A Salute to Our Veterans

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Red salutes our brave men and women who have served this country in times of peace and war.  But mostly war.  Because that is what we voted for on Tuesday and Red supports the will of the American people.  As Donald Trump said,  “I’m really good at war, I love war, in a certain way.”     We voted for war, so bring it  on, baby.   Let’s get to warring.

Red thinks Iran is good first step.  We need to bomb the ever-loving shit out of those bastards.  As DT said about his love of war  “—including with nukes. Yes, including with nukes.”   What are we sitting on all these dang nuclear bombs for if we aint gonna use them?  Probably only need a dozen or so to turn most of Iran into glass, rubble and vaporized body parts.  Red can smell the burning flesh from here and its only just a little bit sickly sweet.  But that’s just a good start.

Next step ISIS and Mosul.  Red says put about 50,000 troops on the ground,  kick their asses back to the Stone Age, take the oil and their Korans and let someone else worry about the rest of the mess.

So let’s make some more veterans and give them a chance to fight in a Donald Trump war – it will be a beautiful war with lots of winning.  In fact, you’ll get sick of winning and lose a battle or two just to break up the monotony of victory.

Red Wants it All from a Trump Presidency and Republican Congress

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Since the people have spoken and want the GOP in charge of everything, Red is jumping on the bandwagon and he wants it all.  Red wants the entire Trump/Republican agenda.  And he will be damn pissed off if it doesn’t come to pass.  Here’s what Red wants:

  1. The 12-15 million illegal aliens need to be rounded up and sent home. Every last one of those free-loading bastards.
  2. The beautiful wall on the southern border needs to be built and it better be a real wall.
  3. Mexico needs to pay for it.
  4. No more Chinese made crap in our stores.
  5. NAFTA needs to go.
  6. NATO allies – screw them. Whatever Putin wants is cool.
  7. Minimum wage – you’ll take what we give you and like it.
  8. Get rid of the EPA and environmental regulation – business knows best. Dirty air and water are a small price to pay.
  9. Discrimination laws gone – again business knows best.
  10. Hillary must be put in prison – Lock Her Up!
  11. Overturn Roe v. Wade.
  12. Women who get illegal abortions need to go to prison where they can hang out with Hillary.
  13. Better yet, the death penalty for an abortion because murder is murder.
  14. Massive tax cuts for the wealthiest.  They have been so put upon.
  15. More taxes for the poorest, it’s entirely their fault they are poor. They need to pay.
  16. End federal funding of education.  Dumber folks will continue to vote Republican.
  17. Recriminalize sodomy.  Those homos who are screwing each other need to go to jail
  18. End same sex marriage.  You decided to be queer – get over it.
  19. English only everywhere. Comprende, Pedro?
  20. Bring back the gold standard – get rid of the Federal Reserve.
  21. Take over fight for Mosul. Defeat ISIS and take the oil.
  22. No Muslims coming to the US.  Sorry Abdul, go back to camel racing.
  23. Bomb the ever-loving shit out of Iran. Then bomb them some more.
  24. Make it as hard as humanly possible to cast a vote – unless White of course.
  25. Stop and frisk every person of color whenever possible – they are probably criminals and just don’t know it yet.
  26. In fact, just let the police do whatever they think is best – as long as the Republicans are in control anyway.
  27. Enforce the Second Amendment.  You want a personal nuclear warhead, that’s cool because you have the right to bear arms and a nuke is an “arm.”  If you’re black and carrying a weapon, however, you are just asking for it.
  28. Endangered species – to stupid to live – not our problem.
  29. Global warming beats the hell out of global cooling.  Carbon is life.  We need more carbon.
  30. Coal mines.  Dig deeper.
  31. Steel mills – reopened.
  32. Wall Street needs to be set free to create more opportunities for the wealthy to get wealthier.  A rising tide . . . and all.
  33. Withdraw from the UN – bunch of commies.
  34. Repeal Obamacare.  Replace it with something that increases the bottom line for insurance companies.  They know best too.
  35. Social security and Medicare need to be privatized too.  People will make wise decisions – like investing in a Trump property or taking a class at Trump U.
  36. Balance the budget – recession be damned.
  37. Increase military spending – double what the rest of world combined spends just aint getting it done.

Red is sure there is more, but this is a good start.  He’ll get back to you.

Congratulations to Donald Trump

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Red is nothing if not magnanimous in defeat.  Trump has called for the nation to come together and heal its wounds.  Red cannot wait to see how the nation comes together around and drinks the healing potion peddled by a sociopathic, egomaniacal con man.   Red is looking forward to seeing 12 million men, women and children escorted out of our country, to the construction of a beautiful 2000 mile wall (paid for by Mexico), to the insurance companies being back in sole control of our health care system, to Hillary Clinton wearing prison stripes, to a beautiful partnership with the Russian dictator Putin, to the miraculous  resurgence of African-American neighborhoods, to the rebuilding of the middle class through tax increases on them and massive tax cuts for the upper class, to the criminalization of abortion, to the end of same-sex marriage, to stop and frisk on every street, to the invasion of Syria and Iran, to the end of dangerous well-vetted refugees invading our country, to the Trump name being prominently displayed on the White House, to judges who will turn back the clock to the 18th Century, and to God only knows what else.  Maybe Red aint so magnanimous after all.

 

Election Day 2016

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The end is near, but the contention continues.  The braying is almost over, but the pundits are not silenced. The people will have spoken, but few will have listened. The candidates will rest, but they will not go away.  The votes will be counted, but the result will not change minds.  The nation will endure, but the bonds are frayed.

And despite all of that, Red urges everyone to vote.  Despite the fact that Texas almost always makes bad choices (see, e.g., Our Poor Idiot Governor Greg Abbott, Agriculture Commissioner Sid “Jesus Shot” Miller, Sen. Lyin’ Ted Cruz and Rep. Louie “What’s he smoking?” Gohmert, and Rep. Sheila “I’m a Queen, I deserve to be treated like a Queen” Jackson Lee for just a few), Red urges everyone to vote.  Despite the fact that Red disagrees with most of his family and has had to unfriend a relative or two, Red urges everyone to vote.

VOTE!

Today in Texas History – November 8

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Image result for mexican circus poster

From the Annals of the Big Top – In 1852, the San Antonio Ledger published the first recorded mention of a Mexican circus in Texas.  The Mexican tradition of circus type acts has been chronicled since Bernal Diaz del Castillo wrote about the Mexican flyers who spun around a pole on ropes during an Aztec religious ceremony.  The traveling carpa (tent circus)  later incorporated Spanish themes with acrobats, jugglers and clowns. By the time such acts reached Texas,  the big-top Mexican circuses had incorporated some aspects of the Italian, English, and United States circuses, most notably the English clown with baggy pants and red wig.

Today in Texas History – November 5

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From the Annals of Classic Country –  In 1960, Johnny Horton  was killed in a car accident near Milano.  Horton was born in Los Angeles in 1925, but grew up in East Texas and graduated from high school in Gallatin. He worked in the fishing industry in California and Alaska but got serious about a country music career in 1950. In 1955, Horton got his big break when he joined the Louisiana Hayride as “The Singing Fisherman.” His first hit was Honky Tonk Man in 1956 and  “When It’s Springtime in Alaska” made it to No. 1 on the Country Music Charts a few years later. JH was also known for crossover hits such as North to Alaska, The Battle of New Orleans, and Sink the Bismarck.  Red’s personal favorite is his rendition of Whispering Pines.

Today in Texas History – November 4

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From the Annals of the Revolution –  In 1835,  Texians and a Mexican Army contingent met at the battle of Lipantitlán on the east bank of the Nueces River three miles above San Patricio in San Patricio County, directly across from Fort Lipantitlán. A Texas force of around seventy men under Adjutant Ira J. Westover engaged a Mexican force of about ninety men under Capt. Nicolás Rodríguez.  Reports were that the battle lasted thirty-two minutes, leaving twenty-eight Mexicans dead, including Lt. Marcellino García, second in command. The Texans suffered only one casualty, when a rifle ball cut off three of the fingers on William Bracken’s right hand.  Red always questions these lop-sided reports of results, but then again the victors write history.

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 9

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Hard to believe that the season is approximately half over and Red is not killing it. Last week, Red screwed the pooch again with a 2-3-1 record somehow managing to stumble into predicting another game that ended in a tie.  For the record, when that happens, Red awards himself a tie as well. So at midseason, Red is 21-25-2.  Not enough to win in the Electoral College, but close enough to make it interesting.

Sure Bet Pick of the Week – Vikings vanquish Lions. Sure bets are hard to come by this week (but see, Texas Franchise Pick of the Week).  The Lions come in as a 6 point dog on the road to a team that just lost its offensive coordinator because of relationship issues.  Which proves that the NFL is not just a “what have you done for me lately?” kind of enterprise.  Rather, the current vibe is “what have you done for me in the last quarter?”. The venerable NT had suffered through ugly losses in the last two weeks that largely were the result of massive devastation in the offensive line and gee, the loss of Adrian Peterson and then Jerick McKinnon might have had something to do with the nosedive.  So calling the Vikings a “sure bet” to do anything but implode after a remarkable 5-0 start is  . . . well, looking for the words here . . . yeah, REAL STUPID!. But when has that stopping Red.  To tell the truth, Red is probably influenced by having watched the Lions offensive ineptitude in person last week when the decent Texans defense bottled up the Lions rather effectively.  So if that C-Note is just burning a hole in your pants pocket, put it down on the Vikings to overcome adversity this week and eke out a one touchdown win.  Or take the under at 41 – if you are really smart. Minnesota 21 Detroit 14.

Underdog Pick of the Week – Jaguars jolt Chiefs. Yeah, Red picked the Jags to be playing in the AFC championship back when he still believed in Blake Bortles.  But BB and the Jags have regressed to form and will be spending the off-season working on their English accents, and looking for a new offensive coordinator after firing Greg Olson.  Compared to A. Smith, BB’s numbers don’t look all that bad.  Of course, compared to A. Smith’s numbers, Case Keenum looks like an actual professional quarterback.  But Red digresses.  Is there any reason to think that the Jags can win this week? Yes, and his name is Nick Foles.  Hard to believe that Foles was once thought of as perhaps, the next big thing. Jacksonville 25 Kansas City 23.

Rivalry Game Pick of the Week – Giants gut Eagles. This one goes back to 1933 when the Eagles came into existence and got stomped 56-0 at the Polo Grounds. The Eagles and Giants have played in the same “division” ever since. The real glory days of this rivalry were in the 1940’s and 50’s when both teams fielded powerhouses.  Some claim this is the No.1 rivalry in the NFL.  It certainly is one of the most evenly balanced with the Giants hold an 85-81-2 edge including 4 playoff meetings. The most famous game probably occurred on November 19, 1978 when the Miracle at the Meadowlands occurred.  The Giants were leading the Eagles 17-12 with 20 seconds remaining. Offensive coordinator Bob Gibson called for a running play when all that was needed was for the Giants to take a knee. The handoff between quarterback Joe Pisarcik and Larry Csonka was fumbled and Eagles cornerback Herman Edwards grabbed the loose ball and returned it for the winning score. Nothing that exciting this week.  But it might just be the NFL Game of the Week. New Jersey 35 Philadephia 31.

Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Cowboys crush Browns.   Wouldn’t it be just great if the Browns broke their losing streak and the Cowboys winning streak in the same week?  Wouldn’t it also be great if Red got a winning quick pick Lotto ticket this week? Aint neither one gonna happen. Arlington 27 Cleveland 13.

Prime Time Pick of the Week – Raiders ride roughshod over Broncos.  Lil’ brother Carr is making the rest of the league forget that “David Carr still sucks.”  Ah, it feels good to write that again.  He flirted with breaking Norm “the Dutchman” Van Brocklin’s all time single game passing record on Sunday when he accounted for 5 TDs and threw for 513 yards against the Buccaneers last week.  And yet the Raiders only won 30-24 in OT.  Meanwhile in the Rockies, Bronco fans are distraught that their heroes cannot play the Texans every week.  If Red could go to one game this week, Red would make the trip to the decrepit Oakland Coliseum to look for the emaciated ghost of Al Davis celebrating the biggest win Raider win since their last title.  Because a win against the Broncos will put the Raiders in first going into a bye week followed by a trip to La Ciudad de Mexico for a game against the entirely beatable Texans. Oakland 35 Denver 24.

Shit Bowl Pick of the Week – Jets jangle Dolphins. Jets are already at the make or break point for a shot at the playoffs.  Can they run the table with no quarterback, no running game, a suspect defense and a coach with one foot in the grave and one on a spilled Gatorade.  Red has paid almost no attention to the Dolphins this season, which puts him in good standing with 97.5% of NFL fans.  The only time the Dogfins have made news is when their washed retread of a running back announced his retirement.  Sorry, Arian – Red calls ‘em like he sees ‘em.  Red is trying to think of a single reason for a rational football fan to watch this game.  Fortunately for the NFL, rational football fans are few and far between.  Duct tape the remote control to your wrist before tuning in to this one as ye might be tempted to launch it through the front window well before half time of this turgid turd tussle. New Jersey 17 Miami 3.

Today in Texas History – November 2

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From the Annals of School Financing –  In 1920, voters ratified the Better Schools Amendment to the Constitution of 1876. The amendment removed limits on school district tax rates and was intended to ease the state’s share of school financing. Supporters of the Amendment also hoped it would increase equality in school conditions by enabling each district to improve its facilities. The impact of the amendment was erratic.  By 1923, there was a 51 percent increase in overall local taxes for school districts support for public schools.  Yet, many school districts refused to increase tax rates and continued to rely on the state as their primary source of financing.  The problems caused by the Amendment persist today as the reliance on local property taxes for the majority of public school financing has created great inequity between rich and poor school districts leading the Legislature to enact the very controversial Robin Hood school financing plan.

World Series – Game 7

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Tonight will be the 37th Game 7 in World Series History.  Of course, that includes a Game 8 in the 1912 World Series between the Red Sox and the Giants in a 9 game series.  There have been some memorable Game 7’s  in the not-so-distant past.

In 2014, Madison Bumgarner of the Giants delivered a pitching performance for the ages throwin five shutout innings in relief (on two days’ rest no less) to clinch the Giants’ third championship with the longest save in postseason history.

In 2011, the Cardinals capitalized on their amazing comeback win against the Rangers in Game 6 – who were twice one strike away from the champagne shower – to secure 11th WS title.  But Game 6 was the memorable game in that series.

In 2001, the Diamondbacks stunned the baseball world by defeating the Yankees 3-2 in Game 7.  The game featured an epic battle between starters Roger Clemens and Curt Schilling, but was decided when Yankees future HOF closer Mariano Rivera appeared human for a brief moment. Tony Womack tied the score with an RBI double, and Luis Gonzalez’s bloop single won it.  Randy Johnson got the save mowing down the Yankees in the 9th inning on zero days rest.

In 1997, in a Game 7 the Indians pray is not repeated tonight, the upstart Marlins won their first championship in only their fifth season. Craig Counsell hit a sacrifice fly in the ninth inning to tie the score and scored the winning run on Edgar Renteria’s 11th-inning walk-off single.

Red will be happy for whichever team breaks its long drought tonight. As with most fans, Red just hopes the game will be exciting.