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Today in Texas History – January 2
From the Annals of Football – In 2003, the Dallas (Arlington) Cowboys announced that Bill “Big Tuna” Parcels would be their new head coach. The two time NFL Championship head coach would post a decidedly mediocre 34-30 record as the Cowboys’ coach – making the playoffs in 2003 and 2006 but never winning a playoff game. Since retiring (or being fired) after the 2006 season, Parcels has never coached again.
Red’s NFL Picks 2018 – Wild Card Week
First a quick season recap. Red had 8 of the 12 playoff teams picked. He missed out on the Browns and Stealers in the AFC and the Falcons and Vikings in the NFC. The Browns blew it early and the rallied, the Stealers and Vikings had their fate in their hands and blew it late and the Falcons simply blew it. The biggest surprise of the season had to be the Colts getting in as number 6 seed. Red was pretty certain they would suck. The Ravens also have one on Red. Less of a surprise are the Cowboys who benefitted from playing in a fairly terrible division with an overall mediocre schedule. The Seahawks are never really a surprise at sneaking into the playoffs or winning a playoff game they shouldn’t.
Your Game of the Week Playoff Game of the Week – Bears over Eagles. Red rates the Bears as the team to beat in the NFC right now. Sure the Rams and Saints are flashier but they have been inconsistent of late while the Bears have continued to grind out wins with their excellent defense (is any other team even that close?) and steady offense. There is no glitz to this Bears team other than perhaps Tarik Cohen who seemingly can score on any type of play from anywhere on the field. The Eagles might just have the Nick Foles’ playoff magic working again and they certainly can score on most teams. But these are the Bears and its playoff time. This one will be closer than expected simply because Matt Nagy is not going to let his offense make mistakes. Chicago 20 Philadelphia 17.
Your Time Zone Hex Playoff Game of the Week – Ravens over Chargers. Red has to go with the tradition triple time zone hex in this one – and the fact that Phillip Rivers will sadly never get a better chance. Don’t get Red wrong he desperately would like to see the Chargers playing again next week because they are immensely entertaining, but the fates have never aligned for PR and he doubts that they will on the Chesapeake this week. This game calls for the annual reexamination of home field advantage for the division champ with a worse record than the wild carder. As Red has noted, it is absolutely possible that some day we will see a 6-10 division champion. Should that team get the advantage over a 11-5 wild card entry? Ravens have a decent home field advantage. When you throw in that the Chargers have been playing on the road all season, it gets a bit closer. But not quite close enough. Baltimore 28 Los Angeles 24.
Your Disappointing Playoff Game of the Week – Texans over Colts. Red almost wishes the Colts had won both previous contests this season – under the it’s hard to beat any team 3 times in one season rule. But the Texans eked out a last second win on the road in September. And then lost a close one in December at home. Not much separates these two teams who have to be the among the biggest surprises to make the playoffs after their 0-3 and 1-5 starts. Red thinks both offenses play tight and sloppy. Defense dominates the day and the last turnover decides this one. Ball bounces right for the Texans on Saturday – maybe. Houston 17 Indianapolis 13.
Your Texas Playoff Game of the Week – Seahawks over Cowboys. Red is perfectly okay with the Cowboys winning one playoff game every decade. They have already filled their quota for the 2010’s. Red saw Michael Dickson control the pace of the Texas Bowl last year with a masterful punting performance against Missouri. Red doesn’t talk about it much but the punting game fascinates him. Dickson is the guy to watch on Saturday. On the other side, the Cowboys’ fate seemingly rests with Amari Cooper who has more or less disappeared after defenses figured out that he was making the Cowboys click. So the Boys have turned back to E. Eliot with success. If the Seahawks bind up the middle, they win with defense and punting. Seattle 28 Arlington 17.
Happy New Year 2019
Red wishes you all a Happy New Year! In 2019, stay close to your family friends and faith (if any). At the end of the day, this life is about how we deal with those who are around us and especially those over who we have some illusion of power. Do we deal with our fellow humans with kindness, compassion and understanding. Or do we race to the bottom of insults and attempted humiliation.
Yes, Red has ridiculed those who aspire to and attain power for the sake of power and personal glorification – primarily folks like Individual 1 and Lyin’ Ted. Sometimes you just can’t help it. But the ordinary folks just trying to make it through another day – they deserve your patience and support. This year try to do something once a week – maybe once a month – that makes someone’s world just a little better. And if you just can’t help yourself, always remember there’s a good chance that you are going to end up on the internet – screaming at the poor clerk who is just trying to do their job. Don’t be that person.
Individual 1 Speaks – Red Translates
Well, President Individual 1 has been at it again. This time while speaking to our troops in Iraq. Red can’t really commend I-1 for his trip as this should have been done in the first couple of months of his presidency. But maybe it’s better late than never to visit our soldiers in the field and tell them some really big (and easily disproved) whoppers. Here are a few excerpts:
Well, first of all, at ease. At ease. Let’s have a good time (that’s usually 18 holes and a hooker or two but I know times are tough here). And we had an incredible meeting that lasted for about an hour (way past my usual attention span), and you have no idea what we’ve come up with (and neither do I). You’re going to be so happy. You’re going to be so happy (I always promise happiness because a promise of happiness makes people happy).
So Melania and I are thrilled to be here (God, I wish we were at Mar-a-Lago but those f’ing Democrats) with the extraordinary men and women of the American Armed Forces — the greatest military (now that I’m in charge anyway – before me you were a bunch of hapless losers), and — especially as we get all of this billions and billions of dollars of new equipment that I approved over (screw Congress) the last two years (I love equipment almost as much as real estate). You’re getting such new equipment, your eyes are popping, right? Your eyes are popping (I have no idea what I’m talking about but it sounds impressive). You’re getting the best equipment in the world.
The men and women stationed at Al Asad have played a vital role in the military defeat of ISIS in Iraq and in Syria (not as much as me but still). Because of these gains, our service members in Syria can now return home to their families (and hopefully rent from Trump Enterprises – in your dreams suckers). Some will come here for a stay, but a lot of them are going to be going back home, where they want to be, with their families (just stay away from me). They’ve done a fantastic job (something I know nothing about).
Originally, years ago, they came here (or so I am told – you know I was really busy losing lots of money on casinos, steaks, airlines, wine, magazines, etc.). And it was supposed to be for three to four months, and that was a long time ago (Stupid Bushes or Obama I forget which). That was many years ago. But what a job you have done. What a job they have done. I made it clear from the beginning that our mission in Syria was to strip ISIS of its military strongholds; we’re not nation building. Rebuilding Syria will require a political solution (Way above my pay grade). And it’s a solution that should be paid for by its very rich neighboring countries, not the United States. Let them pay for it. And they will. They will (Just like Mexico).
In fact, Saudi Arabia yesterday — you probably read — stepped up to the plate and has already made a commitment of substantial funds for development (Nothing is better than having other rich people pay for stuff – trust me I know what I am talking about, right Dad?). And President Erdogan of Turkey (A really cool guy who gets what he wants because there are no Democrats in Turkey) has also agreed to take out any remnants of ISIS (and if the Kurds get slaughtered well, what is a Kurd anyway? I don’t like cottage cheese), and we’ll be working with them. We’re going to be working with them.
While American might can defeat terrorist armies on the battlefield (Please don’t mention Afghanistan ever again), each nation of the world must decide for itself what kind of future it wants to build for its people, and what kind of sacrifices they are willing to make for their children (Like that $300,000 a year I was earning at age 5. Thanks again Dad.). America shouldn’t be doing the fighting for every nation on Earth not being reimbursed (It’s all about the money after all), in many cases, at all.
If they want us to do the fighting, they also have to pay a price (Money, money money)— and sometimes that’s also a monetary price (Told ya!)— so we’re not the suckers of the world (And believe me a con man like me can spot a sucker from a mile away). We’re no longer the suckers, folks (except when it comes to elections). And people aren’t looking at us as suckers (more like utter morons). And I love you folks because most of you are nodding your head this way (Damn it why aren’t they bowing down?). We’re respected again as a nation. We’re respected again (polling to the contrary be damned).
No force in history has done more for the cause of justice and peace (side benefits of protecting oil reserves and absolute monarchy). I want each and every one of you to know that we will always protect those who protect us (except when it comes to benefits and health care). You protect us. We are always going to protect you. And you just saw that because you just got one of the biggest pay raises you’ve ever received — unless you don’t want it. (Applause.) (God, they are actually eating this BS up). Does anybody here — is anybody here willing to give up the big pay raise you just got? Raise your hands, please. Ah, I don’t see too many hands. Okay, don’t give it up.
It’s great. You know what? Nobody deserves it more (except me). You haven’t gotten one in more than 10 years — more than 10 years (make it 20 it’s such BS it doesn’t really matter). And we got you a big one. I got you a big one. I got you a big one. (A bigly big one) (Applause.)
They had plenty of people that came up. They said, “You know, we could make it smaller. We could make it 3 percent. We could make it 2 percent. We could make it 4 percent.” I said, “No. Make it 10 percent (Where do I come up with this stuff?). Make it more than 10 percent.” (Or 2.6% but who’s counting?) Because it’s been a long time. It’s been more than 10 years. It’s been more than 10 years (or since last year -but again these folks clearly aren’t paying attention). That’s a long time (and I’ll be long gone before you figure it out – in typical con man fashion).
Today in Texas History – December 27
From the Annals of the Capital City – In 1839, the City of Austin was incorporated. At the time the city had 856 citizens. The site of Waterloo had been previously chosen for the Capital of the Republic of Texas moving from Houston to a more central but dangerous location. The Texas Congress designated the name of the new Capital as Austin after Stephen F. Austin who was already revered as the father of Texas. President Mirabeau B. Lamar assigned Judge Edwin Waller to lay out the plan for a capital city. Waller chose a 640-acre site on a bluff above the Colorado River, bordered by Shoal Creek and Waller Creek on the west and east respectively. Waller surveyed a square-mile plot with 14 blocks running in both directions. The main throughway was designated as Congress Avenue by Lamar and ran from Capitol Square to the Colorado River. The streets running north-south were named for Texas rivers in geographical order. The east-west streets were named after native trees. Downtown Austin retains much of this original design today.
Red Goes to the Movies – Roma
Roma – a film by Mexican director Alfonso Cuaron has been touted as the year’s best or certainly in the Top 10 lists of 2018 by many film critics. The movie captures a perhaps year long view of an upper-middle class family living in Colonia Roma a very nice neighborhood in Mexico City. The film is autobiographical and is based on Cuaron’s remembrance of the turbulent years during his teens in which his father left the family. But the film focuses primarily on Cleo – one of the family maids and her interaction with Cuaron’s screen family and her own personal struggle. Cuaron communicated extensively with the real life “Cleo” in writing the script. Cuaron’s deep love for “Cleo” is unquestionable after seeing this movie.
Shot in black and white, the movie takes place in 1970-71 and recreates some of the social and political conflicts of the day. The movie starts very slowly and builds up to a climatic scene in which Cleo and the family’s grandmother are caught up in the Corpus Christi Massacre – a shameful event in modern Mexican history. The CCM took place on June 10, 1971. With the support and complicity of the Mexican government (led by Pres. Luis Echeverria) and possibly the CIA, para-military right-wing gangs unleashed an assault on student protesters as they attempted to march to the Zocalo. The Halcones (Hawks) first attacked the protesters with poles which proved to be ineffective. Then out came the guns. As many as 120 students (the youngest being 14) were killed. Some were killed at a hospital where they were seeking treatment after being tracked down and executed by the Halcones.
Roma is a major production (literally with a cast of thousands it would seem) and beautifully captures what life was like on both sides of the street in Mexico City in the early 70’s. But it is the amazing interaction between Cleo and the family that is the focus of the movie. As far as Red sees things it comes down to the complications and contradictions inherent in human relationships – especially a relationship in which you allow someone into your family on a daily level such that your children fall in love with that person and you completely depend on them emotionally and otherwise to make your family life work – but you still can order them to clean up the dog shit in the garage.
Love, death and shit are among the inevitable basics of life. Cuaron deals with all of them here. This is an homage to a woman who essentially raised him and it is beautifully done. It isn’t a great movie from an entertainment standpoint. Red measures great movies by whether you would want to watch them again and he doubts that he would ever watch this one again. It moves too deliberately for most viewers. It’s a serious movie lover’s movie and worth the effort.
Red’s NFL Picks 2018 – Week 17
It’s wrong to have to be picking for 17 weeks (Yes, Red knows he missed a couple of weeks – so sue him!). But it gives Red one last chance to pull a winning record out of his deflated Champ. Red was 2-4 last week – meaning that he is 38-44 for the year and if he hits on all 6 this week – perfect mediocrity – which has kind of been Red’s life plan all along.
Your Game of the Week Game of the Week – Titans over Colts. Not much doubt about the TGOTWGOTW this week. Titans and Colts face off in the first playoff game of the season. Winner gets the last Wildcard spot and loser goes home. When all the chips are on the table, Red looks to defense and running game and home field. Here the Titans are 3-0. Yes, the Colts have a much better overall offense, but the Titans defense is just enough better and their running game is for real. Throw in a raucous crowd getting ready for New Year’s in Music City and Red is going with the Titans – but in a squeaker. Tennessee 19 Indianapolis 16.
Your National TV Game of the Week – Bears over Vikings. As noted, the Bears really don’t have to score many points to win right now. And with two top rated defenses and a playoff berth possibly on the line for the Vikings, expect a tight low-scoring contest decided by an extra point, safety or field goal. And these two just might get to do it over again next week in Chicago if the Eagles falter. Chicago 17 Minnesota 14.
Your Texas Game of the Week – Texans over Jaguars. Texans need a win for a chance at a critical first round bye and home game in the divisional round – two things they have never achieved. Of course, they need help from the Patriots – and good luck there. The Jaguars have a decent shot at the 2018 Dead Man of the Year Award as a collective. They entered the season with high apple pie in the sky hopes and instead got a shaving cream pie in the face from the get go. Texans resurrected their season but fell apart late against the Eagles to most likely dash hopes of first round bye last week. The cracks in the Texans offense are evident. Watson holds the ball too long, he has one reliable receiver and the running game comes and goes. The Jags are playing for pride and could be dangerous despite their pathetic excuse for an offense. If the Texans can’t score enough points to beat the Jags, then expect a quick exit from the playoffs. Only the whole season is riding on this one. Houston 28 Jacksonville 16.
Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Bengals over Stealers. Bengals put an end to season of disappointment and misery for both teams. Both of these teams were legitimate playoff contenders if things broke right. Needless to say they didn’t. Cincinnati 17 Pittsburgh 14.
Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week – Chiefs over Raiders. There are always slim pickings in this category with Week 17 matchups featuring exclusively divisional rivalries. Hardly any teams are out of their time zone. Raiders have shown signs of life lately and conversely, the Chiefs are not the juggernaut of September and October. Still the Chiefs have a lot on the line with a home field advantage throughout the playoffs on the line. Mahomes has been the man all season and he closes out his MVP year with a spectacular performance this week. Red calls for 5 TDs, one sack and a possible rushing touchdown. All the crew joins in – except for the defense which as usual sucks. Kansas City 48 Oakland 35.
This Week’s Shit Bowl – Falcons over Buccaneers. Nineteen collective losses earns these two NFC chumps a spot in the final Shit Bowl. Red had the Falcons playing for a championship and cannot figure out what exactly went wrong except that the Falcons have trouble putting together a decent season more than once about every five years. The Buccaneers were a disaster waiting to happen that kept the masses entertained for a while with Fitzpatrick’s miraculous month. Red cautions the foolish few who might actually watch this one to put away that brand new Walther PPK you got for Christmas from weird Uncle Al lest ye be tempted to attempt some target practice on that big 64 incher that Mrs. _______ put in your mancave as a surprise during the third quarter of this turgid turd tussle. Atlanta 27 Tampa Bay 13.
Your Bonus If Red Can go 7-0 and Post a Winning Record He’ll Be Really Happy Pick of the Week – Browns over Ravens. The Browns deserve a winning season and the Ravens deserve to go home. Enough said. Cleveland 28 Baltimore 3.
Individual 1 Speaks – Red Translates
Individual 1 aka Trumph – the Insult Comic President is pulling our troops out of Syria against the advice of – well, everyone except Vlad Putin and Tayyip Erdogan. This will leave our Kurdish allies who have really carried the fight against ISIS in Syria to the tender mercies of the Turks who consider them to be a terrorist group. But Individual 1 desperately needs to change the news cycle for a few days so what does it matter if a whole bunch of Kurds get slaughtered. So Red has taken the time to translate Individual 1’s thinking on the matter. You’re welcome.
We (that means me of course) have won (remember I promised lots of winning) against ISIS. We’ve (me again) beaten them (no one believes this other than me – but you know “fake news” and all) and we’ve beaten them badly (or bigly if you prefer). We’ve taken back the land (now available for development – are you listening all you Russians needing to launder money) and now it’s time for our troops to come back home (where I can ignore them in safety and comfort). I get very saddened (it’s all about me after all and my sadness which is a great sadness of course) when I have to write letters (they stopped letting me actually write letters because I kept misspelling “deer” – or so they say) or call parents or wives or husbands of soldiers who have been killed fighting for our country (really me again).
Today in Texas History – December 17
From the Annals of PTSD – In 1883, Col. Ranald Slidell Mackenzie, a veteran U.S. Army Cavalry officer, was diagnosed as suffering from “paralysis of the insane.” Mackenzie was from New York and graduated first in his class from West Point in 1862. He served with great distinction in the Union cavalry during the Civil War, ending the conflict as a brevet major general. After the war he was stationed in Texas at various times in command of the Fourth United States Cavalry. He was largely forgotten to history until publication of Empire of the Summer Moon: Quanah Parker and the Rise and Fall of the Comanches, the Most Powerful Indian Tribe in American History by S. C. Gwynne. Gwynne’s book focused on the Comanches but also told the story of Mackenzie who was almost single-handedly responsible for bringing an end to the Comanches reign of terror over the vast expanse of territory in which their warriors operated. Mackenzie is best known for his victory against the Comanches at Palo Duro Canyon and for the extralegal Remolino raid into Mexico in pursuit of Kickapoo raiders. But is was his incredible determination that finally put an end to the Comanches’ raids. Mackenzie had planned to marry and to retire near Boerne, Texas. However, it seems likely that he suffered from severe undiagnosed PTSD and he was committed to a New York asylum in 1884. He died on Staten Island in 1889.
Paradise in Hell 