Trump Writes – Red Translates with a Suggestion for Him

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As readers are aware, Red likes to translate some of our President’s missives to reveal the hidden truth. Yesterday, Trump asked Red where he should deliver his speech accepting the Trump Party’s (fka the GOP) nomination. Here’s Red translation along with a suggested locale.

Friend (Dupe, Sucker, Pigeon)

I have HUGE (Bigly Huge) news to share with you.

On the final night of the 2020 GOP Convention, I will deliver my Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech (Not really sure why this is HUGE news but you’ll believe me no matter what I say).

My speech will be absolutely HISTORIC (more likely Hysteric) , and when my team (Ivanka and Jared) asked me where I want to deliver it, I immediately said, “Why don’t you ask the American People? They ALWAYS know best (except in 2016).”

I have it narrowed down to two locations – the Great Battlefield of Gettysburg (where I can desecrate the sacred ground of martyrs who fought to preserve the Union that I am desperately trying to rip apart), Pennsylvania, or the White House (which I desecrate by my very presence so no real harm done there – Hatch Act be damned)- and I’d really like YOUR input on this important decision.

So it’s up to you – where do you think I should deliver my speech to accept the Republican Nomination for President of the United States?

I really want to know what you think, Friend (yeah, as if I want to know what the morons who vote for me really think). This will be one of my most important speeches yet (dripping with vitriol I tell you), and I don’t want to decide without you.

Well, it just so happens Red has an out-of-the-box suggestion for you Mr. Trump. How about on the steps of the Wallkill Correctional Facility in New York? It’s a place with which you should start becoming familiar.


Alexandra Smoots-Thomas – a Judicial Disgrace

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Harris County District Court Judge Alexandra Smoots-Thomas can’t stay out of trouble (or jail it would seem). AST, who is currently suspended, was arrested on August 10 on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. She was already under indictment and charged with 10 counts of wire fraud for using campaign funds on jewelry, luxury items, her mortgage and paying private school tuition for her children. After the indictment, Smoot-Thomas was suspended from her judicial post but rather shamelessly ran for re-election. Fortunately for Harris County residents she was soundly defeated in the Democratic primary run-off. That she even made the runoff or received more than a handful of votes is disturbing enough.

But things continue to spiral downward for the disgrace jurist as she is now accused of shooting at her husband’s girlfriend during an argument. Houston police report that the shooting occurred at the victim’s home in the 14000 block of Jewel Meadow Drive on Monday. AST was in the woman’s driveway honking and hollering. When the “other woman” came out of her house an argument ensued and Smoots-Thomas allegedly fired a gun at the woman.

Red followed AST on Facebook for a while and always wondered how she enjoyed such a high-fallutin lifestyle on the somewhat modest salary of a Texas District Court Judge. Of course, she could have had money stashed before she took office, but she had been on the bench almost 12 years when she was first indicted. Red takes no pleasure in the downfall of a public servant, but he doesn’t ignore it either.

An Inevitably Sad Outcome

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Red is not in the political prediction game. He learned long ago that he is almost always wrong when it comes to picking winners and losers in contested elections. So while Red is not going to make any call regarding the Presidential election, he does have one very salient observation. And its a sad one.

No matter what the outcome in November, the sad fact remains that a significant percentage of the national electorate believes that our utterly corrupt, narcissistic, vulgar, ego-maniacal, racist, sexist, lying, sad and pathetic excuse for a President deserves another four years in office to further his attempt to destroy our country.

The bottom line here is that if you are going to vote for Trump, Red has no interest in hearing an opinion on any topic of importance from you ever again. You have proven yourself to be either a dupe, idiot, racist, self-centered jerk, religious bigot and/or an asshole-loving asshole. Take your pick, but Red is done with you.

The Con Man Campaign

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As previously noted, Red gets a veritable butt load of emails every day from the Trump campaign. The messages must be geared to reach somewhere well below the lowest common denominator because on an objective level any thinking human being would find them utterly idiotic and deceitful. It is almost beyond belief that there are perhaps millions of Americans who fall for this con man BS. Here is today’s offering with commentary from Red as usual.

Friend (aka Sucker),

We have an EXCLUSIVE (meaning absolutely non-exclusive) offer just for YOU (and other suckers like you).

President Trump sent us a list of his TOP 100 supporters (which totally belies the first statement about an exclusive offer – but hey who pays that close of attention) who he wanted to do something special for, and your name was on that list (curious because Red has not sent Trump one red cent and sometimes responds to these missives with considerable vitriol).

For a short time (until about Nov. 1), when you make a contribution of $20, we’ll send you a set of our ICONIC (or MORONIC) Trump-Pence 2020 Yard Signs FOR FREE (Yes, that’s a “free” sign for only $20 what a deal).

This offer is only available to you for ONE HOUR (But wait, don’t answer. If you act now, we will throw in a special tape of Pres. Trump singing “Go Away Little Girl” during a wild midnight Karaoke session at Jeffrey’s Epstein’s private island), Friend (you utter f’ing moron). After that, you may never get another chance to receive a set of FREE yard signs (or you could probably check with your local Republican Party HQ and actually get one for free – it’s your choice) .

Quote for the Day

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We are now in the midst of trying times when every one must be for or against his country, and show his colors too, by his very act.  Having been educated for such an emergency, at the expense of the Government, I feel that it has upon me superior claims, such claims as no ordinary motives of self-interest can surmount.  I do not wish to act hastily or unadvisedly in the matter, and, as there are more than enough to respond to the first call of the President, I have not yet offered myself.  I have promised and am giving all the assistance I can in organizing the Company whose services have been accepted from this place.  I have promised further to go with them to the state Capital and if I can be of service to the Governor in organizing his state troops, to do so.

Whatever may have been my political opinions before, I have but one sentiment now.  That is we have a Government, and laws and a flag and they must all be sustained.  There are but two parties now, Traitor & Patriots and I want hereafter to be ranked with the latter and, I trust, the stronger party.

U.S. Grant writing to his father in April 1861.

Red’s dearest hope is that come November there will be no need for anyone to heed the advice of Grant and stand with the patriots. If Trump loses and refuses to leave office those who support him are traitors and no matter who stands with Trump – friend, family or colleague – Red will never speak to them again. This is a line that cannot be crossed. If that day comes, Red knows he stands with Grant – one of the greatest Americans.

Trump Begs – Red Translates

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Red shares with you the latest from the daily onslaught of Trump campaign emails – with his usual translation for your EXCLUSIVE benefit. READ this today. DON’T WAIT. Act now and Red will match your reading pleasure. Let Red know that you stand with him. Okay, here goes:

“When children are [not in school] (you’ve got to wonder what the brilliant FOTUS actually said here – When children are not being taken hostage? – not being assaulted by school police?), they are missing more than just time in the classroom… (Absolutely correct – the US has gone almost 4 months without a school shooting – they are clearly missing the opportunity to dodge bullets) ”
– Melania Trump, First Lady of the United States

Friend,

Our First Lady is right (apparently really far right).

If schools around our Nation choose not to reopen soon (who knew we had so many sentient schools?), our children will miss so much more than just an education (see above) . The Invisible Enemy (okay people complained about my racist term for the virus so now I have a really clever new one – but the real invisible enemy would be my tax returns – good luck at ever seeing those) has already taken so much from our Country (I’ve obviously got to avoid talking about more than 100K that could have been prevented if I wasn’t such an imbecile – because it is so clear that I don’t give a shit about people and their silly little problems like unnecessary deaths. But what I really mean is that it has taken away my best shot at re-election) and we cannot allow it to take away our kids’ childhood too (soon they will be too old for even good ol’ Jeffrey Epstein).

As your President, I will not stand for that (I stand for the greater glorification of all things Donald J. Trump) America needs to get back on track (or my re-election is doomed).

It’s important that EVERY American (I almost choked on that one) comes together at a time like this to send a united message that SCHOOLS MUST RE-OPEN IN THE FALL (Again, my re-election comes first – the lives of your children are a such a small price to pay for another four years of my glorious leadership). I’m calling on YOU to make a public statement and add your name to stand with your President and our First Lady.

The Radical Left (the cancel everything party (Note from Red – Trump is apparently catching on to Red’s use of parentheses)) will try and keep our schools closed FOREVER (Where do I come up with this stuff? First, we claim that the schools are educating our children to by homo-loving Marxists and then I claim that Marxist homo-lovers want to keep the schools closed FOREVER – fortunately no one seems to pay attention to my BS). We need 1 MILLION signatures to show them where Real Americans (Democratic leftist pinkos need not apply) stand.

Thank you,

Donald J. Trump

Benedict Donald Wants Your Money

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As Red has mentioned, the Greatest Con Man Who Has Ever Walked the Face of the Earth (aka Pres. Trump) somehow got Red’s email and now regularly – and by that Red means at least 5-6 times a day – sends an email begging for money. The typical email is filled to the brim with typical con man hype and Red finds it hard to believe that there is anyone who would fall for such utter bullshit. But then again, Trump – who clearly appears to be a traitor to our country – is still polling in the high 30’s, so as usual Red is behind the times. Here’s one of the latest most “con manny” emails with Red’s usual translation.

Friend (and by that I mean “mark”),

What I’m about to tell you is NOT public knowledge (except to the 5 million other marks who got this same email).

I am hosting a very important event soon (if I find time between rounds – maybe at the turn I can squeeze in 10 minutes) and I’ve requested that YOU (yes You) be my VIP guest. You’ve always been one of our TOP supporters, (despite having never given me a dime) so I’ve decided to do something extra special (Ivanka show the man what’s behind Curtain No. 1)…
 

I’ve unlocked an exclusive DOUBLE-ENTRY (see it’s like a game show) for YOU and YOU ONLY (and the 5 million)!
All you have to do is contribute ANY AMOUNT (but it had better be a lot) or more (a lot more) and you’ll automatically be entered TWICE to win a trip (yep, game show) to meet your favorite President (Lincoln’s dead so I’ll have to do) at my upcoming event (no mask required).

This offer is ONLY for you, Friend, so please DO NOT share this. (and if you are stupid enough to fall for this you probably won’t).

TRUMP PENCE MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN


Double-Entry: Unlocked. Meet President Trump. Contribute Now.

Remember, if you win (in addition to some lovely parting gifts),

  • We’ll cover your flight (a $500 value)
  • We’ll cover your stay at a very nice hotel (Trump Ramada Inn)
  • You’ll get VIP ACCESS (Virtually Ignored by President)
  • You’ll get to bring a guest of your choice (as long as she is young and hot)
  • And, you’ll even get to take a photo with me so we can remember it forever. (for a small additional charge).

This offer expires at 11:59 PM TONIGHT, Friend, so don’t wait until it’s too late.

Prosperity Gospel Promoter Not So Prosperous Anymore

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Red has long railed against the “Beggar Christians” that populate some religious TV networks with Pat Robertson’s CBN being the worst offender.  There are radio beggars out there too. Red fondly remembers listening to “Brother Al – that’s A L”) as a boy and being amused by his schtick.  At least the beggars are somewhat honest in that they plead for your money so they can stay on the air and continue to spread their version of the gospel which generally holds that if you are a true believer God will reward you with riches and prosperity in this lifetime.  Red is unaware of the Biblical underpinnings of that claim.

But William Neil “Doc” Gallagher, was not technically a “radio preacher” – he just used them to promote his Christian financial wizardry.  Gallagher advertised and promoted his money management firm Gallagher Financial Group, Inc. on Christian radio.  Gallagher, the author of “Jesus Christ, Money Master” (and yes, you read that correctly) received high praise from some far-right preachers as Robert Jeffress, the senior pastor of First Baptist Dallas,  and regular Fox News contributor called the book “required reading for anyone who is looking for a highly practical and thoroughly biblical guide to financial success.”

Red wonders how Jeffress feels now as Gallagher has been found liable for U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission charges related to a $29 million Ponzi scheme that targeted the elderly.   Gallagher, who referred to himself as “The Money Doctor,” promoted his retirement-planning services on a weekly radio show that combined his bullshit investment advise with Christian talking points.  According to the SEC, “Gallagher makes frequent religious references on his shows, seeking to appeal to a Christian audience.”  When broadcasting on Saturday he signed off with, “See you in church tomorrow.”

GFG claimed to pay equal attention to the spiritual life of their clients and their finances.   As the now removed website stated:

“Our mission is to be a vehicle of God’s peace and comfort to as many people as possible, helping first with their financial peace of mind, then also with their spiritual, emotional, and family well-being.”

But in 2019, it became clear that Gallagher was running a Ponzi scheme using new money to pay off older investors and using his investors’ money to buy additional airtime to recruit new suckers and support his lifestyle.

In addition to his SEC troubles, Gallagher has already pleaded guilty to multiple felony counts in Texas state court and been sentenced to 25 years and required to pay over $10 million in restitution.   He should have run for office as a Republican.  He certainly has the qualifications.

Big John, Big Bad John Looking Vulnerable

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Sen. John Cornyn (TP-Texas) is not the most likeable guy under normal circumstances.  He has largely benefited from have the “R” next to his name on the ballot and being tall, distinguished looking and silver-haired.  Red is hard pressed to point to any real accomplishments of the senior senator that have actually helped any average Texans.  All of this seems to be catching up with Big John as the nation spirals into recession and pandemic and he steadfastly stands by the primary agent of doom (that would be Trump for those of you not paying attention).   Current polling has him underwater on job approval.   The poll from the University of Texas/Texas Politics Project poll shows Big John as being vulnerable less than four months out from election day.  His less than stellar approval rating and the Trump effect could pull him down.  In short, there is a chance – maybe a small one – that Cornyn will be the former senator from Texas come January.  That would be a glorious day.