The Latest Episode of Walker, Texas Moron

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Chuck Norris of Walker, Texas Ranger fame, has weighed in on the Jade Helm 15 “controversy.”  Chuck speaks, Red translates:

Concerned Texans and Americans (Tea Party Wingnuts) are in no way calling into question our brave and courageous men and women in uniform (except to claim that they are coming to round us up and take our guns away). They are merely following orders (of the Muslim Kenyan Terrorist Sympathizer). What’s under question are those who are pulling the strings at the top of Jade Helm 15 back in Washington (that Muslim Kenyan Terrorist Sympathizer again). The U.S. government says, “It’s just a training exercise.” But I’m not sure the term “just” has any reference to reality when the government uses it. (Even Red “just” can’t figure out what the Texas Moron is “just” trying to say here).

“Well, I’m not trusting what we’re being told,” said Mike Hightower, an affable antique store owner and real-estate agent (and possible part-time conspiracy theorist) in the very small town of Smithville, Texas, (does it still bill itself as the “Heart of the Megapolis?”) where some Jade Helm 15 (Red preferred the noir classic Jade Helm 2) exercises will take place. He added, “I think there’s something a little more involved than what they’re telling us.” (okay, confirmed conspiracy theorist).

If Washington (you know who) wants to cool the embers of controversy (that we made up out of whole cloth), then it should quit stoking the fire (doing its job protecting our country), as with the posting of a map of Jade Helm 15 “just” exercises that label some areas of the country, including Texas, as “hostile,” according to KHOU 11 News in Houston and verified by the Washington Post (OMG are you really that f%#king stupid?).

I have an idea (now let’s be careful here): If the government insists on running expanded military ops (they’re really coming to take our women and children and most importantly guns) across seven Southwest states, why doesn’t it move all that “military training” south and protect our borders (keep them pesky brown skins out) at the same time?! (Red has never seen a question mark and an exclamation point used simultaneously, so this must really be important – or not!?. So there.)

Whatever Jade Helm 15 actually is (women, children, guns, etc again), I think it is more than coincidental that the FBI director just confessed in February that the presence of ISIS can be felt in all 50 states of the U.S. and that the Pentagon (Remember, I support our support our brave men and women in the military unless they happen to be in command) is suddenly running its biggest military training exercise (oops! I slipped up here and actually correctly identified Jade Helm 15 as a military training exercise – please forgive me) with every branch of the military across seven Southwestern states (rather than, for example, Kenya). Whether deterrence, display of power or something more covert or devious (okay, I’m back on track – women, children, guns, etc.), let’s not come with any patronizing nonsense of impotence and simplicity (okay, he lost Red again) when its origin is in Washington (you know, perhaps we could overlook that Muslim Kenyan Terror Sympathizer thing – if he weren’t also a gall-danged Democrat!).

I’m glad Texas Sen. Ted Cruz is asking the tough questions of the Pentagon about Jade Helm 15, (Like – why are you coming to round us up and take away our women, children and guns?) particularly because its “exercises” (it must be a lie if I put it in quotes) come too near to my ranch’s backdoor as well (Ah, now we’re getting somewhere), at least according to the map. It’s pretty sad and bad (and plaid and mad and rad) when major military ops (getting army jargon talk on us) are ordered in a large, fiery (really, we’re actually on fire most of the time in the  Lone Star state) state like Texas and not even the governor or its senators know the specifics (other than the complete briefing they got from the Military who of course cannot be trusted).

It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. Really big fish in a tiny barrel. You can thank Red later.

ISIS Crisis in Texas?

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CNN reports that ISIS has claimed responsibility for the incompetent goons who attacked a group holding a Mohammed Art Contest apparently designed to provoke just such an attack.

In a broadcast on its official radio channel Tuesday, the group said two Al Khilafa soldiers opened fire outside the event in Garland, a Dallas suburb. Al Khilafa is how ISIS refers to its soldiers.  CNN cannot confirm the claim, and ISIS offered no evidence that the gunmen were affiliates with the terror organization.  The gunmen . . . wounded a security guard before police shot and killed them.

“We say to the defenders of the cross, the U.S., that future attacks are going to be harsher and worse. The Islamic State soldiers will inflict harm on you with the grace of God. The future is just around the corner.”

Red has always contended that if terrorists wanted to bring the nation to its knees for a few weeks, all they need is about 1000 kooks armed with hunting rifles willing to die.  Remember what two guys with a rifle and a van did to the DC area over a decade ago.  If this is indicative of the caliber of kooks that are available, then fortunately for us, ISIS will have trouble finding anyone with half a brain.

So Much for Local Control

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The Texas Tea Party likes to shout local control and government overreach from the rooftops when it fears the federal government stepping on Texans’ toes.  But when it comes to serving the interests of big oil, the Tea Partisans cannot fall over themselves fast enough to do its bidding.  This time it comes in the form of a bill passed by the Senate and House which will prevent Texas municipalities from banning fracking within their city limits.  But the bill, which emerged as a response to a hydraulic fracking ban passed by Denton voters in November, goes well beyond just fracking and leaves municipalities powerless to regulate any oil and gas practices that do not involve surface operations.

The bill emerged as legislative backlash to a hydraulic fracturing ban passed by Denton voters in November.  The legislation also prevents cities from passing ordinances addressing underground activity, including disposal wells, which have been linked to earthquakes, and pre-empt any ordinance deemed not “commercially reasonable.”

Now Red appreciates the need for uniform rules on drilling practices, but the hypocrisy of the Tea Partisans is just plain shocking.  They insist that the federal government cannot dictate to Texas – but then have Texas turn around and dictate to local government.

Today in Texas History

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From the Annals of the Hail from Hell –  In 1995, a surprise and deadly hail storm struck Fort Worth  and Dallas.  The super-cell thunderstorm was characterized as the worst recorded hail storm to hit the U.S. in the 20th Century.  The storm hit on a warm Friday afternoon that had attracted many thousands to various outdoor venues and in particular the Fort Worth Mayfest.   The sudden storm caught many in the open when tennis-ball-sized hail began to fall.  Victims suffered broken bones, deep lacerations and bruises from the hail stones. The hail also caused considerable property damage in western Fort Worth.  It even disrupted air traffic throughout the country because of delays at DFW.  Seventeen people died in the storm – but none from hail.  Rather, flash flooding caused the fatalities with most of the victims being drowned after attempting to cross flooded areas in their cars.  Two people were killed when a water filled roof collapsed.  At the time, it was considered to be the costliest hail storm in U.S. history.

Get Your Tax-Free Guns

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The Senate has approved Senate Bill 228  which designates one weekend a year where as a tax-free holiday for gun sales.  The bill sponsored by Sen. Brandon Creighton (TP-Conroe) exempts  firearms, ammunition and hunting supplies from sales tax during the last weekend in August.  Creighton calls it a Second Amendment tax holiday weekend.  Part of the rational for the sales tax exemption stems from a similar tax holiday that occurs one week earlier in Louisiana.  Proponents claim that Texas businesses near the Louisiana border lose considerable sales because of the tax disparity for that one weekend.  The Legislative Budget Board estimates that Texas will lose over $3.5 million in sales tax revenue each year if Creighton’s bill becomes law.

When Did the Right Wing Come to Hate the Military?

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Digby of Salon wonders how the Tea Party came to hate the military so much.  It is a stark contrast from the traditional right-wing support of an ever-expanding military.  Remember when it was unpatriotic to oppose continual increases in defense spending or to question whether the U.S. should be sending troops to fight overseas.  These folks couldn’t fall over themselves fast enough to support W. Bush’s foolish wars and the creation of a big brother surveillance state, and call out anyone who opposed that as practically a traitor.  “You’re either for us or against us.”  Ask yourself, what has changed?

You have probably heard these lyrics at least a thousand times at televised Republican rallies:

 And I’m proud to be an American
Where at least I know I’m free
And I won’t forget the men who died
Who gave that right to me

Those of course are the words to “God Bless the USA” by Lee Greenwood, a song that could almost be described as the conservative national anthem. It perfectly expresses the patriotism of the Real American, the man and woman who love their country without reservation, the ones who boldly invite dissenters to “love it or leave it” and attack anyone who would dare besmirch the red, white and blue. These colors don’t run, hippie…

But something has changed. In fact, it appears that the right wing in this country has become downright hostile to the one government institution they heretofore had defended with every fiber of their being: the military. This week, members of the conservative fringe, having apparently become convinced that the army is holding a large training exercise in the American southwest in order to prepare the ground for a federal government takeover of Texas, are themselves metaphorically spitting in the face of U.S. soldiers:

“It’s the same thing that happened in Nazi Germany: You get the people used to the troops on the street, the appearance of uniformed troops and the militarization of the police,” Bastrop resident Bob Wells told the Statesman after the meeting. “They’re gathering intelligence. That’s what they’re doing. And they’re moving logistics in place for martial law. That’s my feeling. Now, I could be wrong. I hope I am wrong. I hope I’m a ‘conspiracy theorist.’”

Greg Abbott must be wondering how to quell the shit storm of adverse media coverage he has created by kowtowing to lunatics such as these.

Today in Texas History – May 1

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From the Annals of Public Art – in 1948, the Mustangs sculpture on the University of Texas campus was dedicated. The sculptor was Alexander P. Proctor.  Proctor was contacted by J. Frank Dobie for his fried oilman Ralph Ogden who wanted to give a sculpted group of mustangs to UT.  Proctor made a 15″ high clay model of small compact group of six mustangs.  He later added a colt and the model was approved.  He worked on the sculpture throughout much of 1939 while living on part of the King Ranch where a herd of wild mustangs still roamed.  Proctor finished the plaster cast, but it sat in the Gorham Bronze foundry waiting material for casting which was delayed because of WWII.  It was presented to UT when finished.  Proctor was present for the dedication. Unfortunately, Ogden had died but his wife presented the statue in his honor.