From the Annals of the Big Leagues – In 1964, the Houston Colt .45s changed their name to the Astros. Supporters of the Second Amendment gnashed their teeth and rent their garments.
Today in Texas History – December 1
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Today in Texas History – November 28
From the Annals of Screwing – In 1882, the Screwmen’s Benevolent Association called a general holiday (actually a strike) for its members in opposition to the appearance of black workers in the cotton-screwing trade. The SBA was a trade union of specialized longshoremen who used screwjacks to stow and pack cotton bales into the holds of ships. The screwmen were almost entirely whites of various European origins and opposed allowing blacks to practice their trade. The SBA used an apprenticeship system to exclude blacks and gain a virtual monopoly of the work at the port of Galveston. After the invention of the high density cotton compress in 1910, the need for screwmen was gone and the SBA faded into history.
Red’s NFL Picks – Week 12
The week off did Red a world of good as he went 4-2 in Week 11 and has for the moment stopped digging. Red is now 28-30-2 for the season. Good enough for a win in the Electoral College. As a special this week, Red will pick all 3 Thanksgiving Day games and squeeze them into the rubric one way or another.
Sure Bet Pick of the Week – Vikings vanquish Lions. All 10 Lions games so far this season have been decided by a touchdown or less. While that sounds incredible, it is somewhat misleading because by Red’s inexact calculus at least 57.6% of NFL games in any given season are decided by 7 points or less. Which means that the Lions are due for a blowout game one way or another. Given the Lions tendency this season to fall behind and then mount a furious rally to win or make it close, Red should call this one as a close game. But the Lions are too likely to be distraught over Calvin Johnson’s third place finish on Dancing With the Stars Tuesday night to have that incredible rally in them on Thursday. Take the Vikings and 3 points and the over at 42. Minnesota 35 Detroit 10.
Underdog Pick of the Week – Cardinals can Falcons. Red can’t help but think that the Cardinals don’t suck as much as they apparently – well – suck. Falcons are there for the taking, but only if Carson Palmer can stay upright for more than 30 snaps. Arizona 25 Atlanta 23.
Rivalry Game Pick of the Week – Cowboys collapse OTNAs. This one is pretty good as NFL rivalries go. Back in the day there was hardly a more heated divisional rivalry than this one. Sports Illustrated called in the greatest NFL rivalry of all time. Red doesn’t go that far but he does remembers some fairly classic games. For example, Billy Kilmer taking down Roger Staubach in overtime at RFK on a brisk November afternoon in the first NFL game Red ever saw in person. Or the Clint Longley “Mad Bomber” game on Thanksgiving in 1974 might have been the most interesting NFL game Red ever watched as the Boys rallied from a 16-3 deficit behind their unheralded third string quarterback. Or the 1979 season ending game where the winner went to the playoffs and the loser went home and the CBs scored twice in the last 5 minutes to send the OTNAs packing. Or the SCAB game in 1987 where a team of replacements beat the scumbag Cowboy players including Danny White, Randy White, Tony Dorsett and Ed Jones during the strike. And for the record, that was the game after which Red declared that he was no longer a Cowboys fan after 27 years of loyal service. The list goes on. The Cowboys lead the all-time series 67-42-2. However, the Redskins have won the only two playoff games after the 1972 and 1982 seasons. The Boys are just playing too good to lose this one on Thanksgiving – although that would make for another incredible game in the long list of incredible games in this rivalry. Arlington 31 Landover, MD 30.
Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Chargers catcall Texans. Red has some experience in coming back from a trip to Mexico. Red figures he has visited our sunny southern neighbor somewhere in the vicinity of 35 times and at least 1/3 of the time, didn’t feel quite up to snuff for at least a week afterwards. And that’s only the times he didn’t have ceviche. He has eradicated those episodes from the memory banks. The Texans are coming off a tough loss to the Raiders at Estadio Azteca on Monday night. So combine a short week with an overabundance of tacos, tortillas and tequila and you can fill in the rest. Meanwhile the Chargers are coming to Texas after a week off. The Chargers have found new and imaginative ways to lose games this season blowing a 17 point 4th quarter lead against the Chiefs and fumbling twice in the last 80 seconds against the Colts. That and a missed field goal or two and the Chargers are fighting for the AFC West divisional title – and what a fight that is. The Chargers may be the best 4-6 team in NFL history. The Texans may be the worst 6-4 team in NFL history. They certainly occupy those positions this season. Red weeps as he calls it San Diego 28 Houston 24.
Prime Time Pick of the Week – Stealers over Colts. Will Andrew Luck play or will the nation get to witness the glory that is Scott Tolzien under center. Red hopes that Luck plays, as that underrated QB on Thanksgiving night thing (see Mad Bomber above) sometimes works out in unexpected ways. Red also hopes to be well into diabetic coma by the time this one comes on Thanksgiving night. Let him know how it comes out. Pittsburgh 21 Indianapolis 3.
Shit Bowl Pick of the Week – Eagles Edge Packers. Red can’t resist the chance to put the Packers in this week’s Shit Bowl because the Packers are in fact reallyshitty this season. Of all the underperforming teams in the league, the Packers are the underperformiest. Yeah, that’s not a word. And this isn’t a game that should be the only option for the true football junkie trying to hang on to the Thanksgiving weekend high of maximum football overdose. Red thinks the Packers have packed it in, while the Eagles have to be thinking “We’ve got a chance.” Keep thinking that all the way to the offseason guys. Take one last injection of gravy and stuff that last piece of stale pecan pie in your mouth before tuning in to watch this execrable excrement exhibition. Philadelphia 6 Green Bay 3.
Today in Texas History – November 23
From the Annals of Overeating – In 1964, Dr. Michael DeBakey and his team performed the world’s first successful coronary artery bypass graft surgery in Houston. Debakey developed the concept behind the coronary bypass after noting that in many forms of arterial disease, the portions above and below a diseased or blocked segment of artery were normal. He theorized that the damaged portion could be bypassed to restore blood flow and prevent a fatal heart attack. In the first successful coronary bypass he used a large vein from the patient’s leg to bypass the blocked or damaged area between the aorta and coronary arteries. The surgery has now become common-place performed at hospitals around the world.
So enjoy your Thanksgiving meal.
Red’s Texas College Football Game of the Week
This week look no further than College Station for Red’s TCFGOTW as the University of Texas San Antonio Roadrunners head to Kyle Field to face the quickly fading Texas Aggies. Just a couple of weeks ago, the Aggies were in the running to make the final four having lost only to unbeatable Alabama (and even looking pretty good for about a half). But they followed that with losses to mediocre squads. Meanwhile, the RR’s are enjoying a decent season by their standards coming in at 6-4 and possibly getting minor bowl consideration with a win over a ranked team. The Aggies are a mere 98.2% favorite in this one, but never underestimate the spirit of a team that has been broken, stomped on, charred a bit and heaved in the dumpster behind the Golden Corral on Hwy 6. The Aggies should cruise to a win, but that is why they play them. Texas A&M 42 UTSA 17.
Today in Texas History – November 17
From the Annals of Girl Power – In 1981, Kathy Whitmire was elected as the first female mayor of Houston. She defeated Sheriff Jack Heard with 62% of the vote- who was never heard from again (Red just couldn’t resist that one). The unexpected rise of Whitmire put a temporary end to the good ‘ol boy network that had run Houston since – well forever. Whitmire served five terms finally losing to Bob Lanier in 1991. She has never run for office again.
Red’s NFL Picks – Week 11
Well old Uncle Red was just so dang exhausted from the election that he took last week off. Probably just as well given the recent trend. And the uproar from readers was – shall Red say – less than deafening. So in Week 9, Red was a stale 3-3 and at least none of the predicted games ended in a tie. So Red is now 24-28-2. About as good as Hillary.
Sure Bet Pick of the Week – Patriots punish 49ers. This is the only sure sure bet this week as a lot of competitive (albeit boring) games dot the schedule. You know every season, one pathetic excuse for a professional football franchise rises up and proves up that old “On any given Sunday” rule; but this aint the week. If the Patriots lose to the 49ers – even considering the triple reverse time zone, obverse hipster factor, deaclimatized shift hexes working in favor of the 49ers – Red will eat his hat. This week Red’s sombrero is made entirely from raw cookie dough (Snickerdoodle and Moco Choco Chip in case you are interested). Red aint no fool when it comes to hat eating. This game features something that you see about once every SuperMoon – a two touchdown home dog. That’s right the Pats are giving up 14 points on the road. If that gives you pause, Red will have LeGarrette Blount come to your house and punch you in the nose. Probably better to go with the under at 51.5 but only because Red doesn’t think the Pats can score 52. New England 41 Santa Clara 10.
Underdog Pick of the Week – Buccaneers Beat Chiefs. Red can’t help but think that Buccaneers will get back on pace to finish 8-8 because they are – well, an 8-8 team. Red keeps waiting for the Chiefs to fold like slice of New York pizza – wouldn’t that be delicious? It hasn’t happened yet and in Red’s opinion are worst possible 7-2 team imaginable. This team lost to the Texans and got stomped by the Stealers and have beaten one team with a winning record (Raiders). We will see what happens to Andy’s crew when they have to face the Broncos twice, the Falcons and the Raiders again. Tampa Bay 25 Kansas City 23.
Rivalry Game Pick of the Week – Titans top Colts. The rivalry cupboard is pretty empty this week. This one hardly qualifies as a rivalry – it’s just a run of the mill sad sack mid-season game for anyone but the fans involved and even then – Really? There is some mild interest as the Titans appear to be rising out of years abject suckitude towards the once seeminly unattainable goal of mediocrity. Well guess what Titan fans, mediocrity can win you a division championship in the AFC South. Pray for mediocrity and you just might get it. God, loves a humble sinner. The real reason to watch this one is that with a loss and a Texans win, the Colts are all but done this season and perhaps done with the Chuck Pagano era – if you can call it that. And there is nothing like a rivalry game between two franchises that used to be something or somewhere else. The Titans at least had the decency to change their name when they left Houston in shame. The Colts took the name with them when the exited Baltimore under cover of darkness. This not-so-called rivalry dates all the way back to the Nixon era when the Baltimore Colts beat the Houston Oilers 24-20 in the Astrodome. That’s some history. The Colts lead the all time series 30-14 and the Titans have not won since October 30 of 2011 and have only won twice since midway through the 2008 season. The teams have met once in the playoffs after the 1999 season before the realignment put them in the same division and created the least rivalrous rivalry in all of the NFL. The Titans won a 19-16 snoozefest at the RCA Dome. Okay, enough already. Tennessee 13 Indianapolis 10.
Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Cowboys crater Ravens. In the new Trump era – where all things are possible – not only is America great again – America’s Team is great again. Aint that just great? Excuse Red while he goes out in the backyard and chokes down some rat poison. Arlington 24 Baltimore 21.
Prime Time Pick of the Week – Texans test Raiders. The Texans are due for at least two quality wins this season. They got one against the Chiefs in week 2 and maybe one against the Lions in week 9 (the book is still out on the Lions). This week could make 3. A while back, Red was actually thinking about going to Mexico City for unrelated reasons this weekend and could not figure out why the prices were so high and then he bothered to look the NFL schedule and lo and behold – there were the Texans following the route of Old Fuss and Feathers Winfield Scott to make an appearance in El Distrito Federal against the hated Raiders. The Texans will win this one as payback for losing to the emotionally charged Raiders playing for love of dead Al Davis back in 2011. Yeah, they have played twice since then splitting games in 2013 and 2014, but Red has never really gotten over watching the Raiders win one for Old Dead Al. This week the emaciated ghost of Al Davis grabs his saber and hooks up with spirits of the dead Conquistadors as they experience another Noche Triste in old Tenochtitlan. Houston 23 Oakland 17.
Shit Bowl Pick of the Week – Stealers Stomp Browns. Red is really tired of the Browns. So tired that he might just give the Shit Bowl a rest for the remainder of the season and replace it with the Bowl of Abject Mediocrity – except for the fact that 10 games would qualify every week. Sorry, Stealers but there has to be a Shit Bowl and someone has to beat the Browns. Red will be sitting in a hunting blind far from any technology that might pick up a trace of this coaly crap contest. Pittsburgh 43 Cleveland 9.
Today in Texas History – November 15
From the Annals of Revolution – In 1835, an expedition led by George Fisher and José Antonio Mexía unsuccessfully assaulted the Mexican garrison at Tampico. The Tampico Expedition was launched in response to Antonio López de Santa Anna’s repudiation of the Constitution of 1824. The expedition sailed from New Orleans on the schooner Mary Jane on November 6. The Mary Jane ran aground off Tampico on November 14. Mexía attacked the city on November 15 and was soundly defeated. The remaining rebels retreated aboard the American schooner Halcyon , which arrived back in Texas on December 3. Thirty-one prisoners were left at Tampico. All either died from wounds or were executed.
Photo of George Fisher from Texas A&M.
Legalize It?
The Texas Tribune reports that Texas Legislators have filed several bills aimed at decriminalization of Marijuana.
Less than a week after several other states approved measures weakening marijuana restrictions, some Texas lawmakers are looking to do the same.
On Monday, the first day of bill filing for the 2017 legislative session, Lone Star State legislators submitted several proposals to decriminalize small amounts of marijuana. Among the bills are those that would create a specialty court for certain first-time marijuana possession offenders, reduce criminal penalties for possession of up to an ounce of marijuana and re-classify convictions for possession of small amounts of marijuana.
Among the Texas proposals that have been filed thus far:
House Bill 58 by state Rep. James White, R-Woodville, would create a specialty court for certain first-time marijuana possession offenders based on the principle that first-time defendants are often self-correcting. The measure is intended to conserve law enforcement and corrections resources, White said in a news release.
State Rep. Joseph “Joe” Moody, D-El Paso, filed House Bill 81, which aims to replace criminal penalties for possession of up to an ounce of marijuana with a civil fine of up to $250. The bill also allows Texans to avoid arrest and possible jail time for possessing a small amount of marijuana. Moody authored a similar bill during the previous legislative session; it did not pass.
State Rep. Harold Dutton Jr., D-Houston, filed House Bill 82, which aims to classify a conviction for possession of one ounce or less of marijuana as a Class C misdemeanor instead of Class B. However, if a person is convicted three times, it would revert back to a Class B misdemeanor. Dutton co-authored a similar bill last session with Moody.
State Sen. José Rodríguez filed Senate Joint Resolution 17, which would allow voters to decide whether marijuana should be legalized in Texas, following the pattern of a number of states.
Senate Joint Resolution 18, also authored by Rodríguez, would allow voters to decide whether to legalize marijuana for medical use if recommended by a health care provider. “It is long past time we allow the people to decide,” Rodríguez said in a statement.
Rodríguez also filed Senate Bill 170, which would change possession of one ounce or less of marijuana from a criminal offense to a civil one.
Trump Backs Off Deportation Stance
Not even 5 days into our new Trump era and Red is already having his first WTF moment. DT promised Red that the 12-15 million ILLEGAL ALIENS in the US would be shown the door, escorted out, given the boot, kicked out, frog marched to the border and otherwise told don’t let it hit you in the ass on the way out. Now, Red is being told that only 2-3 million of the worst of the worst are going to be on that greased skid back to the land of tortillas and tacos. That is not what Red was promised and he is mighty PO’d already.
Red don’t care if you were brought here the day after you born, don’t speak a lick of Mexican, are the All District quarterback, valedictorian and were voted most likely to own your own taco truck. Red don’t care if you couldn’t spell Gwadellahara, Guadellahoorah, Guadelihurra, Guadalajara (there we go) if your life depended on it. You need to get the hell out! And that’s what Red was promised. You’re taking our jobs, you’re filling up the airwaves with that Mexican yak and songs about tu Corazon, and you’re ruining Tex-Mex food. All the Mexicans need to go. That includes the Guatemalan Mexicans, the Salvadoran Mexicans, the Honduran Mexicans and any other type of Mexicans. Hell, Red even met some Peruvian Mexicans the other day – they was real nice people, but they need to go too. So President-Elect Trump, you need to stop appeasing the people that didn’t vote for you. They aint never going to like you anyway. Red don’t care what old weak-kneed Paul Ryan says about no “Deportation Force” – there needs to be some deporting and lots of it.
Paradise in Hell 