Tag Archives: Dallas Cowboys

No Mo’ Romo (cont.)

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ESPN is reporting that Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo will retire and take up a career in broadcasting.  This means that all of Houston can let out a collective sigh of relief (or cry of agony as the case may be).  Red for one is glad that the Texans will not fall for the trap of signing a tired, old Tony Romo to be their starting QB for what would likely be 3 games before he goes down for the season.   The idea that TR was the answer to the Texans’ quarterback problem always struck Red as ludicrous.  Romo had a track record of near abject failure in the playoffs and to think that would change in Houston was a pipedream.

Dallas is expected to designate Romo as a post-June 1 release, softening the blow against the Cowboys’ cap this season. Instead of counting $24.7 million in 2017, Romo would count $10.7 million this year and $8.9 million in 2018. The Cowboys would gain $14 million in cap space, but it would not become available until June 2. But after Tuesday, Romo will no longer be with the Cowboys.

Romo’s decision came down to his health, sources close to the situation told ESPN. Romo, who turns 37 on April 21, believes his family and his health are paramount at this time in his life. He was limited to playing in just parts of five games over the past two seasons because of collarbone and back injuries, and he suffered a compression fracture in his back last August that led to him ultimately giving way to Dak Prescott.

The upside for Red is that Romo is rumored to replace addled and incoherent Phil Simms in the booth next to overrated and annoying Jim Nantz.   Nothing would make Red happier than TR having to put up with prima donna Nantz and his smarminess on 18 weekends next season.

No Mo’ Romo

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ESPN is reporting that the Dallas Cowboys (meaning Jerry Jones) will release veteran quarterback Tony Romo on Thursday.  The move will save the Cowboys some money against the 2017 salary cap although they will still take a major hit for a quarterback that has played in a handful of games over the last two seasons.  Red does not pretend to understand the intricacies of the NFL’s salary cap rules, but apparently if Romo is a June 1 designation (whatever the hell that means), the  Cowboys would take a $10.7 million hit on the 2017 cap and $8.9 million on the 2018 cap.   If released without the designation, the Cowboys will save $5.1 million against the salary cap but will carry $19.6 million in dead money (again whatever that means) for 2017.

Romo who was undrafted signed as a free agent with the Cowboys in 2003, but did not see the field until the 2006 season when he replaced Drew Bledsoe at halftime of the Giants game.  He never again left the field that season and led the Cowboys to a 9-7 record and a playoff spot.  His most infamous moment came in his first playoff game (against the Seahawks) when he botched the snap on a field goal attempt that would have secured the Cowboys first playoff win in almost a decade.  Red still remembers laughing uncontrollably for several minutes.

Romo finishes his career with the Cowboys with a record 78-49 as a starter.  His 34,183 passing yards and 248 touchdown passes are the most in team history.  Romo holds team records for most 300-yard passing games (46), multiple touchdown pass games (79) and consecutive games with a touchdown pass (38). He also holds the Cowboys records for most yards in a season (4,903 yards in 2012)  and in a game (506 against the Broncos in 2013), and the NFL record with a touchdown pass in 41 straight road games.

All of that is well and good, but Romo was 2-4 in the playoffs and never played in a conference championship game.  Thus, by Cowboys standards, he was a miserable failure as a quarterback.  Red dearly hopes that the Texans do not fall for a 37 year-old often injured quarterback with a track record of playoff failure.

Today in Texas History – January 18

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From the Annals of the NFL –  The Pittsburgh Stealers beat the Irving Cowboys 21-17 in Superb Owl X at the Orange Bowl in Miami.  The Stealers scored 21 the hard way with 2 TD’s, 1 PAT, 1 Safety and 2 Field Goals.  The margin of victory might have been greater if not for Stealers’ kicker Roy Gerela being injured tackling Thomas “Hollywood” Henderson when the Cowboys ran a trick play reverse on the opening kickoff.  Gerela suffered bruised ribs and missed two short field goals and an extra point. Stealers quarterback Terry Bradshaw (who had been much maligned during the regular season) was an efficient 9-19 for 209 yards and 2 TDs, but it was the Stealers defense that won the day.   Cowboys’ quarterback Roger Staubach had one of his worst games throwing up 3 interceptions and getting sacked 7 times.   Still, down 21-10 in the 4th quarter, the Cowboys mounted a comeback driving 80 yards in 5 plays topped off with a 34 yard touchdown pass to tight end Percy Howard.  Remarkably, it was the only reception of Howard’s NFL career.  After failing to recover the onside kick, the Cowboys defense held and the offense came on with 1:22 needing a touchdown to win.  It was not to be as Staubach threw up his third interception in the end zone as time ran out.

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 2

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Last week Red was 2-4  and most embarrassingly missing out on the Sure Bet of the Week in picking the Panthers to cover the spread and going with the over. That Timmy – is why you should not try this at home.  Leave it to the professionals who can afford to lose their lunch money – like old Uncle Red.  Face it, Red had a bad week but still was oh so ever close to “drinking coffee and smoking fine cigars” ala Johnny Cash.  The Panthers, Jaguars, Lions and Cardinals lost games by a collective 11 points and sank Papa Red’s first week.

Sure Bet Pick of the Week – Seahawks over Rams. After last week, Red is only going out on a really strong limb that is supported by a steel column driven firmly into the bedrock.  The Hawk are only giving up 6.5 on some books – which seems like a steal.  But Red is getting “NL” from a few sources – meaning blow out coming.  Red is indifferent about a 38.5 over under.  Take the Seahawks and give up to 9.5 points – but no more.  Seattle 28 Los Angeles 9.

Underdog Pick of the Week – Buccaneers over Cardinals. Four touchdown drives of over 75 yards have Red believing. Four touchdown passes to four different targets has Red believing. The Doug Martin-Charles Sims tandem has Red believing.  Then Red remembers it was a win over the Falcons.  Fortunately, Red is pretty good at that whole “willing suspension of disbelief” thing.   History says that this will be a close game.  History lies.  Tampa Bay 31 Arizona 17.

Rivalry Game Pick of the Week – Bengals over Stealers [sic].  When they last met the “Stealers” lived up (or down as the case may be) to their name when they stole a playoff win from the Bengals.  In reality, the Bengals’ loss was self-inflicted with incredibly stupid penalties by Vontaze Burfict and Adam (formerly PacMan) Jones allowing the Stealers a chance at a last second field goal to win.  SI had the headline right – “Bengals lose all control as all hell breaks loose in loss to Stealers.”  Red salutes SI as it is hard to use lose, loose and loss in one headline and actually get it right.  Bengals are back at full strength with Red Rifle at the helm. Stupidity is kept in check on Sunday in Steeltown.  Cincinnati 28 Pittsburgh 17.

Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Texans over Chiefs.  Speaking of recent playoff humiliation – Red can’t really recall one worse than the 30-0 ass-whomping the Chiefs put on the Texans in January.  It looked like a Division 6A team playing a six-man squad.  There is no real reason to think that the Texans can compete with the Chiefs – even though Red has the Chiefs as the most overrated team in the league.  But a man can dream can’t he?  Houston 25 Chiefs 23.

Prime Time Pick of the Week – Vikings over Packers. This could be Red’s NFL Game of the Week.  Packers came out sharp in the first half of the Week 1 win over the Jaguars. The furious second half field goal fest (2 for each team for a total of 12 second-half points) showed that the Pack has some work left to do.  Meanwhile, the Vikings walked over the doormat Titans. No such scheduling luck this week.  Shaun Hill showed enough to hold on to the starter’s job for at least another week.  He surprises everyone this week by taking Player of the Week honors in a big win over the Pack.  Minnesota 27 Green Bay 24 .

Shit Bowl Pick of the Week – OTNA’s over Cowboys. The OTNA’s put a merciful bullet in the head of the Cowboy’s season when these two old rivals last met in January. Of course, the OTNA’s had something to play for.  They were 5-7 with four games to play after a humiliating loss to the Cowboys in Week 13.  But they rallied to win four in a row and the NFC East while averaging an incredible 33 points a game.  Much has changed since then, but the Cowboys still look like the dogs of the East.  Landover MD 35 Arlington 20.

Today in Texas History – February 25

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From the Annals of the Cowboys – In 1989, Jerry Jones, the new owner of the Dallas Cowboys, fired head coach Tom Landry after a 29-year career.   Jones made Cowboys General Manager Tex Schramm accompany him to Landry’s vacation home in Lakeway.  Schramm characterized it as, “a very difficult meeting.  It’s very, very sad.  It’s tough when you break a relationship you’ve had for 29 years.”  Schramm stood solemnly and red-eyed at a news conference where JJ announced the firing of Landry later that evening at the team’s Valley Ranch headquarters. Landry’s recent results had been well below his standards with the Cowboys failing to make the playoffs in 4 of his last 5 seasons.  Landry had indicated that he wanted to coach into the 90’s if he wasn’t fired. Jones for his part wasted no time in kicking Landry to the curb having only finalized his purchase of the iconic franchise two days before firing Landry.  Jones was adamant that he would not have bought the team unless he could bring his long-time friend and former University of Miami coach Jimmy Johnson on to lead the Cowboys.  Landry ended his coaching  career as the third-winningest coach in NFL history behind only George Halas and Don Shula, with a record of 270-178-6.  He ranks only behind Bill Bellicheat with 5 trips to the SuperBowl as a head coach.

For his part, Red had already given up his 27 year fanship of the Cowboys during the strike year of 1987 when Cowboys quarterback Danny White led the movement to break the players union and Dallas fans thumbed their noses at the players they formerly idolized.

Let’s Compare our NFL Teams

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As readers know, Red complains every year about the Cowboys getting all the press and most significantly national TV exposure – while the Houston Texans languish in the media doldrums and typically receive only the obligatory 1 or 2 national TV games each season.   So let’s look at the records of the two Texas teams over the last 14 years since the Texans arrived on the scene in 2002.

Overall Record:  Texans are 97-127, Cowboys are 118-106.

Playoff Appearances:  Texans 3, Cowboys 5.

Playoff Record:  Texans 2-2,  Cowboys 2-5.  Neither team has advanced past second round.

Head to Head:  Texans 1, Cowboys 2.

Okay, so Red has to admit that the Cowboys have the edge in all categories except percentage of playoff wins.  But the overall edge is not that great and the overall win/loss numbers are skewed by two abhorrent seasons in which the Texans went 2-14 and fired the head coach.  The difference clearly does not justify one team getting 10 national TV appearances this season and the other team getting 3 (including the late season flex to Sunday night of the Texans/Patriots game).

 

 

 

 

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 17

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“Tom Landry is such a perfectionist that if he were married to Dolly Parton, he’d ask her to cook.” Don Meredith

Red will always love you, Don.

Red Rates Himself – For week 16 Red was 3-3. For the season 52-38. A fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas if he just listened to Red.

Your I Will Always Love You Pick of the Week: Cardinals over Seahawks. Very possible that this game is a preview of the NFC Championship game or a Second Round game – depending on how it breaks this week. Don’t expect much love to be lost in this grudge match. Two bruising defenses and two respectable offenses. Outcome will depend on which QB is carried off the field in a basket. Red doesn’t particularly like either team with the Cards giving up 4. The O/U at 47.5 is intriguing. If you must bet (and Red must not) go with the under. Arizona 21 Seattle 20.

Your 9 to 5 Pick of the Week: Packers over Vikings. Packers were run out of Arizona on a rail, tarred and feathered, had sand kicked in face like 97 pound weakling, atomic wedgied, beaten to a pulp, slobber-knockered, and otherwise generally humiliated. They may have had the worst performance of an allegedly good football team all season. (Note: Texans back to back butt-whippings at the hands of the Falcons and Dolphins only count if Texans qualify as an “allegedly good football team”). So why would Red pick them this week? They are at Lambeau and the weather is not likely to be a factor. Only because the Pack must win if they hope to go anywhere in the playoffs and after all, they were Red’s preseason pick to win it all. Take the over at 46.5 unless the weather forecast changes.  Green Bay 35 Minnesota 22.

Your Coat of Many Colors Pick of the Week: Raiders over Chiefs. In what may be the last game ever as the “OAKLAND RAIDERS”, at least until they move back to Oakland for the second time, Red likes Raiders playing with a mean and nasty edge against a Chiefs team that probably would like to remain 5th seed and play the Texans/Colts over the Bengals. The Chiefs will not roll over and die, but neither does Red look for them to play the starting 22 the whole game. Red likes the Raiders plus 6.5 but would like them a lot more at 7. You decide.    Oakland 30 Kansas City 23.

You’re It’s All Wrong, But It’s All Right Pick of the Week: Jaguars over Texans. Red has to pick the Jaguars because (wink wink nudge nudge) that formula has worked for the Texans. Yes, Red has seen the incredible odds facing the Colts even if they win and the Texans lose and the 8 or 9 things that need to happen for the Colts to sneak into the playoffs and has already seen that one of them happened on Monday when the Bengals lost in OT. But tell all that to the 1979 Redskins (before they became the OTNA’s). No bets on this one. Jacksonville 14 Houston 11.

Your Why’d You Come in Here Lookin’ Like That Pick of the Week: Bears over Lions. It strikes Red that he hasn’t picked the Bears to win (or perhaps even picked a Bears game) all season. Rightfully so as the Bears may be the least interesting team in the NFL this season coming in at 6-9 in a thoroughly mediocre campaign. But the Bears qualified for this season’s last Shit Bowl – thanks in part to the Lions (also 6-9) and a very close call by Red in favoring this constipated colon clash over the possibly more deserving Rams/49ers game. Don’t listen to this one on the car radio, lest ye be tempted to take a right turn through the guard rail and plunge into your local canyon, gulch or arroyo in disgust. This one is a pick’em and Red chooses Los Osos. Chicago 33 Detroit 29.

You’re The Twelfth of Never Pick of the Week: OTNA’s over Cowboys.   Red, you remember how at the beginning of the season you really bitched about the Cowboys TV schedule – which is not unusual since you do it every year? Well of course, Timmy, but it turns out ol’ Red was right as rain on this one. Red would pity the poor national TV audiences who had to suffer through the Cowboys’ parade of misery this season. Except, Billy, that about half of you folks out there get an undue amount of joy out of watching the Cowboys lose, and the other half of you should be out playing with your kids or doing something productive instead of lying on the couch gobbling Doritos and cheese dip while watching the Cowboys stink it up. So Willy, Red will be finding something else to do on Sunday rather than watch the playoff bound OTNA’s pound the Cowboys. And, Sammy, so should you. Landover, Md. 59 Arlington 8.

 

 

 

 

 

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 15

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“Americans have a lower opinion of Congress than they do of the NFL replacement refs, head lice, traffic jams, cockroaches and even the group to which yours truly belongs – Washington political pundits.”

Juan Williams

Juan left out Hitler, anyone whose name is preceded by Ayatollah, Stalin, Pol Pot, Mussolini and Jerry Jones.

Red Rates Himself – For week 14 Red was 3-3. For the season 46-32. Looks better in the rear-view mirror.

Your Traffic Jam Pick of the Week: Jets over Cowboys. Don’t expect much of a traffic jam on the way to the Cowboys game on Saturday. Even Cowboy fans can smell the rotting corpse of this season. Do expect a traffic jam among Jets defenders lining up to sack [Insert Cowboy Quarterback here]. The Jets minus 3. Are you kidding Red? Take the Jets and beat the traffic home from work. New Jersey 32 Arlington 12.

Your Head Lice Pick of the Week: Colts over Texans. Texans have never won in Indianapolis, so why not now? Because they still suck. Red was shocked at how badly Bill-O the Clown was outcoached by the Hoodie last week. What is with lining up against Brady with only one defensive lineman on the field? What is with playing Whitney Mercilus at nose tackle? What is with running the Wildcat without a Cat? What is with picking the Colts to do what they always do – no matter who is at the helm? Colts give up 2. Red gives up on Texans after this one. Take the under at 42.5.  Indianapolis 20 Houston 17.

Your Cockroach Pick of the Week: Dolphins over Chargers. What do cockroaches like? Shit!. The southern California roaches will be in Hog Heaven this weekend as the Shit Bowl rolls into town. Why did the Texans have to face the Dolphins when the bloom was still on the Dan Campbell rose? Since his first two games, the Dolphins have been in the running for almost every SB. This is their week!. Red would not believe exactly how pathetic the Chargers have become – except for the fact that whenever Red picks them to make the playoffs they suck. If Sadomasochism is your thing watch this one with a friend who will laugh when you grab the carrot peeler to start shaving your head in disgust at watching this fetid fecal fight – or vice versa. Curiously, Red likes the over at 45.    Miami 33 San Diego 25.

You’re Washington Political Pundit Pick of the Week: OTNA’s over Bills. Red hasn’t paid much attention to the OTNA’s from just outside the Beltway this season. Red also doesn’t watch NASCAR just to see the wrecks. And then suddenly, the OTNA’s are playing almost like a real professional football team. And Kirk Cousins is looking like a professional quarterback that you might actually want playing for your team. That is, if your team has Brian Hoyer, Jonathan Football, Matt Ryan or Ryan Tannehill at the helm. Meanwhile on the shores of Lake Erie, the Bills are not exactly dead yet. Almost, but not quite. They will be Sunday evening. All bets are off on this one.  Landover, Md. 27 Orchard Park 20.

Your Replacement Ref Pick of the Week: Chiefs over Ravens. Ravens are ravaged by injuries. Chiefs are on the hottest roll this side of Carolina over the last 7 weeks. Red keeps expecting Chiefs sans Jamaal Charles to return to Earth, but they keep on winning. Red cannot think of a single reason why that should not continue this week. And exactly who are the Ravens going to suit up at QB this week? Ryan Mallett? Red would pay to see that debacle. Kansas City 45 Baltimore 3.

You’re Low Self Esteem Pick of the Week: Eagles over Cardinals.   Red, you wonder, “Are you out of your fricking mind?” Well, Lenny, Yes. As a matter of fact, Red is. At the beginning of the season, he picked both of these teams to make the post-season and the Cardinals have not disappointed. But, Freddy, the Eagles are another story. Perhaps even a series of novels about a downtrodden gumshoe working the cheating wife circuit on the wrong side of the tracks. So Timmy, Red almost has to pick the Eagles since he is also picking the OTNA’s to win. That, Sammy, is how you box yourself in – in this game. And remember, Jimmy, the double time zone, inverse climate change, indoor/outdoor shift factor clearly all tilt in favor of the OTNA’s. So, Ricky, the Eagles will win – take it to the bank – just don’t cash it until Monday. And Chucky, take all your allowance money for the past 6 months and put it on the Eagles getting 3.5. Philadelphia 33 Arizona 26.

 

 

 

 

 

Red Clearly Isn’t Paying Close Enough Attention

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When did Scab Danny White become the color man for Cowboys’ radio broadcasts?  Red rarely listens to a Cowboys broadcast but was in the car today and wondered who the pathetic excuse for a color commentator was – only to be surprised that it was Danny White – the one man primarily responsible for Red having giving up his 25 year love affair with the Cowboys.