Author Archives: Red from Texas

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About Red from Texas

I'm proud to be Red. I have lived most of my life in Texas and I love this place. Here are a few things you should know about me. 1. I am happily married and intend to stay so. 2. I live in a house that is older than you, unless you are really old. 3. I own 2 rifles and a shotgun. I think handguns are just trouble. 4. I have never killed a man, but have taken out some deer and hogs. 5. I was a good student, but never close to being valedictorian. 6. In no particular order I like the Houston Texans, San Antonio Spurs, Houston Astros, FC Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur, Texas Longhorns and Houston Dynamo. 7. I hate Dallas but always have a good time when I go there. 8. I was a Dallas Cowboys fan for 26 years but declared that I was no longer a fan during the 1987 strike. 9. I don't own any pets. I like cats, and a good dog and I have met at least 3 of them in my lifetime. 10. I think the best part of Texas is west of I-35. 11. I own two pairs of cowboy boots, but don't wear them very often. 12. I don't have a pronounced Texas accent, but can affect one when needed. 13. My last meal would be fried shrimp with tartar sauce, a baked potato with all the fixins', a dinner salad with 1000 Island dressing, yeast rolls and chocolate fudge pie for dessert. 14. I'm an old Dad, but my children are none of your business. 15. I have two degrees from UT-Austin and somehow managed to fall in love with and marry an Aggie. 16. Most of my family are right-wing nut jobs but I love them anyway. 17. When I get to play golf on a regular basis, I shoot in the low 80's. 18. I don't get to play golf on a regular basis. 19. I think Fort Worth is the best town in Texas by a long shot. 20. I have a mean herb garden. Regards, Red P.S. Remember it's not a color, it's a state of mind.

Today in Texas History – September 17

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From the Annals of the Civil War – In 1862, the Battle of Antietam was fought near Sharpsburg, Maryland.  The day was the bloodiest day in American military history with over 23,000 casualties on both sides.  The battle of Antietam was particularly hard on Texans fighting for the Confederacy. Over a thousand miles from their homes, the Confederate soldiers of Hood’s Texas Brigade would suffer the second-highest casualty rate of any unit during the Civil War. On the morning of September 17, the men of the First, Fourth, and Fifth Texas Infantry regiments were attempting to cook breakfast as the fighting opened. The meal was interrupted when the Federal army launched an assault on the Confederate left flank. Hood’s Brigade quickly formed and marched north, passing wounded and terrified Rebels streaming to the rear.  They entered the fighting in the vicinity of the Dunker Church where they were ordered forward in a counterattack. The Texans attacked the Union soldiers in a cornfield with initial success. But the attack was repulsed by intense artillery and musket fire.  The Texans attempted to continue their advance, but after suffering massive casualties Hood was forced to withdraw.  Over 550 of the brigade’s 850 soldiers had been killed, wounded, or captured. The First Texas Infantry suffered a casualty rate of 82% and lost their colors as well.

The technical victory for the Union at Antietam allowed President Lincoln to finally issue the Emancipation Proclamation which freed all slaves in Texas and the other Confederate states.

Photo of Antietam Cornfield from the National Park Service.

Outtakes from the GOP Debate

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From the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library.  Who knew they could fit a 707 into a presidential library?

Jay:  Thanks to Donald Trump for being here tonight and I see there are some other guys on the stage, I’m not really sure who you are – please introduce yourselves.

Rand Paul:  It’s time we had a curly-headed president again.  Look how well Andrew Jackson did.

Marco Rubio:  I could have sworn I shaved before this debate.

Chris Christie:  Does this tie make me look fat?

Carly Fiorina:  How did Nixon’s makeup man sneak into my dressing room?

Ted Cruz:  I am shutting down this debate unless we defund CNN right now!

John Kasich:  I’m over here.

Ben Carson:  It takes real balls to wear a pin stripe suit this ugly to a Presidential debate.

Jeb!!!!$$$$?: See I told you I was taller than everyone else.

Mike Huckabee:  Chris Christie’s tie does make him look fat.  Really fat. I should know.

Scott Walker:  ZZZZZZZZ

Donald Trump:  Have you seen my poll numbers?  Next question.

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 2

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“In football everything is complicated by the presence of the opposite team.” Jean-Paul Sartre

Red knows that ol’ JPS was talking about that other football, but you have to admit that his insight is fairly universal for the world of team sports. And only Red mixes French existential philosophy with a good old-fashioned slobberknocker.

Your Opposite Pick of the Week: Raiders over Ravens. Raiders looked weak and pathetic in losing to Bengals at home last week. And Ravens were not much better against Broncos. Red’s antipathy for Flacco Joe is well known. But even still, Ravens should be a clear favorite against a once proud Raiders franchise that has set marks for futility for more than a decade. Red knew the Raiders were bad, but was surprised that they have not had a winning season since losing the 2002 Superb Owl to the Buccaneers. That’s a long downhill slide. What is overlooked is that the Raiders were 3-3 in their last 6 games in 2014. And that was with the overrated Derek Carr at the helm. Ravens can’t overcome triple reverse time zone hex combined with West Coast spiritual adjustment factor. The long slow climb back to respectability for the Raiders begins this week. Oakland 24 Baltimore 21.

Your It’s Complicated Pick of the Week: Packers over Seahawks. Clearly Red’s Game of the Week in northern Wisconsin featuring the class of the NFC. This early season rematch of the NFC Championship game has all the bells and whistles. A top flight offense for the Packers, what was thought to be an excellent defense for the Seahawks, mutual dislke, a grudge match atmosphere and a national TV audience in the coveted Sunday night spot. Which makes it a tough call. The Seahawks seems addicted to making bad calls at the end of games. They do it again Sunday when PC calls for a blitz and Rodgers makes them pay with a last second TD to win a close one. Green Bay 31 Seattle 28.

Your French Philosopher Pick of the Week: Titans over Browns. The first matchup of Heisman Trophy winners this season. Will there be another – Red doesn’t have time to do everything for you. Just enjoy this one. Tennesee 24 Cleveland 13.

Your Dirty Hands Pick of the Week: Patriots over Bills. The Bills are a sexy pick right now, but keep in mind that this is a Rex Ryan coached team going up against the filthy master. In other words, don’t get too excited. Belichick went 9-4 against Jets teams coached by Ryan from 2009-2014. Brady, however, was sub-par against Ryan defenses with a 59.1 QBR against the Jets over that period. Lord knows what ol’ Hoody is cooking up for this weekend, but expect him to serve it fresh and hot to the Bills. New England 41 Orchard Park 17.

Your No Exit Pick of the Week: Eagles over Cowboys. Bradford almost passed the test of fire on Sunday night. For a couple of drives he showed what can happen when Chip Kelly’s offense is clicking. And then when it really counted he yutzed on his cleats. Meanwhile, the Cowboys escaped with their lives on Sunday night thanks to some embarrassingly awful clock management by the Giants. Don’t expect the Eagles to make those mistakes. Eagles pound out 175 rushing yards and sweep aside the Cowboys rather easily. Philadelphia 35 Arlington 17.

You’re The Flies Pick of the Week: Texans over Panthers. The Texans make what is likely to be the first of many regular appearances this season in the weekly Shit Bowl against a troubled Panthers team. Word is that Ryan Mallett will replace much-maligned Brian Hoyer as the Texans’ helm. Without an effective running game until the return of Arian Foster, the Texans have turned to a big man with a big arm and hopefully not a big propensity for throwing up a duck farm. Red admits he liked Hoyer and clearly the loss to the Chiefs was not all on him last week – but when a team only has to go 20 yards because of turnovers, well something was going to change. Panthers still have a steady leader in Newton, but the defensive front has never lived up to the hype. Fight off the urge to give yourself a swirly during the 2 minute warning if you dare to watch this malignant merd match. Houston 18 Carolina 13.

Finally, Some Good News

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The Dallas Morning News reports that the Taco Universe is Expanding.  Along with Red’s waistline.

From Dallas to Fort Worth, you’ll find more taquerias than ever serving righteous Mexican street tacos. Then there are the restaurants and food trucks that tuck Asian fusion fillings into tortillas. Velvet Taco’s tikka chicken taco, Good 2 Go Taco’s Thai Juan On, and Ssahm BBQ’s Korean tacos are among the mavericks with a following. In between these extremes are Mexican chefs and disciples of Mexican regional cuisine who tweak classic tacos with gourmet ingredients.

Gabriel DeLeon, chef-owner of Mi Dia From Scratch in Grapevine, adds gourmet specials to his stable of traditional tacos.

“The street taco craze started a few years ago. From my standpoint, it got boring. Chicken tinga, al pastor, fried fish — everyone has these traditional tacos, even food trucks and gas stations,” he says. “Chefs are trying to elevate tacos. An upscale environment is suited for upscale tacos.”

Today in Texas History – September 16

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From the Annals of the Democratic Party – In 1922, the “Independent Democrats” met in Dallas to select Houston attorney George Peddy as a candidate for the United States Senate. The Independent Democrats were a splinter group from in opposition to the effective takeover of the party by the Ku Klux Klan.  The Democratic Party had nominated KKK candidate Earle Bradford Mayfield for senator in the primary.  Even worse, at the state Democratic convention in San Antonio it appeared to many that the Ku Klux Klan had gained control of the party.  This caused the anti-Klan Democrats to seek a candidate to oppose Mayfield in the general election. Peddy had campaigned for James E. Ferguson as the anti-Klan candidate in the primaries.  Unfortunately, Mayfield and the Klan forces succeeded in keeping Peddy’s name off the ballot.  Peddy ran a write-in campaign and captured one third of the vote.  Challenges to Mayfield’s qualifications to serve led to a Senate investigation and delayed his ascension to the Senate.  He was, however, seated in the Senate in December of 1923.

Photo of George Petty from the Legislative Reference Library.

One Year of Blogging

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Red celebrates his first anniversary of blogging today.  Red has spent much of the time learning how to keep his ear to the ground, not follow the masses too much, and carefully pick a few topics each day to give his particular spin to.  In the limited time that Red has to devote to this enterprise, he does try to get your attention and maybe make you think a little differently about this beautiful, great and definitely bizarre at times place called Texas.

Red is the first to admit that picking up readers and followers has been harder than expected and he had not met his targets after one year.  But it is pretty darn cool that someone in Uzbekistan would even bother to check out what Red has to say. So undiscouraged and ignoring the signposts of failure, the blogging will continue.  Red knows you won’t always agree with him, but hopes that you at least find this blog occasionally interesting.

Red would like to thank Charles Kuffner of Off the Kuff and Katy Anders of the strangely insightful FascistDykeMotors blog for their comments and support during the past year.  Red also thanks that Brazilian guy or gal who checked in almost every day for the first several months of operation.  Sometimes Red felt like he was blogging just for you.

Muchas gracias amigos,

Red

Cricket Season is Almost Here

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Red remembers walking around the Capitol Building on a hot September night many years ago and it seemed the whole façade was swarming with crickets.  Red had flashbacks to that invasion of the giant grasshoppers movie that scared the living daylights out of him on one of his first sleepovers.  The experts claim that conditions might be just right for another massive cricket invasion in the next few weeks.  KXAN has the details.

 It’s the time of year when people will hear more chirping as crickets start to pop up around Central Texas.  “The best indication of a cricket outbreak is past history and in the past, Texas has experienced big cricket outbreaks,” explained Alex Wild, Curator of Entomology at the University of Texas. He said those outbreaks in past years happened when there was a lot of food for crickets to eat, followed by a dry summer and then rain at the end of summer.

“Only time can tell, it looks like it might be a good season, but until we see the washes of crickets piling up on our porches, it’s going to be hard to predict,” said Wild.

Exterminators like Joe Cantu, Vice President of Operations for Bug Master, said they tend to see more cricket activity between August and September. “It’s one of those pests where nobody wants to have around. It’s a nuisance pest, they’re overwhelming, they really smell, so the phone starts ringing,” said Cantu.

Experts suggest people control the lighting around their homes and businesses because crickets are attracted to the lights at night. Cantu said the critters will harbor in cracks and crevices during the day. “If you see them during the day pretty active, that’s a big problem,” said Cantu. “There’s a heavy pressure of crickets if you start seeing a lot of them during the day.”

“I don’t know what people’s issues are with crickets, I personally find them charming, but generally I don’t think businesses like having insects washed up in big numbers around their entrances,” said Wild.  “Sometimes if they’re are enough of them, they’ll pile up after mating when they’re at the end of their life cycle, they’ll just pile up and the bodies will pile up and that can lead to some pretty bad smells.”  Wild said crickets are, “harmless animals, they don’t bite or sting, it’s mainly just the nuisance of having things around that you weren’t expecting.”

One place where they may be unexpected are football games where the crickets are attracted to the lights.  “They might have just wanted to see the game but I’m not going to speak for the crickets,” said Wild jokingly.

Photo from Premium Crickets  – who knew?

Today in Texas History – September 15

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From the Annals of Freedom – In 1829, President Vicente Guerrero of the Republic of Mexico issued the Guerrero Decree which abolished slavery throughout Mexico except in the Isthmus of Tehuantepec. The decree was not known in Texas until October 16.   Ramón Músquiz, who headed the Department of Texas, withheld its publication because it violated colonization laws which guaranteed the settlers security for their persons and property.  Nonetheless, news of the decree aroused fear in Texas that slavery would be outlawed.  Texas petitioned Guerrero for an exemption.  On December 2, Agustín Viesca, Mexican minister of relations, announced that no change would be made respecting the status of slavery in Texas.  The Guerrero Decree was a root cause of the Texas Revolution as many Texas colonists believed that slavery would ultimately be outlawed and were willing to fight to preserve the institution.

Trump Takes Texas by Storm

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GOP Presidential frontrunner Donald Trump spoke to a crowd of approximately 15,000 in Dallas last night.  Here are some excerpts from the speech.

Wow!  Thank you for coming out tonight to see me – but who wouldn’t want to see me? Really?  Everyone loves me.  The women love me.  The Mexicans love me.  The Jews love me.  The Red Necks love me.  Jesus loves me.  After all, I am the most amazing human who has ever walked the face of this planet.  Not that I walk that much.  I usually ride in a golf cart.  And by the way, that walking on water thing – I taught Jesus that one.  Jesus, nice guy  – son of man and all – but he was no one until he came to see me. 

I have so much energy.  I never run out of energy. It’s ridiculous how much energy I have. You could run the entire state of Texas solely on the energy generated from my farts.  Which by the way, don’t even stink. How amazing is that?  And Jeb!, nice guy – but low energy guy – you can’t even run your refrigerator with his flatulence. 

And that other Texas guy, Ted Cruz.  Nice guy.  Nice Canadian guy.  By the way, the Canadians love me too.  More energy than Jeb!  You might be able to run a decent sized subdivision on Ted’s ass gas.  But really, that’s nothing like the kind of energy that I can generate.  Ted, hmmm.  Too bad I am going to have to squash him like a bug. 

And Hillary, by the way, never farts.  Never. How can you trust someone who never farts?  I fart all the time.  I wake up farting.  My farts will make this country great again.

Here in Texas you know about the illegal immigration.  There are probably some illegal aliens in this arena tonight. And you know what, they love me too!  But I am going to fix this.  I am going to build a wall – a real wall.  It will be very wall-like. Extremely wall-like.  You know the Chinese built that Great Wall and it’s 13,000 miles long.  This wall won’t be that long – but it will be even greater.  And much taller. A tall wall. Taller than my hair. I’m thinking two or three thousand feet tall.  Go try and buy a ladder at Home Depot that will scale that wall!  Yeah, Where can I find the two thousand foot extension ladders?  Sorry, out of stock!  This wall will be beautiful – everything I build is beautiful.  I am beautiful and people love me for my beauty.  And there will be a beautiful door in the wall to let the good people through.  Because the good people love me too!

I am a deal maker.  I make deals.  I know the toughest negotiators in the world.  Most of them are awful, despicable, disgusting humans. Really.  Many of them should actually be in prison.  You have never heard of most of them.  So I am going to turn over the country to a bunch of guys you never heard of – but who are incredible bad-ass negotiators.  These guys would sell their mother to the Devil if they could get a sweet deal out of it.  How great will that be?  We can negotiate with tough guys like Putin. You know, I eat guys like him for lunch.  Vlad, you want Crimea?  Okay, give us St. Petersburg and throw in Kamchatka to make it worth my while – I hear it’s very nice there in the summer.  We’ll build a golf course and let you play anytime for the twilight rate.  Deal done.  It’s that easy. 

We are going to have so many victories.  We are going to have so many victories!  Why? Because I am a winner.  I always win.  Even when I lose I win.  How great is that?  We are going to have so many victories, that you will get tired of winning.  Really! You will grow to hate winning.  You will be begging for a humiliating defeat.  Victory will be a dirty word.  By the time I am through with this country, everyone will utterly despise winning. 

Thank you Dallas for coming out tonight. I know I made your lives that much better just by mere presence.  Really, you should be thanking me.  Me and my hair.  Which is real by the way.  And beautiful.  You know the hair dressers love me too.  Even the gay ones.