Video of Waco Biker Gang Shootout Emerges – Bikers Run Like Little Girls

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After months of rampant speculation and very little (make that almost no) evidence of what actually happened, we finally have a video shot from the outside dining area at the now-defunct Twin Peaks in Waco.  While a few stalwart gang members stand relatively steadfast (one prominent Cossack member whips out his pistol attempting to provide cover for the headlong flight of his colleagues) when the shooting erupts, the vast majority of the self-proclaimed meanest, toughest bad asses around run, scramble and crawl their way to safety apparently leaving their fallen brethren behind.  How embarrassing.

Today in Texas History – October 30

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From the Annals of the Wilds –  In 1984, Pres. Ronald Reagan signed the Texas Wilderness Act of 1984 establishing five new wilderness areas in East Texas. The five were the Big Slough Wilderness Area, Indian Mounds Wilderness Area, Little Lake Creek Wilderness Area, Turkey Hill Wilderness Area and Upland Island Wilderness Area.  These areas were preserved from logging and development and now serve as islands of wilderness in Texas’ National Forests.  In 1979, the  Secretary of Agriculture had recommended the establishment of three wilderness areas totaling 10,712 acres. Texas congressman John Bryant sponsored legislation that would have set up ten wilderness areas in Texas covering 65,000 acres, but the bill went nowhere until citizen support expanded in the district of Congressman Charles Wilson, where three of the wildernesses lie. Wilson agreed to a compromise of five wilderness areas totaling 34,700 acres. That compromise was made possible by the willingness of lumber giant Temple-Eastex to trade some of its land inside Upland Island and Indian Mounds for Forest Service land outside.

Imagine a Republican President today signing a bill that creates wilderness areas.

The Short List of the Accomplishments of Ted Cruz

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Red has put together a short list of the accomplishments of Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) since entering elective office:

  1. Chosen by Senate colleagues as “Most-Hated” in a landslide.
  2. Set new standard for shameless self-promotion.
  3. Shut-down government for a short time and tanked his party’s polling numbers.
  4. Didn’t waste valuable time attempting to pass actual legislation.
  5. Took grandstanding to a new level.
  6. Made record number of speeches to an empty Senate chamber.
  7. Became more convinced that he is World’s Smartest Man.
  8. Put the Tea back in Tea Party.
  9. Boosted sales of ugly black cowboy boots.
  10. Became pen-pals with Justin Trudeau.

Meanwhile, the Jeb!!!!$$$$? “Campaign” plans to highlight the complete lack of accomplishments.  The Texas Tribune has the skinny on Jeb!!!!$$$$?’s latest attempt to take down Ted.

“We feel really good about Texas,” said Jeb Bush campaign manager Danny Diaz, suggesting in an interview late Wednesday that Cruz has little to show Texans after three years in the Senate. “Where’s the accomplishments?” 

“The reality is, we look forward to communicating our record of accomplishment, the most conservative record of accomplishment in the field, versus others, and that includes Sen. Cruz,” Diaz told The Texas Tribune following the third Republican presidential debate here at the University of Colorado Boulder. “Sen. Cruz has not distinguished himself” either by repealing Obamacare or keeping the nation’s debt from exploding. 

“So the reality is, once again, good floor speeches, great PowerPoint, but when it comes time to get things done, where’s the accomplishments?” Diaz asked. “So as we discuss these differences with Texans and others, we’re going to highlight the most accomplished conservative record in the field versus folks in the field that don’t have any really discernible accomplishments.”

Red’s Texas College Football Game of the Week

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This week Red features the not so longstanding rivalry between Mary Hardin-Baylor and Hardin-Simmons at Shelton Stadium in Abilene.

The third ranked MHB Crusaders come into this matchup on a hot roll with butter having won all 7 games this season.  And not just winning – the Crusaders have put an old-fashioned butt whipping on every opponent so far.  The closest game was last week’s 48-20 blowout of Texas Lutheran.  This is nothing new in Belton, as MHB has only lost one conference game in the last 10 seasons.  This year the Crusaders are averaging just over 53 points a game.

The thirteenth ranked Hardin-Simmons Cowboys will have taken a backseat to no one either.  HS is also 7-0 and pretty much destroying the competition – except for a 35-27 close call against Texas Lutheran which would be undefeated except for playing these two juggernauts.   HS is not scoring points at the same incredible rate as MHB, but it may have a better defense.

There is nothing unusual about the American Southwest Conference championship coming down to this game.  For all but two seasons the conference crown has passed back and forth between these two powerhouses.  But this year’s playoff stakes are unlike any other. With the departure of Mississippi College and Texas Lutheran after the 2012 season, the ASC dropped below the seven-team threshold for an automatic qualifying bid. There was a two-year grace period, and two provisional programs have since been added, but the conference has been pushed into the Pool B grouping, where 13 teams are fighting for one bid.  The winner of this one is probably in, but the loser may be left in the cold despite having had an otherwise exceptional season.  Red calls it for Hardin-Simmons 59-53.

Photo of Shelton Stadium from http://www.hsuathletics.com.

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 8

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“I’m 6-foot-7, a big black guy running down the middle of the field. … I wear white gloves so [quarterback Jay Cutler] can see the white gloves when I wave them like Mickey Mouse.” — Martellus Bennett

Red is a Daffy Duck man himself. Despicable.

Red Rates Himself – Last week 3-3. For the season 30-12. Red will never pick against the Patriots again – at least until he does.

Your Mickey Mouse Pick of the Week: Seahawks over Cowboys. “Hey Red, didn’t the Cowboys used to be somebody,” you ask. Well yes Jimmy, the Cowboys were once one of the NFL’s storied franchises. After a few struggling seasons beginning with the inaugural year in 1960 (sneak up behind an old Cowboys fan and shout “Eddie LeBaron” and watch him flinch), the Cowboys put up a record of almost unmatched excellence for about 30 years. Then Jerry Jones decided that he was the smartest man in football, ran off the best coach he would ever have, started to hire any felon that could hit somebody hard or go deep, and well, you know the rest of the story. More recently, the upstarts from the godforsaken wilds of the Northwest decided that, “Hey, we might be able to play football too” and started a fairly decent run with a 7-9 team that made the playoffs and actually won a game and then went on to win and lose a Superb Owl! But Timmy, things are not looking so good on the west coast either these days. Pete the Cheat hasn’t been able to brew up a good batch of his old-fashioned whip-ass tonic this season and the Seahawks are looking tired and old well before the expiration date. If the Seahawks don’t have enough left in the tank to finish off the hobbling Cowboys with Matt Cassel at the helm, then they may not even make the playoffs. Meanwhile Danny, the Cowboys are playing for time, hoping to not be in too big a hole when Romo and Dez return. And as bad as the NFC East is, the Cowboys will not be out of it with a 3-7 record. So Billy, while Red is typically an over guy, he kind of likes the under here at 41.  Seattle 17 Arlington 13.

Your Goofy Pick of the Week: Broncos/Packers Tie. It happens on average every 3 seasons. And by the way, this is your NFL game of the week. Which tells you it aint a very good week.  Broncos 35 Green Bay 35.

Your Donald Duck Pick of the Week: Patriots over Dolphins. Red could make a case for the Dolphins beating the Patriots, just like he tried to make a case for the Jets beating the Patriots last week. See how that worked out. So why bother? Take the Patriots giving up 8 at home on Thursday Night Football and flip a coin on the over/under at 51.5. It came up heads? Then the over it is. You’ll sweat this one out, but be glad you did. New England 35 Miami 25.

You’re Pluto Pick of the Week: Bengals over Stealers. Bengals are getting serious talk as possible Superb Owl contender. Beating the Stealers on the road will do nothing but ramp up that hype. Unfortunately, they do not play the Patriots so we lose our best chance at seeing a late-season matchup of undefeateds. If Bengals get over the Stealers hump, then it looks like they have the easiest road to a sure playoff spot with only the Cardinals, Broncos and the Stealers again at home as possible road bumps on the way to a division championship. Yes, Ben is back, but the Red Rifle and Gio take this one over for an easy win. Bengals cover any spread that you get.   Cincinnati 42 Pittsburgh 19.

Your Uncle Scrooge Pick of the Week: Titans over Texans. Actually, Bob McNair makes Uncle Scrooge look like a fricking genius. Bob has always followed the Clint Murchison/Cowboys model. The owner just hires folks and lets them do their job. Clint hired Tex Schramm and Tom Landry – both in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Bob has hired Bill-O the Clown and Rick Smith – both of whom may get to visit Canton if they don’t check ID’s at the door. Red is actually on the verge of giving up his official Texans’ fan status if things don’t improve soon. Things will not improve soon enough he fears. This one is a pick ‘em and Red will respectfully decline to do so. Red hopes he gets to see Mariota play in person for the first time since he destroyed the Longhorns in the Alamo Bowl in 2013.  Almost to close to call between these pathetic excuses for an NFL franchise, but here goes anyway. Texans find a new and imaginative way to lose.  Tennessee 21 Texans 20.

Your Pete is a Turd Pick of the Week: Ravens over Chargers. Red will go with the triple time zone with a Mediterranean to Mid-Atlantic climatological shift hex to pick the hapless Ravens to even things up with the almost as hapless Chargers. Red actually picked both of these teams to make the playoffs. Sorry about that. The coast to coast stench emanating from this awful anal Armageddon will spoil more than a few Sunday meals. Bet on this one only if you have a serious gambling addiction and need a cheap high. Baltimore 33 San Diego 24.

Today in Texas History – October 29

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From the Annals of Garage Bands –  In 1966, ? and the Mysterians hit No. 1 on the US charts with “96 Tears.”   The members of the band were living in Saginaw, Michigan but were originally from Texas.  Their parents had been migrant workers who settled in Michigan after finding auto industry jobs.  ? – the former Rudy Martinez, who legally changed his name to a punctuation mark and claims to be a space alien, has understandably managed to maintain an air of mystery ever since making a splash with “96 Tears” which essentially came out of nowhere to reach the top of the Billboard pop chart.

Critics regard “96 Tears” as the first garage-rock masterpiece and a “proto-punk” classic.  The Mysterians formed in 1962 when four Mexican-American teenagers in Saginaw began playing instrumental music inspired by the surf bands such as the Ventures and legendary guitarist Link Wray. Taking their name from a Japanese science fiction movie, the Mysterians soon made the acquaintance of their own alleged alien—a young man in sunglasses who approached them after a gig at Michigan’s Mt. Holly Ski Lodge offering to manage the group. Identifying himself to the Mysterians only as “?,” he soon became the group’s lead singer and primary songwriter. It was a poem of his called “Too Many Teardrops” that became “96 Tears.”

Red’s Awards from Last Night’s GOP Debate

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While much of the media is focused on who won or lost, Red believes that, much like U6 Soccer, everyone who shows up deserves a participation award.  So in no particular order, Red gives the following awards to the participants in last night’s GOP debate:

Jeb!!!!$$$$?  –  The Why am I Even Here and Not Already Been Proclaimed President Award

Ted Cruz –  The Angriest Man Alive Award

John Kasich – The Hopelessly Rational Human Stuck in a Lunatic Asylum Award

Donald Trump –  The “Fuck You” Money Award

Mike Huckabee – The Just Damn Glad to be Here and Insult Fat People Award

Ben Carson – The Smooth Jazz FM Radio Deejay Award

Chris Christie – The I Can’t Believe I’m Losing to These Guys Award

Carly Fiorina – The Sure I Was an Incompetent CEO but With Enough Lies People Will Forget Award

Marco Rubio – The Vote for Me Because I’m Not Yet Tired and Old Like Bush Award

Rand Paul – The Really, We Almost Forgot You Were There Award

GOP Debate Bingo Card from USA Today.

Jeb!!!!$$$$? Vents

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Jeb!!!!$$$$? may have blown the last clear chance he had at winning the GOP nomination when he vented in public about his opponents and how he really has much better things to do than be President.  While campaigning in South Carolina last weekend, Jeb!!!!$$$$? revealed the following:

If this election is about how we’re going to fight to get nothing done, then I don’t want any part of it. I don’t want to be elected president to sit around and see gridlock just become so dominant that people literally are in decline in their lives. That is not my motivation. I’ve got a lot of really cool things I could do other than sit around, being miserable, listening to people demonize me and me feeling compelled to demonize them. That is a joke. Elect Trump if you want that.

So Red felt compelled to compile a list of ten “really cool things” that Jeb!!!!$$$$? could do other than be President.

  1. Hold an actual Tea Party – you know with crumpets and cucumber sandwiches and all.
  2. Teach a first grade bilingual education class.
  3. Take a job at the Land Office working for son George P. Bush with out the Bush fils first complying with the Texas requirement that all job openings be publicly posted.
  4. Write that spy novel he’s been kicking around for several years.
  5. Brush up on his Jai Alai game.
  6. Get a personality transplant.
  7. Rhumba with Columba.
  8. Create a line of Ted Cruz, Donald Trump and Ben Carson voodoo dolls.
  9. Challenge Mitt Romney to a boxing match – loser has to endorse Donald Trump.
  10. Go home and never be heard from again.

Cattle Rustlers Still Going Strong in Texas

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Cattle rustling.  Most folks think of and old Western movie and the posse riding after the rustlers to administer some frontier justice –  if they think about it at all.  But it continues to be a problem in Texas today.  And with beef prices soaring, the thieves are active again.  It seems like a hard and dangerous way to lead a life of crime, but some Texas rustlers are making a decent payday with their hauls of purloined meat on the hoof.  The Texas Tribune has more.

Cattle theft, a decades-old problem, continues costing Texas ranchers millions of dollars annually. Although the number of reported rustling cases has dropped in recent years, the value of stolen livestock has risen along with cattle prices driven higher by years of drought.

“It’s been a continuing problem since 1877 when our association was formed,” said Gray, executive director of law enforcement and theft prevention for the Texas and Southwestern Cattle Raisers Association. With 30 officers commissioned by the Texas Department of Public Safety, the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation or both, the association tracks livestock and property theft in Texas and Oklahoma. Most of the work is in Texas, the nation’s largest cattle producer.

Today in Texas History- October 28

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From the Annals of the Collectors – In 2014, British rock-pop-prog star Phil Collins donated his expansive collection of Alamo and Texas Revolution-related artifacts to a new museum planned for the Alamo complex in San Antonio.   The “Phil Collins Alamo Collection” section of the museum will house a number of rare items – including a rifle owned by former Congressman Davy Crockett, a fringed leather pouch carried by Crockett and an original Bowie knife which Jim Bowie had in his possession during the 1836 siege.   Collins’ collection is believed to be the largest of its kind, with over 200 total items and is valued at as much as $100 million.  Collins’ fascination with the Alamo began as a child and has obviously continued.  The collection started more than 20 years ago when he received Alamo courier John W. Smith’s saddle receipt as a gift.  That launched Collins on a worldwide search for artifacts which he documented in his 2012 book, The Alamo and Beyond: A Collector’s Journey.