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Red’s NFL Picks – Week 11

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Hoo-hah.  Red rolled a strike last week going 6-0 on the straight up picks.  That brings your peerless prognosticator to 36-24 for the season.  Against the money line it was more like Ho-hum as Red went 3-3

Vikings -3  – paid $

Texans +11 – bust

Titans/Bengals over – paid $

Niners/Giants under – bust

Stealers -10 – bust

Panthers/Dolphins over – paid $

Answer to last week’s trivia:  Joe Gibbs won 17 playoff games in 16 seasons.

This week’s trivia:  Which NFL quarterback holds the record for most passing yards in a single game?

Your Flying Dutchman Pick of the Week:  Raiders over Patriots.  This is Red relying purely on the triple reverse time zone, inverse longitudinal shift, head-trip whack job all-in hex.  Everything else favors the Pats.  But Red dances with the one who brung him.  It’s a risky move and you are warned to not try this at home but Red is inclined to take the Raiders plus 7 playing at home against the Patriot Juggernaut.  Oakland 28 New England 27.

Your LA Rams Pick of the Week: Vikings over Rams.  The Rams could do no wrong last Sunday.  Of course, they were playing the hapless, rudderless, hopeless Texans. And the Rams have been playing pretty heady ball with the Goff and Gurley Show (sounds like a crack British comedy team) putting up an eye-opening 33 points per game and a better than expected defense  under the redoubtable Wade Phillips.  The Vikings, as said before, are doing it with smoke, mirrors and Case Keenum – but they are doing it.  Can we now admit that it was a mistake for the Texans to let CK go?  Red really likes the over at 46 here.  Minnesota 35 Los Angeles 30. .

Your Big Yards Pick of the Week: Eagles over Cowboys.  You can’t quite stick a fork in the Cowboys just yet, but you can prod them with your instant-read thermometer a little bit.  A win here solidifies the Eagles as the team to beat in the NFC.  Meanwhile, the Cowboys December swoon has apparently started early this year.  Without their designated girl-beater in tow, Red is again resurrecting the Red Rule – which as longtime  readers know is — Drum Roll — SCORE 13 POINTS AND BEAT THE COWBOYS! Red likes the Eagles to cover the 48.5 O/U all by their lonesome.  Philadelphia 50 Arlington 10.

Your Slinging Pick of the Week:  Titans over Stealers.  Red is sticking with his team of destiny in the AFC.  Nuff said.  Well not quite enough.  Since getting rolled and smoked by Deshaun Watson, the Titans are 4-1 having beat a plethora of bad teams and losing to the Dolphins.  This is the real playoff stretch drive test for the Titans. Beat the Stealers in Week 11 to go 7-3 and the playoffs are within your grasp with four patsies up next before ending the season at home with the Rams and a possible division deciding game against the Jaguars.   Take the Titans and 7.  Tennessee 23 Pittsburgh 17.

Your On a Wing and a Prayer Pick of the Week:  Falcons over Seahawks.  Losing Richard Sherman the week before playing the Falcons is very much like the proverbial taking of a knife to a gun fight.  Falcons are riding high after demolishing the Cowboys on Sunday.  The Seahawks will not be demolished but they may very well lose.  Here is the telling stat for the Seahawks – Russell Wilson is their leading rusher with 290 yards.   Red will go with the Falcons getting 3 on the road.  Atlanta 21 Seattle 20.

Your Weird Throwing Motion Pick of the Week:  Texans over Cards.  Simply put, someone has to win this week’s Shit Bowl.  The only good thing to come out of this season for Texans fans may be the overdue exit of Bill O’ the Clown as head coach.  Not sure if anything good is going to happen as a result of the Cards sucking gas.  Speaking of sucking gas, make sure all the gas outlets are secured, the valve at the meter is closed and all hand tools are safely out of reach, lest ye be tempted to stick your head in the oven after Tom Savage is sacked for the 7th time – in the first half if this turgid turd tussle.  The over/under is 43.5.  Are these guys paying the slightest bit of attention to the exact degree of suckitude that these two offenses are displaying right now?  Take the under.  Houston 13 Arizona 10.

 

Sean Hannity’s Interview of Roy Moore

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Last week in a desperate attempt to restore his reputation as a constitution-bending results oriented judge who was booted from his judicial post twice, Alabama Senatorial candidate and Tea Party hero Roy Moore appeared on the Sean Hannity show to rebut charges by at least 4 women that Moore either sexually molested them or had inappropriate relations with them as teenagers about 40 years ago.  The allegations are serious – especially in the case of Leigh Corfman who claims that Moore took her to his home undressed her to her underwear and molested her.  Hannity tried hard to coach Moore through an unequivocal denial of this disgusting conduct, but could not quite get Moore through it unsullied.

Lucky for Red’s readers that he had found a transcript of the unaired portion of the interview.

H:  While we are at it, many are expecting that some other allegations about your past will soon be made.  My sources tell me that those lying weasels at the Washington Post are still digging around in Alabama.  So let’s clear up some other vicious lies that are about to surface.

M: That would be great Sean.

H:  Here is one about you participating in a lynching in 1963 when you were about 16 years old.  First of all, how can you blame someone for something they did at age 16.  Lord knows I wouldn’t want every kid I beat up in high school to come back at me now.

M: That’s for sure.

H:  So did you participate in any lynchings as a teenager?

M:  Let me say Sean that that would not be my ordinary practice to participate in a lynching.  But I don’t remember any lynchings and if they did happen,  I would always ask permission of someone before lynching them.

H: Well that makes perfect sense. Did you watch any lynchings?  Maybe they are confused here.  It’s one thing to watch a lynching – totally different than participating.

M:  Well there were so many lynchings at that time in Alabama, it was hard to avoid them.  So it is certainly possible that I saw a lynching, but I don’t remember any particular lynching.  So it might be true, I just don’t recall.

H:  Here is another one.  Reportedly another old “friend” is claiming that you memorized Mein Kampf and liked to carve swastikas in oak trees near your house. I mean who hasn’t read Mein Kampf?

M:  Well I may have read Mein Kampf as part of a school project but I don’t remember that.  I’m not saying I didn’t love the Fuehrer, but I just can’t recall any specific feelings I may have had for the tenets of National Socialism.  I have carved trees and it is possible that some initials may have resembled a swastika, but I always asked for the tree’s permission before doing any carving.

H: Now let’s get to your career as a Judge.  We understand that there may be some allegations that you accepted bribes from parties.  I know that sounds ridiculous, can you tell our wonderful Fox viewers that this is completely false.

M: It would certainly not be my normal practice to accept bribes from parties with cases before the court or to violate the code of judicial conduct.  I don’t remember taking any bribes, that would be unusual.  But if any money changed hands, then I certainly would have asked permission of the person giving me the bag of cash before I accepted it.

H:  Well, I think that clears it up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 10

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Last week Red was off – way off – going 1-5 on the straight up picks.  He is now 30-24 for the season and definitely trending in the wrong direction.  That ends this week and Red is back on making some money line picks after checking his bank statement this week.  Take that however you will.

Answer to Last Week’s Trivia:  The Pittsburgh Stealers won their 450th game since the 1970 merger on Sunday.  That puts them at the top of the total wins column by a decent margin.

This Week’s Trivia:  What NFL coach has the best playoff win to seasons coached ratio over the course of a more than 10 year career?

Your Hey Joe Pick of the Week: Rams over Texans.  Red got to witness the white hot fire that is Tom Savage in person last week.  In fairness to Tom, the Texans receivers couldn’t find an opening with a compass and when TS dropped back he had about 2.5 seconds of peace before all holy hell was at his doorstep.  That and a lot of rust – a lot of rust, doomed the Texans against a limp-dicked Colts squad.  Meanwhile on the West Coast, the Rams are real team – at least for the present.  Will they be able to manage that transition from the doormat/also-ran afterthought they have been for more than a decade to a playoff contender piquing real interest?  It is a hard transition when people start to expect you to win.  And a win this week is expected.  For that reason, Red likes the Texans + 11.  Los Angeles 24 Houston 20.

Your NASCAR Pick of the Week: Panthers over Dolphins.  Why is it so easy to forget that the Panthers are 6-3 and in the thick of it for the playoffs? Not to mention in the running for the best record in the NFC should the Eagles stumble down the stretch?  Why is it so easy to forget that the Dolphins have an offense?  Well it might have something to do with their dead-last point output of 14.5 per game.  Defense and special teams play has bailed them out so far and with a 4-4 record they are in the playoff hunt – well they’re sniffing the butts of the horses that the teams that are in the playoff hunt are riding. Hey, but that’s something!  This is a matchup of one excellent defense (Panthers) and pretty good defense (Dolphins) and thus, we have a troubling 39.5 O/U.  When expectations are that low, Red goes high – take the over and sit in your sweat lodge.  Carolina 28 Miami 14.

Your OTNAs Pick of the Week: Vikings over OTNA’s.  The good news for the OTNA’s is that they have beaten the Rams, Raiders, Niners and Seahawks.  The bad news is the only West Coast team left on the schedule is the Chargers.  Well that and that they don’t have to play the Eagles again.  The Vikings are doing it with smoke, mirrors and Case Keenum.  CK has been the leading passing in the Vikings games for the last six weeks.  Either he is tearing it up or the Vikes defense is giving holy hell to other team’s quarterback.  That streak may end this week with Kirk Cousins at the helm.  Red still likes the Vikings giving up 3 on the road.  Minnesota 31 Landover, MD 27.

Your Winning Pick of the Week: Stealers over Colts.  Colts had their game of the season last week – that is if you can call beating the hopelessly crippled Texans an achievement.  Stealers are for real – they are always for real it seems.  Take the Stealers giving up 10.  But don’t take it too far.  Pittsburgh 35 Indianapolis 13.

Your Playoff Drive Pick of the Week: Titans over Bengals.  Titans are definitely not living up to Red’s lofty expectations so far – but a 7-1 record down the stretch is not far fetched given the Titans remaining schedule.  Yes, they have to  play the Stealers and Rams but other than that it is games in the division and against the Niners and Cards.  They are still Red’s team of destiny.  The Bengals are on fast track to Nowheresville – which actually has some decent restaurants according to Yelp!  Red likes the over at 41 here.  Tennessee 29 Cincinnati 20

Your Flaming Turd Pick of the Week: 49ers over Giants.  One thing is clear, Eli Manning should have quit while he was behind.  His reasonably decent legacy is being tarnished by the ugliness of the current season.  Eli’s numbers are not awful but his team is.  Meanwhile in San Francisco – Red is convinced that if he keeps picking the Niners every week they will eventually win.  It isn’t working so far.  Take the under at 42 when these two old worn out used up warhorses meet.  Oh, and if you hadn’t guessed this one just might qualify for Shit Bowl of the Year.  So put away the drain cleaner just in case you are tempted to spike your bloody maria with a little Drano during the second quarter of this beastly bowel battle. Santa Clara 13 New Jersey 12.

Today in Texas History – November 7

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From the Annals of the Constitution –  In 1972, Texas voters passed the Equal Rights Amendment to the Texas Constitution.  The Amendment was the end result of a campaign started in 1957 by the Texas Federation of Business and Professional Women. In 1957, the TFBPW sent attorney Hermine D. Tobolowsky to testify for a bill authorizing married women to control property separately from their husbands. When members of the Senate Committee reacted to her testimony with amusement, Tobolowsky determined to shift direction and steer the TFBPW towards a campaign for an equal rights amendment rather than seeking incremental changes in particular statutes.  Despite several setbacks including resistance from later-disgraced House Speaker Gus Mutscher, the TFBPW ultimately succeeded in getting the amendment passed by the Legislature and almost 80% of Texas voters approved the amendment.  The amendment is remarkably simple in its phrasing but broad in its impact.

Equality under the law shall not be denied or abridged because of sex, race, color, creed, or national origin.  This amendment is self-operative.

Sick and Tired

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Red was a young man when his hometown was shattered by the crime of Charles Whitman – an ex-Marine and Eagle Scout who took his rifles to the observation deck of the UT Tower killing 16 people including his wife and mother.  At the time and for many years after, it remained a bizarre and seemingly random event that was not likely to be repeated.  Then came the mass shooting at the McDonalds in San Ysidro and the Edmond, OK post office and the Luby’s in Killeen and Columbine and Sandy Hook and Fort Hood and Virginia Tech and the Pulse Nightclub and Las Vegas and now small out-of-the-way Sutherland Springs.  And you know what – at work no one is really talking about it even though it happened within easy driving distance.  It’s just so damn common now that people are becoming desensitized to unbelievable horror being visited on innocent people on a regular basis.   There is rarely a rhyme or reason to this senseless violence and nothing is ever done.  Six year old children are slaughtered and there is no political will to do anything to keep more weapons out of the hands of the mentally unstable.  More than 50 die from modified weapons in Las Vegas and nothing can be done to make sure that such firepower is not available nearly upon demand.

Red doesn’t pretend to have the solution, but he sure can see the problem.  If Whitman had access to the firepower that is routinely available then who knows what the death toll would have been in August of 1966.  Oh, but now is not the time to talk about this.  Because it never is.  We send out our useless thoughts and hopeful prayers and go back to our lives leaving others to pick up the shattered remains of a life.  And we fret about the Second Amendment and trot out tired old platitudes about how guns don’t kill people.  Well, guns may not kill people but the wrong gun in the wrong hands is a deadly recipe that reaps a poisoned meal for far too many innocent families on what seems to be an almost weekly basis.  This is the only developed country on Earth where such absurd mayhem is tolerated and met with stupid talking points like “An armed society is a polite society.”  Tell that to the dozens who were politely gunned down on Sunday.

Red will draw the line here. Semi-automatic weapons must go.  There is absolutely no need for anyone outside of the military to have access to that kind of firepower.  They are inappropriate for legitimate hunting, too dangerous for realistic self-defense and too easily available.  They may be “fun” to shoot, but can that momentary thrill justify allowing the carnage that happened in Las Vegas and Sutherland Springs to continue.  Is your right to have a bit of fast-shooting fun so important that you can ignore the consequences of allowing these weapons to proliferate?  If in your mind you can, then something is very wrong with you.

Red challenges you to drive over Sutherland Springs look a grieving mother, father, brother, son or daughter in the face and say – “Hey sorry about your loss, but shooting AR 15 is just really a lot of fun and my fun is more important than your family and anyway I’ve got the Second Amendment and the NRA on my side.  So tough luck that your loved one was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  And remember guns don’t kill people.”

If you can’t do that, then you are a spineless coward.

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 9

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Red was 3-3 last week and stands at 29-19 for the season.  Red laid off the money line last week and will do that again this week.

Answer to Last Week’s Trivia.  The last time no NFL games were on TV was Sunday November 24, 1963.  All the games were played that week.  However, all of the networks were carrying wall to wall coverage of the assassination of Pres. Kennedy and its aftermath.  Commissioner Pete Rozelle called the decision to play games that Sunday the worst mistake of his career.

This Week’s Trivia Question:  Since the merger in 1970, which NFL team has won the most regular season and playoff games?

Your Winning Percentage Pick of the Week: Bills over Jets.  The Bills continue to surprise everyone – especially Red.  A bold move this week in picking up Kelvin Benjamin to shore up a weak WR corps shows that the Bills mean business about winning this season.  Bills will continue to win if ground game stays alive and passing game comes alive – even with a sad sack defense.  Jets, Shcmets.  Orchard Park 23 New Jersey 14.

Your Merger Pick of the Week: Falcons over Panthers.  The two biggest disappointments in the league match up here.  Ennui reigns.  Atlanta 13 Carolina 12.

Your Old AFL Team Pick of the Week: Chiefs over Cowboys.  A nice matchup of two teams that both used to play in Dallas.  Chiefs had enough sense to move far far away from Big D.  Will Ezekiel E. play?  Cowboys have yet to beat a good team with wins over Cards, Giants, Redskins and Niners.  Chiefs already have quality wins over Pats, Eagles and Texans (sort of).  Take the team that can beat a good team.  KC 35 Arlington 24

Your League Switching Pick of the Week: Texans over Colts.  If they can’t beat the Colts, the Texans need to pack it in and let the World Series Champion Houston Astros have all of the limelight.  Houston 45 Indianapolis 12

Your Old NFL Team Pick of the Week: Eagles over Broncos.  Eagles are Red’s team of destiny.  Broncos are reduced to starting Brock Osweiler.  Red actually expects BO to play decently, but not decently enough to overtake the red hot Eagles.  Philadelphia 32 Denver 25

Your Merge This Out Pick of the Week: Niners over Cardinals.  This week’s Shit Bowl is especially stinky with the crippled Cards taking on the hapless Niners.  The word is that Jimmy Garrapolo will not play after being cast aside like a used condom by the Patriots and banished to the land of the lost on the West Coast.  Red thinks he plays and takes the bit in his teeth.  Santa Clara 17 Arizona 3.

Today in Texas History – October 30

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From the Annals of the Big Thicket –  In 1984,President Ronald Reagan signed a bill that established five wilderness areas in East Texas. The five were the Big Slough Wilderness Area, Indian Mounds Wilderness Area, Little Lake Creek Wilderness Area, Turkey Hill Wilderness Area and Upland Island Wilderness Area.  Red fondly remembers the time when Republicans at least used to pretend that they gave a damn about the environment.

Stupid Quote of the Day

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“College football is grateful to Iowa State for knocking off TCU.”

Accidentally overheard by Red from Dan Patrick – sports radio and TV giant ego and empty suit.  The absolute worst of the worst in the sports broadcasting world.  Why anyone listens to this moron is beyond Red.  TCU was one of the best stories of the year and just fell short against this season’s giant killers – Iowa State.

Top Ten Reasons Joe Strauss is Not Running for Reelection as Speaker?

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Texas House Speaker Joe Strauss of San Antonio has announced that he will not seek reelection in 2018.  JS has been thought to be the last bastion of sanity in the Texas Republican Party that has prevented the lunatics from running the asylum.  There has been speculation on Strauss’ motives, but as usual Red has the real skinny.

No. 1 – Not having to deal with Our Poor Idiot Governor Abbott and Light Gov. Patrick will be very much like stopping hitting himself in the head with a hammer.

No. 2 –  Tea Parties are just not very much fun anymore.

No. 3 – More time in Vegas Baby Vegas!

No. 4 – Bipartisanship is so 20th Century.

No. 5 – Finally realized that Republicans really want a “Christian Conservative” not a Texas Jewboy (with apologies to Kinky Freedman).

No. 6 –   He’s made it damn near impossible to get an abortion in much of the state, defunded Planned Parenthood, pushed through a discriminatory Voter ID bill – and yet it’s still all about who gets to pee where.

No. 7 –   Some of his best friends are Democrats like Donald Trump used to be.

No. 8 – Joe Strauss, Texas Moderate pilot will be coming out next summer.  An exciting action/adventure show featuring JS drinking iced tea and attempting to have polite conversations with people.

No. 9 – Will be writing treatise on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and has completed his research.

No. 10 – Embarrassed to be called a Republican in the Age of Trump.