NFL Overtime Rules Written by Morons

The Patriots may have deserved to win the Superb Owl yesterday, but we will never know because of the NFL’s bizarre and absurd overtime rules.  No other major sport has a true sudden death overtime.  The NBA plays 5 minute OT periods until someone wins.  Baseball plays full innings until someone wins.  The NHL does have sudden death but the game changes from offense to defense very quickly and possession is won in a face off.  It would be a very unusual circumstance for each team to not have possession of the puck in OT.  Soccer plays two 15 minute overtime periods followed by a shootout if needed.   It is absurd that after a full NFL season and the playoffs, that the championship can be so influenced by a coin toss.  Yes, the team winning the toss has to score a touchdown, but it is a ridiculous system that does not allow each team a shot on offense.  The college system has its flaws but at least has some elements of fairness.

From the Annals of the Breweries –  In 1896, the Galveston Brewing Company began operations. The GBC operated the first major brewery in Texas with notables such as major shareholder Adolphus Busch raising $400,000 to fund the construction.   Smaller local brewers had of course been operating since the early days of the Republic.  With its sizable German population,  several commercial breweries had been established in Texas’ German and Czech communities.  The impressive Galveston complex included a large ice plant, cold-storage rooms, water wells, railroad access, and a brewery capable of producing 75,000 barrels of beer each year.    GBC featured brands such as High Grade and Seawall Bond.   GBC’s facility somehow survived the infamous 1900 Hurricane practically unscathed.  Prohibition was more of a challenge than the worst the Gulf of Mexico could throw at it,  but the GBC managed to survive for a while by producing  Galvo, a “nonintoxicating cereal beverage” of questionable quality and likely disgusting taste.

The San Antonio Raiders?

Last year, Mark Davis, Oakland Raiders owner and scion of Al Davis, visited San Antonio as a possible prelude to an unlikely move to the Alamo City.  It seemed like a mere tease to induce either Los Angeles or Las Vegas to come up with a plan (and a lot of dough) to move the Raiders out of Oakland to a more desirable location in the Pacific Time Zone.  But now, the Las Vegas plan is falling apart after loathsome billionaire Sheldon Adelson took his money and went home, Los Angeles already has a team (or two) and San Diego is unlikely to cough up money for the Raiders when it wouldn’t do so for the beloved Chargers.  Oakland isn’t coming up with $1.5 billion for a new facility, so what are the Raiders to do?

Maybe San Antonio is back on the table.  SA has always been a Cowboys town, so anything that will cut into the Cowboys’ fan base is all right with Red.  Red is admittedly a bit concerned about the emaciated walking ghost of Al Davis haunting the hallowed grounds of the Alamo or stirring up the placid waters of the River Walk – but some risks are worth taking to get another NFL team within easy driving distance.

Trump Speaks at National Prayer Breakfast

Thank you for having me here this morning.  It’s great to be here with all these religious leaders – of course, it’s even greater for you to be here with me.  This gathering is a testament to the great customs of our nation and I will be with you here until they carry me out in a box or I am ridden out of town on a rail.

Thanks for the words from Senate Chaplain.  Is that an appointed position?  Screw the Senate, you’re reappointed for another year or until you say something I don’t like.

So instead of talking about important issues, let’s talk about me.  How about the great introduction from Mark Burnett – producer of my incredible show The Apprentice – which was the greatest and most-watched show in TV history until I had to leave to run for President and it went down the shithole when that moron Arnold took over.   Let’s all pray for that pathetic Austrian son of a bitch.

And here’s Mike Pence – my vice-president.  He was a total nobody until I picked him.  He would have shoveling shit back in Indiana but for me – remember that Mikey.

You know I was raised in a churching home.  We went all the time.  I figured I am good for the rest of my life so that’s why you won’t see me in your churches any time soon.  Nowadays, I prefer to worship at the Temple of the First Fairway.

Okay, here at the Prayer Breakfast let’s talk about war.  We are going to kick the everloving shit out of ISIS – just like Jesus would want.   And I will be there for every family who has to sacrifice a son, daughter, father or mother in any wars that I start to deflect attention from my otherwise utter incompetence.  I will be there for you – unless you criticize me like those Khan shitheads – and then I will bring the wrath of God down upon you – or at least a bunch of Trump loyalist goons.

Finally, the Johnson amendment – you know the one that keeps preachers from talking politics on the pulpit.  I’m getting rid of that.  And when I do, every last one of you better endorse me.  First Amendment be damned.  Be goddamned in fact.

It’s been great being here.  God bless America, but more importantly God bless Trump.

 

Today in Texas History – February 2

From the Annals of Thievery –  In 1848, the United States and Mexico signed the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, ending the Mexican-American War and redrawing the international boundary.  Under the terms of the treaty, Mexico lost approximately a third of its national territory including New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, California and parts of Colorado and Wyoming.  Mexico also gave up any claim to the former Republic of Texas.   In return, the U.S. paid Mexico a paltry $15,000,000 and assumed responsibility of all claims against Mexico by American citizens.  The MAW was clearly a war of territorial aggression waged against a weaker opponent and justified by questionable claims.  Still many of the major battles were relatively close affairs, but luck was not on the side of the Mexicans.   Mexico should have built a wall.

Famous Presidential Quotes – the Trump Versions

Franklin D. Roosevelt: “The only thing we have to fear is every-freaking-thing!!!”

John F. Kennedy:  “And so my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask how can you screw your country and make a few bucks.”

Ronald Reagan:  “Mr. Putin, do whatever the hell you please.”

Ronald Reagan:  “America is a fetid hellhole.”

Richard M. Nixon:  “A man who has never lost himself in a cause bigger than himself is really damn smart.  Only in losing himself does he find out what a loser he is.”

Theodore Roosevelt:  “Speak loudly and carry a grudge.”

Abraham Lincoln :  “You can fool all of the people all of the time if you just keep repeating the same lies.”

Thomas Jefferson:  “The price of freedom is negotiable.”

 

 

 

Red’s NFL Picks – Superb Owl

NFL Picks 2016 – Superb Owl

It’s very hard to imagine how big a deal the Superb Owl is until it comes to your town. Red happened to be in downtown Houston last Thursday night and walked over to Discovery Green.  DG is a wonderful little urban park on the east side of downtown across from the massive George R. Brown Convention Center.  For the Superb Owl, DG, the GRB and the surrounding area have been turned in ground zero for all things NFL and SB in particular.  At 9:30 on a Thursday night more than a week before the game, there were probably 75 workers hard at it.  Fox has built what appears to be a 10,000 sq. ft. temporary studio on the main lawn. There is a massive temporary café/bar, a full concert stage, a huge NASA display, light show in the pond and other attractions.  That doesn’t include the other four square blocks all tented up for music, food, conviviality and possibly lots of drinking.  Or the entire “NFL Experience” set up inside GRB.  There are also massive projections on nearby buildings and of course the mandatory barriers, metal detectors and road closings that accompany any such event nowadays.  Red estimates that somewhere between $15-25 million has been spent in this one area of downtown alone and maybe much more than that.  Who knows what is going on at NRG park – maybe just a game.

Red was a dismal 0-2 in the Conference Championship games. He was hoping against hope that the Stealers would show up and not terribly surprised when they did not. So, we have the Patriots in the SB again. Can we hear a vigorous “Ho Hum” from everybody?  Red thought so.

Red was taken aback, however, by the Packers pathetic performance. We knew the Falcons offense was fearsome, but what has made them a true contender for the Lombardi Trophy is the turnaround from the front 7 on defense.  That should have ultimately been expected with Dan Quinn in charge, but the arrival of a top caliber defense is ahead of schedule.

With apologies to Ray Magliozzi, Red has to say “Well, it’s happened again, you’ve wasted another perfectly good NFL season, reading Red’s bad NFL weekly picks.” Why stop now?

Your Last Pick of the Week – Falcons over Patriots

They used to say that defense and rushing wins championships.   They used to say that cheaters never win, too. Bill Bellicheat and Tom Brady put an end to such nonsense. Don’t misunderstand, the Pats have had respectable defenses and managed to turn stiffs like LaGarrette Blount (aka the Fat Pig), Antowain Smith and Stevan Ridley into reasonable facsimiles of real NFL running backs for brief periods of time.  Inter-column quiz:  Who is the Patriots all-time leading rusher?  Had to think didn’t you?  It’s Sam “Bam” Cunningham for Christ sakes – who was with the team for 9 seasons and gained all of 5453 yards.  He also had more career fumbles than touchdowns.  There is not a single running back in Patriots history headed for the Hall of Fame or even the Hall of Very Good.  The Hall of Mediocrity might accept one or two, but that’s it.  This season is no different.  BB has figured out that you really don’t need a superstar back if your offensive scheme is good enough.  Just plug in a horse that you use to exploit defensive weakness and go on about your business.

The Pats defense is another story. It was the best defense in the only category that matters – scoring.  The Pats allowed fewer points than any other team in the league and that kept them in a few games when the offense was not clicking – a very few.

But let’s look at who the Pats beat this season. They beat 3 playoff teams (if you include the Texans as a playoff team – a questionable proposition).  They beat the Stealers, Dolphins (twice) and the Texans.  Their two losses were to the Bills (sans Brady) and the Seahawks.  They also had very few close games – posting only four (4) one-score victories. Two of those were in the first two weeks of the season when they beat the Cards and Dolphins in close contests. The later beat the Jets and Ravens by one touchdown each.  Other than that, they either lost or pretty much blew out their opponents.  Defense was the key to cruising to victory most weeks.  Only the Cards, Dolphins, Bills, Seahawks and Ravens could score more than 20 points and only the Seahawks scored more than 30.

Meanwhile in Georgia, the Falcons offense was keyed by a successful running tandem all season. Freeman and Coleman were the best backfield all season.  Good for two guys who were mid round picks in 2014 and 2015.  That is not to say that the Falcons’ incredible passing attack should be overlooked.  It is simply incredible how Julio Jones and his posse can tear up opposing secondaries.  But the respect for the running game that opposing defenses must show, makes the passing attack all that much more fearsome.  How fearsome?  The Falcons failed to score at least 23 points only once all season in an inexplicable loss to the Eagles after a 10-day layoff.  They scored more than 30 points 11 times and more than 40 points 5 times.  They lost 3 games by a total of 13 points with only the bizarre loss to the Eagles coming by more than one score.  The analyst could say, the Falcons will find a way to lose a close game.  The analyst should shut up.

The Falcons defense is not on par with the Pats. But it has steadily improved all season and clearly was in full stride against the Packers.  That performance must have built a new level of confidence.  They will need it against the Pats.

The Pats are favored by 3 and the over/under is around 58. Red really likes the Falcons and 3 points.  If they lose, it will be close.  If you can get 3.5 points, take it and run.  Red wonders a bit about the O/U.  SB’s can be notoriously slow starting on the offensive front.  Ah, screw it.  Go with the over and hope for an exciting game that doesn’t last 4 hours.  See you next season. Atlanta 33 New England 28.

Trump and his Bootlick

Bootlick:  Mr. President it’s really great to be here in your awe-inspiring presence.  I feel as those who witnessed the Sermon on the Mount must have felt.

Trump:   You know my crowd at the inauguration was much larger than the crowd at the Sermon on the Mount.  Not even close.  Jesus really did not know how to pack them in lik I do.  If you look at the photographs of the TRUMP National Mall during the inauguration and the photographs of the SOM, my crowd is huge.  Jesus’ – not so much.  So you are really one lucky bastard to be sitting in the same room with me.

Bootlick:  Let’s get right to torture.  I love torture, y0u love torture, Americans love torture.  Are we going to be able to say that the Trump administration was a pro-torture administration?

Trump:  As you know, torture works.  People will confess to almost anything when tortured and that is what will win the war on terror – more forced confessions.   You know some of my advisors have said in their confirmation hearings that they won’t use torture – and I respect that.  Once we waterboard them, however, I think they will change their minds.  So our first resort will be to torture and it will be beautiful torture.  We will winning bigly with our torture.

Bootlick: Okay, on to the wall.  It looks like you don’t need Congress to build the wall.

Trump: That’s right.  Congressional approval will never slow me down.   What a bunch of clowns. That’s why 46% of American voters chose me – to build that wall.  And it will be a real wall, a beautiful wall,  probably about 700 feet tall and a half-mile wide.  And Mexico is not only going to pay for it, I am going to make them say they love it.  And if they won’t pay, then I’ll play the trade war card.  So what if they are our third largest trading partner and next door neighbor.  I’ll just go to Mexico and get elected President there too.  The Mexican people love me and the crowd at my Mexican inauguration will be even larger than the one last week.

Bootlick: Okay finally, the media.  Those scum-sucking bastards keep calling you a liar for saying things that might possibly be true in an alternative universe.  What is your response to these pathetic leaches on a free society that should be worshipping exalted leaders like you who drink at the trough of conservative ideology?

Trump:  Well you couldn’t be more right.  The media – and by that I mean everyone one but you Dobbs, Limbaugh and the guys at Breitbart – truly are the most vile, repulsive creatures to walk the planet.  I’m wrong there – most of them slither actually.  They are the most disgusted, perverted and really pathetic wretches that I have ever encountered – and remember I ran a casino in Atlantic City.  Back in the day I would have just had Carlo, Tony and Guido take them into the back room and well – you get the picture.  Here’s how you can tell what is a lie and what isn’t. If I say it – it’s the God’s truth.  If you see it on CNN or in the NY Times are any of these other failed and rat-infested enterprises – it is a lie.  It’s that simple.  I tell the beautiful truth and anyone who says otherwise is a liar.  For example, I am the most talented, handsomest, gifted and divinely inspired man to ever hold this great office.  Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, Coolidge – they all look up to me and just marvel at my brilliance.  Anyone who says otherwise is a disease-ridden piece of walking human filth.  Simple, really.  So don’t watch TV news or read your paper, I will tell you everything you need to know and it will be the beautiful truth.

Bootlick:  Well, what more can I possibly say.

Trump:  Nothing and keep it that way until I tell you what to say.

Today in Texas History – January 26

From the Annals of Aviation –  In 1892, Elizabeth “Bessie” Coleman was born in Atlanta. In 1921 she became the world’s first licensed African-American pilot.  Bessie was the 10th of 13 children George and Susan Coleman.  George was Cherokee, Choctaw and African-American. Susan was African-American.  She grew up in Waxahacie and attended the Oklahoma Colored Agricultural and Normal University.  Unable to study in the U.S. she went to France to obtain her license.  Upon her return to the U.S., she was a sensation as a barn-storming daredevil pilot.  Unfortunately, she died in a plane crash at the age of 34.

Today in Texas History – January 24

From the Annals of Best Intentions –  In 1845, the Texas Senate ratified a peace treaty between Anglo settlers and 11 Native American tribes.  The treaty was negotiated by Sam Houston whose attitudes towards Native Americans was markedly different than that of the general public based on his years of living with the Cherokee.  Houston hoped that the treaty would usher in a new era of peaceful relations between the Anglo-Texan settlers and the tribes still in control of vast areas of the Republic.  Had Texas remained an independent country the outcome could have been different.  However, with statehood all Indian affairs became the responsibility of the federal government and any chance of peace with the most aggressive tribes such as the Comanche, Kiowa and Wichita was gone.

Image of Sam Houston in Cherokee clothing.