Author Archives: Red from Texas

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About Red from Texas

I'm proud to be Red. I have lived most of my life in Texas and I love this place. Here are a few things you should know about me. 1. I am happily married and intend to stay so. 2. I live in a house that is older than you, unless you are really old. 3. I own 2 rifles and a shotgun. I think handguns are just trouble. 4. I have never killed a man, but have taken out some deer and hogs. 5. I was a good student, but never close to being valedictorian. 6. In no particular order I like the Houston Texans, San Antonio Spurs, Houston Astros, FC Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur, Texas Longhorns and Houston Dynamo. 7. I hate Dallas but always have a good time when I go there. 8. I was a Dallas Cowboys fan for 26 years but declared that I was no longer a fan during the 1987 strike. 9. I don't own any pets. I like cats, and a good dog and I have met at least 3 of them in my lifetime. 10. I think the best part of Texas is west of I-35. 11. I own two pairs of cowboy boots, but don't wear them very often. 12. I don't have a pronounced Texas accent, but can affect one when needed. 13. My last meal would be fried shrimp with tartar sauce, a baked potato with all the fixins', a dinner salad with 1000 Island dressing, yeast rolls and chocolate fudge pie for dessert. 14. I'm an old Dad, but my children are none of your business. 15. I have two degrees from UT-Austin and somehow managed to fall in love with and marry an Aggie. 16. Most of my family are right-wing nut jobs but I love them anyway. 17. When I get to play golf on a regular basis, I shoot in the low 80's. 18. I don't get to play golf on a regular basis. 19. I think Fort Worth is the best town in Texas by a long shot. 20. I have a mean herb garden. Regards, Red P.S. Remember it's not a color, it's a state of mind.

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 8

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Red tried for perfect mediocrity last week – and failed going 3-2-1 – thanks to the Seahawks/Cardinals field goal fest that ended in a tie on Sunday night.  So old Uncle Red is 19-22-1 nearing the half pole.  It’s enough to make a man vote for a Libertarian. Well, almost enough.

Sure Bet Pick of the Week – Bengals bonk OTNAs. Red thinks that the London games should be reserved for exciting teams like the Jaguars, Titans and Browns.  The majority of the English fans don’t know any better – in fact,  most of them have become Jaguars fans by virtue of simple familiarity and lack of taste.  Real games between teams that might just have a chance at making the playoffs should be played in a hard cold driving rain in the heartland with only the hard-core faithful hanging in there until the two-minute warning and missing work on Monday with a nasty head cold.  But the NFL in its wisdom, has chosen to put a game of some actual importance in the English capital this week.  (Does England even have a capital?) Red thinks the Bengals are a steal giving up 2.5 and would still take them at -3.  The over/under at 47 to 48 is more problematic.  Both of these teams need a win here.  The OTNAs can keep pace in the NFC East with a win and an Eagles victory over the hated Cowboys (see below).  The Bengals keep playoff hopes alive with a win as the Stealers and Ravens are taking on water. Cincinnati 24 Landover, Md. 23.

Underdog Pick of the Week – Bills beat up Patriots. Long-time reader Timmy asks, Red, how can you pick against the Pats?  Doesn’t that violate the laws of physics and risk ripping apart the space-time continuum as we know it?  Well Billy, Red is what is known in these parts as a self-proclaimed, part-time, semi-professional prognosticator and ordinary mortals like yourself, Danny shouldn’t question those of us who are bold enough to make foolish predictions for all to see on a weekly basis. You got that, Larry?  In other words, shut your pie hole, Willy.  Let Red do his thing and at the end of the season when you have lost all your lunch money for the spring, then you can come crying to Red. Seems like Red is forgetting something.  Oh yeah.   Orchard Park 30 New England 17.

Rivalry Game Pick of the Week – Vikings victimize Bears. Despite the end of perfection at the hands of the Eagles last week, the Purple Power still are at the top of the NFL heap after 7 weeks.  They will slide down the pile a bit as the season progresses, but not this week.  That’s because they face the Bears who are bemoaning the loss of Brian Hoyer.  The sign reads “Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here” when you are down to mourning the loss of Brian Hoyer.  These teams have faced each other every year since 1961 when the Vikings stunned the Bears 37-13 in the first game in franchise history at Bloomington.  The Vikings lead the series 57-51-2 and the teams have met but once in the playoffs – a 35-18 Bears victory in 1995. Minnesota 31 Chicago 3.

Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Texans take out Lions.   Last week Red wrote, “The Texans don’t need to win this game [against Broncos], but they do need to look like an actual NFL team – something that has eluded them in road games this season.”  Three field goals and less than 200 yards passing does not resemble a “an actual NFL team.”  So why pick the Texans now?  Well, for one, Red will be in attendance at NRG on Sunday and he hates to pick against the Texans when it might just ruin an otherwise pleasant Sunday afternoon watching modern-day gladiation in person. For two, the Texans will have to beat a real professional football team at some point this season (Red’s so-called “Quality Win”) – almost every team does that.  Well, they beat the Chiefs you say.  Fair point.  Maybe the Texans have already had their Quality Win for the season if the Chiefs don’t fall apart down the stretch.  And it all begs the question of just how good the Lions really are?  Red thinks not that good.  Matt Stafford is having an MVP runner up kind of season so far.  But that usually means disaster is about to strike in Motown.   While all the focus is on the failure of Ock Brosweiler and the huge gamble the front office took on him, Red thinks that the key this week is to take pressure off the pathetic offense with an aggressive defensive scheme that gets after MS –  a tough but doable proposition even without JJ in the lineup.  Whitney Mercilus needs to take over and make this “his defense” and make MS his personal bitch this week. Houston 24 Detroit 1.

Prime Time Pick of the Week – Eagles edge Cowboys.  A true Cowboy hater can dream, can’t he?  Red needs something to make this nightmare of a successful Cowboys campaign come to a halt.  Amazingly, the Eagles can take the lead in the NFC East with a win on Sunday night.  This is what the experts call a “pivotal game.”  This is what Red calls a “stupid pick” as witnessed by the fact that Red has so much faith in this pick, he is playing Blake “the Bumbler” Bortles over Carson “Is a Rookie, Plays Like Rookie” Wentz in his big money fantasy league this week. Philadelphia 23 Arlington 20.

Shit Bowl Pick of the Week – Jets jump all over Browns. Among the many teams that have made Red’s list this season, the Jets are near the top.  Red really can stand anything about the entire Jets organization, and yet he called for them to make the playoffs this season.  And how have the Jets paid old Cousin Red back?  By stinking up northern Jersey – and Red can tell you from personal experience that something has to really reek before it you can get a whiff of it over the ambient level of stench in that part of our fair country.  It seems just a matter of time before Bryce Petty is pulled off the end of the bench to finish off this worst of all possible seasons for the Jets.  Meanwhile back in the heartland, that the Browns are living down to expectations is hardly news.  It seems just a matter of time before the Browns are calling up Johnny F. Football and saying, “Please come back, all is forgiven. We still love you.”  Loyal readers know that nothing please Papa Rad more than to have a true Shit Bowl to complain about.  Well, Uncle Red is happy this week.  Please make sure your seat belts are fastened and your tray tables are in their full upright position lest ye attempt to leap from a moving plane while attempting to watch this colossal crap contest. New Jersey 33 Cleveland 15.

Murder at the World Series

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In honor of the Fall Classic, Red will be posting something about  the World Series every day.  Today’s entry comes from a particularly odiferous made for TV movie called “Murder at the World Series.”  Red remembers watching this with a group of friends back in 1977 mainly because it featured scenes shot in Houston in and around the beloved Astrodome.

Other than that, MATWS has little to offer.  The basic plot is that an aspiring but psychopathic baseball player tries out for the Houston Astros and is rejected.  He tries to get revenge by undertaking a series of kidnappings and plotting to bomb a World Series game at the Astrodome.  His plans go awry when he sort of falls for one of his kidnapping victims.  He intends to let her go, but ends up killing her when a bomb planted in his van goes off.  He either gets captured or killed – Red doesn’t remember because this is some awful tripe masquerading as actual entertainment.  The MFTVM is notable in featuring Joachim “Where’s My Head” Andujar as the starting pitcher for the Astros and the late great Bob Allen as a sportscaster.  Red can’t imagine that this is ever showed anywhere, but if perchance it is, the only reason to watch is to see what the Astrodome looked like in its glory days – including the movie credits being displayed on the big light board in centerfield.

And finally, as Red’s old buddy Scooter said at the conclusion, “You know it had to be fiction because the Astros won the World Series.”

 

Today in Texas History – October 26

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From the Annals of the Great War –   In 1944, Major Horace S. “Stump” Carswell, Jr. was killed in action in China.  Carswell, a native of Fort Worth, had enlisted in the U.S. Army Air Corps after Germany invaded Poland.  After extensive training, he entered the Pacific Theater of Operations in April 1944, as pilot and operations officer of the 374th Bombardment Squadron of 308th Bombardment Group of the 14th Air Force.

On his last mission, Carswell was flying a B-24 Liberator on a single-aircraft sortie against a Japanese convoy in the South China Sea.  He scored two hits on an oil tanker after making a successful second low-level run over the now-alerted convoy.   His co-pilot was wounded and the B-24 had two engines knocked out, a third damaged, a leaking hydraulic system, and a punctured fuel tank.  Despite the damage, Carswell managed to gain enough altitude to reach land, where he ordered the crew to bail out. Eight did, but the bombardier’s parachute was damaged and he could not jump with the others.  Carswell stayed with the bombardier and the wounded co-pilot, and attempted to land the badly damaged craft but was unsuccessful. The aircraft crashed against a mountain, and all three aboard were killed.

Carswell was posthumously awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for giving “his life…to save all members of his crew” and for “sacrifice far beyond that required of him.” In 1948,  Fort Worth Army Airfield was renamed Carswell Air Force Base.

Did Michael Lee Call the 2016 World Series for the Cubs – in 1993?

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There is a heated debate swinging about whether Michael Lee – Mission Viejo High School Class of 1993 called the Cubs as the winner of the 2016 World Series as part of his yearbook photo tag 23 years ago.  Internet sleuths are trying to verify whether this is real or a hoax.

Frankly, Red doesn’t see it as a big deal.  Good for Michael Lee if this is his 15 minutes of fame.  And if it is a hoax, it’s a pretty good one.

The real story would be if Lee put down some serious cash with a London bookmaker on the Cubs winning the Fall Classic 23 years in advance.

 

Today in Texas History – October 25

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From the Annals of the Fall Classic –  In 2005, the Houston Astros faced the Chicago White Sox  in the first World Series game ever to be held in Texas. The game was also notable for being the longest in World Series history at 5 hours and 41 minutes and actually ended the next day on October 26th.  Many other records were set or tied in this marathon. The teams combined to use 17 pitchers (nine for the White Sox, eight for the Astros), throwing a total of 482 pitches, and walking 21 batters (a dozen by Chicago, nine by Houston); 43 players were used (the White Sox used 22 and the Astros used 21), and 30 men were left on base (15 for each team) – all of which were WS records. One tied record was total double plays, with six (four by the Astros, two by the White Sox).  Scott Podsednik set a new all-time record with eight official at-bats.

The Pale Hose defeated the Astros 7-5 on their way to a series sweep.  All four games were close with two 1-run and two 2-run wins for the Sox.  As it stands, it will be the only World Series to be played between these franchises as the Astros have since moved to the American League.

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 7

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NFL Picks 201 6 – week 7

 

Well The Donald may have had a better week that Red last week. 1-5 for the third time this season. 16-20 after six weeks.  Red doesn’t shank his tee shot that often.

Sure Bet Pick of the Week – Bengals over Browns. In the battle for Ohio, anything can happen and usually does.  Like the Republicans, the Bengals never win a division title unless they win the battle of Ohio.  The Bengals are perhaps the most perplexing team this season (wait, that title belongs to the Panthers).  But the Browns are usually the cure for whatever ails you.  Bengals get to drink the magic Brown elixir this week. Still 10 points is a lot to give up.  Take the under at 45.5.  Cincinnati 20 Cleveland 1.

Underdog Pick of the Week – Titans Whip Colts. Titans are trending in the right direction.  Mariota is playing  like an actual mid-tier NFL quarterback and DeMarco Murray still has some gas in the tank despite being abused by the Cowboys.  The Colts are stinging from an unexpetcted loss to the Texans (unexpected by all but Red – thank you).  The Colts defense is truly awful and managed to hide that last week for 3 quarters against the equally awful Texans offense.  The Titans offense is starting to click.  The Colts – not so much.   Tennessee 24 Indianapolis 21.

Rivalry Game Pick of the Week – Patriots Destroy Stealers. Without Big Ben the Stealers are just another band from LA.  Without Tom Brady, the Patriots still win all their games.  Go figure.  This looked like a preview of the AFC Championship game until the Stealers began to look for their wheels.  It now is just another butt whipping for the Steal crew. New England 45 Pittsburgh 7.

Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Broncos best Texans.    Texans don’t need to win this game, but they do need to look like an actual NFL team – something that has eluded them in road games this season.  The Broncos are there for the taking this week having lost two in a row, but the Texans are givers.  They give up a lead late in the game to lose a squeaker here, but show some mettle. And remember Texans fans, Red warned you not to get carried away with a win over the Colts. Denver 27 Houston 24.

Prime Time Pick of the Week – Cardinals crater Seahawks.  Cardinals are still looking for that break out game this season.  This is a big chance to make a statement in the NFC west.  They can’t expect 3 TDs from DJ every week, but they can expect excellence.  All tired old Carson Palmer has to do is manage the game and let his surrounding talent take over.  Then there is Russell Wilson – who has just plain sucked so far this seaon.  Expect another rough outing over a steadily improving Cardinals defense.   Arizona 31 Seattle 13.

Shit Bowl Pick of the Week – Jets over Ravens. You can smell the stink in Jersey from the Morristown exit.  The stench of defeat is clinging to the Jets like mold to a week old bagel.  But “on any given Sunday” and this is a given Sunday for the Jets as the Ravens play down to their level.  This messy merd match will be nigh on to unwatchable.  But when has that stopped Red. New Jersey 23 Baltimore 15.

Do You Hear that Sound, Donald?

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It’s the fat lady warming up.

Most prognosticators, including Red, believe that Donald Trump killed off whatever last chance he had at turning the election around when he refused to acknowledge that he would accept the results of the election should he lose.  And given Putin’s interference in the election through hacking of the Democrats, there was still a chance.  Yes, there might be legitimate grounds for asking for a recount or challenging specific aspects of the vote, but Trump’s comments were in line with his previous claim that the election is “rigged” and that the American people cannot trust their local election officials (the majority of whom are in fact Republicans) to conduct an open and fair vote.  This is a basic repudiation of electoral system and our democracy and reveals the true character of Trump as a whining, petulant bully who is the first to cry foul when he doesn’t get his way.

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In 1541, Francisco Vazquez de Coronado wrote to Charles I, King of Spain, describing for the first time the Llano Estacado or Staked Plains.  The Llano is a high tableland extending across much of the Texas panhandle and eastern  New Mexico.  In Texas its eastern boundary is marked by the impressive Caprock which runs hundreds of miles across west Texas.  Coronado was overwhelmed by the vastness of the Llano Estacado.  As he wrote, “I reached plains so vast that I did not find their limit anywhere I went, although I travelled over them for 300 leagues.”  He further describes them as having “no more land marks than if we had been swallowed up by the sea.  There was not a stone, nor a bit of rising ground, nor a tree, nor a shrub, nor anything to go by.”  He was also the first to write about the incredible herds of cattle (bison) that he encountered and the first to describe the various plains Indians that he encountered.  Of course, he never found the Cities of Gold that he was looking for.

Today in Texas History – October 19

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From the Annals of the State Fair – In 2012, the iconic Big Tex statue was destroyed by an electrical fire that started in his right boot and worked its way up the structure, first becoming visible from the neck area. After the fire, a new Big Tex was created by SRO Associates and Texas Scenic Co. for the 2013 State Fair.

Photo from NBCDFW.com.

Hillary to Advertise on TV in Texas

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In a move not seen in almost 20 years, a Democratic candidate for President will be running TV ads in solidly Red Texas.  Texas viewers are typically limited to seeing national TV ads as neither Democrats nor Republicans viewed the state as needing their attention.  The limited one-week roll out in Texas will run a 30-second spot in the major media markets of Dallas, Houston, Austin and San Antonio. The actual size of the ad buy is not known.

The Clinton ad follows in the wake of Dallas Morning News editorial board’s endorsement of Clinton last month.  The very conservative DMN had not endorsed a Democratic presidential candidate in 75 years.  The Clinton ad plays off of the historical significance of the DMN endorsement and directly quotes the paper in criticizing Trump’s judgment and praising of Clinton’s bipartisan credentials.  “At this moment in time, for Texas and for America, Hillary for president,” a narrator concludes.

Red has to think this is money wasted by the Clinton campaign.  Trump is still going to win Texas no matter what he says or does.  Red could see spending the money if there were any competitive races in Texas that could help swing Congress to the Democratic side.  But neither Cornyn or “Lyin’ Ted” are up this cycle and other than the Will Hurd-Pete Gallego race in the 23rd District in West Texas, the Democrats have no chance to flip a Texas district thanks to extreme gerrymandering by the GOP controlled legislature.  So is this all for show, or is there something else going on?  Red for one would like to know.