Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) attempted to capture some Indiana magic by appearing in the same basketball arena where the iconic movie Hoosiers was filmed. But Cruz apparently is not very familiar with sports lexicon as he referred to the hoop as “that basketball ring.” That kind of flub in oral argument before a court of appeals would have his colleagues smirking. CNN has the clip.
Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) has been accused of campaign violations in the conduct of fundraising for his presidential campaign. Texas Democrats claim that Cruz violated federal election law by illegally coordinating with the Super PAC that is promoting his candidacy but which is supposedly – wink, wink, nudge, nudge – completely and totally separate from Cruz’s official campaign juggernaut.
The complaint filed with the Federal Election Commission alleges that Cruz national co-chairman J. Keet Lewis violated federal election laws at an official campaign fundraiser in December by asking Cruz supporters to donate unlimited amounts, as well as to make corporate contributions to the pro-Cruz Stand for Truth PAC (you read that right – “Lyin’ Ted’s” Super PAC is named “Stand for Truth”).
Under federal law, a candidate or agent of a candidate can solicit donors to a PAC. However, it is illegal for them to solicit unlimited contributions or corporate contributions to a Super PAC.
The complaint names Cruz, Lewis, Cruz for President treasurer Bradley Knippa and Stand for Truth Treasurer D. Eric Lycan as respondents. The primary allegations involve remarks Lewis made at the December fundraiser where he told the crowd, “If you hit your max then we have a table for you that is the unlimited table. It can take corporate dollars, it can take partnership dollars, and that’s the Super PAC, Stand for Truth.”
Lewis denies the allegations, but the complaint seems to be just one more in a long line of ethical questions plaguing Cruz’s campaign as it head into the final stretch of primaries over the next month.
“America has always been best when she is lying down with her back on the mat.”
Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) in unveiling his new campaign theme of “Yes we will (steal the nomination from Donald Trump).”
Ted obviously was not kidding about that lack of sleep. Is Ted calling America a whore? Or just an easy rack?
Dear Red ,
I’m about to ask you to make a sacrifice (I’m an Old Testament Christian after all) in the next 48 hours. But before I do, I want you to know: I wouldn’t ask you if I hadn’t already done it myself (If you don’t believe me check out the burned doves and occasional ripped open sheep on my back patio).
Please let me briefly explain.
You see, running for President of the United States is a significant sacrifice (mostly of the opportunity to vote in the Senate – the job I was elected to do). Only through prayer and many late night discussions (I love pillow talk) with my wife, family, and closest friends did I make THE decision (Not that the outcome was ever in doubt).
And I must share with you — I’ve committed to sacrificing a great deal for our campaign:
Time with my family: Spending almost every day on the campaign trail or fighting on the Senate floor (at least once a month) means precious little time spent with my wife, Heidi, (I think that’s her name) and my daughters (I forget their names but damn they’re cute) — the very family that gives me the motivation and drive to fight (well that along with my raging narcissism).
Health and sleep: My runoff campaign for the Senate in 2012 took a toll (I wouldn’t wish my varicose veins on my worst enemy), but now I’m sacrificing even more sleep with long nights and constant travel (which explains some of my bizarre outbursts). And the pizza diet (you know I prefer Canadian bacon) is a staple on the campaign trail.
Finances: the cost of campaigning back and forth across the country for president is increasingly expensive (but paid for with other people’s money), but Heidi and I are willing to invest our livelihoods into this sacrifice (because win or lose a big book deal is coming).
Personal time: You think of this the least, but as a candidate, my days are no longer my own (in fact, they are bought and paid for by the Koch brothers). Days start before dawn and many times don’t end until early the next morning (only the adulation of the crowds keeps me going). There is almost no personal time when you run for president (it takes three aides to help me take a shit).
Red, I’ve chosen to sacrifice part of mine and my families lives (our lives, damn it, our lives – I’m just like Abraham) to run for President (my lifelong dream)— but I think you will agree with me that the sacrifice is well worth it (or maybe not).
Today, I’m asking you to make a sacrifice —–. Will you join me by making a special, one-time (did I say one time? Jeez, the staff is going to be pissed off about that one) gift (it’s like Christmas every day at the Cruz headquarters) to my campaign?
I’ve asked my staff to put together these secure links below so you can make an instant and secure sacrificial gift — it can be done in just 5 minutes.
I CAN SACRIFICE $35 (a dove) TO RESTORE AMERICA >> I CAN SACRIFICE $100 (a lamb) TO RESTORE AMERICA >>
I CAN SACRIFICE $250 (a cow) TO RESTORE AMERICA >>
I CAN SACRIFICE $1000 (a bull elephant) TO RESTORE AMERICA >>
Will you be a courageous conservative and make a special gift today to help restore America? I can only reach this goal with your help.
I wouldn’t ask you if 1f I wasn’t willing to make the same sacrifice myself (I managed to work in sacrifice 15 times – if that doesn’t get the evangelicals all riled up and ready to get out the credit cards – nothing will); and 2) the stakes weren’t so high (later tonight, they are going to drive the stakes through my hands – how’s that for sacrifice).
Red (I used your name 3 times, Red, make that 4, Red, oh shit now it’s 5 – please make me stop)—, time is critical, and if you will, please make this special gift in the next 48 hours — I would be so grateful (I’ll raise your taxes just to prove it).
For liberty (and the greater glorification of all things Ted Cruz,
Ted Cruz
Donald Trump mopped the floor with Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) on Tuesday on Trump’s home turf. The Texas Tea Party hero finished a distant third behind Trump and Ohioan John Kasick and earned exactly ZERO delegates. Trump made up all the ground that Cruz had fought hard for over the last month in one night and with a favorable calendar for the next two weeks, looks likely to very nearly close the deal by the end of April. Another Trump sweep seems possible next week. Cruz might have a chance to win Nebraska or maybe South Dakota, but his only real shot now is to muck up the works at the GOP National Convention, deny Trump a first ballot victory, and then sneak off with the nomination on a later ballot. That might actually present the best-case scenario in Red’s opinion.
“How so?”, you ask. If going to Cleveland Trump has – say 1200 delegates – close but no cigar, Cruz will do everything in his power to hold Trump just short. If he succeeds and wins the nomination in a “contested convention”, the GOP will likely fracture, Trump may run as a third party candidate, Cruz will go down in ignominious defeat losing 49 states, never be heard from again as a serious national candidate, and maybe re-immigrate to Canada. A guy can dream can’t he?
The Texas Tribune adeptly chronicles the rise and fall of the bromance between Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) and Donald Trump.
Nine months ago, Ted Cruz called Donald Trump “terrific.” Two weeks ago, he called the real estate mogul “a sniveling coward.”
It’s been an emotional rollercoaster for the two leading candidates for the Republican presidential nomination, with Cruz, a U.S. Senator from Texas, initially distinguishing himself last summer as the only candidate to fully embrace Trump’s unexpected bid for the White House.
As other contenders fell by the wayside, the pair’s friendship first fractured and then died, only to be quickly replaced with an intense hostility.
In the words of Willie Nelson, “There’s nothing cold as ashes after the fire is gone.”
Red loves his weekly email from Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas). When “Lyin’ Ted” writes, hilarity ensues. As always, Red translates for you – so you don’t have to.
Greetings,
This week, I continued to push back (disguised cleverly as flailing about helplessly and flapping my gums) against President Obama’s unconstitutional (because only I can divine the mysterious intent of the founding fathers – so just trust me on this) executive amnesty. Texans have witnessed the harmful effects of an unsecure border (made somehow less secure by the record number of interdictions and deportations carried out by the Obama administration – but those are merely inconvenient things called facts – wise folks would rather hear me make shit up, wouldn’t you?), which endanger the lives of citizens (who might have to clean their own bathrooms – full of germs I hear) and pose risks to American families (or horror of horrors – mow their own yard). The Obama administration (terrorist sympathizing Muslim communists) must adhere to and respect the rule of law (just wait until I’m president and need to do something), rather than the personal views of the President (clearly a Commie) and what he thinks the law should be (because after all he was only Editor of the Harvard Law Review and a constitutional law professor and not a Supreme Court clerk like me – take that loser).
In an attempt to rein in the lawless actions (I hear it’s like Dodge City in the 1870’s inside the White House) of the Obama administration, the State of Texas (soon to be a sovereign nation if my supporters have anything to say about it) has championed the fight against the Administration’s 2014 executive amnesty (even though I was curiously quiet when W. Bush was trampling on the Constitution), and I am proud (a deadly but really satisfying sin when you have an ego that won’t fit into Capitol rotunda) to continue leading efforts (by running my mouth, calling my colleagues liars and alienating pretty much every other Senator so that they really don’t pay attention to anything I say) against the President’s lawlessness.
Please keep reading for an update on the latest in the Senate (if you have masochistic tendencies).
Keep Texas Strong (Your Canadian Pal),
Ted Cruz
Red got this message from the Hillary Clinton campaign yesterday. As always, Red translates so that you don’t have to.
Apparently, the answer is “Yes.” The National Enquirer has reported that Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) has had extramarital affairs with at least 5 women. The junior senator from Texas (or “Pervy Ted” as the NE would have it) denies the allegations. Notorious campaign dirty trickster Roger Stone stands by the accusations and has thrown down the gauntlet basically taunting Cruz to sue him.
Well for once, Red believes that Ted is telling the truth. There is no way that there are 5 “non-professional” women out there who are willing to have coitus with Cruz.
As for Cruz denying copulating with members of the Order Rodentia, Red remains skeptical for now.
Salon does an excellent job of explaining the choice now facing Republican voters in choosing between (1) Donald Trump – running for President on a cult of personality that would make Kim Jung Il blush; or (2) Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) who would likely be the most radical major party candidate to ever win the nomination.
Indeed, last year the site analyzed the voting records, public policy statements, and fundraising sources of 32 major Republican presidential candidates, going all the way back to Barry Goldwater, and concluded that Cruz was the most right-wing candidate out of this entire group.
Per this analysis, Cruz is far more right-wing than such relatively “liberal” figures — all from that distant era before the Republican Party was taken over by hard-right ideologues — as Richard Nixon, Bob Dole and George H.W. Bush. He is also much more right-wing than Mitt Romney and John McCain. But that isn’t the half of it: based on their respective political records, Ted Cruz makes Newt Gingrich, Ronald Reagan and the current Tea Party-dominated Republican Congress look liberal by comparison.
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