Monthly Archives: August 2018

Red’s 2018 NFL Predictions – AFC South

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Finally we get to a division that Red pays attention to – not that it matters.   This is the division of “Why do these towns have NFL teams anyway?”

Houston Texans –  Red was shocked to witness in person the offensive onslaught that Deshaun Watson led against the Titans in October.  That 57-14 ass whipping was as impressive an offensive show that Red has ever seen in a regular season NFL game.  It made Red a believer.  Red was also sadly present the next week when JJ Watt and Red favorite Whitney Mercilus went down in the space of about 57 seconds.  Losing Watson, Watt and Mercilus was the death knell for the Texans season.  Barring similarly crippling injuries this season, the Texans should be good enough to secure a playoff spot this year.  A lot rides on that first game in New England.  A win or even a credible loss will put this team on the right track.  Texans are 10-6 and in.

Jacksonville Jaguars – Lots of pundits are writing off the Jaguars as one-hit wonders and shitting on journeyman QB Blake Bortles.  BB may be mediocre but the rest of this team has enough talent to cover up the cracks.  Jaguars are also 10-6 and lose tiebreaker to the Texans.

Tennesee Titans – Red wants to believe.  Red also wants a job where you don’t have to show up and the money just sort of rolls in. Titans are 8-8 material.

Indianapolis Colts –  The Colts are just an Andrew Luck away from mediocrity.  They have no offensive line, one decent receiver, running backs???,  defense???, coaching???. Colts are 6-10.

Red’s 2018 NFL Predictions – AFC East

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New England Patriots  –  This is where every year Red writes that it is spineless and weak to continue to pick the Patriots but that he will continue to do so until proven wrong.  Red has yet to be proven wrong.  Pats are a bit down but still finish atop a weak division even with a relatively weak schedule.  Red is looking forward to week 15 matchup with Stealers.  New England sits at 11-5

Buffalo Bills  – Red kind of likes Josh Allen who seems to have a bit of Carson Wentz – QB out of nowhere feel to him and will not be surprised if he moves in to the lineup at some point.  Sorry all you AJ McCarron fans out there – both of you.  It’s just too bad there is so little else to like about this team.   There is a good secondary on defense, but lack of offensive weapons is very troublesome.  Buffalo (Orchard Park) is 8-8 material

Miami Dolphins –  Red swears there are rumor that there is still an NFL team in the greater Miami region.  Beyond that Red is clueless.  Miami at 6-10.

New York Jets –  Meet the Jets, Greet the Jets, Step right up and beat the Jets.  Red still remembers an older fraternity brother singing that one at breakfast one bright shining morning.  Funny what you remember.  Funny what is still true.    Led by tired old Josh McCown (Sam Houston State for the Texas reference), the Jets are likely to be featured in at least half a dozen Shit Bowls this year.  Jets are 3-13.

Red’s 2018 NFL Predictions – NFC West

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The NFC West looks to be very competitive but ultimately mediocre.

Los Angeles Rams – Amazing what getting rid of a coach like Jeff “Enormous Stick up his Butt” Fischer can do for a team.  And just in case you were wondering, Red will still be piling on Fischer long after the expiration date on that one.  Rams are loaded for bear despite getting ass-waxed in the last pre-season game by the Saints.  That game also answered the question of what a team quarterbacked by Texas A&M Commerce rookie Luis Perez would look like.  Answer: muy mal.  So while its still VamosRams time in LA, Rams fans should say a little prayer each morning for the health of Goff and Gurley and especially all-world left tackle Andrew Whitworth – the most underated player in the league.  Los Angeles enjoys their last season in the Coliseum at 13-3.

San (Somewhere in California) 49ers –  Red is not jumping on the Jimmy Garopolo bandwagon simply because if that was his name he would make sure everyone pronounced it garoPOLO.  Red admires the faith the front office has in “The Faithful” as Niners fans are termed – as the Niners have a giveaway promotion for every single home game this year starting with a garoPOLO bobblehead in Week 2.  Red is especially (a word Red uses way too much) sad that he won’t be there for the “Faithful Then – Faithful Now” wall flag banner giveaway in week 5.  Not that the Niners fans have had much to be faithful to for say – oh the last couple of decades.  Time change.  The Faithful are almost rewarded as the Niners make it to 10-6 based on a relatively easy schedule.

Arizona Cardinals –  Bobby Layne aint got nothing on Sam Bradford when it comes to curses.  The poor guy does seem cursed when it comes to playing more than a handful of games per season and why teams keep banking on him perplexes poor Red – who is too easily perplexed anyway.  The Cards would seem to have enough talent to score lots of points if they could keep a team on the field – even with tired old Larry Fitzgerald still starting – but that is a BIG IF! Don’t get Red started on what David Johnson did to his fantasy football hopes last year.  If Red were in the black comfortable coaching shoes of new head Coach Steve Wilks he would be looking for a truckload of grisgris to ward off the evil spirits.   And the once vaunted Cardinal defense – is officially “once vaunted” now.  Red sees no reason to think this team will be going anywhere but Mayan Riviera in January.  Arizona struggles to 7-9 record.

Seattle Seahawks – The window of opportunity has closed for Pete the Cheat.  Nuff said.  Except that Red would like to take a moment here to comment on the pathetic quality of NFL team official websites.  They now all have seem to have the same format and the same boring approach.  The Seahawks however have chosent to enliven their homepage with interesting tidbits about some of the Sea Gals – and if you want to learn more about innovative uses of duct tape – Red suggests you check it out.  Seattle 6-10.

Looking to Lower Your Ethical Standards? Just Follow Ken Paxton’s Lead (cont.)

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Still embattled Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton has reached another low point in his quest to dismantle the very low ethical standards Texas imposes on its political class.  Paxton is refusing to defend the Texas Ethics Commission in a lawsuit filed against it by one of Paxton’s major campaign contributors.   Empower Texas an Astroturf organization funded and chaired Tim Dunn, a Midland based oil and gas developer, is seeking to strip the TEC of its powers to regulate and monitor campaign spending and financing in Texas.  The TEC requires candidates to report their campaign contributions, loans and expenditures on a regular basis in order for the public to know who is greasing the political wheels in Texas.  The AG’s office is typically required to defend state agencies when they are sued but has some discretion to decline to do so.  Why would Paxton not defend the TEC?  Other than his own well-reported ethical problems, it turns out that Dunn and Empower Texas are Paxton’s biggest source of campaign cash.  According to the Houston Chronicle:

Since 2014, Paxton’s campaign has received $377,000 from the Empower Texans PAC, according to campaign finance disclosures filed with the commission. Empower Texans also secured a $1 million loan for Paxton’s campaign in 2014, and Dunn is Paxton’s largest donor, shelling out $405,000 since 2014, records show.

Well, perhaps it is a good thing that an attorney as apparently ethically challenged as Paxton is not defending the case as he might just botch the effort by accident.  The result, however, is that the taxpayers will be out about $600,000 for outside counsel hired by the TEC which is a huge hit for the agency and detracts from their mission.  The Houston Chronicle has the full story here.

Red’s 2018 NFL Predictions – NFC North

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May Red just say, “He hates this division.”  Red is not entirely sure why, but he has always disliked having to pick winners and LOSERS from this one.  Which is curious because the NFC-North contains three of the most venerable franchises in the league.   The Lions started as the Portsmouth Spartans in 1929 moving to Detroit in 1934 and played in the first official playoff game – the 1932 Championship against the Bears (played because the teams ended the season tied for first place).  The Packers joined the league in 1921, the second official NFL season.  And the Bears can lay claim being one of the two original NFL franchises (as the Decatur Staleys) still in existence.  The Arizona Cardinals (nee Chicago Cardinals) are the other.  The Vikings are the upstart newcomer having joined the league in 1961 to increase the NFL to a whopping 14 teams.

Minnesota Vikings –  New quarterback – new offensive coordinator – new challenge with first place schedule –  all could add up to a tough season.  Many commentators are looking at a difficult schedule and predicting a big fall off for the Nordic warriors.  Red doesn’t see the NFC -West as all that tough as the Seahawks, Cardinals, Rams and 49ers are all overrated.  The NFC – East component should be even easier unless the Bills and Dolphins step up – and Red thinks the more likely scenario has those teams stepping in it.  Red is not high on Kirk Cousins but he made a really pathetic OTNAs team look decent at times. The big question is what to do about the running game with the loss of Jerrick McKinnon and no real answer for a solid replacement.  So why the Vikings?  Like he said, Red has to pick someone.  Minnesota sleds to a tough 10-6 record.

Chicago Bears  – Every season one formerly pathetic excuse for a professional football somehow picks itself up off the garbage pile and starts winning games.  Red’s pick for worst to (almost) first this season is the Bears.  Red’s just going with his ever growing gut on this one.  And Red will be putting an “I Like Mitch Trubisky” bumper sticker on his car – just so people will wonder – “Who the hell is Mitch Trubisky?”  To which Red could answer, “He’s the poor man’s Kirk Cousins.”  Chicago also goes 10-6 but only gets Wild Card spot – Maybe – stay tuned.

Green Bay Packers – Red admires the 200 some thousand Green Bay Packers, Inc. shareholders and the way this team has been run for almost its entire existence as a community project.  All professional sports teams should be owned and controlled in this fashion – not by some billionaire blowhard (Jerry Jones comes to mind for some reason) who could give a shit  about the average fan once he or she has paid for the season tickets.  The owner who won’t make sure the fans aren’t gouged at the concession stands and don’t have to sit in three hours of traffic to get home.  The owner who plays commercials at 120 decibels at every possible opportunity.  The “welfare queen” owner who sucks on the public tit and expects the taxpayers to make him richer just because he has deemed to grace their city with a professional football team – at least until there is greener turf somewhere else.  So while Red always wishes good things for the Packers, he also has to be honest with his readers and tell them – not this season.  A-Rodg carried them on his capable shoulders until going down last season.  Is he back?  If so, then maybe there is hope.  Or maybe not.  Green Bay is 8-8.

Detroit Lions –  The last good thing Red remembers about the Lions is reading Bobby Layne’s autobiography – Always on Sunday – in elementary school.  Red is not sure why his parents let him read about Bobby’s alcoholic womanizing, drunk driving, and non-stop partying but it sure opened Red’s eyes to the possibilities of life – or a certain kind of life anyway.  Unfortunately, Red’s athletic career and exposure to the side benefits of sports celebrity was cut short by a crippling lack of talent and a desire to keep his teeth.  Maybe Red was allowed to read this fascinating tome because Layne had been the hero at UT when Red’s parents were in school.  And maybe the curse of Bobby Layne is still hanging over this franchise.  Although possibly apocryphal, after he was traded to the Stealers in 1958, Layne supposedly responded to the trade by saying that “the Lions would not win for 50 years.”  Bobby apparently called for an extension at some point.  So while short on analysis here, Red has hopefully provided you some insight into the stupidity of this whole exercise.  Detroit stinks – 4-12.

 

Red’s 2018 NFL Predictions – NFC South

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Today we move on to the NFC South – division which has produced two NFL Champions and a few runners-up.  This is the division of the nouveau teams as there is not a single member that predates the 1960’s.   But last year it was the “NFL Division of Excellence” with three teams advancing to the playoffs.

Atlanta Falcons –  This team was still smarting from the 28-3 letdown against the Patriots in 2016.  Still they had a 10 win season and made it to the divisional round losing in a low-scoring slug fest to the Eagles.  Pretty good for a team that finished in third place in their division.   There are no real surprises for this season.  There will be some changes on the defensive line and some help coming for the secondary.  On offense, new guard Brian Fusco shores up an already very solid line.  Freeman and Coleman are as solid a running back duo as there is in the league.  Jones and Sanu are about the same at wide-out.  Then there is Matty Ice.  Perhaps more than any other team, the Falcons fate rests in the hands of the ball handler. If Ryan returns to 2016 form (or even a close facsimile thereof), the Falcons will be flying high.  The schedule is reasonable favorable with the possible pathetic AFC North and the mediocre NFC East coming up. Atlanta wins this division with an 11-5 record.

New Orleans Saints – First a tip of the gold and black hat to long-time Saints owner and all round bon vivant Tom Benson who died in March at the age of 90.  He tried to buck the image of the No Fun League with his antics – but likely also bears some responsibility for the targeting and injury payola scandal that cost his coach a full season.  Benson also managed to create one of the most loyal fan bases in the entire league.  Red and family were in New Orleans for the OTNA’s home game last season and just about everyone in the city was wearing black and gold in some form or fashion. And just between him and you, Red has no problems with a gold lame miniskirt on the right person.   Red was watching at a local pizza parlor and when the OTNAs went ahead by 15 with just over 3 minutes left, it seemed to be an ugly Sunday night in NO.  But Brees led an incredible comeback to tie the game and the Saints won on a 51 yard FG with about a minute left in OT.  So Red is hesitant to say this is the last hurrah for 39 year-old Drew Brees as he keeps performing at a high level.  And with Ingram and Kamara in the backfield, Brees doesn’t have to do as much.  At this point, only Brady is better at reading defenses and getting his team in the right set.  And then there is this fact which may have slipped your notice  – Michael Thomas’ 196 receptions are the most by anyone in the first two years of an NFL career. Ever.  The Saints’ defense has been retooled over the past two seasons and this season will show whether the pieces are finally fitting together.  As for the schedule, it poses some interesting possibilities. The Saints start with a two consecutive home games against the weaker sisters (Bucs and Browns) and finish with two home games (Stealers and Panthers). That means they are on the road for 8 of 12 weeks in the middle of the season.  The three game road stretch beginning on Nov. 29 may determine the Saints’ playoff fate.  Red thinks the Saints are is still a Wildcard team at 10-6.

Carolina Panthers – Red once believed, but no more.  The 2017 season was tumultuous at best with owner Jerry Richardson firing GM Dave Gettleman weeks before the start of the regular season, followed by his decision to sell the team after facing multiple workplace allegations, including sexual harassment and racial allegations.   The team seemed remarkably unfazed and had a chance to win the division before falling to the Falcons in Week 17.  Still they made the playoffs but cratered lost a high-scoring battle with the Saints and went home.  The offense is probably there, but Red just doesn’t see this defense keeping the Panthers in enough games to keep pace with the Saints or Falcons in 2018.  It comes down to the last three games against the Saints, Falcons and Saints.   Carolina can’t close the deal and goes 9-7 and goes home.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Does Red really have to comment on this team.  Jameis Winston did nothing to show that he is the mythical “franchise quarterback” every team looks for.  So maybe it is a good thing he is suspended for the first three games of the season.   Note to JW:  Hell hath no fury like a female Uber driver groped.  The Bucs pathetic excuse for a defense (last in the NFL in total defense, sacks and third-down percentage) can only be better with the addition of former Eagles tackle Beau Allen and end Vinny Curry.  Whether tired old Jason Pierre-Paul had anything left in the tank is another story.  Running back is a question mark and only Mike Evans is the only true offensive superstar on this squad.  They will improve from last year’s sad 5-11 mark – but not enough.  Tampa Bay is 7-9 material at best.

Red’s 2018 NFL Predictions – NFC East

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Let’s start with the division of your NFL Champion Philadelphia Eagles.

Philadelphia Eagles –  Here is Red’s favorite to repeat as NFC East champion.  After all this team won the Superb Owl with a backup quarterback and a couple of trick plays over the greatest team of the 21st century led by perhaps the winningest quarterback the NFL will ever see.  That said, the track record for championship teams the next season is spotty at best (putting aside the Patriots of course).  Ask yourself, what have the Giants, Stealers, Saints, Broncos and Ravens done for you lately?  And that said, the Eagles still have the best defense in the East, a returning Superb Owl MVP as the backup quarterback, a decent corps of wide receivers (addition of Mike Wallace could be big) and question marks in the backfield (see you later Fat Pig aka LaGarrette Blount).   And that said, there is always the issue of the champions’ schedule.  That schedule is doubly brutal this year as the Eagles are playing the AFC South which looks to have two playoff teams and the NFC South with potentially tough games against the Saints, Panthers and Falcons in the season opener on September 6.  Looking up and down the Eagles’ schedule, the only games that one could count as sure wins are home games against the Giants and OTNA’s and maybe the Colts and Buccaneers.   With the difficult schedule and a few question marks Philadelphia goes 11-5.

New York (Jersey) Giants – One possible last hurrah for Manning the Younger this season.  A muted hurrah at best though.  The Giants seem to be headed in the right direction with a new GM in Dave “the Gentlemen” Gettleman and head coach Pat Shurmur (formerly OC for the Vikings – who would have been surprise of the 2017 season but for the aforementioned Eagles).  Shoring up the offensive line with Nate Solder (late of the Pats) and Rookie Will Hernandez may mean that EM is not running for his life on every other play.  But the big reason to have hope among the Giants’ faithful is the addition of RB Saquon Barkley.  Recent trials have shown that a fresh young running back – who can run, block and catch – lifts the entire offense.  As Cowboys’ fans about E. Elliot and Jaguars’ fans about L. Fournette.  If Barkley is the real deal, the Giants will not start 0-5 – maybe 2-3 with a brutal opening stretch of Jaguars, Cowboys, Texans, Saints and Panthers.  New Jersey is 9-7.  No soup for you.

Dallas (Arlington) Cowboys –  It was something of a miracle that the Cowboys managed to win 9 games last year with their pathetic excuse for a defense through a good part of the season (giving up more 27+ points six times) and the offense that disappeared for six games.  The only real changes are the subtractions of future HOFer Jason Whitten and future Huntsville resident Dez Bryant.  This season rests on the ability of the Boys to consistently score 25 points per game.  And that rests on the shoulders of the offensive line (still very good but no longer great) Dak P. (good) and E. Elliot (very very good).   The Red Rule is back in play however.  And for those who don’t remember that rule is – “Score 14 points and beat the Cowboys.” Here’s a stat for you – only the Cowboys, OTNAs and Lions have failed to play for an NFC Championship in the last 22 seasons.  That doesn’t change for anyone this year.  Arlington Cowboys are 8-8. 

Washington (Landover, Md.) OTNAs – For new readers that means “Offensive Term for Native Americans.”  The real offensive thing will be how badly the OTNAs stink this year.  This is a franchise that aspires to mediocrity and just missed that mark with a season-ending loss to the godawful Giants in 2017.  Alex Smith will be a boost as he is a guy who knows how to get the best out of the talent around him.  It is the talent around him that is questionable.  The offensive line is serviceable but skill positions are a lot of question marks.  Red likes Smith and thinks he deserves a shot at the big ring.  He just won’t get it with this season and not likely ever with this team.  Landover, Md. struggles to a 7-9 record again.

PS: Red will throw in his annual bitch about the Cowboys TV schedule.   The team that hasn’t sniffed a championship in going on 23 years now gets five primetime games (including the mandatory Thursday nighter) and six national TV late games (including the prime Thanksgiving spot) only one of which (Seahawks) is time zone related.   At some point, people just aren’t going to hate the Cowboys enough for this ridiculousness to make sense.

Today in Texas History – August 17

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The death, eccentricities, and wardrobe of Davy Crockett - Historum - History Forums

From the Annals of the Frontier –  In 1786, David Crockett was born in Tennessee.  Crockett was an authentic frontiersman and hunter as a young man.  When he embarked on a political career, his legend grew.  Crockett was reputed to be uncomfortable with his portrayal in the popular media of the time and took exception to the unauthorized biography Sketches and Eccentricities of Colonel David Crockett of West Tennessee.   But his popular persona helped him gain election to the Tennessee state house.  From there his political career moved to Washington where served three terms as a U.S. congressman from eastern Tennessee.  He was arguably among the two or three most famous Congressmen in U.S. history (Henry Clay and Sonny Bono might even agree).  His stance against Andrew Jackson’s Indian Removal Act likely caused him to lose his congressional seat and set him in motion towards Texas.  In 1835, Crockett set out for Texas with 30 Tennesseans.  Along the way he was greeted by enthusiastic crowds.  Crockett still had political ambitions and likely viewed himself as a potential president of an independent Texas.  Based on his previous experience, he was probably not interested in serious military activity in support of the Texas revolution and not interested in becoming a dead military hero.  The circumstances of his death at the Alamo have been hotly debated.  Credible accounts establish that he was among a handful of survivors who were executed after the fighting ceased.  That in no way detracts from the heroism of this true American icon.

Quote for the Day

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“I truly hate disloyal people.”   Eric Trump

Does the son of a father who cheated his workers and contractors, filed multiple bankruptcies, withheld medical benefits from his critically ill nephew, cheated on son’s mother with his second wife, cheated on second wife with third wife, cheated on third wife with porn star and playmate, turned on the people who got him elected, ever actually think about what he is saying?