Monthly Archives: September 2018

Astros Local Playoff Coverage Limited

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Houston Astros regular season games are broadcast on AT&T SportsNet Southwest which also provides pre-game and post-game coverage and analysis.  However, during the playoffs, ATTSNSW will be the only regional sports network that will not provide such coverage.   ATTSNSW is declining to provide the local angle because “they don’t have the rights to broadcast the games.”  They are clearly the outlier as the other regional networks will provide coverage before and after each game even thought they are not actually carrying the games either.  In the American League, Yankees fans can get the local scoop on YES, Red Sox faithful on NESN, Indians supporters on SportsTime Ohio and A’s hangers-on on NBC Sports California.  But for Astros fans, the final chance to hear Todd Kalas, Geoff Blum, Julia Morales, Kevin Eschenfelder and Mike Stanton chat up the Astros will be before and after the final game of the regular season on Sunday.  Sad!

Red’s Best Truck Driving Songs

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For some inexplicable reason, Red was thinking about the 70’s and the heyday of truck driving music.  Red fondly remembers seeing the top truck driving music band of the 70’s (see No. 5) several times at the Armadillo World Headquarters and elsewhere.   Here’s Red’s list of the best truck driving songs around.  Warning, after No. 5 or so, Red is having to stretch a bit.

  1. Willin’ – Little Feat (Linda Rondstadt version is also excellent)
  2. Six Days on the Road – Dave Dudley (Sawyer Brown also hit the charts with this one)
  3. Truck Drivin’ Man – Terry Fell (recorded by countless others)
  4. I’ve Been Everywhere – Johnny Cash version (Hank Snow’s first U.S. version is not bad either but few know that this was originally written by Australian Geoff Mack and referenced Australian towns)
  5. Mama Hated Diesels – Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen (written by Blackie Farrell – Red remembers lead singer Billy C. asking the audience at the Armadillo – “We got any truck drivers here tonight?”)
  6. White Line Fever – Merle Haggard (redefines plaintive)
  7. East Bound and Down – Jerry Reed (better song than the movie)
  8. Truck Driver’s Sweetheart – Kitty Wells (What can he say? Red likes Kitty Wells.)
  9. Drivin’ My Life Away – Eddie Rabbit (you must admit it’s catchy)
  10. Phantom 309 – Red Sovine (pure schmaltz served with sugar, but sung by a guy named Red)

Houston Dynamo Champions

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Image result for lamar hunt us open cup trophy

Congratulation to Manager Wilmer Cabrera and the Houston Dynamo squad as they defeated the Philadelphia Union 3-0 on Wednesday to claim the 105th Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup.

Forward Mauro Manotas led the way with a brace scoring in the 5th and 25th minute of the match with assists from Albert Elis.  Manotas claimed the Open Cup’s Golden Boot award with the second goal totaling five goals for the tournament and 20 goals in all competitions this year.  The game ending goal came  in the 65th minute when forward Romell Quioto’s shot was saved by Union keeper Andre Blake but the clearance by Auston Trusty failed resulting in an own goal.

The Open Cup victory means the Dynamo will return to the CONCACAF Champions League in 2019.  This was the Dynamo’s first U.S. Open Cup title.  The club previously won the Major League Soccer Cup in 2006 and 2007 shortly after relocating to Houston.

Quote for the Day

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“The Democrats are playing a high level CON GAME in their vicious effort to destroy a fine person.  It is called the politics of destruction.”

Trumph – The Insult Comic President™ – tweeted this without a hint of self-awareness.  Red must defer to the judgment of the greatest con man who has ever walked the face of the earth as to his assessment of what is or is not a con game.  If Trumph determines it is a con game, it must be so.  Coincidentally, he also happens to be expert in the practice of the politics of destruction as Crooked Hillary, Lyin’ Ted, Little Marco and Low Energy JEB!!!!!!$$$$$? can tell you.

Red’s NFL Predictions 2018 – Week 4

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Well, Uncle Red improved slightly this week to 3-3.  Red is now 5-7 for the season having sat out the first week due to injury.  Red’s biggest bust so far is having predicted the Texans to go 10-6 and win the AFC South – a pick that looks sadly laughable now.  The biggest surprise is the Dolphins leading the AFC East with a 3-0 record.  So let’s start there.

Your Game of the Week Game of the Week – Dolphins over Patriots.  This is the GOTW simply because it could herald the end of (or at least a hiatus from) the Patriots era of excellence in the NFL.  If the Pats go 1-3 with the lone win coming against the lowly and loathsome Texans, they will be 3 full games behind the 4-0 Dolphins and looking at possible losses to the Chiefs, Bears, Packers, Stealers and maybe the Dolphins again.  8-8 is not out of the question if the Pats collapse again on Sunday.  However, Red never discounts the ability of Bellicheat to resurrect his team and win 11-12 games year in/year out.  As for the Dolphins, Red doesn’t think anyone imagined that the Ryan Tannehill/Danny Amendola connection would be much of a factor or that tired old Frank Gore would still be productive.  Dolphins need to take advantage and kick the Pats in the Nads before they get up again.  Miami 28 New England 24.

Your National TV Game of the Week – Chiefs over Broncos.  It’s kind of slim pickings on the National TV front this week – but the Chiefs appear to be always worth watching and the Broncos don’t suck yet (stay tuned for updates on that one).  The only question for the Chiefs may be – Will they score less than 35 points in any game this season?  Red guesses that might happen maybe twice and possibly only after the Chiefs have secured a first round bye and home field advantage.  Patrick Mahomes looks unstoppable and has a full array of pretty cool weapons at his disposal.  Okay, Red will stop counting chickens now.   Broncos are doing it with productive tandem of Lindsay and Freeman in the backfield and the dynamic duo of Thomas and Sanders at wideout.  That’s enough talent around Case Keenum to win some games.  Just not this week.  Kansas City 42 Denver 30. 

Your Texas Game of the Week – Lions over Cowboys.  Red thinks the Lions can meet the exacting standards of  the “Red Rule” this week –  which is – score 15 points and beat the Cowboys.   The Boys’ utter offensive ineptitude is really quite spectacular at this point.  If the Cowboys hit 1-5, Red thinks that Jerry Jones will jettison Jason and jump to Jimmy Johnson (just joking).  Matt Stafford has a happy homecoming.  Detroit 24 Arlington 14.

Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Eagles over Titans.  Red blew this one last week as the Saints/Falcons game was a total barnburner.  If that happens with the Eagles and Titans this week, Red will eat his mouse.  Even so, it’s hard to call a game disappointing when it features two teams who have yet to put up more than 21 points in a game all season.  Both teams are coming off real snoozers with the Eagles having to rally to beat the crumbling Colts and the Titans being totally pumped up from the 9-6 field goal fest whipping of the Jaguars (who were obviously hungover after stomping the Pats).  Look for a low scoring boring struggle in the middle of the field.  That is unless Carson Wentz is really back.  Philadelphia 13 Tennessee 9.

Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week – Browns over Raiders.  So far this season, the time zone hex is working in reverse.  This week the Browns overcome the triple reverse time zone hex to win back to back games for the first time since the Reagan administration.  Actually in 2014, the Browns won three in a row  over the Raiders, Buccaneers and Bengals in Weeks 7, 8 and 9 and were 6-3 and eyeing the post-season before collapsing on their way to a 7-9 record.  Is Baker Mayfield the one to break the Browns curse of first round quarterbacks wasted?  Maybe.  Meanwhile on the west coast, Jolly Jon Gruden continues to tear apart the Raiders to remake them in his own image.  Too bad he is using a photo from the 80’s.  Cleveland 24 Oakland 17.  

This Week’s Shit Bowl – Colts over Texans.  If another pathetic and lost season is what it takes to get rid of Bill O’ the Clown, then so be it.  And it will be a cold day on S. Main before Red picks the Texans to win again.  On two occasions, once against the Stealers in the home opener of the 2005 season and again against the Jets in the opener of the 2009 season, Red endured the misery of a completely incompetent first half and at half time remarked to his friend the “Big Dog” (who was also in attendance) that if Red were Bob McNair he would have left the owner’s box at halftime, gone down to the locker room and summarily fired the head coach (Dom Capers and later Gary Kubiak).  He might have made the same remark if he had been in attendance on Sunday.  The only good thing Red has to say about the Colts is that they are not the Texans.  Have your significant other strap you to the LazyBoy if you dare watch this cruddy crap contest because otherwise ye might be tempted to run screaming to the nearest alligator infested body of water and dive in feet first.  Indianapolis 13 Houston 9.

Quote for the Day

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“True to form.”

Congressman Beto O’Rourke (D-Tex) responding to the complete inability of Sen Rafael “Lying Ted” Cruz (TP-Tex) to extend a compliment to O’Rourke when asked to at close of their debate on Friday night.  O’Rourke expressed his admiration for Cruz’s sacrifice to do public service.  Cruz could not resist using the opportunity to take a swipe at O’Rourke (along the lines of “Say what you want, but Hitler was truly committed to the tenets of National Socialism”) and then  make it about himself.

Lyin’ Ted Increases Lead over Beto

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While Red is still encouraging everyone to show up and vote, it is looking more and more like Texans (and probably the nation as well) will have to put up with Sen. Rafael Edward “Lyin’ Ted” Cruz (TP – Texas) for another six years.  In the most recent Quinnipiac University Poll, LT has a nine-point lead over El Paso Congressman  Beto O’Rourke.  LT leads Beto with a 54% to 45% gap among likely voters.  That means that there are very few undecided voters out there and unless there is an October surprise, Red will still have LT to kick around for six more years – which is admittedly fun.  Red credits Beto with having run an enthusiastic campaign – but if in the age of Trumpism, the charismatic Beto cannot get more than 45% of the vote after having raised over $23 million, there is little hope that any Democrat will win statewide office in Texas for another decade at least.

Red’s NFL Picks – 2018 Week 3

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Well, Ol’ Red was a sad 2-4 last week having picked the Texans and the  Patriots to win and the Cowboys to lose.  Red is used to disappointment from the Texans – but the Pats are another story.  Red may soon be eating his preseason words about the apparently mighty Jags.

Your Game of the Week Game – Buccaneers over Stealers.  Ryan Fitzpatrick is living proof of Bill O’ the Clown’s (and that’s Texans’ Head Coach Bill O’Brien as if you couldn’t guess) gross inability to manage even a moderately competent professional quarterback.  Fitz has proved himself to be more than moderately competent while subbing in for the suspended Jameis Winston and JW may have trouble reclaiming the huddle if Fitz continues his winning ways.  Not to mention the sartorial splendor he sported at the post-game presser after the Bucs tore up the Eagles for an impressive win.  Fitz wore . . . Fitz displayed . . . – oh hell, Red has to show the photo

If this doesn’t convince you that the Bucs are a team to reckoned with – nothing will.  And the Stealers are no slouch either.  Right now these are the top two offenses overall and top two passing offenses in the league – which is somewhat amazing given the way the Chiefs have been tearing it up.   So Red thinks this could be the highest scoring game of the entire season (topping the 88 put up by the Bucs and Saints in Week 1).  Have the coffee table fully prepped on Monday night (chips, queso, guacamole, brownies (laced or otherwise) and a full cooler loaded with beverages of preference on the floor.  You don’t want to miss a minute of this one.  Tampa Bay 51 Pittsburgh 48. 

Your Texas Game of the Week  – Seahawks over Cowboys.  Red has to credit the Cowboys pass rush last week who made Eli Manning look either like an old man with a walker or a clueless rookie.  They probably try the same act against R. Wilson who still can actually move.  It is somewhat effective but not effective enough to overcome the Cowboys offensive ineptitude on the road.   Red will send Pete the Cheat a reminder that the Red Rule is in place this week.  Seattle 14 Arlington 10.

Your National TV Game of the Week – Browns over Jets.  Surely someone will be watching this game on Thursday night when the Browns finally get their act together and win a game for the first time since the days of Lou “The Toe” Groza  – okay really since the days of Bernie Kozar.  The only problem here is that the Jets look to be this season’s “Inconsistent Team of the Year.”  Meaning that you will never know from week-to-week which Jets team is going to show up – the one featured potential Rookie of the Year Sam Darnold and rolled and smoked the Lions or the one that crapped their Under Armour against the Dolphins.  This week Red thinks the Jets should pull out the brown pants.  They can borrow them from the Browns.  Cleveland 24 New Jersey 16.

Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Falcons over Saints.  You might expect offensive fireworks and a highly entertaining game when these NFC South rivals meet.  Not this week.  Red predicts a tight defensive struggle and both Brees and Matty Ice falter and both defensive lines excel.  Atlanta 17 New Orleans 14.

Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week  – Dolphins over Raiders.  Right now the Raiders don’t need a hex working against them to lose big to halfway decent teams.  The Gruden offense is terrible and the Khalil Mack trade was a complete blunder.  How often has the best defensive player in the entire freaking NFL been traded away!  So we will see how Genius Jon handles a triple forward time zone hex in the swamps of South Florida.  Red guesses – not so well.  Meanwhile, the Dolphins are playing like an actual professional football team and sit alone atop the AFC East – much to Red’s shock and dismay.  The secure that spot this week with a brutal beatdown of the hapless Raiders.  Miami 39 Oakland 16.

This  Week’s Shit Bowl – Texans over Giants.  Texans finally come back to the not-so-friendly confines of NRG Stadium on the South Loop. Just look for the rusting heap of the Astrodome – a fitting paradigm for what appears to be the rusting heap of another wasted Texans’ season.  Ah, but you say hopefully,  “The Giants are coming to town!”  That may be a one-week fix for all that ails the average team, but remember these are your perennially disappointing Texans – coached by Bill O’ the Clown who shows no hope of ever becoming even a halfway decent game day coach.  Every Texans game is marred by some blundering decision regarding either challenging a call on the field, clock management, inept play calling or as featured Sunday a complete breakdown on special teams.  Last week it was a mistake that even Junior High teams don’t make when the Texans left a gunner on the Titans punt team uncovered who scooped in a lob from the upback and scampered 67 yards untouched to the end zone.  John Madden was rolling over on his couch.  Maybe just maybe, the Texans can beat a sad sack team like the Giants.  Or maybe Saquon Barkley breaks the all time NFL record for total yards from scrimmage.  All things are possible when the Texans play.  Red will not be attending this beastly bowel battle and if you are watching please remember to remove all sharp objects from your man or woman cave lest ye be tempted to open up a vein in dismay sometime during the third quarter.  Houston 13 New Jersey 9.

Quote for the Day

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[M]ost Democratic senators have made clear they have no intention of giving Kavanaugh fair consideration. Eager to show they are part of the anti-Trump “resistance,” Senate Democrats are resorting to absurd, outrageous and shameful behavior in a desperate attempt to keep President Trump’s nominee off the high court.

Hans A. von Spakovsky, Senior Legal Fellow at The Heritage Foundation.

Hans, Hans – did you write this with a straight face?  Substitute Merrick Garland for Brett Kavanaugh, Obama for Trump and Republicans for Democrats and this quote might have the ring of truth to it.

Lyin’ Ted Resorting to Desperation Tactics?

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Sen. Rafael Edward “Lyin’ Ted” Cruz (TP-Texas) has been sending out letters soliciting campaign funds which are disguised as an “Official [Insert County Here] Summons” and as shown above state in big bold letters “SUMMONS ENCLOSED – OPEN IMMEDIATELY”.  This is an attempt to use a deceptive but apparently legal tactic to increase the rate at which recipients open the letter instead of immediately tossing into the trash can (or recycling – something that would no doubt piss off the Senator).  As deceptive as the envelope is – the tactic is legal as long as the contents are clear that it is coming from a campaign.  But you have to wonder at this desperate of a tactic.   Well you might have to wonder if this wasn’t coming from Lyin’ Ted.  As much as Trumph The Insult Comic President™ has gotten wrong – he seems to have been spot on with his characterization of Cruz’s true nature.  Red is only surprised that Cruz is not telling Red that he “May Already be a Winner!” or that he is the favored nephew and only heir of the late former minister of oil development of Cote d’Ivoire and needs some help transferring $26,000,000 to a U.S. account.