Tag Archives: 2016 Candidates

Is There Anything Ted Cruz Doesn’t Lie About (cont.)?

Apparently,  the answer is “Yes.”  The National Enquirer has reported that Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) has had extramarital affairs with at least 5 women. The junior senator from Texas (or “Pervy Ted” as the NE would have it) denies the allegations.   Notorious campaign dirty trickster Roger Stone stands by the accusations and has thrown down the gauntlet basically taunting Cruz to sue him.

Well for once, Red believes that Ted is telling the truth.  There is no way that there are 5 “non-professional” women out there who are willing to have coitus with Cruz.

As for Cruz denying copulating with members of the Order Rodentia, Red remains skeptical for now.

Whither the GOP (cont.)?

Salon does an excellent job of explaining the choice now facing Republican voters in choosing between (1) Donald Trump – running for President on a cult of personality that would make Kim Jung Il blush; or (2) Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) who would likely be the most radical major party candidate to ever win the nomination.

Indeed, last year the site analyzed the voting records, public policy statements, and fundraising sources of 32 major Republican presidential candidates, going all the way back to Barry Goldwater, and concluded that Cruz was the most right-wing candidate out of this entire group.

 

Per this analysis, Cruz is far more right-wing than such relatively “liberal” figures — all from that distant era before the Republican Party was taken over by hard-right ideologues — as Richard Nixon, Bob Dole and George H.W. Bush.  He is also much more right-wing than Mitt Romney and John McCain.  But that isn’t the half of it: based on their respective political records, Ted Cruz makes Newt Gingrich, Ronald Reagan and the current Tea Party-dominated Republican Congress look liberal by comparison.

Cruz Wins! Sort of . . .

Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) won the GOP primary in the White People’s Republic of Idaho last night.  Everywhere else?  Not so much.  Trump’s impressive victories in Michigan and Mississippi show that he has support in highly diverse states.  Meanwhile, Cruz is demonstrating what a win in Iowa can do for a candidate.  Look what it did for Rick Santorum in 2012.  Without that initial victory, Cruz is likely long gone from the race.   Trump now has a clear path to victory.  Wins in Ohio and Florida will likely seal the deal for the billionaire bloviator.   The only question coming out of last night is will whiny Marco Rubio will hang on until he loses his home state and hurt his chances for the future, or pull out now to save face.

The Republicans are Master-debaters

Red is pretty damn sure that last night’s GOP debate is the first time that penis size has ever come up in a presidential debate.  The spirited repartee over the size of Donald Trump’s penis has generated some interesting and heretofore unprecedented headlines on the important topic of just how big our President’s dick should be.

From CNN – Donald Trump Defends Size of His Penis

From the International Business Times – Donald Trump Discusses Penis Size During Fox News Republican Debate

From HuffPo – Donald Trump Nearly Turns GOP Debate into Literal Dick-Measuring Contest

From patch.com – Who Won Thursday’s Republican Debate: Yoga, “Little Marco”, Penis Size

From Hollywood Life – Donald Trump Fires Back at Marco Rubio: “There is No Problem” with my Penis

Red thinks  the headline writers were challenged by this unusual development and failed to respond with their usual expertise.  Red also notes that Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) stayed out of the dick-swinging fray last night.  Does Ted have something to hide?

 

Mitt Speaks! No One Listens.

Failed presidential candidate Mitt Romney spoke out against Donald Trump today.  Red translates for you.

If we Republicans (that means you Whitey) choose Donald Trump as our nominee (instead of a proven loser like me- for instance), the prospects for a safe and prosperous future are greatly diminished (who am I kidding? We’re all going to Hell in a hand basket unless they come to their senses and pick me again). 

Isn’t he a huge business success (I’m piker by comparison, really) and doesn’t he know what he’s talking about?  (insert dramatic pause here) No, he isn’t (I have it on good information from the Angel Moroni himself), and no he doesn’t (he never raped a company and its employees like I did).

He inherited his business (or a small fraction thereof). He didn’t create it (except most of it). And what ever happened to Trump Airlines  (of course, I only fly private – rubbing shoulders with the hoi polloi in first class – how disgusting)? How about Trump University? And then there’s Trump Magazine (belly up in a dying industry) and Trump Vodka (not very good I hear- I swear on Brigham Young’s grave that I never tasted the stuff) and Trump Steaks (well those were good) and Trump Mortgage? A business genius he is not (but damn, I wish I had 1/10th of his net worth).

I know that some people (I’m talking about you Hillary) want the race to be over (but not me -surely the party will eventually wise up and realize that Joseph Smith’s  dream of Mormon hegemony can only be put in place when you nominate me again). They look at history (I made a C in American History only because I sat next to an ugly girl and copied her answers) and say a trend (that is, actual voters actually voting) like Mr. Trump’s isn’t going to be stopped. Perhaps (damn it all). But the rules of political history (white guys like me win) have pretty much all been shredded (like I was in 2012) during this campaign.

Donald Trump tells us that he is very, very smart (but not smart enough to buy companies, pillage them and fire everyone like I did – that fool actually creates jobs).  I’m afraid that when it comes to foreign policy he is very, very not smart. (I made a D in Freshman English – no available fat girls).

Think of Donald Trump’s personal qualities, the bullying (believe me I know about the bullying), the greed (that too), the showing off (wanna see my holy underwear?), the misogyny (we in the LDS know something about that one too), the absurd third grade theatrics (my theatrics were at least middle school level).  We have long referred to him as ‘The Donald.’ He is the only person in America to whom we have added an article before his name (okay  I know this is total bullshit -Ivana gave him that moniker, but it really sounds good – hmmm, “The High Priest Willard” has a certain ring to it). It wasn’t because he had attributes we admired (except when I got down on my knees and begged for his endorsement in 2012). 

 

 

 

File this Under Damn, Damn, Damn

CNN reports that Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) would have dropped out of the GOP race if he had lost Texas.

Texas Sen. Ted Cruz was prepared to drop out of the Republican presidential race had he lost his home state on Super Tuesday, he confirmed Wednesday, and is asking Florida Sen. Marco Rubio to do the same should he lose his.

The comments come after Cruz fell well short of expectations he set for himself on Super Tuesday. But Rubio, his chief rival in the anti-Donald Trump contest, is not faring much better. Now, heading into a critical two-week stretch before the primary in Rubio’s home state, Cruz is aiming to change the narrative, working to sell his own donors and backers on his own viability, which is more in question than ever before given Trump’s command of the race.

Listen, everyone recognizes Donald Trump is a unique phenomenon. And we were encouraged by internal numbers, but you know, I asked the team what do we do if we lose Texas?” Cruz told reporters in Overland Park, Kansas, on Wednesday night. “And we had reached the conclusion, if we had lost Texas, that would’ve been the end of the road.”

You blew it Texas.  Now the road goes on forever and the party won’t end until the convention.

Shame on Oklahoma (and Alaska).

Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) won the Oklahoma primary with 34.4% of the vote followed by Donald Trump at 28.6%.  At least Texas has an excuse for letting him win the Texas primary (albeit with less than 44% of the vote – compare that to Bernie’s win in Vermont) as we are responsible for putting the irascible junior senator into the national spotlight (or more accurately the blame should be placed on the 631,136 GOP voters representing about 5% of the Texas electorate who decided that David Dewhurst was not conservative enough in the 2012 GOP runoff).  In other words, Ted may be a deceitful dirty trickster, but he is our deceitful dirty trickster.  Oklahoma has no such excuse.  And who knows what goes on in an Alaskan caucus?

Vote!

It’s Super Tuesday and it may not be excessive hyperbole to suggest that the fate of the nation hangs in the balance.  The presidential primary races may be all but over by the end of the day.  So Red urges everyone – Democrat, Republican, Tea Party, Independent, or Other – to exercise your franchise and vote for the candidates of your choice – even if it includes Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas).  We can’t all be right.

Carson Crowd Trashes Cruz

Ben Carson’s presidential bid appears to be on the fast track to Nowheresville, but he was still able to attract a crowd Tea Party hotbed Tarrant County on Sunday.  The most surprising aspect of the overflow event, was the hostility of attendees towards Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas).  The Texas Tribune has the skinny on the increasing disillusionment with Cruz in his “home state.”

[O]ver and over in conversations, members of this racially diverse, mostly evangelical crowd expressed revulsion toward the other GOP candidates, including home state U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz.

Cathy Singleton, a Frisco flight attendant, has admired Carson since she heard him speak at an event in Branson, Missouri. 

“I think he has a big shot. We were discussing it earlier today,” she said gesturing to her husband, James. “So far, he is the only candidate we haven’t caught in a lie. I don’t like to vote for people that have lied consistently. He’s an honest campaigner.”   

Singleton confirmed her comments alluded to Cruz’s recent campaign turbulence: accusations that his campaign deceived Iowa Republicans into believing Carson was dropping out of the race there, and charges that a Cruz staffer shared an online video that falsely purported to show U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida making a negative comment about the Bible. 

“Before that, I was looking at some of the other candidates thinking, ‘Yeah, well, you know, maybe’,” she said. “But if someone’s going play that dirty with someone in their own party, they’re going to do that to anyone.”  

The Carson supporters who gathered Saturday showed no bias for the Texas candidate. The overriding sentiment expressed was disillusionment.  

Carolyn Nelson is a retired educator and real estate agent from Irving. She said she voted early for Carson because he serves as a positive contrast to the “bullish stupid activities that’s going on with the other candidates.” 

“I have no anger toward him,” she said of Cruz. “But I have no trust in him at all. He makes me nervous. I think he is dishonest. I thought he was dishonest before Trump called him a liar. I just would not vote for him.” 

Linton Davis is an operations manager at Lockheed Martin’s Fort Worth plant. He called Cruz “a politician,” as if the term was an ad hominem attack. 

“The thing that makes Ted a politician is… not what he says, but the way he says it and the things he will do,” he said. “He plays dirty pool… There’s a sense with Ted that it’s an ends-justifies-the-means type attitude.” 

GOP Debate at UH – Why?

Red wonders what strings got pulled by and for University of Houston to land the final GOP debate before Super Tuesday.  The debate is being held at the woefully undersized Moores Opera Hall which seats only 800.  Half of those seats will go accredited members of the press leaving only about 400 seats for the public.  UH itself only received 25 seats.  UH Pres. Renu Khator complained about the allotment to no avail.  Which all begs the question of why the debate is being held at such a small venue, when excellent facilities with more than twice that capacity are readily available in Houston?