The Republicans are Master-debaters

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Red is pretty damn sure that last night’s GOP debate is the first time that penis size has ever come up in a presidential debate.  The spirited repartee over the size of Donald Trump’s penis has generated some interesting and heretofore unprecedented headlines on the important topic of just how big our President’s dick should be.

From CNN – Donald Trump Defends Size of His Penis

From the International Business Times – Donald Trump Discusses Penis Size During Fox News Republican Debate

From HuffPo – Donald Trump Nearly Turns GOP Debate into Literal Dick-Measuring Contest

From patch.com – Who Won Thursday’s Republican Debate: Yoga, “Little Marco”, Penis Size

From Hollywood Life – Donald Trump Fires Back at Marco Rubio: “There is No Problem” with my Penis

Red thinks  the headline writers were challenged by this unusual development and failed to respond with their usual expertise.  Red also notes that Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) stayed out of the dick-swinging fray last night.  Does Ted have something to hide?

 

Today in Texas History – March 4

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From the Annals of the Trail Drivers –  In 1868, Jesse Chisholm died from food poisoning in Oklahoma.   Chisholm was not a cattleman.  He was a frontier trader.  But he did blaze the famous trail that bears his name.  He was born in Tennessee to a Anglo father and Cherokee mother.  He was an early pioneers into the Arkansas Territory. In his 20s, he joined a community of Cherokee Indians in northwestern Arkansas and took up trading.   trader. His familiarity with both Anglo and Native American culture and language (he could reportedly speak 14 different Indian dialects) helped him build a thriving trade with the Osage, Wichita, Kiowa, and Commanche.

Chisholm’s trading expeditions gave him a superior knowledge of southwestern geography. He led several important expeditions into the Southwest during the 1830s and 1840s, and during the Civil War opened a trading post near Wichita, Kansas.  After the war, he blazed a first trading routefrom Wichita to the Red River in North Texas and then extended the route to the Gulf of Mexico.  The route became known as the Chisholm Trail.

The trail was a straight wagon road with easy river crossings and relatively easy grades.   The trail was designed for the lumbering heavy freight wagons used for commerce.  By 1867, the first cattle drivers began using the trail to move beef on the hoof to the railroads in Kansas. During the next five years, millions of cattle trampled down the trail.  The large numbers of cattle cut a swath 200 to 400 yards wide.  The heavy use and erosion cut the trail down below the level of the plains it crossed. Traces of the trail may still be seen to this day.

Mitt Speaks! No One Listens.

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Failed presidential candidate Mitt Romney spoke out against Donald Trump today.  Red translates for you.

If we Republicans (that means you Whitey) choose Donald Trump as our nominee (instead of a proven loser like me- for instance), the prospects for a safe and prosperous future are greatly diminished (who am I kidding? We’re all going to Hell in a hand basket unless they come to their senses and pick me again). 

Isn’t he a huge business success (I’m piker by comparison, really) and doesn’t he know what he’s talking about?  (insert dramatic pause here) No, he isn’t (I have it on good information from the Angel Moroni himself), and no he doesn’t (he never raped a company and its employees like I did).

He inherited his business (or a small fraction thereof). He didn’t create it (except most of it). And what ever happened to Trump Airlines  (of course, I only fly private – rubbing shoulders with the hoi polloi in first class – how disgusting)? How about Trump University? And then there’s Trump Magazine (belly up in a dying industry) and Trump Vodka (not very good I hear- I swear on Brigham Young’s grave that I never tasted the stuff) and Trump Steaks (well those were good) and Trump Mortgage? A business genius he is not (but damn, I wish I had 1/10th of his net worth).

I know that some people (I’m talking about you Hillary) want the race to be over (but not me -surely the party will eventually wise up and realize that Joseph Smith’s  dream of Mormon hegemony can only be put in place when you nominate me again). They look at history (I made a C in American History only because I sat next to an ugly girl and copied her answers) and say a trend (that is, actual voters actually voting) like Mr. Trump’s isn’t going to be stopped. Perhaps (damn it all). But the rules of political history (white guys like me win) have pretty much all been shredded (like I was in 2012) during this campaign.

Donald Trump tells us that he is very, very smart (but not smart enough to buy companies, pillage them and fire everyone like I did – that fool actually creates jobs).  I’m afraid that when it comes to foreign policy he is very, very not smart. (I made a D in Freshman English – no available fat girls).

Think of Donald Trump’s personal qualities, the bullying (believe me I know about the bullying), the greed (that too), the showing off (wanna see my holy underwear?), the misogyny (we in the LDS know something about that one too), the absurd third grade theatrics (my theatrics were at least middle school level).  We have long referred to him as ‘The Donald.’ He is the only person in America to whom we have added an article before his name (okay  I know this is total bullshit -Ivana gave him that moniker, but it really sounds good – hmmm, “The High Priest Willard” has a certain ring to it). It wasn’t because he had attributes we admired (except when I got down on my knees and begged for his endorsement in 2012). 

 

 

 

Michael Berry, Liar or Merely Idiot?

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Red listens to Michael Berry’s vile screed that passes for a radio show ever now and again.  Red believes that into every life some pain must be self-inflicted.  Yesterday Berry was going on and on about his Redneck Country Club bar and how wonderful it is.  It was essentially an unpaid commercial for his drinking establishment and Red knows that MB likes to drink – occasionally at gay bars even – and then drive into a parked car and flee the scene.  But Red digresses.  The RNCC was the site for the election night fete of Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas).  Berry was proud to host his long-time friend and fellow right wing zealot.  But Berry could not say enough about how people of all races, creeds and colors are welcome at RNCC and just love it – absolutely love it.  Red wonders do they love going to a place that regularly features a racist cross-dressing redneck performing in blackface and lampooning African Americans with vicious stereotypes.   Her stage name is Shirley Q. Liquor and is a regular on MB’s radio show.

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Red has to admit that it takes incredible stones (or abject stupidity) to be as openly racist as Berry (who has likened black teenagers to “jungle animals” and who claims most white people  “would like to get as far from black people as they possibly could and never have to see another black person”) and SQL (just look at the photo please).

The fact that Cruz would hold an event in such a venue, tells Red everything he needs to know about the junior senator.

 

File this Under Damn, Damn, Damn

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CNN reports that Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) would have dropped out of the GOP race if he had lost Texas.

Texas Sen. Ted Cruz was prepared to drop out of the Republican presidential race had he lost his home state on Super Tuesday, he confirmed Wednesday, and is asking Florida Sen. Marco Rubio to do the same should he lose his.

The comments come after Cruz fell well short of expectations he set for himself on Super Tuesday. But Rubio, his chief rival in the anti-Donald Trump contest, is not faring much better. Now, heading into a critical two-week stretch before the primary in Rubio’s home state, Cruz is aiming to change the narrative, working to sell his own donors and backers on his own viability, which is more in question than ever before given Trump’s command of the race.

Listen, everyone recognizes Donald Trump is a unique phenomenon. And we were encouraged by internal numbers, but you know, I asked the team what do we do if we lose Texas?” Cruz told reporters in Overland Park, Kansas, on Wednesday night. “And we had reached the conclusion, if we had lost Texas, that would’ve been the end of the road.”

You blew it Texas.  Now the road goes on forever and the party won’t end until the convention.

Today in Texas History – March 3

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From the Annals of Diplomacy – In 1837, U.S. President Andrew Jackson appointed Alcée La Branche as the American chargé d’affaires to the Republic of Texas. The act officially recognized Texas as an independent republic.  La Branche was born on his father’s plantation on the Mississippi River near New Orleans in 1806. The family, earlier named Zweig (the German equivalent of French branche) had emigrated from Bamberg, Bavaria to Louisiana in 1721. Alcée  attended the University of Sorreze in France. and after returning home he was elected to the  Louisiana House of Representatives in 1831 and was elected as speaker of the House in 1833.

Texas received him enthusiastically viewing him as friend of annexation.  La Branche, however, was loyal to his country and aggressively defended the United States claim to disputed territory in Red River County (now Bowie, Red River, Franklin, Titus, Morris, and Cass counties). The two countries signed the Convention of Limits, which recognized Texas claims to the contested county and the Sabine River as the eastern boundary of Texas. La Branche also sought to reduce tensions concerning cross-border raids in pursuit of Native Americans.  He believed that the majority of Indian attacks were caused by Texans’ trespassing and surveying Indian lands.

La Branche Street in Houston is named in his honor.

Rob Morrow Elected Travis County GOP Chair – Local Party Officials Bemoan the Chaos their Voters Have Wrought

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Travis County Republicans are beside themselves over the newly elected County Chair Rob Morrow who defeated incumbent James Dickey by more than 6000 votes. Morrow is the co-author of “The Clinton’s War on Women” a book akin to the Bible in many GOP households. So why the wailing and gnashing of teeth?  Perhaps it has to do with the chickens coming home to roost.  In many ways, Morrow accurately represents the present tenor of the Grand Old Party.  You see, Morrow is fond of insulting anyone and everyone in his frequent Tweets – including the sainted Rick Perry.  Morrow

Red sees this as simply the natural progression of the GOP’s turn to ad hominem attacks and political viciousness.  Morrow is perfectly in line with the Ted Cruz/Donald Trump insult comic wing of the GOP. And how can anyone in the party legitimately complain about Morrow making fun of Perry or the entire Bush family when its presidential candidates spend about 75% of their time trashing their opponents.  So exactly how is Morrow out of line with the GOP electorate when he questions Rick Perry’s sexual preferences, or claims that the entire Bush family are criminals who should be locked up, or calls Hillary an “angry bull dyke”, or claims that Marco Rubio is “very likely a gay man who got married.”   And Morrow’s response to the Travis County Republicans who want him out?   “Tell them they can go fuck themselves.”  They can do that or vote for Ted Cruz – it’s pretty much the same thing.  Too bad the GOP doesn’t respect the will of the voters.  But if they won’t respect the President who won twice, why should they respect their new racist homophobe of a party leader.

The Texas Tribune has the rest of the hilarious story of the disintegration of the county party of Gov. Greg Abbot and AG Ken Paxton among other notable lights.   Red was literally ROTFL.

 

Shame on Oklahoma (and Alaska).

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Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) won the Oklahoma primary with 34.4% of the vote followed by Donald Trump at 28.6%.  At least Texas has an excuse for letting him win the Texas primary (albeit with less than 44% of the vote – compare that to Bernie’s win in Vermont) as we are responsible for putting the irascible junior senator into the national spotlight (or more accurately the blame should be placed on the 631,136 GOP voters representing about 5% of the Texas electorate who decided that David Dewhurst was not conservative enough in the 2012 GOP runoff).  In other words, Ted may be a deceitful dirty trickster, but he is our deceitful dirty trickster.  Oklahoma has no such excuse.  And who knows what goes on in an Alaskan caucus?

Today in Texas History – March 2

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From the Annals of the Revolution – In 1836, Texas declared its independence from Mexico.  The previous day, delegates from the seventeen Mexican municipalities of Texas and the settlement of Pecan Point met at Washington-on-the-Brazos to consider independence from Mexico. George C. Childress presented a resolution calling for independence.  Richard Ellis, the president of the convention appointed Childress to head a committee of five  Edward Conrad, James Gaines, Bailey Hardeman, and Collin McKinney to draft a Declaration of Independence from Mexico.  Childress probably already had a draft version of the document with him when he arrived. As the delegates worked, they received regular reports on the ongoing siege on the Alamo by the forces of Santa Anna’s troops.  Childress and the committee drew heavily on the United States Declaration of Independence.   In the early morning hours of March 2, the convention voted unanimously to accept the resolution.

Red’s favorite passage:  “It has, through its emissaries, incited the merciless savage, with the tomahawk and scalping knife, to massacre the inhabitants of our defenseless frontiers.”

Vote!

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It’s Super Tuesday and it may not be excessive hyperbole to suggest that the fate of the nation hangs in the balance.  The presidential primary races may be all but over by the end of the day.  So Red urges everyone – Democrat, Republican, Tea Party, Independent, or Other – to exercise your franchise and vote for the candidates of your choice – even if it includes Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas).  We can’t all be right.