Author Archives: Red from Texas

Unknown's avatar

About Red from Texas

I'm proud to be Red. I have lived most of my life in Texas and I love this place. Here are a few things you should know about me. 1. I am happily married and intend to stay so. 2. I live in a house that is older than you, unless you are really old. 3. I own 2 rifles and a shotgun. I think handguns are just trouble. 4. I have never killed a man, but have taken out some deer and hogs. 5. I was a good student, but never close to being valedictorian. 6. In no particular order I like the Houston Texans, San Antonio Spurs, Houston Astros, FC Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur, Texas Longhorns and Houston Dynamo. 7. I hate Dallas but always have a good time when I go there. 8. I was a Dallas Cowboys fan for 26 years but declared that I was no longer a fan during the 1987 strike. 9. I don't own any pets. I like cats, and a good dog and I have met at least 3 of them in my lifetime. 10. I think the best part of Texas is west of I-35. 11. I own two pairs of cowboy boots, but don't wear them very often. 12. I don't have a pronounced Texas accent, but can affect one when needed. 13. My last meal would be fried shrimp with tartar sauce, a baked potato with all the fixins', a dinner salad with 1000 Island dressing, yeast rolls and chocolate fudge pie for dessert. 14. I'm an old Dad, but my children are none of your business. 15. I have two degrees from UT-Austin and somehow managed to fall in love with and marry an Aggie. 16. Most of my family are right-wing nut jobs but I love them anyway. 17. When I get to play golf on a regular basis, I shoot in the low 80's. 18. I don't get to play golf on a regular basis. 19. I think Fort Worth is the best town in Texas by a long shot. 20. I have a mean herb garden. Regards, Red P.S. Remember it's not a color, it's a state of mind.

Quote for the Day

2 Replies

“True to form.”

Congressman Beto O’Rourke (D-Tex) responding to the complete inability of Sen Rafael “Lying Ted” Cruz (TP-Tex) to extend a compliment to O’Rourke when asked to at close of their debate on Friday night.  O’Rourke expressed his admiration for Cruz’s sacrifice to do public service.  Cruz could not resist using the opportunity to take a swipe at O’Rourke (along the lines of “Say what you want, but Hitler was truly committed to the tenets of National Socialism”) and then  make it about himself.

Lyin’ Ted Increases Lead over Beto

Leave a reply

While Red is still encouraging everyone to show up and vote, it is looking more and more like Texans (and probably the nation as well) will have to put up with Sen. Rafael Edward “Lyin’ Ted” Cruz (TP – Texas) for another six years.  In the most recent Quinnipiac University Poll, LT has a nine-point lead over El Paso Congressman  Beto O’Rourke.  LT leads Beto with a 54% to 45% gap among likely voters.  That means that there are very few undecided voters out there and unless there is an October surprise, Red will still have LT to kick around for six more years – which is admittedly fun.  Red credits Beto with having run an enthusiastic campaign – but if in the age of Trumpism, the charismatic Beto cannot get more than 45% of the vote after having raised over $23 million, there is little hope that any Democrat will win statewide office in Texas for another decade at least.

Red’s NFL Picks – 2018 Week 3

Leave a reply

Well, Ol’ Red was a sad 2-4 last week having picked the Texans and the  Patriots to win and the Cowboys to lose.  Red is used to disappointment from the Texans – but the Pats are another story.  Red may soon be eating his preseason words about the apparently mighty Jags.

Your Game of the Week Game – Buccaneers over Stealers.  Ryan Fitzpatrick is living proof of Bill O’ the Clown’s (and that’s Texans’ Head Coach Bill O’Brien as if you couldn’t guess) gross inability to manage even a moderately competent professional quarterback.  Fitz has proved himself to be more than moderately competent while subbing in for the suspended Jameis Winston and JW may have trouble reclaiming the huddle if Fitz continues his winning ways.  Not to mention the sartorial splendor he sported at the post-game presser after the Bucs tore up the Eagles for an impressive win.  Fitz wore . . . Fitz displayed . . . – oh hell, Red has to show the photo

If this doesn’t convince you that the Bucs are a team to reckoned with – nothing will.  And the Stealers are no slouch either.  Right now these are the top two offenses overall and top two passing offenses in the league – which is somewhat amazing given the way the Chiefs have been tearing it up.   So Red thinks this could be the highest scoring game of the entire season (topping the 88 put up by the Bucs and Saints in Week 1).  Have the coffee table fully prepped on Monday night (chips, queso, guacamole, brownies (laced or otherwise) and a full cooler loaded with beverages of preference on the floor.  You don’t want to miss a minute of this one.  Tampa Bay 51 Pittsburgh 48. 

Your Texas Game of the Week  – Seahawks over Cowboys.  Red has to credit the Cowboys pass rush last week who made Eli Manning look either like an old man with a walker or a clueless rookie.  They probably try the same act against R. Wilson who still can actually move.  It is somewhat effective but not effective enough to overcome the Cowboys offensive ineptitude on the road.   Red will send Pete the Cheat a reminder that the Red Rule is in place this week.  Seattle 14 Arlington 10.

Your National TV Game of the Week – Browns over Jets.  Surely someone will be watching this game on Thursday night when the Browns finally get their act together and win a game for the first time since the days of Lou “The Toe” Groza  – okay really since the days of Bernie Kozar.  The only problem here is that the Jets look to be this season’s “Inconsistent Team of the Year.”  Meaning that you will never know from week-to-week which Jets team is going to show up – the one featured potential Rookie of the Year Sam Darnold and rolled and smoked the Lions or the one that crapped their Under Armour against the Dolphins.  This week Red thinks the Jets should pull out the brown pants.  They can borrow them from the Browns.  Cleveland 24 New Jersey 16.

Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Falcons over Saints.  You might expect offensive fireworks and a highly entertaining game when these NFC South rivals meet.  Not this week.  Red predicts a tight defensive struggle and both Brees and Matty Ice falter and both defensive lines excel.  Atlanta 17 New Orleans 14.

Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week  – Dolphins over Raiders.  Right now the Raiders don’t need a hex working against them to lose big to halfway decent teams.  The Gruden offense is terrible and the Khalil Mack trade was a complete blunder.  How often has the best defensive player in the entire freaking NFL been traded away!  So we will see how Genius Jon handles a triple forward time zone hex in the swamps of South Florida.  Red guesses – not so well.  Meanwhile, the Dolphins are playing like an actual professional football team and sit alone atop the AFC East – much to Red’s shock and dismay.  The secure that spot this week with a brutal beatdown of the hapless Raiders.  Miami 39 Oakland 16.

This  Week’s Shit Bowl – Texans over Giants.  Texans finally come back to the not-so-friendly confines of NRG Stadium on the South Loop. Just look for the rusting heap of the Astrodome – a fitting paradigm for what appears to be the rusting heap of another wasted Texans’ season.  Ah, but you say hopefully,  “The Giants are coming to town!”  That may be a one-week fix for all that ails the average team, but remember these are your perennially disappointing Texans – coached by Bill O’ the Clown who shows no hope of ever becoming even a halfway decent game day coach.  Every Texans game is marred by some blundering decision regarding either challenging a call on the field, clock management, inept play calling or as featured Sunday a complete breakdown on special teams.  Last week it was a mistake that even Junior High teams don’t make when the Texans left a gunner on the Titans punt team uncovered who scooped in a lob from the upback and scampered 67 yards untouched to the end zone.  John Madden was rolling over on his couch.  Maybe just maybe, the Texans can beat a sad sack team like the Giants.  Or maybe Saquon Barkley breaks the all time NFL record for total yards from scrimmage.  All things are possible when the Texans play.  Red will not be attending this beastly bowel battle and if you are watching please remember to remove all sharp objects from your man or woman cave lest ye be tempted to open up a vein in dismay sometime during the third quarter.  Houston 13 New Jersey 9.

Quote for the Day

Leave a reply

[M]ost Democratic senators have made clear they have no intention of giving Kavanaugh fair consideration. Eager to show they are part of the anti-Trump “resistance,” Senate Democrats are resorting to absurd, outrageous and shameful behavior in a desperate attempt to keep President Trump’s nominee off the high court.

Hans A. von Spakovsky, Senior Legal Fellow at The Heritage Foundation.

Hans, Hans – did you write this with a straight face?  Substitute Merrick Garland for Brett Kavanaugh, Obama for Trump and Republicans for Democrats and this quote might have the ring of truth to it.

Lyin’ Ted Resorting to Desperation Tactics?

Leave a reply

Sen. Rafael Edward “Lyin’ Ted” Cruz (TP-Texas) has been sending out letters soliciting campaign funds which are disguised as an “Official [Insert County Here] Summons” and as shown above state in big bold letters “SUMMONS ENCLOSED – OPEN IMMEDIATELY”.  This is an attempt to use a deceptive but apparently legal tactic to increase the rate at which recipients open the letter instead of immediately tossing into the trash can (or recycling – something that would no doubt piss off the Senator).  As deceptive as the envelope is – the tactic is legal as long as the contents are clear that it is coming from a campaign.  But you have to wonder at this desperate of a tactic.   Well you might have to wonder if this wasn’t coming from Lyin’ Ted.  As much as Trumph The Insult Comic President™ has gotten wrong – he seems to have been spot on with his characterization of Cruz’s true nature.  Red is only surprised that Cruz is not telling Red that he “May Already be a Winner!” or that he is the favored nephew and only heir of the late former minister of oil development of Cote d’Ivoire and needs some help transferring $26,000,000 to a U.S. account.

Red’s 2018 NFL Picks – Week 2

Leave a reply

Red missed the opening week of the season due to unavoidable commitments and trouble with his Ipad.  Be advised, however, that he would not have picked the Texans to win on the road in New England, but would have taken the Saints over the Buccaneers, the Chiefs over the Chargers, the Bears over the Packers, the Panthers over Cowboys, Jaguars over Giants.  That would be a hypothetical 4-2, but it doesn’t count unless you tell someone about it.   Red also doesn’t give any betting advice this week because it is too early in the season for accurate throwing away of hard-earned cash.

Your National TV Game of the Week – Giants over Cowboys.  The Red Rule is back – and for you new readers out there, the rule is very simple –  SCORE 13 POINTS AND BEAT THE COWBOYS.  It only took 9 last week, but Red won’t quibble.  The Cowboys’ offense looks truly terrible even with E. Elliott at full speed.  Red has a funny feeling that Zeke may make him forget all about Steve Slayton (who as long-time readers will remember – Licks the sweat off a dead man’s balls!).  It’s way too early to make that call, but here’s hoping.  Other than Zeke and Cole Beasley, the Boys are devoid of weapons and unless Sean Lee is playing lights out – the defense aint much to write home about either.  On the other hand, there are the Giants – led by tired old Eli Manning and relying on probable Rookie of the Year Saquon Barkley.  The future ROY gets it done this week.  New Jersey 14 Arlington 6.

Your Texas Game of the Week  –  Texans over Titans.  Red likes Marcus M. but the dude cannot stay on the field and that may be a good thing this week as he would be relying on the shambles of an offensive line the Titans will trot out at home on Sunday.  The Titans may be missing both starting tackles and all-world TE Delanie Walker is gone for the season – a real shame for lovers of excellent TE play like Red.  If Mercilus, Watt and Clowney cannot tee off on this bunch – the vaunted Texans defense probably isn’t all that.  Texans need a competent offensive performance – something that even Bill O’ the Clown should be able to whip up after getting gob-smacked in week one.  This is probably a snoozefest for most of the game with a flurry of activity at the end.   Houston 28 Tennessee 17. 

Your Must Watch Game of the Week – Chiefs at Stealers.  The Patrick Mahomes Show featuring Tyreek Hill and Kareem Hunt debuted last week to rave reviews.  Episode 2 can be disappointing for a new series.  However, with head writer Andy Reid in charge, Red expects new and exciting scripts with lots of drama for most of the season.  This week’s episode has an interesting subplot with Travis Kelce playing a big role in solving the mystery of the Steel Curtain.  This one has hit series written all over it.  Stay tuned for more.  Kansas City 44 Pittsburgh 28. 

Your Overrated Game of the Week – Patriots over Jaguars.   Normally, you might think that a matchup between the defending AFC Champs and a team that reversed about a decade of franchise futility last season would be an interesting watch.  Not so this week.  While the Patriots have the mirrors finely polished and the smoke machines pumping out thick dense dark smoke, it just doesn’t make for very exciting games right now.  That they have two master magicians on the team doesn’t hurt but it doesn’t matter this week.  Jags are overmatched and get another lesson in how it is done this week.   New England 27 Jacksonville 17.

Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week  Chargers over Bills.  As you know, Red is big believer in the time zone hex and the reverse triple time zone, longitudinal inverse hex is very powerful.  However, no hex can stand up to the mighty negative power of the Bills.   Chargers are lucky to get one hex out of the way early while Bills are still floundering for a solution to the eternal problem – Why are we still living and playing games in Buffalo?  Los Angeles 45 Bills 13.

And – This Week’s Shit Bowl – OTNAs over Colts.  The Colts have to win a few games this year based on having A. Luck at quarterback alone.  Don’t get Red wrong, he would not want the Luckster on his team, but he is a competent quarterback capable of beating the lesser teams. And while the OTNAs are a lesser team, they bitch-slapped the Cardinals last week on the road.  So while it is a bit unfair to put them in this week’s Shit Bowl, Red is pretty sure that it will hold up by the end of the season.   With apologies to Alex Smith, Red has them winning this turgid turd tussle.  Landover, Md. 24 Indianapolis 17.

Red’s 2018 NFL Predictions – Playoffs

Leave a reply

Red has picked all the divisions (see below) and now it is time to chart out the playoffs.

Red has it as follows:

NFC Division Champs:  Eagles, Falcons, Vikings and Rams.

NFC Wildcards:  Bears and Saints

AFC Division Champs:  Patriots, Stealers, Texans and Chiefs

AFC Wildcards:  Chargers and Browns

Red likes the Stealers and Chiefs in the AFC title game at Arrowhead with the Chiefs barely pulling it out.

Red sees the Eagles and Falcons in the NFC title match in Philly with the Falcons nabbing the banner.

Red goes all in for the Chiefs as the NFL Champions for the first time since 1969. 

Red’s 2018 NFL Predictions – AFC West

Leave a reply

If you are reading these predictions, please note that each division has been picked separately over the course of several days.  Red used to do this in one giant post, but people don’t read big giant posts anymore – except for devoted followers of Alex Jones and those folks probably aren’t among Red’s loyal fan base.

Kansas City Chiefs – Red has bet heavily on the Patrick Mahomes to Tyreek Hill 60 yard touchdown pass combo in his big money fantasy football team.  Add to that mix, Kareem Hunt, Travis Kelce and Sammy Watkins and there is no question that the Chiefs could have the most explosive offense in the NFL this year – if Mahomes is all he appears cracked up to be.   That’s a lot to put on a second year player, but Red thinks Mahomes is the real deal and not the latest retread of previously failed Texas Tech wunderkinds (tell Red you don’t remember the glorious pro careers of Kliff Kingsbury and Sonny Cumbee?).   In the immortal words of HC Andy Reid “I’m fired up!”  Which is the only way Red can ever use the first person in these musings.  Kansas City dominates at 14-2.

San Diego (er – Los Angeles) Chargers –  Red would like to attend a Chargers game this season – mostly because he likes peace and quiet and prefers being alone.   Here are some keys you can blank on for a successful Chargers season.  Rivers needs to empty the backfield on third down and throw clear down the unfilled.   And a hearty hollow, to undrafted rookie speedster J.J. Jones who may help on those bombs – he deserted his place on this roster.  His speed may open up devoid in the middle. When they get in the dead zone, Rivers can rely more on Melvin Gordon to bare down opposing defenses.   The offense is good, but vacant do it alone.  The defense must desert itself and get uninhabit of making some third down plays.  It may come down to the Week 15 matchup with the Chiefs, a tough game to win desolate in the season. Some help getting the missing faithful involved wouldn’t hurt – for example abandon the sidelines could pump up the fan.  Barren in the hunt for the playoffs all the way this season.  Red thinks they make it barely at 10-6.

Oakland Raiders –  The emaciated ghost of Al Davis still stalks the cavernous corridors of the Coliseum (or whatever they call they rusting decrepit heap they play in) waiting for another Raiders championship.  Dead Al continues his nightly rambles all season in vain.  The Raiders’ gamble on bringing back the perfidious Jon Gruden doesn’t pay off this season.  Walk Dead Al! Walk! Walk across the desert to the shining oasis in the sun – for there your spectral dreams will still go unfulfilled.  Oakland 8-8.

Denver Broncos – Red also likes Case Keenum but he may just have squeezed all the juice out of that lime last season in Minnesota.  This franchise seems lost in the woods right now and John Elway’s job is probably on the line if something doesn’t turn around soon.  Let Red be the first to say, “Adios Juan!”  Denver is 6-10.