“It was a spectacular con.”
New York Times on Donald Trump.
What else would you expect from the greatest con man who has ever walked the face of the earth?
Quote for the Day
2 Replies
Author Archives: Red from Texas
Red’s NFL Picks 2018 – Week 5
Well, Week 4 was purtnear a total disaster for old Cousin Red. He went 1-5 with only his undying faith in the Chiefs and Patrick Mahomes being rewarded. Colts’ offensive coordinator Frank Reich handing the game to the Texans in OT didn’t help either. Nor did the Cowboys offense actually coming to life – sort of. Or the Patriots remembering that they were the Patriots. Excuses, excuses. Anyhow, that brings Red down to 6-12 for the season – “Stop digging boys!”
Your Game of the Week Game of the Week – Chiefs over Jaguars. If the Andy Reid show (starring Patrick Mahomes and featuring Kareem Hunt, Tyreek Hill, Travis Kelce and the Sad Sack Defense) can put up 35 points against the vaunted Jaguars defense, then as Keith Jackson used to say – “Katy bar the door!” The Chiefs may be unstoppable. They certainly are resilient as they looked all but dead until a crushing fourth quarter rally left the Broncos wondering “What just happened here?” Chiefs don’t need such heroics this week. Jags chase PM to no avail and cannot score enough points to keep up despite the Chiefs defensive inepitutude. Chiefs 35 Jacksonville 25.
Your Texas Game of the Week – Texans over Cowboys. Red doesn’t really have much choice this week here. Does he pick the underperforming Texans or the hated Cowboys? Texans also rallied against the sad sack Colts to eke out a gifted victory in OT on the road. That cannot hurt, but it may not help much either. Bill O’ the Clown is doing his best Jeff Fischer impersonation this season in taking what should be a relatively talented team and turning them into a loosing snoozefest. Meanwhile the Cowboys broke out of a scoring slump – aided by the Lions’ ineptitude (something that can never be overrated). Still the Boys are averaging a near league worst 16.8 points per game. But given the Texans complete inability to stop the run or the pass (unless there is a sack and please dear God, let there be sacks), Red expects the Cowboys to score a bit more than average this week. Will it be good enough? Red would ramble on a bit more, but it’s time to piss on the proverbial fire and call this one. Houston 21 Arlington 19.
Your National TV Game of the Week – Eagles over Vikings. Eagles are a major disappointment so far but with Ajayi back in the fold and Carson Wentz getting warmed up, the Eagles offense should be following the lead of Guitar Steve Miller (that would be “Fly Like an Eagle” for those of you born after 1980 – and if you are bored go to one of those websites where people tell you how they misunderstood lyrics and put in Fly Like and Eagle – then sit back and guffaw – “Shoot the children with no shoes on their feet.”) Okay, this is supposed to be about football. Vikings defense is moving to the top of the heap and Red swears the Vikings have a quarterback – he just can’t remember who or why he should care. Philadelphia 28 Minnesota 27.
Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Bengals over Dolphins. When two 3-1 teams matchup at this point of the season you would expect to be watching the cream of the crop or at least some decent milkfat. Red isn’t a believer in either of these teams. He believed briefly in the Dolphins last week and see what that got him! But if you were inclined to believe in one of these squads, it would probably have to be the Bengals led by the resurgent Red Rifle and a possibly recharged (at least no longer limping) Joe Mixon. Cincinnati 19 Miami 5.
Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week – Jets over Broncos. Broncos are hexed this week. Other than that, Red really doesn’t care and neither should you. New Jersey 24 Denver 21.
This Week’s Shit Bowl – 49ers over Cardinals. Speaking of not caring, this week’s Shit Bowl is particularly odiferous featuring two teams that have managed to eke out one win between them. It’s a bit harder to fault the Niners having bet wildly and come up snake eyes so far on J. Garapolo. Now they will be led by C.J. Beathard – a name which Red could have a lot of fun with if it weren’t time to get back to work. The Cardinals made an even worse bet on Sam Bradford and have now turned to Josh Rosen. Even still the Cards are putting up a league worst 9.2 points per game which almost impossible to fathom in the modern NFL. What is really impossible to fathom is that anyone other than diehard fans or gambling addicts will be watching this game. If you fall into one of those categories, please remember to glue the remote to the armrest of the LaZ-boy lest ye be tempted to gag yourself with it during the third quarter of this turgid turd tussle. Santa Clara 28 Arizona 10.
Bands that Red Cannot Stand
Red has been thinking about music a lot lately. Red’s near complete lack of musical talent makes him appreciate it all the much more. But there are certain bands/artists that will cause Red to change the channel almost immediately. And exactly why is something of a mystery. Oh, Red can put some of it into words, but why is there such a visceral dislike. Why the jarring of the nerves, the grinding of teeth, the white-hot hatred pounding the frontal lobe? Perhaps bad memories evoking primal rage? Or who knows – it just happens. So while Red realizes these may be fighting words, here goes.
- Steely Dan – overproduced, pretentious pseudo-intellectual soft rock from a band named after a dildo.
- The Doobie Brothers – Red actually went to see them once. That sealed the deal.
- Yes – The worst of the 70’s with annoying vocals – who actually sounds like that?
- Randy Travis – pandering pathetic platitudes of patriotism.
- Rush – noise accompanied by possibly even more annoying vocals than Yes.
- AC/DC – for those about to rock – listen to something else.
- Foreigner – oh only if they were actually foreigners.
- Kansas – shaming an entire state.
- Kanye – for obvious reasons.
- Plastic Ono Band – an aural assault posing as art.
Quote for the Day
“I think he’s got a good shot. If he wins, it will be part of Texas political history, standing beside Lyndon Johnson’s 1937 congressional race in terms of personal effort, and perhaps besides John Tower’s 1960 election to the U.S. Senate, in terms of consequence.”
Lawrence Wright on Beto O’Rourke’s campaign for U.S. Senate. Red wants to believe, yet cannot. Rafael “Lyin’ Ted” Cruz (TP-Texas) will probably win by at least 5 points.
I-14 Update – Student Coalition Supports Interstate 14
A small part of construction on new Interstate 14 is underway. Now a student coalition is promoting a complete I-14 stretching from Georgia to west Texas. The Youth Infrastructure Coalition wants an I-14 that would create an east-west alternative accross the southern reaches of the US between I-10 and I-20. Frank Lumpkin, YIC’s founder started the group to promote infrastructure and economic growth in an underserved area. In Texas, I-14 would run from the Louisiana border near Jasper, through Huntsville, Bryan/College Station, Temple/Killeen and hook up with I-10 near Fort Stockton.
“If you look at a map and take the demographics of those regions, you’ll find the median household income average is about 22 percent below the average for the entire United States. So, there’s definitely disparity and facts show it.”
YIC envisions I-14 being created primarily be the expansion and improvement of existing highways as a less expensive alternative to building an entirely new highway. In contrast to Rick Perry’s Texas Trans-Corridor proposal – which drew near universal outrage and opposition – I-14 seems to be winning local support as a number of municipalities that would be affected have passed resolutions in support of the super-highway.
Astros Local Playoff Coverage Limited
Houston Astros regular season games are broadcast on AT&T SportsNet Southwest which also provides pre-game and post-game coverage and analysis. However, during the playoffs, ATTSNSW will be the only regional sports network that will not provide such coverage. ATTSNSW is declining to provide the local angle because “they don’t have the rights to broadcast the games.” They are clearly the outlier as the other regional networks will provide coverage before and after each game even thought they are not actually carrying the games either. In the American League, Yankees fans can get the local scoop on YES, Red Sox faithful on NESN, Indians supporters on SportsTime Ohio and A’s hangers-on on NBC Sports California. But for Astros fans, the final chance to hear Todd Kalas, Geoff Blum, Julia Morales, Kevin Eschenfelder and Mike Stanton chat up the Astros will be before and after the final game of the regular season on Sunday. Sad!
Red’s Best Truck Driving Songs
For some inexplicable reason, Red was thinking about the 70’s and the heyday of truck driving music. Red fondly remembers seeing the top truck driving music band of the 70’s (see No. 5) several times at the Armadillo World Headquarters and elsewhere. Here’s Red’s list of the best truck driving songs around. Warning, after No. 5 or so, Red is having to stretch a bit.
- Willin’ – Little Feat (Linda Rondstadt version is also excellent)
- Six Days on the Road – Dave Dudley (Sawyer Brown also hit the charts with this one)
- Truck Drivin’ Man – Terry Fell (recorded by countless others)
- I’ve Been Everywhere – Johnny Cash version (Hank Snow’s first U.S. version is not bad either but few know that this was originally written by Australian Geoff Mack and referenced Australian towns)
- Mama Hated Diesels – Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen (written by Blackie Farrell – Red remembers lead singer Billy C. asking the audience at the Armadillo – “We got any truck drivers here tonight?”)
- White Line Fever – Merle Haggard (redefines plaintive)
- East Bound and Down – Jerry Reed (better song than the movie)
- Truck Driver’s Sweetheart – Kitty Wells (What can he say? Red likes Kitty Wells.)
- Drivin’ My Life Away – Eddie Rabbit (you must admit it’s catchy)
- Phantom 309 – Red Sovine (pure schmaltz served with sugar, but sung by a guy named Red)
Houston Dynamo Champions
Congratulation to Manager Wilmer Cabrera and the Houston Dynamo squad as they defeated the Philadelphia Union 3-0 on Wednesday to claim the 105th Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup.
Forward Mauro Manotas led the way with a brace scoring in the 5th and 25th minute of the match with assists from Albert Elis. Manotas claimed the Open Cup’s Golden Boot award with the second goal totaling five goals for the tournament and 20 goals in all competitions this year. The game ending goal came in the 65th minute when forward Romell Quioto’s shot was saved by Union keeper Andre Blake but the clearance by Auston Trusty failed resulting in an own goal.
The Open Cup victory means the Dynamo will return to the CONCACAF Champions League in 2019. This was the Dynamo’s first U.S. Open Cup title. The club previously won the Major League Soccer Cup in 2006 and 2007 shortly after relocating to Houston.
Quote for the Day
“The Democrats are playing a high level CON GAME in their vicious effort to destroy a fine person. It is called the politics of destruction.”
Trumph – The Insult Comic President™ – tweeted this without a hint of self-awareness. Red must defer to the judgment of the greatest con man who has ever walked the face of the earth as to his assessment of what is or is not a con game. If Trumph determines it is a con game, it must be so. Coincidentally, he also happens to be expert in the practice of the politics of destruction as Crooked Hillary, Lyin’ Ted, Little Marco and Low Energy JEB!!!!!!$$$$$? can tell you.
Red’s NFL Predictions 2018 – Week 4
Well, Uncle Red improved slightly this week to 3-3. Red is now 5-7 for the season having sat out the first week due to injury. Red’s biggest bust so far is having predicted the Texans to go 10-6 and win the AFC South – a pick that looks sadly laughable now. The biggest surprise is the Dolphins leading the AFC East with a 3-0 record. So let’s start there.
Your Game of the Week Game of the Week – Dolphins over Patriots. This is the GOTW simply because it could herald the end of (or at least a hiatus from) the Patriots era of excellence in the NFL. If the Pats go 1-3 with the lone win coming against the lowly and loathsome Texans, they will be 3 full games behind the 4-0 Dolphins and looking at possible losses to the Chiefs, Bears, Packers, Stealers and maybe the Dolphins again. 8-8 is not out of the question if the Pats collapse again on Sunday. However, Red never discounts the ability of Bellicheat to resurrect his team and win 11-12 games year in/year out. As for the Dolphins, Red doesn’t think anyone imagined that the Ryan Tannehill/Danny Amendola connection would be much of a factor or that tired old Frank Gore would still be productive. Dolphins need to take advantage and kick the Pats in the Nads before they get up again. Miami 28 New England 24.
Your National TV Game of the Week – Chiefs over Broncos. It’s kind of slim pickings on the National TV front this week – but the Chiefs appear to be always worth watching and the Broncos don’t suck yet (stay tuned for updates on that one). The only question for the Chiefs may be – Will they score less than 35 points in any game this season? Red guesses that might happen maybe twice and possibly only after the Chiefs have secured a first round bye and home field advantage. Patrick Mahomes looks unstoppable and has a full array of pretty cool weapons at his disposal. Okay, Red will stop counting chickens now. Broncos are doing it with productive tandem of Lindsay and Freeman in the backfield and the dynamic duo of Thomas and Sanders at wideout. That’s enough talent around Case Keenum to win some games. Just not this week. Kansas City 42 Denver 30.
Your Texas Game of the Week – Lions over Cowboys. Red thinks the Lions can meet the exacting standards of the “Red Rule” this week – which is – score 15 points and beat the Cowboys. The Boys’ utter offensive ineptitude is really quite spectacular at this point. If the Cowboys hit 1-5, Red thinks that Jerry Jones will jettison Jason and jump to Jimmy Johnson (just joking). Matt Stafford has a happy homecoming. Detroit 24 Arlington 14.
Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Eagles over Titans. Red blew this one last week as the Saints/Falcons game was a total barnburner. If that happens with the Eagles and Titans this week, Red will eat his mouse. Even so, it’s hard to call a game disappointing when it features two teams who have yet to put up more than 21 points in a game all season. Both teams are coming off real snoozers with the Eagles having to rally to beat the crumbling Colts and the Titans being totally pumped up from the 9-6 field goal fest whipping of the Jaguars (who were obviously hungover after stomping the Pats). Look for a low scoring boring struggle in the middle of the field. That is unless Carson Wentz is really back. Philadelphia 13 Tennessee 9.
Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week – Browns over Raiders. So far this season, the time zone hex is working in reverse. This week the Browns overcome the triple reverse time zone hex to win back to back games for the first time since the Reagan administration. Actually in 2014, the Browns won three in a row over the Raiders, Buccaneers and Bengals in Weeks 7, 8 and 9 and were 6-3 and eyeing the post-season before collapsing on their way to a 7-9 record. Is Baker Mayfield the one to break the Browns curse of first round quarterbacks wasted? Maybe. Meanwhile on the west coast, Jolly Jon Gruden continues to tear apart the Raiders to remake them in his own image. Too bad he is using a photo from the 80’s. Cleveland 24 Oakland 17.
This Week’s Shit Bowl – Colts over Texans. If another pathetic and lost season is what it takes to get rid of Bill O’ the Clown, then so be it. And it will be a cold day on S. Main before Red picks the Texans to win again. On two occasions, once against the Stealers in the home opener of the 2005 season and again against the Jets in the opener of the 2009 season, Red endured the misery of a completely incompetent first half and at half time remarked to his friend the “Big Dog” (who was also in attendance) that if Red were Bob McNair he would have left the owner’s box at halftime, gone down to the locker room and summarily fired the head coach (Dom Capers and later Gary Kubiak). He might have made the same remark if he had been in attendance on Sunday. The only good thing Red has to say about the Colts is that they are not the Texans. Have your significant other strap you to the LazyBoy if you dare watch this cruddy crap contest because otherwise ye might be tempted to run screaming to the nearest alligator infested body of water and dive in feet first. Indianapolis 13 Houston 9.
Paradise in Hell 