Author Archives: Red from Texas

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About Red from Texas

I'm proud to be Red. I have lived most of my life in Texas and I love this place. Here are a few things you should know about me. 1. I am happily married and intend to stay so. 2. I live in a house that is older than you, unless you are really old. 3. I own 2 rifles and a shotgun. I think handguns are just trouble. 4. I have never killed a man, but have taken out some deer and hogs. 5. I was a good student, but never close to being valedictorian. 6. In no particular order I like the Houston Texans, San Antonio Spurs, Houston Astros, FC Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur, Texas Longhorns and Houston Dynamo. 7. I hate Dallas but always have a good time when I go there. 8. I was a Dallas Cowboys fan for 26 years but declared that I was no longer a fan during the 1987 strike. 9. I don't own any pets. I like cats, and a good dog and I have met at least 3 of them in my lifetime. 10. I think the best part of Texas is west of I-35. 11. I own two pairs of cowboy boots, but don't wear them very often. 12. I don't have a pronounced Texas accent, but can affect one when needed. 13. My last meal would be fried shrimp with tartar sauce, a baked potato with all the fixins', a dinner salad with 1000 Island dressing, yeast rolls and chocolate fudge pie for dessert. 14. I'm an old Dad, but my children are none of your business. 15. I have two degrees from UT-Austin and somehow managed to fall in love with and marry an Aggie. 16. Most of my family are right-wing nut jobs but I love them anyway. 17. When I get to play golf on a regular basis, I shoot in the low 80's. 18. I don't get to play golf on a regular basis. 19. I think Fort Worth is the best town in Texas by a long shot. 20. I have a mean herb garden. Regards, Red P.S. Remember it's not a color, it's a state of mind.

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 10

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“I remember a discussion that several of us had with Tom Landry one afternoon. The subject was field position, a term you hear more frequently from college coaches than professional coaches. The concept of the game of football is attack and retreat, the same as war. The ultimate object is to capture the opponent=s goal, but a secondary consideration is keeping the ball as far as possible from your own goal line. Professional teams with their superior striking power are less cautious about field position, but no less concerned, as Landry was explaining. After taking some time to ferment his question, Harold Ratliff cornered Landry and asked, “Tell us, Tom, what you consider the best field position?” I looked at Landry. He didn’t need anyone to remind him to answer with care. He said, “Harold, I am personally attracted to my opponent’s one inch line.”

From Confessions of a Washed Up Sportswriter by Gary Cartwright.

And that my friends, was as close as Tom Landry ever came to telling a joke.

Red Rates Himself – Last week 2-4. For the season 36-18. Affect hangdog look.

Your Tom Landry Pick of the Week: Buccaneers over Cowboys. Red thinks this may be the most even match up of the entire season – at least on a statistical basis. Both teams are have similarly mediocre offenses ranking smack in the middle of the pack with equally inept passing games bolstered by reasonably strong running attacks. The main difference is the Buccaneers slightly less mediocre defense. But this game comes down to Red’s long hoped for desire to see an 8 game Cowboy losing streak. If they can just blow this one, then only one more game stands between Red and happiness. So once again, Red invokes the Red Rule (score 13 points and beat the Cowboys). It is hard to see how the Cowboys are not completely dead if they lose this one, but stranger things . . .   Red likes the under at 43.5.  Tampa Bay 20 Arlington 10.

Your One Inch Pick of the Week: Cardinals over Seahawks. The Cardinals are the most balanced team in the league so far. They have a top 3 offense and a top 3 defense. Only a slightly underperforming rushing game keeps them in check. About right now, Red is wondering why he did not pick the Cards to make the Superb Owl – especially in light of the troubles brewing in Northern Wisconsin. Meanwhile, this is as close to a must-win game as there is for the defending NFC Champion Seahawks. A loss and they are 3 full games behind the Cards with 7 to play. Not an impossible hill to climb, but definitely a demanding task for an underperforming offense that has scored almost 100 points less than the explosive Cardinal attack. Despite the seeming disparity, Red thinks this is Your NFL Game of the Week. Too close to call on the money line, but solid on the over at 44.5. Arizona 29 Seattle 28.

Your Field Position Pick of the Week: Bengals over Texans. Forgive Red for stating the obvious, but the undefeated Bengals are undefeated at home with a 4-0 record. The 3-5 Texans have an expected 1-3 road record having only beaten the Jags on the road. Yet, the Texans are still in the hunt in the pathetic excuse for a professional football division (PEFPFD) that is the AFC South. The hunt is likely to come up empty as the Texans are looking at 3-5 in the second half of the season at best. Red just can’t see the Texans beating the Bengals, or the Patriots, or the Jets, or the Saints, or Bills, or the Colts for that matter. It was nice while it didn’t last.  Red is done with betting on Texans’ games. Cincinnati 35 Houston 17.

You’re Asinine Question Pick of the Week: Patriots over Giants. The question here is, “Red, how can the Giants possibly be 5-4 and leading their division when they have the worst defense in the entire NFL and a sub-par offense?” Well, Timmy, it’s called the “luck of the draw.” You see, Billy, the Giants play in the festering swamp that goes by the name of the NFC East Division. It is filled with teams led by megalomaniac owners, college coaches in over their heads, and quarterbacks that are, in the words of the eloquent fraternity of professional sportswriters, “really, really bad.” So Jimmy, even though the Giants are only 2-2 against the dregs of the NFL (see festering swamp supra) and have an offense that at times seems incapable of advancing the ball more than about ¾ of a yard at a time, they have managed to somehow score 247 points which ranks only behind the “real NFL teams” called the Patriots and the Cardinals. Thus Willy, Red believes that smoke and mirrors must be somehow involved in the Giants having actually won 5 games. That can work, Lenny, until you meet up with a team that smashes mirrors with a sledgehammer and puts sugar in the gas tank of your smoke machine. Red will take the Pats giving up 7 on the road and take it all day, every day, at least 3 times a day. New England 57 New Jersey 16.

Your Washed Up Sportswriter Pick of the Week: Packers over Lions. Somewhere on Red’s list was becoming a “Washed Up Sportswriter.” Unfortunately, this weekly ranting about NFL games is about as close as Red is ever going to make it. Red is somewhat mystified by the Packers 6-2 record – he would be more mystified if the Pack had not gotten slaughtered by what we call “Really Good Teams” in the Panthers and the Broncos the last two weeks. Other than beating a fast-fading Seahawks team in Week 2, the Packers really do not have a quality win yet this season and have yet to really dominate a game. So when they faced quality opposition coming off the “bye” week, it was not a real surprise that they stumbled. As it stands, the Pack has not won a game in almost a month, and that is just not something that fits well in to the order of Red’s universe. Take the Pack and given up whatever points you have to give up (probably at least 11), the Packers will be taking out a month’s worth of frustration on the hapless Lions. Green Bay 35 Detroit 16.

Your Dumbshit Pick of the Week: Jaguars over Ravens. Red keeps picking the Jags. The Jags keep losing. Red rewards the Jags by putting them in the Shit Bowl for the third time this season. Sixteen games these teams have played and 4 times they have emerged victorious. It really don’t get no shittier than that. Put the lock on the Glock and hide the key in a place you will forget before you dare to tune in to watch this beastly bowel battle, lest ye be tempted to empty a clip into your brand new 86 incher. Oh, you wanted Red to give you a recommendation so that you could bet on this one? Call Gamblers Anonymous right now. Jacksonville 17 Baltimore 13.

Today in Texas History – November 13

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From the Annals of Plutonium –  In 1974, union activist Karen Silkwood died in an automobile accident. Silkwood was born in Longview and was a laboratory technician at a Kerr-McGee  plutonium plant in Oklahoma. She joined the Oil, Chemical and Atomic Workers Union and became the first female member of the union bargaining committee in Kerr-McGee history.  Working to investigate health and safety concerns, she quickly discovered evidence of spills, leaks, and missing plutonium.  As a result of conditions in its plant, Kerr-McGee was sued in connection with worker safety and environmental contamination claims.  Braving strong opposition and threats, Silkwood testified before the Atomic Energy Commission that she had suffered radiation exposure in a series of unexplained incidents.  The automobile accident that claimed her life occurred while she was on the way to a meeting with an AEC official and a New York Times reporter.  Although there was many theories floated regarding her death, nothing in the way of foul play was ever proven.  However, an autopsy confirmed that she had been contaminated by plutonium.  She was portrayed by Meryl Streep in the 1984 movie Silkwood. 

Veteran’s Day

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Thank a veteran for their service to our country today.  We may not always agree with the causes in which they have been engaged to serve their country, but that can never detract from the sacrifice that many have made.

Red’s grandfather (whom he never met) fought in World War I in France and his Dad fought in World War II in France, Belgium and Germany. Dad never said much about his service – only that he was an ambulance driver and that he kept a rifle in the ambulance even though he wasn’t supposed to.  “I wasn’t about to be the only soldier in Europe without a weapon”, as he put it.  When Red looked at some of his letters from the war, it became clear that he had served much of the time in a Battalion Aid Station.  That is a unit that operates just behind the front lines and is the first place that wounded and dying soldiers are taken.  So he probably was transporting wounded soldiers from the front to medical units.  Red cannot even imagine the suffering and death that his Dad witnessed first hand at an age when all Red was thinking about was drinking, smoking, partying and trying to get a date (in between studying and going to class).  Dad may have even had a tremendous sense of guilt for having come through the war “without as much as a scratch thanks to the Nazis” as he put it.   Only much too late, Red realized that he had to forgive his Dad for being somewhat emotionally withdrawn and extremely cautious for the rest of his all too short life.

So Dad, thanks for your service and Red, for one, will never forget what you endured for your country, friends and family.

Will Texas Ever Have a Decent Rail System?

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TCR Board - Alternatives Considered Octber 20 2014

Competition for a high-speed rail network in Texas may be heating up.  The Texas Tribune reports that Chinese, French and Japanese interests may be lining up to provide an alternative to the short haul flights that now connect Texas’ major cities.  The earliest possible date for actual rail service floating around is 2021.  But it can’t happen soon enough for Red.

Texas Central Partners has drawn attention with its plans to develop a Dallas-Houston high-speed rail line using Japanese trains. While that project is furthest along, French and Chinese rail interests are more quietly discussing the prospects for rail projects with state and local officials.

“There comes a time when adding lanes is not a solution anymore, and that’s when you realize you need more public transportation,” said Alain Leray, president of SNCF America, the U.S. subsidiary of French rail operator SNCF. The company has been talking with Texas officials in earnest for about a year about potential rail projects, Leray said.

Chinese-backed rail interests have also approached some transportation officials in Texas about future projects, several transportation officials confirmed.

106 Bikers from Twin Peaks Shoot-Out Finally Indicted

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After only 8 months of prosecutorial twisting in the wind, the McClennan County District Attorney finally obtained indictments against 106 of the bikers involved in the March 2015 shoot-out at the now closed Twin Peaks restaurant in Waco.  The wheels of justice are grinding slowly, but not particularly finely as there were no indictments for murder or assault issued by the grand jury. All were indicted on charges of engaging in organized criminal activity.  For unknown reasons, 9 of the 106 indictments were sealed.  Another 71 bikers were arrested and perhaps the murder, assault and weapons charges are going to be leveled against those individuals.  In any event, the MCDA has seemed overwhelmed by this massive project.

Today in Texas History – November 11

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From the Annals of the Colonists –  In 1833,  members of the Beales Colony left New York aboard the Amos Wright headed for Texas. .  John Charles Beales and others had obtained large colonial grants that encompassed much of western Texas, eastern New Mexico, and the Rio Grande valley. The first colonists landed at Copano Bay on December 12, 1833. From there they traveled to a site on Las Moras Creek near Presidio del Rio Grande in the Rio Grande Valley.  The colonists named their settlement Dolores, in honor of Beales’s Mexican wife.  Beales’ Colony was a failure.  It was located in semi-arid brush unsuitable for farming and in country claimed by the Comanche.  Many colonists left for other settlements.  The final blow came during the Texas Revolution when the entire colony was abandoned before the advance of the Mexican Army.

Today In Texas History – November 10

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From the Annals of LBJ –  In 1967, the President’s Ranch Trail was dedicated in Wimberley. The 90  mile route includes places in Hays, Blanco and Gillespie counties that were important in the life of Pres.  Lyndon B. Johnson.  It extends from the LBJ Ranch, located on Ranch Road 1 near Stonewall, to San Marcos. From the ranch two approaches are possible to Blanco, from which the main route extends to San Marcos: one, referred to as the north branch, proceeds from Ranch Road 1 via U.S. Highway 290 through Hye to Johnson City, then to Blanco via U.S. Highway 281; the other approach, referred to as the south branch, leads from the ranch to Stonewall and reaches Blanco by means of Albert on Ranch Road 1623. The route from Blanco to San Marcos leads via Ranch roads 165 and 2325 through Wimberley, where Ranch Road 12 leads to San Marcos.

Photo of the Western White Houston from the National Park Service.

Anticipating Tonight’s GOP Debate

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With all the hubbub, hoo-hah, and general commotion surrounding Dr. Ben Carson’s claim to have stabbed someone as a youth, Red anticipates that the other presidential hopefuls on the GOP side may feel compelled to come up with their anecdotes showing how they have risen from their troubled past and become the better person for it.

Rand Paul –  Once refused to tip his hairdresser when she cut his hair too short.

Ted Cruz – Never killed anyone himself, but his Dad Rafael, was part of team of assassins who were dispatched to kill deposed Cuban dictator Fulgencio Bautista but were thwarted when FB had the impertinence to die of a heart attack just days before the planned assassination.  Ted himself did once unleash a brutal tongue lashing that reduced a first grade classmate to quivering jelly after cutting in front of Ted in the boy’s restroom.  Ted really had to pee very badly.

Jeb!!!!$$$$? – Whacked a fraternity brother up side of the head with a pledge paddle when he refused to give Jeb!!!!$$$$? a copy of an old Econ 101 final.  Jeb!!!!$$$$? made a C.

Marco Rubio –  Tried to attack a convenience store clerk with a switchblade.  Luckily, it was only Marco’s switchblade comb.

Carly Fiorina – Too many school yard cat fights to pick out one in particular.

Donald Trump –  Paid local toughs to beat up kid who made fun of his hair.  This happened more than once.

John Kasich –  Food fight in the men’s locker room at his country club.  Couldn’t get a decent tee time for several months.

Chris Christie – Sat on little brother until he forked over allowance.

Mike Huckabee – Body slammed gay man in the mosh pit.

Bobby Jindal –  Peed in neighbor’s back yard.

Poachers Beware

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According to reports from NBC Channel 5 in Dallas, Texas Game Wardens are gearing up to crack down on poachers this hunting season.  Most people probably do not understand how much of nuisance and actual danger these outlaws pose.  Not to mention giving a bad name to all hunters.  Now Red is far from a big time hunter, but he has taken out a few wild hogs and deer in his time.  The hogs because they are destructive pests that breed like – well, wild hogs – and harm native flora and fauna, and the deer because Red makes a mean venison sauerbraten.  Red can go out for a weekend hunt and be perfectly content to enjoy nature, do some birding, and take a hike through the woods without ever firing a shot.  Plus, Red enjoys the fact that it drives some of his rabidly conservative acquaintances practically bonkers when he tells them he will be out hunting this weekend.  They have a lot of trouble processing that one.  Red has observed some illegal poaching on occasion and there is very little that makes Red madder.  One of the cardinal rules when hunting is to know where everyone is going to be.  One cannot know where the poacher will be.  And therein lies the problem.  As mad as they make him, Red has no inclination to take out a poacher and is even less inclined to want to be taken out by one.  So Poachers Beware, the long arm of the law is watching, but they require your help.  Game Wardens rarely catch someone out of the blue.  The vast majority of poaching cases begin with an anonymous phone call to the Texas Operation Game Thief hotline at 800-792-GAME (4263).