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Red’s NFL Picks 2018 – Week 15

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Red can’t seem to correctly pick either the Texans to win or the Cowboys to lose which led to another 3-3 week and a season total of 32-37 for Red.  But there are no excuses in this game – only results.

Your Game of the Week Game of the Week – Chiefs over Chargers.  There really isn’t much question about the game to watch this week if you are only going to watch one game.  The 11-2 Chiefs and 10-3 Chargers square off to see who will have the inside track on the AFC West Title on Thursday night.  The Chiefs have already secured a playoff berth and the Chargers would grab one with a win.  By all rights, we should see about 90 points and 900 yards of total offense – which of course can mean a tight defensive struggle – something the Chiefs are ill-equipped to win with their sad sack defense.  Red just can’t see that happening.  Mahomes continues his MVP quest while the trusty veteran P. Rivers may have his last best shot at a division title and home field advantage and who wouldn’t want to see the Patriots playing on the west coast in a crackerbox stadium in an AFC Championship game.  Well, Red for one.  Red is sticking with his preseason pick to win it all.  Kansas City 45 Los Angeles 38. 

Your National TV Game of the Week – Stealers over Patriots.  Speaking of last best chances – the Stealers are still in the driver’s seat in the AFC North, but the check engine light is on and Steelwagon is running on fumes right now.  How does a legitimate NFL team actually lose to the Raiders?  Answer:  a time zone hex that Red missed out on – perhaps the time zone hex of the season.  And why is it that the Stealers never seem to beat the Patriots when real money is on the table?  Answer:  the Pats are just better in the clutch.  This week the Pats could use a win after the humiliating last-second loss to the Dolphins, but the Stealers really need a win as they are feeling the hot breath of the putrid Ravens franchise breathing down their sweaty necks.  A coin toss here and it comes up for the Stealers.  Pittsburgh 20 New England 19. 

Your Texas Game of the Week – Texans over Jets.  If the Texans cannot beat the Jets they deserve to be sitting at home in January licking their self-inflicted wounds and weeping over what could have been.  What has become clear is that Deshaun Watson cannot do it alone and on a day where the offensive line regresses to form and he is under pressure and having to throw passes to the third string quarterback (Joe Webb), things are probably not going to turn out well – especially against the historical franchise nemesis Colts.  The running game must get going.  But a rainy cold forecast for Saturday does not bode well.  Nevertheless, Red is going down with the Texans ship.  Houston 17 New Jersey 12.

Your Disappointing  Game of the Week – Bears over Packers.  This one seemed important at the beginning of the season.  Now – not so much.  Bears were channeling Refrigerator Perry in mowing down the Rams last week.  Who holds the Rams to 6 points?  The Pack is playing out the skein for new interim head coach – Joe “The Guy You’ve Never Heard Of” Philbin.  Hey Joe, where you going with that playbook in your hand?  Joe’s going to Soldier Field to get whipped like a lazy mule.  The Bears really just don’t have to score very many points to win anymore.  Chicago 19 Green Bay 6.  

Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week – Rams over Eagles.  Rams don’t need any help in dispatching a quickly fading memory of a championship team – but they’ll take it anyway.  Triple reverse time zone hex is superfluous.   Los Angeles 44 Philadelphia 10.

This Week’s Shit Bowl – Bengals over Raiders.  Red can smell the stench from high atop Red Plaza.  Raiders pulled one out of their ass last week.  But that trick only works once or maybe twice a season.   The Bengals aren’t bad – they aren’t good either, but the Raiders are clearly butt ugly awful except on rare occasions when you swear that there is a professional football team wearing the Silver and Black.  If you watch this beastly bowel battle without taking the customary precautions, Red feels no pity for you.  Cincinnati 29 Oakland 13.  

Your Bonus Hoping to Pull Red’s Ass out of the Fire Game of the Week –  Cowboys over Colts.  Just because. Arlington 23 Indianapolis 20.

Quote for the Day

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“I got cussed out by my mom this morning because she’s been dying to meet Pop. She told me today that I better make sure that she gets to meet him.”

Demar DeRozan – San Antonio Spurs guard on his mother wanting to meet legendary Spurs Coach Greg Popovich.

Today in Texas History – December 11

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From the Annals of the Warrior Chiefs – In 1737,  Spanish military forces captured Cabellos Colorados (Red Hair).   CC was a Lipan Apache chief who had staged repeated raids on the Spanish outpost at San Antonio de Bexar.  The historical record on Cabellos Colorados is scant but his name appears in Spanish colonial records as figuring prominently in a number of raids.  There was a raid in 1731 and again in 1734 when his band seized two Spaniards. He was also reported as having stolen horses from San Francisco de la Espada Mission and killed Indians from the missions of San Juan Capistrano and Nuestra Señora de la Purísima Concepción de Acuña. After more raids in 1736 and 1737, he was captured and imprisoned at Bexar until October 1738, when he was sent as a prisoner to Mexico City.

Quote for the Day

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“Mike Pompeo is doing a great job, I am very proud of him. His predecessor, Rex Tillerson, didn’t have the mental capacity needed. He was dumb as a rock and I couldn’t get rid of him fast enough. He was lazy as hell. Now it is a whole new ballgame, great spirit at State!”

Trumph – the Insult Comic President™ on his first Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson.

Red has to agree that RT must have been dumb as a rock if agreed to work in this Reality TV Show Joke of an Administration.  Anyone who does gets exactly what they deserve – a heaping helping of abuse and scorn.  As for laziness, apparently Trumph is an expert practitioner of that art – so again Red will have to defer.  As for Pompeo, Red is betting that when his time is inevitably up, he will turn out to have been a Satan-worshipping child molester.

Today in Texas History – December 7

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From the Annals of the Death House –   In 1982, Texas became the first state to use lethal injection to execute prisoners. The lethal dose was an intravenous injection of sodium pentathol – a barbiturate that is known as a “truth serum” when administered in lesser doses. Texas adopted the lethal injection procedure as a supposedly more humane method of executing those convicted of capital crimes.  Over the next few years, 32 other states, the federal government, and the U.S. military all began using various forms of lethal injection to execute prisoners.

Charlie Brooks Jr., convicted for the murder of David Gregory, was the first prisoner in the U.S. to be executed by injection at the Walls Unit in Huntsville.  Gregory, an auto mechanic at a used car lot, accompanied Brooks on a supposed test drive of a car.  However, Brooks took Gregory back to a motel where he was hanging out and shooting heroin with Woody Lourdes and his girlfriend Marlene Smith after engaging in a shoplifting spree.  Brooks shot and killed Gregory in an almost absurdly amateurish manner.  Lourdes had informed the hotel manager that they had a man in the room who was bound and gagged and that they were going to have to kill him while pointing a revolver at the manager and telling her that he would kill her too if she talked.  As such, the crime was easily discovered and solved.  Brooks was sentenced to death.  Lourdes was also sentenced to death but his conviction was reversed and he reached a plea deal to serve 40 years.   David Gregory left behind a wife and young son.

Today in Texas History – December 6

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From the Annals of the Coast – In 1851, the United States approved a contract to construct a lighthouse on South Padre Island.  Known as the Port Isabel Lighthouse, construction was completed in 1852.  It was one of 16 lighthouses constructed on the Texas coast and the only one open to the public at the Port Isabel State Historical Site.  The PIL served as a beacon for more than 60 years but became obsolete and was extinguished in 1905.  The lighthouse fell into neglect until the Texas State Parks Board provided funds for restoration in 1947.  The historic landmark has become a popular tourist attraction for visitors to South Texas The PIL was restored in 2000 and returned to the appearance it had following its last major operational renovation in 1880.

Plaque in Texas Capitol Lauds Rebellion with Distorted and False Version of History – Why is it Still There?

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The Texas Capitol Building prominently features a plaque honoring the Confederacy and proclaiming that the Civil War was not a rebellion and not about slavery.  As Red has pointed out several times, all one need do is read the Texas Ordinance of Secession – a vile racist screed – to determine that the only reason Texas seceded was to protect its white citizens’ ability to own black slaves.  And a lot of folks sure got killed in the non-rebellion that was the U.S. Civil War.

Rep. Straus Wants the Misleading Confederate Memorial in ...

Red and others wonder why this disgusting piece of utter racist bullshit and revisionist history still has a place anywhere in the public space in Texas.  Apparently former speaker Joe Strauss and incoming boss Dennis Bonnen both agree it should go.  The hold up is likely our Poor Idiot Governor Abbott who is terrified of doing anything that might affect his right wing bona fides.  The Texas Tribune has the full story.

Today in Texas History – December 5

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Waco Mammoth National Monument, Texas | Obama's national ...

From the Annals of the Extinct – In 2000,  part of what is now the Waco Mammoth National Monument opened.   The WMNM is at a site where a herd of mammoths were trapped during a flood about 68,000 years ago. The area contains the remains of 24 Columbian Mammoths, along with the remains of associated animals of the late Pleistocene, including Western Camel (Camelops hesternus), saber-toothed cat (Homotherium), dwarf antelope (cf. Capromeryx), American Alligator (Alligator mississippiensis), and giant tortoise (Hesperotestudo).  The site contain the Nation’s only recorded discovery of a nursery herd (females and offspring) of Pleistocene mammoths, comprising at least 18 of the unearthed mammoths.

Red’s NFL 2018 Picks – Week 14

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Red just can’t seem to get much traction – which he knows is not a big selling point as an introduction to a column that is supposed to be about picking winners.  Anyhow, Red was 3-3 again last week bringing the season total to an underwhelming 29-34.  At least your old buddy Red is honest about his powers of prognostication.

Your Game of the Week Game of the Week –  Bears over Rams.  Well Timmy, it’s time to go out on the limb and call another longshot.  It works about 10% of the time, but you gotta have some fun in this game or go crazy.  The Bears defense is more than capable of slowing down the Ramrod attack.  Can the offense score just enough.  Red calls it.   Chicago 25 Los Angeles 23.

Your National TV Game of the Week – Seahawks over Vikings.  Vikings were waxed by the Patriots when they had a chance to prove that they could have been somebody, a contender instead of bums which is what they are.  Seahawks are stumbling to a playoff spot in the crowded NFC wildcard race.  This is one more staggering step to a wildcard berth and a first round exit.  Seattle 24 Minnesota 17.

Your Texas Game of the Week  – Texans over Colts.  Texans likely wrap up another AFC South Crown with a win this week.  In September. the idea of this team winning 10 in a row was farcical.  Has Bill O the Clown become Bill the Genius?  Only the playoffs will tell.  Meanwhile, Colts are coming off getting skunked by the hapless Jags.  The will score points but not enough points.  This one might actually be entertaining.  Houston 34 Indianapolis 31.

Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week  – Chargers over Bengals.  Chargers win on the road.  Chargers win at home – also on the road.  Chargers win.  Bengals are lost without Red Rifle and cannot overcome double time zone/reverse climate shift hex this week.  Los Angeles 45 Cincinnati 7.

Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Eagles over Cowboys.  Cowboys have surprised the Hell out of Red in holding the mighty Saints to 10 points last week.  That likely was the high point for a Dallas defense that relies way too heavily on having linebackers make incredible plays.  Meanwhile in Philadelphia it looked for a while like Nick Foles might get another chance.  But Mr. Wentz has taken charge – more or less – and a win on Sunday puts them in the driver’s seat in the sad sack NFC East.  Unfortunately that bus looks like it is headed over a cliff.  At the beginning of the season, the winner of this division looked primed to make a playoff run.  Not so much anymore.  Philadelphia 21 Arlington, TX 13.

This Week’s Shit Bowl – Bills over Jets.  This week’s stinkathon features two teams that have combined for 17 losses.  Note:  the Lions and Cardinals have also combined for 17 L’s but Red is tired of beating up on the Cards who actually beat up on the Packers last week and messed up Red’s chances at a winning week.  This smellarama will be a titanic clash of two of the worst offenses currently known to man.  The Bills have been especially atrocious in averaging under 15 points per game.  But the Cards have a more balanced awfulness to them as both their offense and defense reek while the Bills’ defense is actually playing reasonably well.  If attending in person, please wear your approved gas mask lest ye choke on the acrid fumes emanating from this exemplar of an an awful anal attraction.  Orchard Park, NY 10 New Jersey 3.