia, Florida, Arizona, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Michigan, and North Carolina. The only states with a larger net loss than Texas are Michigan and North Carolina, and Texas is tied with Indiana for the biggest gap between Trump’s margin of victory in November and his net job approval—a difference of eighteen points.

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