Tag Archives: Donald Trump

Ted Cruz Bullies Way to Victory in Iowa

Leave a reply

Red knows that Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) won the Iowa Caucuses last night edging out billionaire Donald Trump by about 4%.  Cruz is riding a wave of support from the evangelical base of the GOP.  His entire campaign seems to be aimed at convincing everyone that he is among the most religious men on the planet and that only Ted can save our country – indeed perhaps humanity –  from the evils of  . . .  well, anyone but Ted.  This son of an immigrant come to save our country from immigrants.  This smartest man in every room come to tell us exactly how smart he is.

Somehow Red just can’t get his head around the fact that 28% of people anywhere think that Cruz would be a good choice to lead their neighborhood property owners association much less this country.    What is it that these voters like about Ted?  His plan to raise their taxes while providing huge tax cuts for the wealthiest?  His bellicose foreign policy plans that call for what would likely be an unending war in the Middle East – not that we don’t already have that thanks to the Bush family?  His winning personality that has resulted in not a single one of his fellow Senators endorsing him?  His blatant narcissism?  His persistent lies on  many topics?  His frying bacon with an automatic weapon?  His misleading and near fraudulent mailings to voters? His failure to follow simple campaign disclosure laws? His plans to lead the GOP over a cliff?

Please tell Red, he wants to know.

Is There Anything Ted Cruz Doesn’t Lie About?

3 Replies

Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) is now claiming that the “Washington Establishment” has determined Marco Rubio “can’t win this race” and consequently is “rushing over to support Donald Trump.” While campaigning in New Hampshire, Cruz laid down the following whopper:

“We’re seeing the Washington establishment abandoning Marco Rubio and unifying behind Donald Trump. And we’re seeing conservatives coming together and unifying behind our campaign. And if conservatives unite, we win.”

Exactly who is the “Washington Establishment” is anybody’s fair guess, but in Cruz’s opinion it seems to be anyone who doesn’t support him.  It seems to Red, however, that the WE is likely composed of current and former office holders that serve or served in the halls of Congress and elsewhere in good ol’ DC.

So let’s look at exactly how many current or former members of Congress have endorsed Donald Trump.   Fortunately for Red, he doesn’t have to look too far because the list is pretty damn short.  In fact, it’s not even a list because all of one – count him – one former Congressman, Virgil Short (VA) has endorsed Trump.  To give Ted the benefit of the doubt Red will also include one Jeff Lord, former White House associate political director for Reagan in 1987–88.  While Red is sure that Jeff is a great guy, Red doubts that Mr. Lord is swinging a big dick or a whole lot of votes towards the Donald.

And then we turn to Mr. Anti-Establishment himself.  How many current of former members of Congress has TC snared?  Drum roll please – 20 – including one former Senator!  Plus, Cruz has also snagged the endorsements of 7 former members of the Republican National Committee.  Curious how Mr. Cruz has failed to obtain the endorsement of a single one of his colleagues in the Senate, isn’t it?

But in Red’s opinion, the endorsement game is fought and won on the crazy celebrity battlefront.  Here, Trump is clearly coming out ahead with endorsements of such heavyweights as Mike Tyson (pun intended), Tia Tequila, Gary Busey, Dennis Rodman, Hulk Hogan, Ted Nugent, Lou “the Hulk” Ferrigno, and Wayne Newton.  Danke Schoen.

Poor Ted just can’t compete here, and thus is reduced to whining about the Washington Establishment.  What else can he do with a celebrity endorsement roster that features lightweights like Phil Robertson, James Woods and R. Lee Ermey?

GOP Debate – Round ?

1 Reply

Last night’s GOP debate in Las Vegas focused largely on issues of national security – not a surprise with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer at the helm.

Red’s favorite topic was when WB asked the estimable candidates about enforcing a No-Fly Zone in Syria and whether they would order a Russian plane shot down.  As always, Red translates the responses for you.

Chris Christie –  Hell yes, I would shoot down a Russian plane. I call Putin and tell him, “No flying, fuckhead.” And then when he ignores that we shoot.  And unlike the other weenies on this stage, I would insist on shooting down the planes myself – you know because I was a tough ass New Jersey prosecutor.  How does that work?   Every time a Russian jet entered the NFZ, I would be on the line immediately, targeting that sucker, remotely pushing the button to launch the missile and then celebrating afterwards with a double-meat bacon cheeseburger.  Fuck Yeah!

Rand Paul – If you want World War III, here’s your candidate. [Pointing to Christie]  If you are not absolutely bat shit crazy – like most of the respected candidates on this stage – and would prefer a big wussy in the White House, look no further.  I am the biggest wussy on this stage and proud of it.

Jeb!!!!????$ –  I have called for the NFZ and I would shoot down a plane with my sainted mother in it if it was violating the NFZ. Sorry, Dad.

Donald Trump – I too would shoot down a plane with  Jeb!!!!$$$$?’s mother in it.   But I like Putin bombing the shit out of Syria.  I back it 100%.  I would back it 1000% if that were possible, and believe me percentages well in excess of 100 will be the norm when I am elected president.  100% will be old hat.  No one will be talking about 100% when I am President.  500% will be the absolute minimum.

Ben Carson –  We shoot down Russian planes absolutely.  Then afterwards, I deal with the possibility of nuclear conflagration in my thoughtful, deliberate and respectful way as we descend into chaos and world war.

John Kasich – Why are you asking this question?  Why am I even still here? Is Red spelling my name correctly?

Ted Cruz – After I finish carpet bombing Syria and explaining in excruciating detail why that is not a war crime, there will be no real need for a NFZ.  In fact tourist groups will want to fly over Syria to see the glowing sand.

Carly Fiorina –  I would insist on a NFZ and shoot down anything that flies.  But I would not call Putin first – who by the way I talked with earlier today.  Others on this stage talk about making America great again.  But what is their plan?  I have a plan.  You know what would make this country great again – World War III.  I promise you that we will have WWIII if I am elected president.

Marco Rubio – Thank god we are not talking about immigration.

 

 

Red’s Awards from Last Night’s GOP Debate

2 Replies

While much of the media is focused on who won or lost, Red believes that, much like U6 Soccer, everyone who shows up deserves a participation award.  So in no particular order, Red gives the following awards to the participants in last night’s GOP debate:

Jeb!!!!$$$$?  –  The Why am I Even Here and Not Already Been Proclaimed President Award

Ted Cruz –  The Angriest Man Alive Award

John Kasich – The Hopelessly Rational Human Stuck in a Lunatic Asylum Award

Donald Trump –  The “Fuck You” Money Award

Mike Huckabee – The Just Damn Glad to be Here and Insult Fat People Award

Ben Carson – The Smooth Jazz FM Radio Deejay Award

Chris Christie – The I Can’t Believe I’m Losing to These Guys Award

Carly Fiorina – The Sure I Was an Incompetent CEO but With Enough Lies People Will Forget Award

Marco Rubio – The Vote for Me Because I’m Not Yet Tired and Old Like Bush Award

Rand Paul – The Really, We Almost Forgot You Were There Award

GOP Debate Bingo Card from USA Today.

The Sinking Ship that is JEB!!!!$$$$?

Leave a reply

Red never likes to predict the demise of a particular political campaign, but a strong stench of failure is starting to emanate from the halls of the JEB!!!!$$$$? campaign.   First, JEB!!!!$$$$? announces that he is cutting back on staff, taking some campaign workers off of payroll, and cutting spending by almost half.  Then JEB!!!!$$$$? futilely lashes out again at an apparently Teflon-encrusted Trump making himself even more of punching bag for The Donald.  Then he dashes back to Texas to consult with Mom and Dad and big Bubba – the same Mom who said the country had had enough of the Bushes – or words to that effect, and the same big Bubba whose presidency set a new standard for failure that few could aspire to match.  Words of advice – always listen to Mom and ignore big Bubba.  And now the latest polls show that JEB!!!!$$$$? is in 4th place in Florida – his adopted home state where he was actually Governor for two terms – behind Trump, Carson and Rubio.  Apparently the good voters of the Sunshine State know a bad thing when they see one and the JEB!!!!$$$$? campaign cannot be characterized as anything other than incompetent and awful at this point.  But Red remembers 2008 when a battered and bruised John McCain limped into the New Year and then destroyed the competition – before the utter incompetency of the W. Bush administration ended any chance he had to win the general election.  Red doesn’t think JEB!!!!$$$$? has McCain’s fighting chops, but it’s too early to write anyone off that is still polling above a dead man or Rick Perry.

Highlights of the GOP Debate, Cont.

Leave a reply

From the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library.

Jeb!!!!$$$$?:  Donald you tried to get casino gambling in Florida and I stopped it.  You wanted to bring your Mafioso friends in and pay off politicians, but the forces of righteousness stopped you.

Donald Trump:  If I had wanted to get gambling in Florida, I would have done it. I guarantee that because I am a winner.  Look at the polls.  If the people of Florida didn’t want gambling, screw them – I would have gotten it done because all that really matters is what I want.  Again the polls.  And the people would have loved me for it.

Outtakes from the GOP Debate

Leave a reply

From the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library.  Who knew they could fit a 707 into a presidential library?

Jay:  Thanks to Donald Trump for being here tonight and I see there are some other guys on the stage, I’m not really sure who you are – please introduce yourselves.

Rand Paul:  It’s time we had a curly-headed president again.  Look how well Andrew Jackson did.

Marco Rubio:  I could have sworn I shaved before this debate.

Chris Christie:  Does this tie make me look fat?

Carly Fiorina:  How did Nixon’s makeup man sneak into my dressing room?

Ted Cruz:  I am shutting down this debate unless we defund CNN right now!

John Kasich:  I’m over here.

Ben Carson:  It takes real balls to wear a pin stripe suit this ugly to a Presidential debate.

Jeb!!!!$$$$?: See I told you I was taller than everyone else.

Mike Huckabee:  Chris Christie’s tie does make him look fat.  Really fat. I should know.

Scott Walker:  ZZZZZZZZ

Donald Trump:  Have you seen my poll numbers?  Next question.