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Red’s 2017 NFL Picks

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Rather than swamp readers with the whole shebang of NFL picks in one post, this season Red will pick each division over the next week or so and then wrap up before the season starts with his post-season picks and award winners.  But first the bad news.

2016 Season Recap

Red’s NFC division champions were the Giants, Panthers, Cardinals and Vikings. Wild cards were the Buccaneers and Packers.  Of that motley crew only the Packers and Giants were playing in January.  2 out of 6 in the playoffs.  Ugh!

Red’s AFC division champions were the Patriots, Raiders, Jaguars (Ha!), and Bengals.  Wild cards were the Jets (spit take) and Broncos.  Patriots and Raiders came through for another 2 out of 6 in the playoffs. Barf!

Red’s 4 out of 12 is his worst season ever. That’s at least 10 Hail Marys, alms to the poor and giving up Diet Dr. Pepper for the season.

Red did pick Khalil Mack as Defensive Player of the Year – but how hard was that?

First up this season – the AFC East.

Quote for the Day

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“When it comes to how we should deal with evil doers, the Bible, in the book of Romans, is very clear: God has endowed rulers full power to use whatever means necessary — including war — to stop evil. In the case of North Korea, God has given Trump authority to take out Kim Jong Un.”

Robert Jeffress, Trump Supporter, Pastor of First Baptist Church in Dallas and Confidant of God.

Red for one  is glad that Jeffress is here to tell us what God thinks.  We would be lost without his intercession and misconstruing all that wimpy stuff Jesus said about forgiveness, turning the other cheek and making friends of your enemies.   And since he also knows that God placed Trump in the White House, it is unsurprising that RJ has now established a holy hot line with the almighty to help Trump justify whatever it is he wants to do – Constitution be damned.  So when Trump decides to nuke the hell out of millions of North Koreans, take solace that God is smiling and approving because he wanted Trump to condemn those men, women and children to burn in the lake of blessed nuclear fire.

 

The NFL Dead Man of the Year Award

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Before every season, Red selects one unlucky soul as “Dead Man of the Year” for the previous season. The DMOTY goes every season to the player who Red reckons went from being an important cog in his team’s machinery to a completely useless tool sitting on the sidelines scratching his balls. That is, it recognizes the player who benefitted his team just about the same as would have a “Dead Man.”

And while injury alone cannot get you a DMOTY plaque to hang in your mancave, not being able to reclaim your job when healthy will factor into Red’s consideration. So as with last year, there really wasn’t much serious competition among the dead wannabes in 2016.  JJ Watt is not in the running because he had a season-ending injury.  Brock Osweiler lost his job in week 14, was on life support until Tom Savage went down and then he actually guided his team to a playoff win (albeit against the rudderless Raiders). Darrell Revis got scorched early and often but did make some plays. Cam Newton set a nearly impossible standard to match in 2015 and so his mediocre 2016 (behind a truly horrid offensive line) looks worse than it should.  Flacco Joe has been waiting in the wings for a DMOTY for almost decade – he was close in 2016 but his time will come.

And while there may never be another player as worthy of the DMOTY award as Johnny Football in 2015, Red is proud -mind you – proud to present the 2016 Dead Man of the Year Award to none other than Tony Romo.

The longtime Cowboys’ quarterback was injured in the pre-season and unavailable for much of the season. But despite his impressive career over parts of 10 seasons and the old adage that you don’t lose your job because of injury, TR was unable to get back in the lineup to replace a rookie until he played a series in the Cowboys meaningless last game against the hapless Eagles.  To give TR credit, he led his team on a 6 play scoring drive ending with a 3-yard touchdown pass to Terrance Williams.  Other than that – bupkis – as rookie Dak Prescott stole the ever pliable hearts of dedicated Cowboys fans – at least until the playoff game against the Packers when he did a reasonable “Tony Romo in the Playoffs” impersonation until a wild 4th quarter.  And even if it bends the rules just a bit, Red is more than happy to do so to name Tony as the 2016 DMOTY.  As it turns out, the 2016 DMOTY award may be the final trophy on the Romo family shelf – unless the dedicated golfer makes it to the Senior Tour.  Straight and long, Tony.

200 Days Done – 1261 To Go – How Low Can He Go (cont.)?

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Two hundred days into the Reality TV Show that is the Trump Presidency and the news could hardly be worse for the adulation-seeking President.  It turns out that people just don’t like him.  That would be bad enough, but Americans are also questioning Trump’s honesty, leadership and skills.

Red just can’t understand why people don’t understand what Trump is up to.  He has a job that he never really wanted.  He has to actually work at shit he knows very little about.  And he is continually criticized from all sides.  When Charles Krauthammer thinks a Republican President is a complete tool – well, chances are good that he is a complete tool.  One thing Trump does understand is marketing himself.  He wasn’t so good at football, casinos, wine, ties, steaks, airlines, “universities” and the list goes on,  but he does know how to package, promote and sell himself.  It’s really the only product any politician has.  And what does America like?  A come from behind last-minute unexpected win.  Well if Trump wins re-election, it certainly looks like it will fulfill all those criteria and a good segment of the population will have a rooting interest in that narrative.  Red won’t bet against Trump for re-election until the final vote has been counted.

Meanwhile, as Trump looks for his Pro-V1 in the rough (and uses the leather wedge to improve his lie), the pollsters have been hard at work.  The Week has the latest on Trump’s dismal poll numbers.

Only 30 percent of respondents said they admire Trump, 34 percent said they are proud to have him as president, and 55 percent said he has lowered the stature of the presidency. Regarding Trump’s Twitter use, 71 percent agreed it’s an effective way for him to reach his supporters, but 70 percent said Trump tweets too often in response to TV news, 71 percent said it was a risky way to communicate, and 63 percent said his tweets turn out to be misleading too often. Overall, only 36 percent of respondents found Trump honest and trustworthy, versus 60 percent who say he isn’t, and 24 percent said they trust most or all of what they hear in official communications from the Trump White House, versus 30 percent who say they believe none of it.

TV’s Big Bang Comes to Texas – Sort of

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Image result for young sheldon show

Young Sheldon the spin-off of the megahit sitcom The Big Bang Theory will, of course, be set in Texas.  In TBBT, Jim Parsons, a Houston native, plays social misfit genius Sheldon Cooper who was fictionally raised in east Texas in a  bible-thumping, sports and gun loving family.  The show has played off of that aspect of his character rather brilliantly – especially with crackerjack actress Laurie Metcalf in a recurring role as Sheldon’s  mother Mary.  Every episode with Metcalf is a real joy to watch as she totally invades the stage with her understated performance as Sheldon’s doting but often cynical mother.  Young Sheldon will start with seven-year old Sheldon already in high school and feature interaction with his family who do not know quite what to make of the young prodigy.

MySA reports that Metcalf’s daughter Zoe Perry will play the same role as her mother in the new show and one can only hope that she carries on like mom.  In any event, Red is always pleased to see another TV show set in Texas (with the notable exception of Walker – Texas Moron) even if filming takes place in Burbank. Hopefully, there will be some notable Texas exteriors if the show takes off.  Red is skeptical, but then he also thought Frazier would probably bomb.

Young Sheldon is set for a special Monday night premiere at 7:30 p.m. on Sept. 25, after the season opener of The Big Bang Theory.   The regular time slot will be at 7:30 p.m. on Thursdays beginning in November with the TBBT as a lead-in.

Counterfeit Money – Mexican Style

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Red had not seen a real counterfeit bill in many long years.  Red once worked in a bank and bogus bucks would turn up not infrequently.  But with the advances in technology and hated colorization of the greenbacks, counterfeiters have had an increasingly difficult time of it.

Some of the illegal printing operations may have moved south of the border.  While in Mexico, someone passed Red an ersatz 200 Peso note. A cab driver discovered it and handed it back to Red – “Is no good.”  Fortunately, 200 pesos is only about $12 USD, so the hit was not bad – just annoying.

Mexico employs similar technology  as the U.S. Treasury to imbed strips and other counters  in its bills and most establishments will waive a pen over 200 and 500 peso notes to check for fakes. After getting the trashy 200, Red started paying more attention to what the shopkeepers were doing and their diligence indicated that counterfeiting may be something of a problem south of the border.  Even Red started holding up every bill to the light to see if someone was attempting to pawn off phony pesos on an unsuspecting gringo.  It did not happen again.

Image of 200 Peso note featuring Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz, or Juana de Asbaje.  Sor Juana(1648-1695) was a writer, poet and nun.

Quote for the Day

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“That White House is a real dump.”

President Donald Trump (said to members of Trump National Bedminster Golf Club where the President chooses to spend his summer weekends at great expense to the taxpayers).

Red can see how Trump thinks the WH is a dump and not up to his standards.  Trump has made a few other more detailed observations about our Nation’s Number One Dump.  Red shares a few with you:

Where are the silk-embroidered toilet seat covers with my face and MAGA?

We really  need some solid gold faucets and spigots to class this place up a bit.

Not to mention Perrier spouting bidets like we have at Trump Tower?

There is absolutely no room for the stuffed and mounted wild animal trophies of endangered species offed by DJ and Eric.

You expect Melania to make do with a 1500 sq. ft closet.  I take a dump in bathroom bigger than that at Mar-a-Lago.

You call this a kitchen – when it can only crank out 400-500 dinners at one time?

The oval office – not really all that oval! Fake news.

Didn’t Lincoln die in the Lincoln bedroom anyway? Sad!

Not surprisingly, it still reeks of Negro!

On the bright side, the lingering odor of Rancid Penis is quickly fading!

How Low Can he Go – in Texas?

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As readers know, Red has tried to guess the bottom for Trump on a national scale.  Red has figured that 29% approval is about as low as Trump can hit because there are at least that many dead-enders who will convince themselves they are satisfied with this Reality TV Show Joke of a Presidency no matter what happens.   What Red never figured on happening was attempting to guess how low Trump would go in Dark Red Texas.   But even DRT is souring on the bombastic and ill-prepared Trump as leader of the land.   Turns out that Texans may not be quite as willing to follow Trump to the bottom as previously suspected.  Red doubts this will have any impact on state-wide elections in 2018 with the possible exception of Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) whose presidential campaign and subsequent toadying towards Trump (who directly defamed his wife and father) and current refusal to meet with constituents have revealed Ted as a craven coward interested in nothing but the greater glorification of all things Ted Cruz.  The remainder of Texas Repubs are waiting around for a Democrat to show up and get pummeled.

Texas Monthly reports that Trump is now under water in the last bastion.

According to a new Gallup poll measuring the average job approval rating over his first six months in office, only 42 percent of Texans approve of his performance. Texas is among 31 states across the country where the majority of poll respondents disapprove of the job Trump has done since the election, according to CNN. And the Lone Star State is one of ten other states where Trump’s approval rating has flipped after voting for him in November, joined by Indiana, Ohio, Iowa, Georgia, Florida, Arizona, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Michigan, and North Carolina. The only states with a larger net loss than Texas are Michigan and North Carolina, and Texas is tied with Indiana for the biggest gap between Trump’s margin of victory in November and his net job approval—a difference of eighteen points.

Arrive Alive – Drive 75 or 95 in the Left Lane

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Red has been on the highway to hell (aka I-35 to Dallas) and other major and minor Texas roads quite a bit this summer.  Red has driven all over this  great country of ours, and Texans take a back seat to no one when it comes to overly aggressive highway maneuvering.  If you aint doing 95 in the left lane partner, you’d best get out of the way unless you like having some angry cowboy drinking a Bud Light in an F-250 pulling a trailer loaded with 2 horses, 6 goats, 5 bales of hay and his mother-in-law right on your ass.  And if you’re just doing 75 in the right lane, you’re going to be the last one back to Abilene.  Red just can’t remember the last time he saw someone pulled over by a DPS officer.  Red has seen a few on the road, but they just don’t seem interested in pulling over Billy Joe anymore unless he has reached triple digits.  Perhaps they are all policed out from chasing illegals down on the borderlands.

Apparently, someone is still getting ticketed however.  The Fort Worth Star-Telegram has posted a list of the counties where you are most likely to get bagged for speeding.  So speed read on brother because as they say – Hell aint half full yet.