Author Archives: Red from Texas

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About Red from Texas

I'm proud to be Red. I have lived most of my life in Texas and I love this place. Here are a few things you should know about me. 1. I am happily married and intend to stay so. 2. I live in a house that is older than you, unless you are really old. 3. I own 2 rifles and a shotgun. I think handguns are just trouble. 4. I have never killed a man, but have taken out some deer and hogs. 5. I was a good student, but never close to being valedictorian. 6. In no particular order I like the Houston Texans, San Antonio Spurs, Houston Astros, FC Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur, Texas Longhorns and Houston Dynamo. 7. I hate Dallas but always have a good time when I go there. 8. I was a Dallas Cowboys fan for 26 years but declared that I was no longer a fan during the 1987 strike. 9. I don't own any pets. I like cats, and a good dog and I have met at least 3 of them in my lifetime. 10. I think the best part of Texas is west of I-35. 11. I own two pairs of cowboy boots, but don't wear them very often. 12. I don't have a pronounced Texas accent, but can affect one when needed. 13. My last meal would be fried shrimp with tartar sauce, a baked potato with all the fixins', a dinner salad with 1000 Island dressing, yeast rolls and chocolate fudge pie for dessert. 14. I'm an old Dad, but my children are none of your business. 15. I have two degrees from UT-Austin and somehow managed to fall in love with and marry an Aggie. 16. Most of my family are right-wing nut jobs but I love them anyway. 17. When I get to play golf on a regular basis, I shoot in the low 80's. 18. I don't get to play golf on a regular basis. 19. I think Fort Worth is the best town in Texas by a long shot. 20. I have a mean herb garden. Regards, Red P.S. Remember it's not a color, it's a state of mind.

Today in Texas History – January 4

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From the Annals of Radio – In 1923, radio station WBAP in Fort Worth first broadcast a “Barn Dance” country music variety show  featuring a fiddler, a square-dance caller, and aged Confederate veteran Capt. M. J. Bonner.   The format relied on cornpone humor, lively music mixed  with the occasional tearjerker and stereotypical country costumes.   WBAP had been established by the Fort Worth Star-Telegram under Amon G. Carter in 1922 and was looking for a distinctive programming format which it found with the Barn Dance. This format quickly swept the nation and was  copied by  the Grand Ole Opry from Nashville and the National Barn Dance broadcast from Chicago among many others.

Texans Make the Playoffs

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The Texans secured a playoff berth with a thorough dismantling of the hapless Jacksonville Jaguars today.  Red’s favorite and awesomely named football player Whitney Mercilus had an outstanding day with 3.5    sacks, a forced fumble and a fumble recovery. We will see if the schedule allows Red to continue his streak of seeing every Texans playoff win. It’s an admittedly short streak of 2 games but a streak nonetheless.

Jonathan Stickland Liked the Weed – A Lot

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Rep. and self-styled “former fetus” Jonathan Stickland (TP-Bedford) is trying to move past his on-line record indicating that he condoned marital rape and really liked smoking the marijuana so much so that he was curious about growing his own cannabis.  Stickland, a Tea Party stalwart, now claims that he regrets the on-line trail of evidence he left and that yes, he smoked a few spleefs in his time, but he has repented and been forgiven. Red is the last person to cast stones – unless the target thereof is parading as some holier than thou state representative who is fair game for public comment. Red also believes in forgiveness – but not disremembering.   The Trail Blazers Blog from the Dallas Morning News has more.

Notably, our former poor idiot governor Rick Perry has endorsed Bedford pastor Scott Fisher, who he once appointed to serve on two state commissions.

Is it Just Red, or Does this Kid Looked Stoned

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This Dec. 28, 2015 photo released by Mexico's Jalisco state prosecutor's office shows who authorities identify as Ethan Couch, after he was taken into custody in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. U.S. authorities said the Texas teenager serving probation for killing four people in a drunken-driving wreck after invoking an "affluenza" defense, was in custody in Mexico, weeks after he and his mother disappeared. (Mexico's Jalisco state prosecutor's office via AP) Photo: AP / Jalisco state prosecutor's office

Red is not normally one to pick on teens, but occasionally there is a worthy subject.  In this case, it’s notorious “affluenza” teen Ethan Couch who fled to Mexico with his possibly even more irresponsible mother Tonya Couch.  Both were captured in Puerto Vallarta  earlier this week.  Couch will likely face a maximum of 4 months in jail for parole violations despite having killed 4 and critically injuring another in a drunk driving episode when he was 16.  Couch’s attorneys claimed that his privileged upbringing somehow made the youth less responsible for his egregious acts.  An unrepentant Couch and his mother apparently staged a “going away” party before they fled to Mexico in the face of Couch going away for parole violations.

Today in Texas History – December 30

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From the Annals of the Political Machines – In 1938, San Antonio mayor Charles K. Quin was indicted for misappropriation of funds. Quin, an attorney by trade, had practiced in San Antonio since 1923.  He also served as an assistant city attorney and a city utilities attorney before returning to private practice in 1932 as a partner of C. M. Chambers, the Democratic mayor of San Antonio. When Chambers died in 1933, Quin was selected to fill his unexpired term and then prevailed in the regular election later that year.  A mayor, Quin was head of the San Antonio political machine tradition and associated with the gambler and bootlegger Charles Bellinger. The Bexar County grand jury indicted Quin and two other city officials for allegedly using city funds to pay wages to more than 400 “precinct workers” in the 1937 election.  Not  surprisingly, the indictment was quashed but Quin was defeated in the next election by Maury Maverick.  Quin vanquished Maverick in the 1941 election, but resigned from the mayoral office in 1942 to accept a position as a State District Court judge – a position he held until his death in 1960.

Where to Shop beginning January 1

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Second Amendment Check has posted a list of establishments that are not allowing “open carry” on their business premises when the new law takes effect on January 1, 2016.  SAC wants you to boycott these businesses.

Red, however, is using this same list to find places where he will continue to shop and spend his money after January 1.  Red’s policy will be as follows:

If Red is in any place of business and some moron walks in openly sporting their weapon, Red leaves as quickly as possibly and either immediately advises management of same or whips off a quick email or letter to said business establishment explaining why they have lost Red’s business.  Red hasn’t quite worked out how to handle this in the middle of a meal, but the devil is in the details.

Today in Texas History – December 29

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From the Annals of Statehood –  In 1845, Texas was admitted to the United States as the 28th state after the “Joint Resolution for the Admission of the State of Texas into the Union” went into effect. The Republic of Texas had lasted nine years and goes down in history among the shorter-lived experiments in representative democracy.

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 17

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“Tom Landry is such a perfectionist that if he were married to Dolly Parton, he’d ask her to cook.” Don Meredith

Red will always love you, Don.

Red Rates Himself – For week 16 Red was 3-3. For the season 52-38. A fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas if he just listened to Red.

Your I Will Always Love You Pick of the Week: Cardinals over Seahawks. Very possible that this game is a preview of the NFC Championship game or a Second Round game – depending on how it breaks this week. Don’t expect much love to be lost in this grudge match. Two bruising defenses and two respectable offenses. Outcome will depend on which QB is carried off the field in a basket. Red doesn’t particularly like either team with the Cards giving up 4. The O/U at 47.5 is intriguing. If you must bet (and Red must not) go with the under. Arizona 21 Seattle 20.

Your 9 to 5 Pick of the Week: Packers over Vikings. Packers were run out of Arizona on a rail, tarred and feathered, had sand kicked in face like 97 pound weakling, atomic wedgied, beaten to a pulp, slobber-knockered, and otherwise generally humiliated. They may have had the worst performance of an allegedly good football team all season. (Note: Texans back to back butt-whippings at the hands of the Falcons and Dolphins only count if Texans qualify as an “allegedly good football team”). So why would Red pick them this week? They are at Lambeau and the weather is not likely to be a factor. Only because the Pack must win if they hope to go anywhere in the playoffs and after all, they were Red’s preseason pick to win it all. Take the over at 46.5 unless the weather forecast changes.  Green Bay 35 Minnesota 22.

Your Coat of Many Colors Pick of the Week: Raiders over Chiefs. In what may be the last game ever as the “OAKLAND RAIDERS”, at least until they move back to Oakland for the second time, Red likes Raiders playing with a mean and nasty edge against a Chiefs team that probably would like to remain 5th seed and play the Texans/Colts over the Bengals. The Chiefs will not roll over and die, but neither does Red look for them to play the starting 22 the whole game. Red likes the Raiders plus 6.5 but would like them a lot more at 7. You decide.    Oakland 30 Kansas City 23.

You’re It’s All Wrong, But It’s All Right Pick of the Week: Jaguars over Texans. Red has to pick the Jaguars because (wink wink nudge nudge) that formula has worked for the Texans. Yes, Red has seen the incredible odds facing the Colts even if they win and the Texans lose and the 8 or 9 things that need to happen for the Colts to sneak into the playoffs and has already seen that one of them happened on Monday when the Bengals lost in OT. But tell all that to the 1979 Redskins (before they became the OTNA’s). No bets on this one. Jacksonville 14 Houston 11.

Your Why’d You Come in Here Lookin’ Like That Pick of the Week: Bears over Lions. It strikes Red that he hasn’t picked the Bears to win (or perhaps even picked a Bears game) all season. Rightfully so as the Bears may be the least interesting team in the NFL this season coming in at 6-9 in a thoroughly mediocre campaign. But the Bears qualified for this season’s last Shit Bowl – thanks in part to the Lions (also 6-9) and a very close call by Red in favoring this constipated colon clash over the possibly more deserving Rams/49ers game. Don’t listen to this one on the car radio, lest ye be tempted to take a right turn through the guard rail and plunge into your local canyon, gulch or arroyo in disgust. This one is a pick’em and Red chooses Los Osos. Chicago 33 Detroit 29.

You’re The Twelfth of Never Pick of the Week: OTNA’s over Cowboys.   Red, you remember how at the beginning of the season you really bitched about the Cowboys TV schedule – which is not unusual since you do it every year? Well of course, Timmy, but it turns out ol’ Red was right as rain on this one. Red would pity the poor national TV audiences who had to suffer through the Cowboys’ parade of misery this season. Except, Billy, that about half of you folks out there get an undue amount of joy out of watching the Cowboys lose, and the other half of you should be out playing with your kids or doing something productive instead of lying on the couch gobbling Doritos and cheese dip while watching the Cowboys stink it up. So Willy, Red will be finding something else to do on Sunday rather than watch the playoff bound OTNA’s pound the Cowboys. And, Sammy, so should you. Landover, Md. 59 Arlington 8.