Tag Archives: GOP

Rick Perry Speaks – Cue the Violins

Leave a reply

Off the Kuff details Rick Perry’s attempt to blame his campaign going down in flames, swirling the drain, crashing and burning, taking a 10 foot walk off a 6 foot pier, biting the big one, taking a dirt nap, sleeping with the fishes, kicking the bucket, falling off the table, chucking up a duck farm, eating leaden death, licking on a cyanide pop, jumping with a brick parachute, batting .000, shanking it into the water hazard, booking a cruise on the Titanic and generally setting a new standard for ineptitude and failure on – wait for it – EVERYONE ELSE BUT HIMSELF!

To paraphrase Homer Simpson, “I’ve seen campaigns suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked.”

Cruz Throws Chief Justice Roberts Under the Bus

Leave a reply

Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) has turned from an enthusiastic supporter of Chief Justice John Roberts to a Monday morning quarterback who now attacks Roberts at every turn.  Cruz, who failed to score any points in Tuesday’s GOP debate, was put on his heels when asked about his past support of Roberts.  Cruz is now making judicial appointments a prime focus of his campaign by arguing that he will put only right wing radical conservatives on the bench.  Red has no doubt that Cruz has a long list of potential judicial Neanderthals in his pocket who are chomping at the bit for the chance to serve their corporate masters and pay obeisance to their insurance company overlords by further cutting back on the rights of ordinary Americans.  The Texas Tribune can fill you in on Cruz’s plan to make judicial appointments a centerpoint of his campaign.

U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz is finding a new pressure point in his proxy war with former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush: the decision by Bush’s brother to nominate John Roberts, a growing target of conservative scorn, to the U.S. Supreme Court. 

Cruz’s offensive, however, is shining more and more light on his own past support for Roberts, an issue that flared up during the second 2016 Republican presidential debate Wednesday in California. 

Asked by a moderator whether it was a mistake for George W. Bush to name Roberts to the high court — as Cruz had suggested — Jeb Bush noted that Cruz was a “strong supporter” of Roberts at the time, and indicated Cruz was trying to “rewrite history” with his recent criticism of Roberts. In a 2005 op-ed for the National Review, Cruz, then the solicitor general of Texas, offered a vigorous defense of Roberts, urging the U.S. Senate to “confirm him swiftly.”

Confronted with that position Wednesday, Cruz ultimately made explicit what he has been hinting at over the past few months, especially in the wake of the most recent ruling from the high court salvaging President Barack Obama’s signature health care law. “It is true that after George W. Bush nominated John Roberts, I supported his nomination,” Cruz said. “That was a mistake and I regret that.” 

Yet Cruz’s admission speaks to a broader conversation he is hoping to have with his GOP opponents as conservative outrage at the high court metastasizes, particularly following its June decision that legalized gay marriage across the country. Cruz’s question to primary voters boils down to this: Which candidate do you most trust to appoint truly conservative judges?

Feel the Excitement of JEB!!!!$$$$?

2 Replies

JEB!!!!$$$$? held his first post debate rally at a rec center in Las Vegas on Thursday.  The response was, shall Red say, underwhelming.  Right now it seems JEB!!!!$$$$? couldn’t draw a crowd of alcoholics to an open bar. The Washington Post has the skinny on JEB!!!!$$$$?’s flagging campaign.

Jeb Bush’s first post-debate political rally started a few minutes early, in a rec center room built for 200 but only half-full. He started with an in-joke, about a candidate who would not be named and whose rallies were at least a basketball stadium larger.

“I hope that I am so brilliant and so eloquent and so high-energy that you feel compelled to caucus for me,” Bush said as chairs were put down to fill out space. After delivering some of his stump speech, he asked if anyone had seen the debate. “It was crazy, different,” he said, before returning to the subjects of 4 percent economic growth, his “heart to serve” and the unaffordable spending plans of Democrats.

The Las Vegas rally demonstrated how far Bush still has to go. Several attendees, when asked about the debate, talked not about Bush’s performance but about Fiorina’s brutally effective comebacks against Trump. But all were at least satisfied by Bush’s new energy.

Vic Sotelo, who once worked on George H.W. Bush’s security detail, arrived early at the rec center with his wife, Pat. Both were happy to hear the candidate defend his family. Both also understood why their fellow Republicans were rebelling.

“People are excited about Trump and Carson and Carly because they don’t have that politician filter,” said Pat Sotelo. “But you need that filter if you want to govern. Jeb’s always polite. A lot of people take that politeness for weakness. I don’t.”

“All those issues that Trump is talking about are serious issues that everyone is thinking about,” said Vic Sotelo. “I think if Jeb addresses those Trump issues with the politeness and the charisma that he already has, he’ll do even better.”

Bush spent less time talking from the rec center’s stage than he spent signing autographs, posing for photos and chatting with potential voters. As he headed for the exit, he took only a few questions, about where he’d go next and why more people didn’t show up for the rally.

“Three o’clock in the afternoon,” mused Bush.

At least JEB!!!!$$$$? has erased any doubts about his ability to tell time.

Highlights from the GOP Debate, Cont.

Leave a reply

Ted Cruz:  The sky is falling. The sky is falling.  Why? Because Obama is not a leader.  I know how to lead, I was a patrol leader in my Canadian boy scout troop.

Jeb!!!!$$$$?:  I know how to lead too, I was the corresponding secretary for my fraternity at UT.  Oh yeah, and governor of some state.  I forget which.

Marco Rubio:  The problem is that Obama is weak, really weak, disgustingly weak.  Pero, yo soy muy fuerte.

Chris Christie:  I’ve seen weak leaders before, but he’s weakest weak-kneed, weakling that was ever weak.

Carly Fiorina:  Yeah, killing Osama bin Laden and all those Al Qaida leaders and not having a terror attack in the U.S. on his watch just shows how weak he is.  Very weak.  Weaker than Rand Paul.

Rand Paul:  Weakness in the defense of liberty is no vice!

Ben Carson:  It’s past my bedtime.

Scott Walker:  I am not weak, I just look that way on TV.

John Kasich:  I’m still over here.

Mike Huckabee:  I was for calling Obama a weakling, before weakness was cool.

Donald Trump.  The weak love me too. Have you seen how I’m polling with the weak?

Highlights of the GOP Debate, Cont.

Leave a reply

From the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library.

Jeb!!!!$$$$?:  Donald you tried to get casino gambling in Florida and I stopped it.  You wanted to bring your Mafioso friends in and pay off politicians, but the forces of righteousness stopped you.

Donald Trump:  If I had wanted to get gambling in Florida, I would have done it. I guarantee that because I am a winner.  Look at the polls.  If the people of Florida didn’t want gambling, screw them – I would have gotten it done because all that really matters is what I want.  Again the polls.  And the people would have loved me for it.

Outtakes from the GOP Debate

Leave a reply

From the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library.  Who knew they could fit a 707 into a presidential library?

Jay:  Thanks to Donald Trump for being here tonight and I see there are some other guys on the stage, I’m not really sure who you are – please introduce yourselves.

Rand Paul:  It’s time we had a curly-headed president again.  Look how well Andrew Jackson did.

Marco Rubio:  I could have sworn I shaved before this debate.

Chris Christie:  Does this tie make me look fat?

Carly Fiorina:  How did Nixon’s makeup man sneak into my dressing room?

Ted Cruz:  I am shutting down this debate unless we defund CNN right now!

John Kasich:  I’m over here.

Ben Carson:  It takes real balls to wear a pin stripe suit this ugly to a Presidential debate.

Jeb!!!!$$$$?: See I told you I was taller than everyone else.

Mike Huckabee:  Chris Christie’s tie does make him look fat.  Really fat. I should know.

Scott Walker:  ZZZZZZZZ

Donald Trump:  Have you seen my poll numbers?  Next question.

Trump Takes Texas by Storm

5 Replies

GOP Presidential frontrunner Donald Trump spoke to a crowd of approximately 15,000 in Dallas last night.  Here are some excerpts from the speech.

Wow!  Thank you for coming out tonight to see me – but who wouldn’t want to see me? Really?  Everyone loves me.  The women love me.  The Mexicans love me.  The Jews love me.  The Red Necks love me.  Jesus loves me.  After all, I am the most amazing human who has ever walked the face of this planet.  Not that I walk that much.  I usually ride in a golf cart.  And by the way, that walking on water thing – I taught Jesus that one.  Jesus, nice guy  – son of man and all – but he was no one until he came to see me. 

I have so much energy.  I never run out of energy. It’s ridiculous how much energy I have. You could run the entire state of Texas solely on the energy generated from my farts.  Which by the way, don’t even stink. How amazing is that?  And Jeb!, nice guy – but low energy guy – you can’t even run your refrigerator with his flatulence. 

And that other Texas guy, Ted Cruz.  Nice guy.  Nice Canadian guy.  By the way, the Canadians love me too.  More energy than Jeb!  You might be able to run a decent sized subdivision on Ted’s ass gas.  But really, that’s nothing like the kind of energy that I can generate.  Ted, hmmm.  Too bad I am going to have to squash him like a bug. 

And Hillary, by the way, never farts.  Never. How can you trust someone who never farts?  I fart all the time.  I wake up farting.  My farts will make this country great again.

Here in Texas you know about the illegal immigration.  There are probably some illegal aliens in this arena tonight. And you know what, they love me too!  But I am going to fix this.  I am going to build a wall – a real wall.  It will be very wall-like. Extremely wall-like.  You know the Chinese built that Great Wall and it’s 13,000 miles long.  This wall won’t be that long – but it will be even greater.  And much taller. A tall wall. Taller than my hair. I’m thinking two or three thousand feet tall.  Go try and buy a ladder at Home Depot that will scale that wall!  Yeah, Where can I find the two thousand foot extension ladders?  Sorry, out of stock!  This wall will be beautiful – everything I build is beautiful.  I am beautiful and people love me for my beauty.  And there will be a beautiful door in the wall to let the good people through.  Because the good people love me too!

I am a deal maker.  I make deals.  I know the toughest negotiators in the world.  Most of them are awful, despicable, disgusting humans. Really.  Many of them should actually be in prison.  You have never heard of most of them.  So I am going to turn over the country to a bunch of guys you never heard of – but who are incredible bad-ass negotiators.  These guys would sell their mother to the Devil if they could get a sweet deal out of it.  How great will that be?  We can negotiate with tough guys like Putin. You know, I eat guys like him for lunch.  Vlad, you want Crimea?  Okay, give us St. Petersburg and throw in Kamchatka to make it worth my while – I hear it’s very nice there in the summer.  We’ll build a golf course and let you play anytime for the twilight rate.  Deal done.  It’s that easy. 

We are going to have so many victories.  We are going to have so many victories!  Why? Because I am a winner.  I always win.  Even when I lose I win.  How great is that?  We are going to have so many victories, that you will get tired of winning.  Really! You will grow to hate winning.  You will be begging for a humiliating defeat.  Victory will be a dirty word.  By the time I am through with this country, everyone will utterly despise winning. 

Thank you Dallas for coming out tonight. I know I made your lives that much better just by mere presence.  Really, you should be thanking me.  Me and my hair.  Which is real by the way.  And beautiful.  You know the hair dressers love me too.  Even the gay ones. 

Why do the Job You Were Elected to do When You Can Feel the Excitement of JEB!!!!$$$$?

Leave a reply

The Houston Chronicle details how Land Commissioner George P. Bush seems to be more interested in helping JEB!!!!$$$$? than in doing his job.  Questions about Bush’s commitment to the job were asked during his campaign – with the assumption that the Bush scion already had his eye on bigger things.

Texas Land Commissioner George P. Bush has been out of the state or otherwise off of work nearly half of the time since his father entered the GOP race for president, records show, raising questions about whether the scion is fulfilling his pledge to remain focused on his first elected office.

Personal time – both related to the presidential race and for other reasons – took the commissioner away for the equivalent of 23 of the first 50 work days after father Jeb Bush announced his bid on June 15, according to a Houston Chronicle analysis of records obtained under the Public Information Act. The total includes 15 full days off and dozens of smaller chunks of time off on other work days that add up to eight more days.

It is impossible to tell exactly how much of the time off was spent campaigning, because the commissioner’s official calendar does not say what he did in those hours. Social media posts indicate he spent a significant amount of it on the trail, however, speaking at his father’s announcement in Florida, publicly stumping for him in Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina and Nevada, headlining a fundraiser in Texas and attending a campaign staff retreat in Maine.

We Want Rick, We Want Rick, We Want Rick – to Quit

Leave a reply

Rick Perry’s troubled path to the GOP nomination took another hit on Wednesday when  the campaign lost the last of its staff in New Hampshire. Perry’s New Hampshire political director Dante Vitagliano has left one sinking ship for another by joining the still on the ground campaign of Ohio Gov. John Kasich.  According to Vitagliano, “it has become clear that the path forward for Gov. Perry is not through New Hampshire.”  Leaving open the question of exactly where is it that Rick’s path actually runs through?

Apparently, Perry’s only remaining hope is ultra-conservative South Carolina. Perry continues to maintain a staff of five in SC.  Perry field director, Erik Corcoran, heads the staff and claims that Perry has actual volunteers in the Palmetto State,  “We’ve confirmed to [Perry headquarters in Austin] that they hired the right people and we’re in it for the right reasons,” Corcoran said. “I’m not going to disparage anyone who has left, but it sends an enormously powerful message, especially to young people, that there is a team out there that’s in it for the right reasons.”

Listen up young people.  Get on the bandwagon of a 65 year old, tired and temperamental white guy who hasn’t had a new idea since 1996.  The staff needs you.  They’re in it for the right reasons – after all it’s Perry’s last chance to boost his enormously oversized ego.   Who wouldn’t want to be a part of that?